


Destinies Are Troublesome Things

by Mischel



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: After 5x13 The Diamond of the Day Part 2, Amnesia Merlin, Arthur Knows About Merlin's Magic, Arthur Pendragon Returns, First Kiss, Friendship, Getting Together, Glastonbury, Happy Ending, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Merthur - Freeform, Modern Era, Mystery, Romance, Sharing a Bed, Temporary Amnesia, Tragedy, Waiting for Arthur Pendragon, but - Freeform, lake, sometimes humor, sometimes... destinies are shit, srsly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-03
Updated: 2017-04-09
Packaged: 2018-08-12 19:33:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 21
Words: 111,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7946455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mischel/pseuds/Mischel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The year is 2016, and Merlin is still waiting for his king to return. Then an accident happens - he gets hit by a car. He survives, but he can't remember anything. With the help of a young writer, Agatha Black, he tries to find out what his name is and who he used to be. But what if Arthur returns? Can Merlin recognize him? And will he ever get his memories back?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lonely Life

**Author's Note:**

> Merlin lives close to Glastonbury, and if you've never heard of that place, definitely go check it out on google! The Glastonbury Tor has been used for Avalon in the show, and though the lake probably used to be there, it's not there now (in this fanfic the lake is still there of course).
> 
> Please read this first short chapter, and then tell me if you want me to continue because although I really want to write it, I'm on chapter 5 now out of 19? Maybe? I have about 9K words so far. I write 500+ words every day though, and usually it's for this fanfic. That means that the updates should be weekly, but I can't guarantee that since school just started :/
> 
> Warning: I'm not native speaker, sorry for any grammar mistakes. Also, prepare for tears. (But I hope you'll still like it!) Major Character Death.

The sun.

The wind.

The colours that were so bright and powerful that you had to squint your eyes before you fetched your camera from your pocket to take a picture.

It was all so depressingly _same._ For the last 1500 years, nothing has changed about the sky. Everything else though, was different. The people, the landscape, the tower on the hill in the middle of the lake, even the air he breathed.

No one would notice that of course. Life is too short, and no one can see what was _before_ and what is _after._ All that you know is what happens while you're alive and what you see in the television.

Technology. That was something new too.

But the old man with young face, sitting on the hill in front of the lake – he was the only one who could see almost everything – what was, what is and what will be. He was way too familiar with everything around him. He knew the sun, the wind, he knew the people and he saw how they changed.

They were born, they lived and then they died. Not him though. He was born a long time ago and he lived, but he never died. Not until his purpose on this world was fulfilled. His _destiny._ He was waiting for the only person who could ever make him feel better. Make him feel _alive_ again.

And the person was _still not coming back._

For over a thousand years since his death after the battle of Camlann, Arthur was still in Avalon. And Merlin was still down here, on Earth. Watching everything around him change.

He sighed and closed his eyes. The sunset was beautiful, but it was annoyingly familiar to the sunset the day before, the one a week before, and every day he's watched the sun set over the hills. As he said before, the sun was one of the rare things that always stayed the same.

His eyes have seen too many things over the years and he didn't want to spend the next hour looking at the sun again. The lake underneath it was much more interesting.

Although it has not changed over the last 1500 years either.

Merlin used to be impatient. When he was young and arrived at Camelot, when he became a manservant of the prince, when he couldn't control his magic as well as he did now. But patience has become a new synonym to _life_ for him. Because it was all about waiting, always.

He looked down at his palm and whispered a few words. A little dragon made of fire sparks appeared above his hand and he smiled. He had to learn how to smile again after Arthur died. If not for himself, then for his friends who slowly got over their king's death. He wasn't allowed to get over him, but he would never dare to. He didn't want to.

He _couldn't._

"Destinies..." Merlin mumbled as he looked up at the clouds around the setting sun. The little dragon disappeared and he put his hand behind him on the soft grass to support him as he leaned back slightly.

Every day, in the morning and before he went to sleep, he visited the lake and spent a few minutes wishing that perhaps this time, _something_ would change about the lake and the person he missed so much would come back to him.

He never did though. And so Merlin always went back to patience – to his life. It was a lonely life. He made a few friends over the years, some friends he considered a family. But everyone died in the end. He tried to age with them – you could say he's mastered the skills of ageing spells – but the real him, he always stayed young. He didn't know why. But it wasn't like he could go and ask the destiny.

 _Destinies are troublesome things_ , of course. They always were and they always will be.

Merlin slowly stood up and groaned slightly as he stretched his arms over his head. He always stayed by the lake too long in the evening. But it was time to go back to his house – he's built one himself, just close enough to the lake and to the nearest town, _Glastonbury._

He lived there now. Not in the city, but he went there once a week to buy food and other things and to feel more connected to people. He never talked to them though, and he often got lonely.

The sun was almost behind the hill now, but it disappeared completely when he turned around and walked down the hill to the valley around the lake. That's where his house was.

Merlin looked down and closed his eyes for a bit to allow himself to reminisce. He often did that. The memories were the only thing he had left. But some of them have faded away. He sighed and crossed the road to get to the valley.

And he did _not_ see the car coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY SORRY SORRY SO SO SORRY! I didn't want to hit Merlin with a car, but it's important for basically the entire plot of the fanfic. So... do you want to know what happens next? :D


	2. The Saviour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you'll like this chapter, I found out that writing one chapter takes me about 4 to 5 days, and right now I'm finishing chapter 6! Also, I'm introducing my OC in this chapter! I hope you'll like her too! ;)

Agatha Black was a writer. At least that's what she liked to call herself. She's written two books, but never went through the publishing process, she just wasn't confident enough to actually do it.

She was visiting a friend in Glastonbury – a _new_ friend. The first friend she'd made ever since she dropped out of university a year ago and moved to Bristol. She found a job in a restaurant as a waitress and it barely covered the rent. But once she had enough money, she went to visit Glastonbury for the first time. She wanted to see the king Arthur's tomb ever since she was 14 and saw a document about him on History Channel.

And that's where she met her – the new friend. She was just returning home from her friend's house when she paused next to her car and saw the beautiful sunset. She loved sunsets.

She couldn't help herself when she locked the car again and climbed up a little hill so she could look at the setting sun better. When she was finally on the top, she gasped – it looked as if the angels painted the sky that evening.

There was a lake in front of her, behind another little hill and a road and a lonely house to her left. In the middle of the lake – it was called Glastonbury lake, at least she thought so – was a little hill, something like an island. And on top of that was the famous Glastonbury Tor. It looked like a tower from where she was standing. She hasn't been there yet, but she heard people say that it used to be taller. Centuries ago. Or maybe she saw that on TV too.

She loved places like the Tor – especially the Glastonbury Abbey ruins. When she first went there, she was overwhelmed by it. She looked at the pieces of walls and imagined the people that lived there and walked through the halls and doors hundreds of years ago. She often got inspired by places like that – that's why she kept her notepad with her all the time.

Agatha sighed as she looked at the purple and red horizon and at the clouds, and at their glistening reflection in the water. And then she saw him – that tiny black figure on the other hill, a young lonely boy who often wandered around the lake. She never met him in person, but she'd seen him there a few times before. Everyone had.

Her friend told her that he never talked to anyone and lived outside the town, all on his own. He probably even built his own house, but no one knew that because no one talked to him either. No one even knew his name, some people called him _the ghost of the Glastonbury lake._ He was always there, as if looking after the lake and the Tor.

No one knew why.

He was another Glastonbury mystery that Agatha wanted to solve, but he was a living and breathing person – she didn't want to go to his house and just start asking questions and be annoying. Who knew what he was like? What if he was mute?!

She quickly found her notepad in her pocket and turned to a blank page, writing something down. A new prompt – she loved creating them as writing exercises.

_Include a mute/deaf character in the next chapter, or make one of your already existing characters mute/deaf. And don't make it sad._

Agatha wasn't very fond of sad stories, she always cried and then couldn't stop rewatching or rereading them and cry some more.

She put her notepad back into her pocket and kept looking at the lonely boy as he finally started walking down the hill, probably back to his house. He looked about her age – 26, maybe. But no one knew if he had parents or friends and when she asked a few old people in the city, their answer was always the same – the boy was just _always_ there. Even when they were young.

And who wouldn't think that was strange? That was a bloody mystery! Hm, maybe she could base her new character in her book after him – a strange man or a girl who never talks and always visits some place – but what reason did he have? Why was he watching the lake every day?

Her friend told her she saw him going to the town _once_.

Agatha tried to stop thinking about him as she looked up at the sky again. The sun was almost hidden behind the horizon – maybe she could finally learn how to properly describe a sunset if she kept watching.

And then she heard the brakes of a car. She quickly looked down at the road under the hill and saw the boy lying there, lifelessly on the ground.

"Oh my god!" She whispered. She quickly started running down the hill while she tried to fish her phone from her other pocket. The car quickly rode away in the meantime and she didn't notice the licence plate. Instead, she kept watching the poor boy on the road as she kept running towards him.

When she finally reached him, she noticed _blood._ Her fingers trembled as she checked his pulse and knelt down beside him.

_Heart beating._

_Still breathing._

Agatha decided it was best not to move him, so she called the police and tried to find the wound that was bleeding. It was the arm. And his leg. She took off her pink neckerchief and tore it in two halves, trying to bandage the wounds, but it still kept bleeding.

What was she supposed to do?

"The Glastonbury police department, how can I help you?" She suddenly heard the voice on the other side of the phone. Thank god Glastonbury had its own police department and thank god her friend gave her the number after someone broke into her flat and stole a few things.

"The c-car-" Her voice broke and only then she realized she was crying. She covered her mouth with her bloody hand and tried to calm herself down, closing her eyes.

_That boy was dying!_

"Miss, please calm down and tell us what's happening." The man on the phone continued. He probably heard her sobs.

"Th-there was an accident." She told them in the calmest voice she could do at that moment. "Um," she wiped her nose with her sleeve and swallowed. "On the road around the Glastonbury lake, please hurry, he's bleeding!" She cried.

"We'll be right there, don't worry, miss." The man answered. "Could you please describe the situation?"

"There was a car and it hit him and then it rode away, leaving him here all alone." She sniffled as she tried to stop the bleeding with one hand. Damn it, she didn't know how to do that. "He's unconscious and his arm and leg are bleeding." She continued as she swallowed again and wiped her eyes. Screw the make-up. "It's not bleeding much, but I don't want him to die!"

She knew she was breathing hard again.

The man on the phone changed – this time a younger voice. "Don't worry, miss. We're sending the ambulance right now. Please stay on the phone."

"Thank you." She whispered. "What should I do?"

The man on the phone walked her through the basics. She told them he was alive and still breathing and in only three minutes, the ambulance was there.

It took him and her both to the hospital.

xoXÖXox

The first thing he felt when he regained consciousness was that he was lying in bed – at least it felt soft. His eyes were closed and everything was dark, but he could make out a voice. No, _two_ voices.

One was of a woman and the other one was of a man. He tried to open his eyes, but his eyelids were too heavy. Instead, he tried to focus on what was happening with his body. He couldn't feel _anything._ And the voices, they were still talking. So instead he focused on them and on the words.

"...s arm is broken, but it's nothing serious. It should take about six to eight weeks to heal." That was the man. Merlin frowned slightly at the words – whose arm was broken? What happened? "And his leg is fine – just a few big scratches, but nothing serious either... he might limp for a few days though."

"So he is going to be alright?" The woman asked. Young woman, probably.

"Well, his body will be. His mind though..." _His mind?_

"What's wrong with his mind?"

There was a pause at which Merlin attempted to frown again. He needed answers!

"Are you from the family, or..."

"No, I'm a... " The woman paused. "Yes, I'm his friend and I'm very worried." She continued. But whose friend? Were they talking about him? He didn't have friends...

"He suffered a damage to his brain when the car hit him." The man continued – so he was a doctor. Was he... was he in a hospital? "Amnesia."

He heard the woman gasp. Why was she worried about him? He didn't know any women in this era, he only... what did he only? Wait, when he thought he didn't have friends... did that mean he might have had friends, but couldn't remember them? Did he have amnesia? No, no that couldn't be, he remembered... what did he remember?

Blank faces, faded clothes, forest. A wide white building and blue sky... but that could have been anything. His memories were...

"Gone." He whispered as he gasped for air. He almost forgot to breathe. His eyes opened and he saw a blurry blonde woman with a man hovering above him. He heard the beeps of machines around him, indicating his heartbeat had become faster.

"He's awake." The man said and stepped closer, keeping the woman behind him. Merlin blinked to try and clear his vision when suddenly the doctor fished a little flashlight from his pocket and used it to check the reactions of his pupils, making Merlin's vision almost black again.

"Do you remember who you are?" The woman went closer, curiously looking down at him. "Do you know your name?"

Merlin frowned. "Yes, it's... " _Blank faces, faded clothes, forest. A wide white building and blue sky._ That was all his mind was giving him. "It's... it's..." He took a deep breath which immediately turned into a couple of short breaths.

"Hey, hey, it's alright." The doctor put his hand on his shoulder and tried to calm him down. "You have amnesia, it's okay if you don't remember right now."

Amnesia? How was that okay? He needed to have his memories, otherwise he would... he needed to stay there, he needed... _what did he need to do?_

"I don't remember my name." Merlin whispered as little tears appeared in the corners of his eyes.

The doctor turned to the strange woman, putting the flashlight back to his pocket of his long white coat. "What is his name?"

She opened her mouth and closed it again as both Merlin and the doctor looked at her. "I... I don't actually know." She admitted, attempting a very nervous smile.

"You said you were his friend." The doctor narrowed his eyes.

"I meant... I meant that I know him, but I... I never really talked to him." She explained. "He's the guy from the Glastonbury lake." She added.

 _The guy from the Glastonbury lake?_ What the hell did that mean? A lake? There was something about a lake... he didn't know what.

"Alright." The doctor sighed and turned back to the patient. "You'll stay here for a few days until I let you go. Everyone knows where you live, so there won't be a problem with that – this lovely lady," he pointed behind him at the girl, "will help you whenever she can. She probably really wants to be your friend because she's been waiting here overnight. And she'll help you until you remember more about your life."

Merlin swallowed. "When will I remember?" He asked the most important question of that entire moment.

The doctor looked sad. "It's not permanent amnesia, so you should remember something. But what and when? I'm afraid I don't know that, young man."

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BOOM! Merlin doesn't know who Arthur is! Oops... Btw I don't know anything about medicine and the only thing I researched was how long it takes for a broken arm to heal. And I'm not familiar with police system in the UK either, so if you notice any mistakes, feel free to point them out in the reviews! ;) Thanks for reading!


	3. All the Strange Things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I didn't update over the weekend! I'm ill and my computer is broken. I'm not in school right now so I'm home alone and I burrowed dad's computer to edit this chapter. My entire family uses dad's computer though, so that's why I couldn't find the time to edit this chapter over the weekend, and I was mostly lying in bed, coughing and trying to read or find out what my friends did in school :D
> 
> Anyway, the chapter is here and I hope you'll enjoy it! I also hope my dad buys a new screen today (that's what's broken on my computer) so I can finally write something and continue with the fanfic :)
> 
> Hope you're enjoying the fanfic so far! ;)

It's been almost a week and Merlin was still in the hospital. No one told him his name and no one came to see him other than that girl – which only meant one thing – he did _not_ have friends. What kind of person could he have been? What does it say about his personality? Agatha didn't tell him anything and he didn't _know_ anything.

He might as well be no one.

"Hi," Agatha said when she visited him the first time after the accident. The doctor left them alone, despite knowing they didn't know each other before – that only meant that she wasn't his friend either. Did he have family? What about pets? A phone with contact numbers?

He was lying in his bed when he nodded. "Hi." He replied. It didn't sound happy, but how could he have been? He had no memory of his life before the accident and after the accident his life sucked. And his right arm was in a cast.

She smiled slightly and sat down on the lonely chair beside his bed. His head was turned towards her and he didn't feel like turning away, so he just sighed and looked up.

"I'm Agatha." She started. She had a little notepad and a pen in her hands. Was she a journalist? A cop? Psychiatrist? "I'm a writer."

Well, okay.

"I'm..." he started only to stop in mid-sentence when he realized he didn't have an answer for anything. "... thankful." He smiled genuinely. "That you saved my life. Thanks."

She smiled and tucked a strand of her blonde hair behind her right ear. "It was pure luck that I saw you by the hill."

"Or destiny." He smiled and paused again. He frowned as if he could see something, sense something, feel something familiar and yet in a second it was all gone. He sighed and closed his eyes for a moment.

"Does destiny tell you something?" She asked, noticing his brief reaction. Her eyes were filled with curiosity when he looked up at her again. They were brown... more like hazel.

"I don't know." He raised his left hand slightly and let it fall down again on the soft blanket. "I don't even know if it should tell me anything... let's leave it." He insisted. "So... what was your name again?"

She quickly wrote something into that little notepad and looked up at him again, smiling. "Agatha Black. I'm 24 and I'm a writer."

"Anything I've read?" He asked, genuinely interested in the answer. Better than his conversation with the doctor after all.

She blushed and looked down, smiling slighty. "No, I've never published anything. I'm just... not sure I'm ready for that yet." She looked up at him as he nodded. "I'm..." she started again, pausing. "I want to help you. If that's alright."

"It is." He smiled. "You can call me... um... what about Marvin? That sounds... nice." He laughed as she nodded.

"Nice to meet you, Marvin." She held up her hand and when Merlin took it, he replied.

"Nice to meet you, Agatha Black. My new friend."

Then the doctor came in again and said Merlin needed to rest. Agatha had to leave, but she promised she'd visit him every day. And she did. She even promised she'd take him back to his house after they let him out of the hospital so she could be there for him. She said she'd help him with everything he needed. For which he was glad.

And sure enough, five days after he woke up in the hospital, the doctor let him come back home.

"Are you sure this is the right way to my house?" Merlin asked for the third time already. Agatha was 'taking him home' in her car, but he noticed that they'd left the town.

"Yeah, you live alone outside the town." She confirmed his worries.

"Why would I live there?" He asked. Seriously, why would he live all alone, outside of a place full of people? How did he survive there?

"Hey, do you trust me?" She glanced at him and smiled, quickly looking back on the road. "Do you?"

"I've only known you for about five days, I'm not sure. But yeah, probably." Merlin hesitantly answered. He knew a lot of things about Agatha, but she didn't know a thing about him. He felt a little guilty that he couldn't tell her even his name.

"Great. Then trust me because I know where you live." She smiled and gripped the steering wheel tighter. "And once you're home, we'll figure everything out."

"What if I don't want that?" Merlin whispered.

"What?" She heard him, damn it. "Of course you want to know who you were, why wouldn't you?"

He sighed and closed his eyes. "Because whoever I was, that person lived alone and had no friends or family. He had no one and I don't know why. What if I'm a criminal?"

Agatha was silent for a moment. She probably didn't think about that. "You're not a criminal, you're nice." She tried to reason with him, but he just rolled his eyes.

"I might be nice now, but what if I wasn't a nice person and once I remember I'm not that likable anymore? If I used to be nice, how come I have no friends?"

"You have me." She smiled as she stopped the car and looked at him. "And I'm going to help you find out what kind of person you were." When he didn't say anything and just kept staring out of the window, she sighed. "We're here."

She got out of the car and he managed to open the door with his left arm, but Agatha was already standing on his side of the car, helping him out anyway. His leg was mostly healed now, but he was limping slightly – nothing he wanted to worry about though.

As he stepped out of the car, a sort of garden surrounded by a wall awaited him. The wall looked like from some old castle that was buried under the garden. There was also a gate, but luckily he had the keys with him when he woke up in the hospital. At least now he knew where the lock was.

He hesitantly stepped forward and turned around again to see the lake with the hill in the middle. The beautiful Glastonbury Tor was standing there as always, tall and proud protector of the lake.

_Protector of the lake._

"Marvin?" He heard Agatha's voice calling him from the back. He blinked and took a deep breath. There was something about the lake, the Tor... there was _something._ He just didn't know what – that was his new problem nowadays. There was always _something_ about something and he couldn't figure out what that _something_ was.

He turned back to Agatha and smiled awkwardly. Then he noticed she was writing something into her notepad again. "What are you writing?" He asked.

She looked up at him and smiled. "Just a few notes about what might make you remember. It's supposed to help you, the doctor suggested it."

He was almost sure she lied about that, but he didn't mind. A few notes couldn't hurt, could they? "Alright." He shrugged and looked down at the keys in his palm. He squeezed them and walked over to the gate, determined.

"Time to find out more about me." He said as he put the key into the key hole with his left arm and pulled. The lock clicked and the gate opened. Excited, they both entered the garden.

xoXÖXox

As soon as the gate was opened, Agatha felt adrenaline rushing through her whole body. This was the moment she'd been waiting for – find out who Marvin was, find out how he lived and why he lived there and everything else that other people from the town couldn't figure out.

She felt special and so excited, but she knew that the main reason she was now standing in the garden with Marvin by her side was that she wanted to help him.

He was the most interesting person she's ever met. The strangest person.

"It's beautiful." She smiled when she looked around. There was a little round flowerbed, full of wallflowers and the grass looked taken care of. Marvin was probably a very excited gardener. Agatha pulled out her notepad again and turned to a blank page.

_Gardener. An interesting hobby._

She really needed to be more creative as a writer. Maybe she should give one of her characters some weird and unusual hobby and then base one chapter on it...

"So it seems I love my garden." Marvin shrugged when he saw Agatha was looking into her notepad again. He looked around and smiled. "It really is beautiful."

"It is." Agatha nodded as she put her notepad and her pen back into her pocket.

There was a tree with some bushes and the garden went around the house too. No one could see into the garden from the road outside unless they would go to the gate and look through the bars. A clever idea for a person as lonely and secretive as Marvin seemed to be.

"What I don't understand is the wall around." Marvin continued and walked over to the corner of the garden next to the house. He touched the cold stone wall and frowned. "Why not a simple fence? That's what most people do, right?"

"Yeah." Agatha nodded as she went closer to him. "You probably didn't want people to see inside. I didn't know you, but I think you were that kind of person who liked his privacy."

"Hm." Marvin sighed and turned back to her with a smile. "We can find out. I have keys to the house." He said and went in front of the main door with Agatha in tow. He looked down at the keys in his left palm.

The key to the gate was big, so it was no problem to use it. On the other hand, the key to the house was smaller and after a few seconds Marvin realized he was unable to grab the single key between the fingers of his left hand.

"Could you... please..." He turned to her and gave her the keys.

"Yeah, sure." She nodded and after he stepped back and she found the right key, she finally opened the door.

It was dark inside. So the first thing to find was the light switch – but she couldn't find it anywhere on the wall. "I can't find the switch." She mumbled when she realized Merlin went inside right after her. It could be on the door, or maybe on a wall behind some bookshelf with no back. But she couldn't find anything, until Merlin suddenly slapped his cheek instead of clapping his hands and the light appeared.

She looked up at him with a grin on her face. "You remembered."

Marvin shrugged as if it was no big deal, but she noticed there was a little smile playing at the corner of his lips. "It would seem so." Then his smile disappeared as he looked around the inside of the house. "I can't remember anything else though."

"That's alright," she walked over to him and put a hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry, you'll remember soon enough. The doctor said that you might remember if you talked to someone you knew, so-"

"But no one came to visit me in the hospital, no friends or family-"

"That's why we need to find your birth certificate." She smiled triumphantly. "Everyone has parents."

"True," he smiled. "So let's go and find it."

"Let's go and find it." Agatha repeated with a smile. She couldn't wait to finally find out who Marvin was, and she really hoped it would help him remember somehow. Not only because she was curious, but also because she didn't know what _she_ would do if she lost her memories and was hopelessly looking around her own house.

They took off their shoes and left them by the door that Marvin had closed. In front of them were stairs leading to the second floor, but they agreed to look there after they've searched through the rooms downstairs.

On the right side of the stairs was a living room. There was a window and another door leading to the corner of the garden where they were. They could see a bench swing outside with a little table and a chair. Inside the room was a couch set with a tv set and another little table and one bigger table – a dining table probably, behind the couches.

Agatha noticed a bookshelf standing against the wall, full of books, and even some candles around.

"I really don't get why I don't have friends, they'd love a place like this." Marvin grinned as he walked over to the bookshelf and picked a book. "Look, it's Harry Potter!"

"Seems you're a Harry Potter fan," she grinned when she saw the entire collection of J. books on the shelf. She started going through the books and her smile got even bigger. "And also Game of Thrones fan, and a Hobbit and Lord of the Rings fan, and you have some Jane Austen's books too and even Agatha Christie and-"

"Hey," Marvin laughed as he put the books back. "Everyone loves those books. So the first thing I know about myself is that I read awesome books."

"I read awesome books too, you know?" She smiled. "Haven't gone through the entire Game of Thrones series yet, but I'm getting there."

"Alright, let's search the other room." Merlin changed the subject and turned around. "This seems more like a fun room, or something. I need to know more."

"So you finally want to discover who you were?" She couldn't help but ask.

Marvin was silent for a moment. "Maybe." He admitted. "I just don't like not knowing."

They went back to the main door and stopped in front of another door. Agatha reached for the handle and tried to push it down, but... "It's locked," she paused.

"A locked door, hm?" Merlin frowned and tried the handle again. "What could I be hiding there?" He mumbled. Then he reached for the keys in his pocket and handed them to Agatha. She took them.

"No, none of these fit." She said after a while and her frown deepened. "You really are a mystery, aren't you?" She looked up at him, but his expression was blank. Then she noticed a slight hint of fear in his face. "What is it?"

"Agatha, think!" He kept staring at the door. "I live alone and don't talk to people. I don't have friends or family and apparently I don't work anywhere since no one in the town knows me!" His breaths were becoming quicker as he was putting the information he's gathered so far together. "That means I don't have anyone I care about, I don't make relationships! And yet here we are in a beautiful garden, a big house full of expensive books and furniture and a secret locked room that we don't even have the key to!"

"What are you suggesting?"

"I'm a serial killer!" He exclaimed, almost moving with his broken arm that was comfortably pressed against his chest in the cloth that was tied around his neck.

Agatha forced a laugh and when she saw Marvin wasn't buying it, she put her hands on his shoulders again and made him look into her eyes. "Marvin, now listen to me." She started with a steady voice. "You're not a serial killer."

"But how do you-"

"If you were a serial killer, you'd have to leave your house to go and kill people!" She reasoned. "We didn't find any weapons that would-"

"They can be right in this room!" Marvin pointed out, but Agatha shushed him once again.

"No, listen. If you _were_ a serial killer, you wouldn't be here to watch the lake every morning and evening!"

Merlin pursed his lips as he paused and thought about it. His eyes were glistening with unshed tears. "Why am I going to that lake?" He whispered.

Agatha squeezed his shoulders and offered a smile. "That's what we're here to figure out." She told him. "Don't cry, Marvin. You're not a serial killer." She added when she noticed the tears on his cheeks.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "That's not why I'm crying."

"Why then?" She frowned and tried to make him look at her, but he kept his eyes closed and shook his head, letting a weak laugh out.

"Now that's the worst thing." He finally opened his eyes and used the back of his left hand to brush away the tears. "I don't have a clue."

Agatha was silent for a few moments, but seeing that Marvin was trying to calm himself down, she smiled at him again. "Let's go, we can return to the room once we're done with the rest of the house.

He nodded and distanced himself from her to continue into the other room on the left side of the stairs. He didn't say anything when she took out her notepad again and wrote something down. Maybe it would help him remember after all, or at least keep a list of his reactions to certain things.

As it turned out, the next room was a kitchen. There was also a tiny room positioned under the stairs that provided some space for supplies. Nothing particularly interesting, and unless Marvin used to hide his birth certificate in the fridge, Agatha doubted this room was any use for them.

And so they moved upstairs – which turned out to be the best and most interesting part of the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little spoiler maybe: I still don't know what to put into that locked room, any ideas? It can't be the sword because Merlin tossed it into the lake in the last episode. Some garden equipment, maybe? XD Or Arthur's armour and the rest of his things waiting for him to return? *inserts thinking face emoji* What do you guys think? And did you like the chapter?
> 
> Thanks for reading! :)


	4. Just Sherlocking Around

Agatha had to help Merlin up the stairs because he was still limping a bit. The doctor said his leg should be fine, but even though he had given Merlin crutches, Merlin refused to use them and claimed he was alright. Agatha didn't stop him.

When they got all the way up, they found themselves in a hall with three doors. They turned left and opened one of them, but found only a normal bathroom. And so they turned to the other side of the house with the two remaining closed doors.

"What do you think I was hiding here?" Merlin asked as he reached for the handle of one of the doors. "I mean, if I live here alone then why so many rooms? Or why two floors?"

"Maybe you were waiting for someone to come? Trying to throw a little party in secret?" Agatha offered and shrugged, trying to peek over Merlin's shoulders as he finally opened the door.

"It's empty." Merlin sighed.

"It's not empty, Marvin." Agatha rolled her eyes and entered the room. There were two windows, one of them right in front of them. They could see the fields, a forest and the road that led to the town Glastonbury. Next to the window were closets, but all were empty when Agatha opened them.

In the meantime, Merlin entered the room as well and turned to the other side of it – there was a bed with red blanket and two long red pillows. It looked perfect, the only thing that was missing was a red canopy.

_A red bed with a canopy..._

Merlin closed his eyes and shook his head. He knew the memories were there somewhere, deep inside his mind, buried under... under nothing actually. He needed to break the glass wall and get to the treasure beneath it – and figure out what _protector of the lake,_ or _red bed_ meant to him.

He turned his back to the bed and found himself facing a desk that was pressed against the wall of the room. As everything else, it was empty, save for a little red box in the middle of it. Merlin frowned and picked it up.

"What is it?" Agatha startled him when she appeared right next to him, looking at the mysterious box in his palm.

"Um, I don't know." He answered truthfully. He wanted to open it and see what was inside, but he was hesitant. And he couldn't open it with only one hand. "Should we... should we open it?" He asked, looking into Agatha's curious brown eyes.

"What do you feel when you look at it?" She asked, staring right back into his crystal blue eyes.

Merlin hesitated again, but looked down at the red box anyway. "I don't know, it feels... as if it was vibrating." He admitted. "I think it's really important to me."

"So... should we open it?" Agatha smiled slightly.

"Yes." Merlin said and didn't even look at her. He didn't know what was inside, but he knew it was important somehow and he needed to know why. He needed to know what it was.

He gave the box to Agatha who turned to him and slowly opened the red box.

_A ring._

That's what was inside. A simple ring with an emblem of a dragon in the front. Merlin couldn't help but to stare at the mysterious object in Agatha's hand. He slowly reached with his fingers towards it and took it, not once looking away.

"Marvin?" Agatha said his name quietly. "You're crying again."

"What?" Merlin blinked and a slight frown appeared on his face. He clasped the ring in his palm and brushed the unwelcome tears away, trying to focus on the ring again, but the connection was lost. He felt he was _so close_ and then it was all gone in a fraction of a second.

A hand appeared on his shoulder and he looked down, putting the ring back on the table. Agatha picked it up curiously, but after seeing that Merlin had closed his eyes, she hid it back into the box.

"Why is it so important?" She asked. "What did you feel?"

"Um... a connection?" Merlin mumbled and rubbed his eyes. It was late and he was tired, but they still had one more room to go through. "It was as if I knew exactly what it meant, and then it was suddenly gone, out of my reach." He confessed.

Agatha was silent for a few seconds and then she attempted to smile a bit. "One day, it won't." She promised. "The doctor said you'd remember eventually, and you will. I'll help you."

Merlin nodded as he raised his head and took a deep breath. Then he looked down at her and raised an eyebrow. "Can you show me the notepad?"

She looked surprised a bit to hear that, but she nodded anyway and took the notepad out of her pocket. She handed it to him.

_Destiny?_

_There's something about that lake._

_Why is he going to the lake? - What made him cry?_

Merlin frowned slightly as he was looking down at the notes. Why was he going to that lake? And what had made him cry in front of the locked room? He felt as if he didn't have an answer to anything.

Then he turned to the next page and his frown turned into a confused raised eyebrow.

_Gardener. An interesting hobby._

Agatha chuckled nervously and he knew she would try to explain herself. "I saw your beautiful garden and... well, I keep notes for my stories too." She smiled at him when he looked up.

Merlin shrugged and smiled too, handing her back the notepad. She turned it back to the first page and took another note.

"What is it?" He asked as he leaned closer to her, trying to look at the notepad again.

"It's about the ring. Oh and I should write something about the locked room too, we still don't know what made you upset." She told him as she started writing down the next note. "You really are a mystery, Marvin."

"I guess I am." He smiled sadly.

But the thing was... he didn't want to be. He didn't want to be that mysterious man living by a lake. Old grumpy lonely man... Wait, why old? He was young, wasn't he?

"How old am I?" He muttered and regretted it the second Agatha looked up at him again.

"We'll find that out once we find your birth certificate. But I'd guess... under thirty?"

Merlin shrugged. "Not bad." Then he cleared his throat and went back into the hall, looking at the last mysterious door in front of him.

Everything about this house, the garden, the lake, everything about _him_ , was _mysterious._ He wanted to know the answers, to know why he kept going to the lake and if he should go there this evening even though he was tired just for the chance that he might remember something.

Maybe just going out and staring at the water would help.

Or maybe not.

"The last mysterious door." Agatha said, already standing next to him in the hall again. Right next to them was one of the windows – and it was already dark outside. As if Agatha could somehow sense Merlin's thoughts, she looked down at her wristwatch. "Uh, almost 11pm."

"Wait, what?" Merlin turned around to look at her and checked the time on her wristwatch. Then he looked up at her. "Did we actually spend so much time just wandering through this house?"

"I guess so." She smiled. "Now let's hurry up, and hope this is your room with _your_ documents, otherwise I'm lost."

She didn't hesitate to pull open the door and walk in. Merlin followed her, curiously looking around. This had to be his room. It looked almost the same as the previous room, but it was mirrored. And there were actual _things_ , like clothes and books and old papers and pens with pencils on the table – it wasn't empty.

"Bingo." Agatha grinned and immediately walked over to the bookshelf. Maybe there were more interesting things – books that would actually tell him something about the person he used to be. About his hobbies (like the garden for example) or maybe there was a photo album of him and his family.

If he _had_ a family. So far it looked like he used to live all alone, lost in his own little world, away from anyone else. And Merlin didn't like that idea.

He looked over at the table that was next to a window just like the empty table in the previous room – what was that room there for? Was that a guest room?

Merlin smiled as he slowly sat down to the chair by the table and closed his eyes. Maybe it _should_ feel familiar. Who knew how often he used to sit by this table, but... as many times before, he felt _nothing._ Nothing at all.

There was a chair he was sitting on, by a desk he put his hands on, in a room he was in. Except that there was an invisible drawer somewhere deep in his mind, full of memories of this place, that chair and the table. And the drawer was locked. It felt like he had lost the key and didn't even have the slightest idea where to look for it.

He sighed and opened his eyes again, examining the objects on the table.

There were some old broken pens, only one of which was probably working. There were pencils of different sizes and different softness, an eraser and some papers. Maybe those were his sketches? He'd like to see if he was any good at drawing.

"Literally every damn book in here is somehow related to the Arthurian legends." Agatha said from the other side of the room, still going through the books. "I guess we know why you chose this place to live in."

"Why?" Merlin turned around to her as he asked – it was a swivel chair. Why would he live in Glastonbury? He didn't think about that...

"Well, Glastonbury is famous for being the closest to Arthurian legends." Agatha turned to him, flipping through the pages of another book. "No one actually knows if King Arthur ever lived, but sometime in the 12th century, some monks said they found his grave. No one can know if it's his actual grave, most people think it's a fake, but the place is still marked as his tomb and is here for everyone to visit."

Agatha continued, talking about the King Arthur's Tomb, and an old Glastonbury Abbey that she visited with her friend and also the famous Glastonbury Tor that he could see from the window next to the bookshelf. Well, if it wasn't dark of course.

And he still had no idea what connected him to that place. To _Glastonbury_. To that Tor and to the legends and to... to the king Arthur. Arthur Pendragon, right? How did he remember that when he didn't know a single thing from the books?

_Arthur Pendragon._

It... felt familiar, oh so _familiar._ As if his brain- no, his _heart_ was screaming at him to remember because it was so important, but his brain was blank and didn't even know where to begin with remembering.

He closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on the thing that made him feel so _not lost_. So connected all of a sudden.

_Arthur Pendragon._

_A clotpole._

Wait, what? What did _clotpole_ even mean? Was that a word? But it was something, right? It sort of sounded like an insult, but why would he insult a king of legends? Did he have no respect?

"Marvin?"

He sighed when he heard Agatha call his name again. Yes, he was aware that his shoulders were tensed, that he was frowning and his eyes were closed and that he wasn't even listening to her anymore. And that was fine, he hoped. He just needed to be alone for a while.

"I'm fine." He cleared his throat and stood up from the chair. When he noticed Agatha was still looking at him, he just shrugged and opened the door back to the hall. "It's late and I'm tired, so I'm gonna go to sleep." He mumbled as he rubbed his eyes and faked a yawn.

"Um, alright." Agatha stood up. "I guess this is your room, so-"

"No, that's fine." Merlin stopped her with a smile. "I'll sleep in the empty room and you take my bed. Or keep looking for clues, whatever you want." He waited until she smiled at him and then he nodded. "And in the morning we can look into that last room."

She frowned, obviously not knowing what other room he was talking about and he couldn't help but to laugh as he pointed behind her. She turned around, confused, and her eyes got big and excited when she noticed the last mysterious door. A room inside a room – so cool.

"Tomorrow, sure." She smiled and turned back to him. "Good night, Marvin."

"Good night, Agatha."

"You can call me Ag," she grinned when she heard her full name for at least the fourth time that day.

Merlin smirked. "Ag?"

"Well, it's better than _Aggie._ " She rolled her eyes.

"Yea, but it sounds a lot like an _egg-"_

"Shut up!"

Merlin laughed and closed the door, going to the bathroom with a slight smile on his lips. _Shut up._ Another phrase that made his heart ache for no good reason.

xoXÖXox

It's been approximately an hour since Marvin left the room and went to bed. And she couldn't even hear his snores from the other room because she was buried deep within the books. She even found another shelf and she hadn't gone through all of that yet, but she was sure it was where Marvin's birth certificate was located.

_Finally._

She really wanted to help him, and he also wanted to find out who he really is, and why he's the way he is. Why doesn't he talk to people and why does he live alone and visits the lake every day. Twice. She really wanted to solve this mysterious case. She almost felt like Sherlock Holmes.

Damn, she really loved that show. Maybe that was why she loved mysteries... But now she needed to focus. She opened another book about king Arthur and turned to a random page.

It was all the same. Every book in Marvin's room was about Arthur, Camelot, the knights of the round table, the Holy Grail, Guinevere, Morgana le Fay... about everyone from the legends. And every page, almost every _paragraph_ had a few words or sentences crossed out.

It looked as if as Marvin had been reading, he was correcting the false information. But how could he know what was wrong and what was true? Why was he so obsessed with the legends? It had to be the reason he decided to live by the lake. But from what she heard, that house had been there since like forever.

Agatha felt clueless. Utterly clueless. With every new piece of information, a new set of questions rose to the surface.

She needed her John Watson.

She sighed again as she turned to another page. To her surprise, there was a picture of Arthur and of Merlin, standing next to each other. King Arthur had brown hair and eyes, but Marvin must have tried to correct that too – there was a note on the corner of the page, saying _crystal blue eyes and blonde hair._

What? How could he tell the picture was wrong? How could he tell that was _not_ how the king Arthur looked like, if he had even existed.

Merlin on the picture was old, with long white beard and hair. Another note was on the other corner of the page – _same age as Arthur!_

Now she was even more confused than before. In every legend she ever heard of, Merlin was an old man who raised Arthur when he was a little boy and then helped him pull the sword out of the stone. Or maybe that was only in the Disney film she saw when she was a little girl, she didn't actually know much about the legends. And she didn't remember much about the film either... But back to the point – Merlin was _always_ old in the legends, so why did Marvin think Merlin and Arthur were the same age?

"Why would you think that?" She mumbled to herself quietly as she gave up on the books and stood up, going over to the second shelf. She really hoped she would find a photo album there.

And about ten minutes later, she really found it! It looked old, but not that much old, she could tell it used to be red with some kind of a writing on the front page. She carefully opened it and grinned with excitement when she realized the book was full of photos.

The first one was of a field. It was black and white, and there were some people working there. They... looked out of a place. Definitely not from the 21st century, maybe from the... late 19th century?

She pulled the photo out of the album and looked on the back of it – _1893._ Must have been family photos then. Someone from Marvin's great great grandparents worked on a field? Agatha smiled slightly and turned to the next page.

The next photo was of a group of people. They were all hugging and they looked like they were from the 50s. 19th century and then the 50s? Marvin's family didn't take a lot of photos, or maybe these were the only ones he got to keep? Maybe, for some reason, his family was upset with him and these few photos were the only ones he could keep. It would explain why no one visited him in the hospital and why he was living alone.

It didn't explain the lake though.

Agatha turned to another page, and to her surprise, the photo there was of Marvin himself. But... he looked _exactly_ the same, like _literally_ the same – black hair with blue eyes, his face both motionless and emotionless. Except, when she turned it around, she found out the photo was taken in 1968.

Alright, there had to be an explanation for this, right? Maybe it was his father and they were just really really similar in the face.

Agatha closed her eyes briefly and yawned, turning to the next page. The photo was of the garden outside the house she was in. It looked almost the same, but some of the trees were smaller. And the next photo was the lake with the Glastonbury Tor on the island in the middle.

With that, she reached the end of the album. No more pictures, no more clues. She closed the book and put it back in between another book about king Arthur and a book about the Tor.

And then she found it. The thing she's been looking for! There was a thin book with some sort of papers and IDs and little photos and... _no birth certificate._

But how was that possible? She thought everyone had one. "What the hell..." she mumbled as she picked up a couple of IDs. All of them had almost the same picture of Marvin on it, but they were from different years.

2007, 2001, 1995, 1983, 1973, 1964, 1953 and they went all the way back to 1915. But though some of the pictures were slightly different (haircut, scruff on the face, longer fringe), Marvin looked everywhere _the same._

That couldn't have just been his father. Or grandpa. This was all him, all Marvin. And his name wasn't even Marvin! How could she have not thought about that? It sounded so similar to the name Marvin had given her in the hospital. The name on the ID cards were always the same too. So it had to be him.

It would explain everything – the lake, the loneliness, the books about magic and king Arthur's legends, the fact that he lived in Glastonbury... So yes, it was _really_ him.

Merlin Emrys.


	5. The Man of Your Dreams and the Name of Your Fears

_He was walking away! That person was walking away from him, leaving him all alone in the endless darkness._

_Confusion._

_Cold._

_Loneliness._

_Fear._

_Why was he walking away? Merlin tried to run and catch up to him, but their distance remained the same. Impossible. The person was slowly disappearing in the darkness swimming around them._

_Who was he?_

_Blond hair, broad shoulders and a red cloak tied around his neck. Merlin felt... a connection, just like when he was holding the ring. He felt connected to a part of his broken mind, but it was so hard to reach! He could almost see it – he saw the person after all, but he was still walking away!_

" _No! Wait!" He cried. Why was he crying again? Why did everything make him cry?_

_All he knew in that moment was that he needed to reach that person. If not to ask his name, then to at least look at his face. Maybe his memories were coming back to him in a dream or something. Maybe this was what he was supposed to do..._

_And so he started running. He ran and ran and it looked as if the person was always just out of reach. Too far away, in front of him, almost lost in the dark. But Merlin didn't give up. Even when he saw light on the other side and the person was walking towards it._

_That was when the distance between them finally started getting smaller and Merlin sped up. That man. Who was he?_

" _Hey!" Merlin called. He was almost out of breath, but he kept running."Who are you?" He called as he_ finally _reached him. The person stopped and Merlin hesitantly reached his hand to the man's shoulder._

_Then he finally touched him and turned him around, only to find-_

_No face. The person had no face. No eyes, no mouth or nose, nothing. Merlin's eyes widened and the person suddenly disappeared right in front of him and the light started surrounding him. He turned to the source of it and shielded his eyes, but the light was too bright..._

Merlin woke up with his heart pounding in his chest and his head spinning. He immediately sat up and almost forgot about his broken arm when he wanted to hang his head into his hands. What was that dream about? What was that supposed to mean?

The man he was running after... who was he? He was sure he knew the answer. It was hidden somewhere in his mind, just waiting for him to rediscover it.

But Merlin wanted to know who that man was right now! When he was running after him, when he saw his short blonde hair and the red cloak... it was as if he was running towards everything that he ever held dear. To the most important person in the universe. To someone who meant so much to him that he could never hope to describe it with only words.

Which was why not knowing who he was, not knowing what his face looked like or his voice sounded like, _hurt_ him so much.

That's why he closed his eyes and rubbed them with the back of his healthy hand, trying to forget about that dream. If he couldn't find out who that person was, not in the real world nor in the dream one, it was no use to him. He needed real clues. Even though he feared them.

He yawned again and looked at the clock on the empty table – 3:15am. He didn't sleep long then.

Merlin slowly got out of bed and left the room, finding the door to his own room closed. He crossed the hall and silently opened it, peeking inside. And then he smiled. Agatha was lying on the floor with her head on the edge of the bed, sleeping between books that were covering the carpet around the shelves.

She really wanted to help him. And she was curious, he could see that. Maybe he was a mystery to everyone.

He opened the door completely and slipped inside, slowly making his way to the other side of the room – to the shelves. She went through almost all of his books. And he didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing, he had no idea if some of the books held dark secrets or if they were just what they were – books.

But the books downstairs were ordinary books, like Harry Potter or The Song of Ice And Fire series. On the other hand, these were books in his room. What _secrets_ did they hide? Or more importantly, was one of them his own diary?

Merlin yawned again as he tried to wake up his eyes by blinking a few times. He walked over to Agatha's still asleep form and looked down at the mess she's made. There were several books lying around on the floor, some were opened, some were closed, and there were a few old photos from some kind of a photo album maybe.

When Merlin wanted to ignore the photos and wake Agatha up, he realized she was holding something loosely in her hand. Merlin leaned closer and gently unclasped her fingers to get it and look at it. It was her notepad. Has she made more notes?

He opened it and frowned as his eyes skimmed over the paper.

_Books about the king Arthur and everything to do with the legends, probably just a fan..._

_words and sentences crossed out and corrected in the books_

_some pictures have comments about what's wrong with them_

_old photos and ID cards – same face and name_

_merlin_

_hollow book with a key, probably from the door_

Merlin frowned and then raised his eyebrow. What was that supposed to mean? Why were there crossed out words and sentences in his books about the Arthurian legends? How could he have corrected them when no one actually knew if Arthur existed?

And what was it about the photos and ID cards? Same face and name? And why was there a note saying only _merlin_ in Ag's notepad?

_Too many questions._

Merlin closed his eyes and rubbed them with his fingers. He shouldn't have read it, shouldn't be thinking about it right now – he won't be able to fall asleep now, his mind will be too busy trying to figure out what did it all mean.

He sighed and put the notepad back on the floor. Refusing to look at the pictures and books, he gently shook Agatha's shoulder.

"Ag?" He mumbled, still a little bit sleepy. She moaned quietly and smacked her lips in her sleep, but didn't wake up. Merlin shook her shoulder a little bit more until she finally started moving. She looked up at him and smiled slightly.

"Merlin?" She mumbled and Merlin immediately frowned because Merlin wasn't his name, was it? He didn't know if his name was really Marvin, but he was sure it wasn't Merlin because Merlin was that old wizard from the legends. Although it sounded somehow familiar when she called him that name...

He cleared his throat and decided to ignore that too. "Come on, let's get you to bed."

She nodded sleepily and accepted his help so she could stand up. Then she looked around the room and her eyes widened when she saw the books and photos on the floor. She looked up at him and all of a sudden wasn't sleepy anymore. "There's something I need to tell you, I think I might have finally figured out who you are!"

"Right." Merlin smiled nervously. "You can tell me all about it tomorrow, I'd like to get a few more hours of sleep and so should you. Now, come on."

She kept staring into his eyes and even though he felt a little bit uncomfortable, he didn't look away. It was as if she was scanning his face, deciding whether he just didn't want to talk about it or whether he really wanted to sleep. Then she nodded and her eyes dropped down on the bed. She picked a pen that was lying there and shrugging, put it down on the floor next to her notepad.

"Alright, let's get some sleep." She smiled. "Can I-"

"Yeah, take my bed." Merlin nodded as he went back to the door and yawned. "We can talk about everything tomorrow, but for now... good night."

"Good night." She smiled as she sat down on the bed, already pulling back the covers.

Merlin went back to the empty room. He still didn't know whom was the room supposed to belong to, or whether he would dream about that person again... or if the person from his dream was the owner of this empty room. But he decided that this, just like the books and old photos, could wait until the next day.

With that, he laid back down to the bed and closed his eyes, fearing he might dream about the handsome blonde man again and yet wishing he would.

xoXÖXox

Agatha was the first to wake up in the morning. Although she didn't go to sleep exactly _early,_ Merlin stayed in bed past ten o'clock and she woke up... well, at ten.

It wasn't one of the easiest morning either. Right when she stretched her back and, still with her eyes closed, threw her legs over the edge of the bed, she almost stepped on the photos and books that were still lying on the floor.

She rubbed her eyes and blinked a few times to clear her vision as she slowly looked down. Her notepad and pen were lying there and she could well remember how Marvin- _Merlin_ , found her in his room asleep. Why was he awake anyway? It was around three in the morning...

Agatha sighed and stood up, sitting back on the floor and opening her notepad. She really needed to figure out what Merlin used to be and what he has done in the past. If he really was the great warlock of legends, he must have had magic, right? And... oh god, if he really was him, then he must have been over a thousand years old! It made sense now, that he lived alone and didn't talk to anyone.

If she had a life like that, she would get lonely though. She needed social life, she couldn't even imagine how hard it had to be for Merlin to live without that because everyone he'd known has died already.

Still, it was all very interesting. And mysterious.

She reached for the pen on the floor and picked it up, turning to the page with a single note in her notepad.

_An immortal character – what would it be like for the character if he/she found out he/she was immortal? How would she/he react?_

A little smile appeared on her lips as she read the note again. She needed to think about more writing exercises like that... or find some new ones online.

Ag closed her eyes for a moment and then sighed again, carefully stepping in between the books and photos on the floor to get to the door. Damn, she made a mess of Merlin's room. And just as she was looking over that mess around her, her eyes wandered to the locked door.

No other door led to it, and it was on the same spot as the locked room downstairs. What secrets could a room like that possibly hold? More books? Secret diaries? Was Merlin a writer too?

She decided not to worry about that in the end and turned to open the door. Once she was in the hall, she carefully cracked the other room's door and peeked inside to look at Merlin – who was still asleep in his bed. She looked down at her wristwatch that she forgot to take off, and decided to let Merlin get more sleep.

Who knew what he was dreaming about. She remembered those moments when she was young and was having a nice dream about her high school crush, when suddenly her alarm went off and her mum walked in, completely ruining the entire dream.

_Note to the notepad: Write a scene where character is having a nice dream when another character wakes him up. What is the 1st character's reaction?_

She smiled as she closed the door to the empty room where Merlin was sleeping in, and wrote the note down to her notepad. Then she finally entered the bathroom and brushed her teeth.

Ten minutes later, she was sitting at the table in the living room downstairs, having just made herself a nice hot cup of coffee. She slurped a bit because it was still too hot to drink, and then she looked out of the window at the table in the garden, putting the mug back down on the table.

The sun was shining and she hasn't been watching the weather reports lately, but she hoped the clear blue sky was an indication of a nice day. It was Sunday after all, and it was raining two days ago... and she didn't have an umbrella.

She left it in her friend's house in Glastonbury, as most of her things before she had to... shit. It was Sunday, which meant the next day would be Monday. And that meant that she had to get back to work! She's been in Glastonbury for over a week now, and she promised her boss she'd be back by Friday... _which was two days ago!_ She really hoped he wouldn't be mad at her, she completely forgot about it after the accident.

But he would understand, Jack was a good guy. She's been working for him for over a year now, ever since she'd dropped out of college. (It really wasn't a place for her...)

Agatha looked at her wristwatch again and decided Merlin's had enough sleep already. And just as she was standing up from the table, she heard him going down the stairs.

"Good morning," she smiled up at him and kid you not, he almost fell down from the stairs.

"You scared me!" He complained, but smiled soon after. When he was finally on the solid floor, he added, "good morning," and went into the kitchen to look for something to eat.

"You want coffee?" Agatha asked as he bent down to the mini fridge. "I made some..."

"Dunno if I drink it." Merlin shrugged.

Agatha narrowed her eyes. "Then maybe you should try and remember. I don't know anyone who doesn't like coffee." She smirked when he sighed and looked up at her.

"I bet at least 70% of children don't like it."

She laughed and went over to the kettle full of leftover hot water. She made Merlin coffee just like she liked it and handed him the mug, which he accepted with a grateful (and still tired) smile.

They went back to the living room and sat down on the sofa in front of the table. And then Agatha got an idea. She was almost certain that Marvin was actually the real Merlin, all the evidence suggested it although she did admit it sounded _ridiculous._ But, _when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth,_ right?

And so she decided to make a little plan. Once Merlin stopped listening to her or wasn't paying attention to her, she'd call him, but by his real name. _Merlin_. And if he reacted, that would be the final proof!

"Have you slept well?" Merlin asked, slurping his own coffee. She blinked, having been lost in her mind for a moment, and then she smiled at him.

"Sure, after you found me at least."

Merlin nodded as he laughed a bit. "You should have seen yourself, just lying there, half on the bed and half on the floor, surrounded by books. Must have been hard reading."

She wanted to punch him in the arm at that moment, she really did, but damn it his arm was broken. So she settled for, "shut up."

And Merlin smirked.

"Of course the reading was hard." She added then. "I found very interesting things in your books."

"Care to share?" He looked up at her, this time looking genuinely interested. "I saw some of your notes before I woke you up in the night."

"Yeah," she nodded, already opening her notepad and putting it down on the little table in front of them. "First of all, _literally_ every book in there is somehow related to the king Arthur legends, the holy grail, _Merlin_ ," she purposely stressed the word, but not enough for _still-waking-up_ Merlin to notice, "and Guinevere and the knights, and... well, you get the point." After he nodded, she continued. "But the thing is... almost every paragraph or a page has some correction in it, made by you."

"For example?" Merlin asked, looking a bit uncomfortable.

"Um... yeah, there was this picture of how people think king Arthur might have looked like if he had existed, and in the picture he had brown hair and eyes, and next to him was Merlin who looked very old."

"What was the correction?"

"You wrote there that Arthur's hair was blonde, and his eyes were – and I quote – _crystal blue_." She noticed Merlin blushed a little, but she didn't pay attention to it. "And now the most interesting thing is that you said Merlin was the same age as Arthur although almost every legend nowadays describes Merlin as an old man and that he was old even by the time Arthur was born."

"But how would I know that?" Merlin asked, swallowing down. He probably thought he wouldn't like the answer. Which was why Agatha sighed and said:

"I have no idea." She looked down at her notepad again and smirked slightly. "Psychic maybe?"

Merlin chuckled, but soon the humour left him again as he looked out of the door at the garden and frowned. What was he thinking about?

And this was the opportunity Agatha has been waiting for. Merlin/Marvin was lost in his thoughts, looking into his garden, and not really paying attention to his surroundings besides the coffee mug in his hand. If she called him _Merlin,_ what would he do? Would he just hum in response to let her know he heard her, or would he start frowning in confusion?

"Merlin?" She said out loud, and to her surprise, his reaction was just as she expected it. Merlin hummed and looked at her with a question in his eyes, waiting for her to say whatever she wanted to tell him. But she just smiled and her eyes sparkled with excitement. Merlin didn't even realize she just called him by his real name!

"You know I called you _Merlin..._ do you?" She asked with a smile still present on her lips. Merlin frowned, then his eyes widened with confusion and then the confusion turned into horror.

"You... you don't think that... that I-"

"Yes." Agatha was already nodding. "I think you're the real Merlin from the legends."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was home alone today and was supposed to study and I did literally nothing all day XD omg I'm so productive on weekends :D Well, at least I proofread this chapter, I hope you liked it! (And sorry for the delayed Merlin's reaction, the chapter was too long already so you can keep looking forward to it, it's in the next chapter) ;)


	6. The Mysterious Room

"What?" Merlin repeated for the second time because it surely couldn't be true, could it? He absolutely _could not_ , could have _never_ been, _the_ Merlin. The oh so powerful warlock, _the greatest sorcerer ever to walk the Earth._

Wait, how did he know that's how they called Merlin? Maybe some of the knowledge he had from the books he read stayed in his head somehow. Agatha told him every book in his room was about Arthur and Merlin and everything else from the legends.

But still, he _couldn't_ be Merlin, could he?

"That can't be right." He mumbled as he looked down and then back up at Agatha's excited face. "How can I be a sorcerer? Magic doesn't even exist!"

"I think you used to believe it did." She smiled at him carefully. "I mean, why would you read so many books about Merlin and Arthur if you didn't even believe in the legends?"

"I don't know, maybe I just liked them!" Merlin exclaimed and then sighed, trying to calm himself down. He rubbed his eyes with his hand and then reached for his coffee to take a sip. Although maybe he would need something stronger. Some _alcohol._

The unexpected shriek made him look up though and forget that drink. "A proof! Just now!" Ag pointed at his hand that was still clasped around the coffee mug.

He narrowed his eyes tiredly. "Wh-what?"

"Did you just _not see_ what happened? Didn't you feel it?" She grinned and put her arm down, shifting a bit closer to him on the couch. "You didn't even realize you did that, did you? It was instinctive!"

"Ag, I don't think I follow-"

"You just used _magic!"_ She finally revealed the reason behind her shriek.

And for the fourth time that morning, Merlin repeated, " _what?_ "

"You reached for the coffee, but the mug was too far away, and then it just _moved_ into your prepared hand, _on its own!"_

Merlin stared at her, then started down at his own hand and fingers wrapped around the warm mug, and he squeezed gently. There was a slight tingling in his fingertips. It felt familiar, although he wasn't sure why. Could it be that Agatha was right?

He slowly looked back up at her. "It did?"

"Yes!" She exclaimed, immediately opening her notepad again and writing down something. Merlin ignored that. Instead, he let go of the mug and looked at his palm, experimentally moving his fingers and trying to feel that tingling sensation again. But it was gone.

Maybe... maybe it felt like that only when he used magic. Why could he not remember?! If it was such a great and important part of his entire life, why the hell didn't his brain cells try to make him remember? But maybe the whole thing about his magic being instinctive was a proof of that – he didn't even have to think about it because he was so used to using it.

"Everything is just so complicated," he mumbled, closing his eyes and then looking up at her. "Why can't I be a normal person?"

"If our theory is true, then you're over a thousand years old, you couldn't be normal even if you tried." She smiled. When he smirked at her, clearly saying he was not amused by her comment, she shifted closer on the couch and added, "let's try again. The magic is inside you and you can use it again, I know you can."

Merlin sighed and after quickly taking a sip of his (not as hot as before) coffee, he nodded nervously. "Alright, let's try."

She took his mug and put it on the edge of the table so Merlin couldn't reach it from where he was sitting. "When I tell you, you'll try to do the same as before."

"Make the mug move across the table into my palm?"

"Exactly." Ag smiled as she sat back down on the couch, right next to Merlin. She looked at the mug and then at Merlin, who was just waiting for her sign to try and use magic again.

And then without any expectation, Agatha reached for the mug and knocked it _off_ the table. It happened all so suddenly, but Merlin was sure it lasted more than a few seconds when he jumped out of his seat with his mouth open and tried to reach the mug with his healthy arm.

To his and Agatha's surprise though, the mug _stopped in mid-air_ and didn't move an inch towards the floor.

"What." Merlin muttered as he frowned and straightened up from his _reaching out_ position above the table.

"This is so incredible." Agatha whispered and immediately stood up, going over to the other side of the table to look at the brown liquid frozen in the air. Then she looked up at Merlin with an amused smile gracing her lips. "I can't believe you just did that!"

"I can't believe it's still working." Merlin replied. And right in that moment the coffee finally succumbed to gravity and the blue mug shattered, while Agatha's legs got stained in the warm liquid.

Her eyes were wide as she looked up.

"Sorry," Merlin apologized, but Ag just started laughing and she didn't stop until Merlin was laughing with her.

And just like that, they both ended up on the floor, right next to the spilled coffee, still laughing, while Merlin was doing his best to try to use magic again and clean it all up.

Agatha was watching him curiously as he reached out his hand to the floor and started concentrating, which he didn't really have to do since his magic was extremely strong. And after a few seconds of trying, the coffee started flowing back towards the mug that was slowly coming back together. Merlin was reversing the effect, and it looked _fantastic._

"Incredible," Agatha whispered as she was looking at him. Merlin didn't look at her since he was still concentrating on the sort of spell, but he hummed in response to let her know she should continue. And continue she did. "Did you know that your eyes glow gold while you're using magic?"

Merlin's eyes got wide as he frowned. "Wait, is that normal?" He asked in a little panicked voice, and once the mug was complete again and filled with coffee, he looked at her.

"You're not normal, Merlin." She told him, rolling her eyes. "You're extraordinary." She smiled in return when he smiled at her. "And gold eyes? Totally cool." She added. "And pretty."

"Thanks." He nodded as he stood up again.

"Hey," Agatha looked up at him as she was standing up too. "I forgot to tell you but I need to head back today."

"Back where?" Merlin asked, frowning. Was she leaving? Oh yeah, she didn't actually live in Glastonbury.

"Back home, to Bristol." She said. "I haven't been there in a week and since I have work tomorrow, I figured I should get back."

"Will you return?"

"Sure!" She smiled. "Of course I'll come back, right the next weekend! I can visit you _every_ weekend if you want, I know I'd love that. After all, I promised to help you and I haven't really done that yet-"

"You've helped me already."

She smiled at him as she nodded. "And I should continue to do so. Starting with the locked extra room in your bedroom, I probably haven't told you, but I found a hollow book with a key inside and I'm pretty sure it's from that door."

"Really?" Merlin tried to look excited, but he was feeling more nervous. What could they possibly find in that room? It must have been locked for a reason, and if Agatha found the key in a _hollow_ book, the room surely had to be important somehow. Who knew what could be inside.

"You don't seem very enthusiastic about this." Agatha pointed out when she noticed his emotions started playing on his face.

Merlin focused his eyes back on her and swallowed visibly. "No, no I'm... I'm thrilled." He lied. And apparently he was a terrible liar because Agatha gave him a _bitch face_ for that.

"Liar." She uttered. "You're nervous, aren't you?"

"To be honest-"

Merlin's answer was interrupted by a call from the outside that they heard because the door to the garden from the living room was open. They both paused and went silent, but then someone yelled something again.

"Anyone there?" The voice called. "Hello?"

As Agatha went outside through the door in the living room, she recognised that voice. She couldn't hear her yet because of the high walls around the garden, but she could see the top of her friend's black haired head.

Merlin followed her outside as well and hesitantly walked over to the gate. Agatha was already there, smiling at someone. As Merlin was coming closer, the face of the visitor was slowly uncovering.

"Hi," the strange black haired girl smiled at him when he stopped in front of her. Agatha took his keys and opened the gate in the meantime.

"Hello," Merlin replied. For some reason, this person seemed... familiar. He couldn't place her though, and she looked lovely.

"This is Merlin," Agatha introduced him to her friend. "And Merlin, this is my friend, M-"

"Sorry, Ag, I'm really in a hurry," Agatha's nameless friend interrupted her as she looked down at her watch. "I've been trying to call you, but you haven't been answering."

"I- I guess I couldn't hear the phone?" Agatha frowned.

"Never mind. I'm already late." The girl sighed. Then she fished her keys out from her bag and handed one of them to Agatha's opened palm. "Here's the spare key to my place, your things are still in there, and I know you're going away today, but I won't be there to say goodbye."

"You won't?" Agatha asked with a slightly disappointed expression. Her friend just shook her head.

"I'm really sorry, but I need to go right now. So... goodbye." She smiled as she quickly hugged Agatha. Then without another word, she half ran and half walked back to her car and left.

"Wow," Merlin breathed out. "You have a really nice friend."

"Sorry, she was in a hurry," Agatha turned to him as she closed the gate again.

"Yeah, I heard." Merlin smirked. Suddenly Agatha's face saddened and she gently touched his hip to let him know they should return to the house. They slowly began to walk back to the living room.

"She was right though," Agatha continued. "I should really get going, it's going to take almost two hours before I get to Bristol." She mused out loud. "So let's go to the room," she suddenly smiled and headed right for the stairs. "I can't wait to uncover that secret any longer, and certainly not a week."

xoXÖXox

Agatha was first in Merlin's room, and she couldn't blame Merlin for taking so long to get there too. After all he was nervous about all of this and he was still limping a bit. But she just couldn't help but to feel excited beyond belief.

She was glad Merlin and her have become friends over the last week that he'd spent in the hospital. She didn't have many friends, but she loved to socialize and help people. Merlin was the perfect example of that. Had she not been there to call the police, he would have died.

"Come on," she called after him as she started looking at the mess she's left on the floor. Books, old photos, and her dead phone – so that's why she couldn't hear the calls! - and more books. One of which she recognized as the hollow one.

"Are you sure you want to do this today?" Merlin asked one more time as he stepped inside the room and hesitantly moved towards the mysterious door.

Agatha took the key out of the fake book and turned to look at Merlin. "It might help you remember, you know that."

"Yeah, but if I'm the real Merlin and have lived for over a thousand years... maybe it's a good thing that I've forgotten everything about it. I can see now why I led such a lonely life." He looked down, not expecting Agatha to come closer to him and smile up at him.

"Don't worry." She assured him. "If it's too much, we can always stop and leave it for the next week or the one after that. Whatever suits you the best, but sooner or later you'll have to open the door and get some answers."

"Alright," Merlin shrugged. Agatha nodded and smiled, finally connecting the little key with the keyhole in the door. She turned the key and the lock clicked, indicating it was finally open.

Agatha almost stopped breathing when she pushed the door open, she was so excited! Honestly, this was the most adventure she's had ever in her life. Probably because it included a car crash and amnesia of her best friend while every other adventure she'd had was either a party with high school friends or the first week she spent in Bristol after moving there from Oxford.

When the door was open, the room appeared to be a little bit dark. Merlin didn't seem he wanted to do the first move, so Agatha slowly entered the room and tried to palpate the light switch, but there wasn't any. She frowned as she opened the door completely and realized that the only source of light in this room were the windows that were closed and covered in some cloth.

She looked back at Merlin, but he only shrugged, not saying anything, so Agatha walked across the room to open the windows by herself.

Once there was a little more light, she gasped. This room was almost entirely different from the rest of the house. It looked like some medieval room or something because the floor as well as everything else was made of wood.

There was a staircase on the right side with books everywhere and a little table in the middle with another widow and another door on the other side of the room. The door looked very old and also made of wood, and when she looked through it, she could see a simple low bed with a box next to it serving as a bedside table.

She walked all the way there and frowned when she turned to the window and saw... well, not what she was supposed to see. From this angle, she'd probably see where the road around the lake was leading and maybe the hill she was standing on when she saw the car crash. But what she saw was a shining picture of a city full of little houses with smoke coming up from many chimneys.

Now when she thought about it, that window wasn't even supposed to be there because from the outside of the house it wasn't there either. But the picture looked so vivid and real and it was moving.

Magic was definitely involved somehow, but probably some spell that Merlin didn't have to think about all the time. Maybe some curse then.

Agatha walked out of the tiny room and down the three little stairs back to their mysterious room, which now looked pretty small compared to the other rooms.

"I have no idea what is this supposed to be," she sighed as she looked up at Merlin. To her surprise though, Merlin's eyes were filled with tears as he was looking around the strange room. His breaths were short and he looked very upset.

Agatha quickly took his healthy hand into hers and made him look down at her. "Hey, it's okay," she smiled with clear concern showing in her voice. "We can go back, just tell me and we'll come back next week or the one after that or whenever you think you're ready, okay?"

Merlin nodded as he swallowed the lump in his throat. His voice was very quiet. "It looks so familiar and I feel like this means everything to me, but I can't remember what," he whispered as a tear rolled down his cheek. He looked up at the used candles on the old tables with benches around and closed his eyes tightly. "It's... it's very important to me. My family-" he took a shuddering breath and opened his eyes again, looking down at Agatha.

"Shh, we'll come back later." She smiled up at him and led him out of the room. She closed the door but left it unlocked, putting the key into her pocket.

After Merlin calmed down, about half an hour later, Agatha gathered everything she'd left around the house and said her goodbye. She really needed to get back to Bristol, and to her own life. Although she'd love it if her life was filled with Merlin's mysteries and magic and the mystic feeling she got whenever she visited Glastonbury.

She quickly arrived at her friend's place to pack the rest of her things, and after that, she left Glastonbury and Merlin and the craziest thing that's ever happened to her behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The room inside Merlin's room is supposed to be Gaius' chambers with Merlin's old room if anyone didn't get it! :D Also, who do you think Ag's friend is? I tried so hard to avoid her name until now and you'll have to wait a few chapters to meet her again and finally get to know her (with Arthur there too!). It's not really that hard to guess, so I guess it won't be a big surprise though :/


	7. The Words of Your Heart and the Storm

It's been about an hour since Agatha walked out the door and left him alone in his house. It still felt as if he was in a house that belonged to a stranger. To a man that might have used to be him, but he wasn't him now.

Merlin was restless. At first he went back to the living room, trying not to think about his dreams and about that strange room, but that was exactly what he was thinking of. He couldn't put his mind at rest, everything he felt and saw kept replaying in his head, right before his eyes and he couldn't do anything to stop it.

"Arghh," Merlin groaned and threw his head back, resting it against the edge of the couch. He closed his eyes briefly and then raised his head and looked at a clock on the wall.

Not even a _minute_ has passed since Agatha left.

How was that possible? It felt like _hours_ already and he had no idea what to do, since everything he could think of was still that damn room. He just had to think about how awfully _familiar_ it felt to him. Definitely more familiar than his own house.

The reason? Still unknown.

Merlin's eyes wandered around the room until they landed on the shelf full of books. He tried to concentrate for a second, but he didn't even have to – the book was already flying over to him.

"So handy," he smiled as he looked down at the beautiful cover of one of the Game of Thrones books. "Shame I don't remember reading you," he added. "Although I do remember most of the plot... and now I'm just talking to myself."

He sighed and stood up to put the book back on its place the natural way. He glanced at the clock – barely two minutes have passed.

"Come on," he groaned. "If I really was this great sorcerer, I really don't get how come I was able to wait for a _thousand_ years, I can scarcely wait two minutes now."

And then he left the living room and went back up into his own room. He paused in front of his door though, and turned around to enter the empty room instead. It really made sense now – this room was supposedly for Arthur, once he returned.

Merlin looked out of the window and saw Glastonbury. Not quite that far away as he'd imagined. He still didn't understand why his old self didn't go into town. Or why didn't he at least talk to people.

His old self was weird and lonely. He really hoped he wouldn't turn back into that person once he remembered. But when would that be? The doctor said he might remember if he saw or talked to someone he used to know, but now they know everyone like that is long dead.

He might not ever remember. Not even why he had so many emotions about the ring on the desk in the empty room, or why the mysterious room seemed so familiar. And that might drive him crazy, and then he'd be even a worse person than his old self.

The wind wildly played with his hair, so he decided to close the window and finally return to his room.

It felt strangely empty and lonely without Agatha. But he was getting used to it very quickly, he'd been told he used to be a lonely person anyway. But he was glad he found a friend like Ag, he couldn't remember any other friend from his long life.

He couldn't really remember anything these days, so let's just say he was really glad he didn't have to be alone in this and that Agatha was helping.

Even though she was away now.

She gave him her number before she left. He palpated the piece of paper ripped from her notepad in the pocket of his trousers and sighed sadly. He had no idea what he would do with all those empty days until the weekend.

He sat down on his bed lazily and lied down, looking up at the ceiling. He heard the clock on his desk tick-tocking the time away. And his life. Why did he have to be so patient?

After he made himself lunch with magic and ate it in his garden, he went back into his room and for the first time since Agatha left, dared to look at the door. It was slightly ajar and if he moved his head just so, he would be able to see the tables with bench inside.

He didn't know if he wanted to.

But he ended up doing it anyway. He entered the room and looked at the long tables with old laboratory flasks on it and books. It smelled of science and medicine. Something he felt he had a connection to. And again, he didn't really know why.

Such and old room, what purpose could it have served? Maybe a memory? Frozen in time, inside his own house?

Merlin slowly stepped inside and felt overwhelmed all over again. That feeling that he knew this place and held so many emotions towards it was destroying for his mind, but this time, he kept going and took a brave step forward. The first step to uncovering the truth of his real life. Of the person he used to be.

Wait, shouldn't he wait for Agatha? He knew she was very excited to see everything and learn more new facts about him, but in the end, these were his memories. His life.

And so he took another step forward.

When he was finally standing in front of the three steps that were leading to the tiny room in the back, the place he felt he was being drawn to, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, forcing the tears away.

When he was confident enough again, he finally entered and almost fell down on the floor when he looked out of the window. There was an image of a town full of old little houses and smoke and tiny, tiny people. It was as if he was looking down from a tower. Looking down at the city he loved so much, the city he'd spend most of his life in...

_Camelot._

The name came to him out of the blue, and he didn't even have to think twice about it before he was absolutely sure that that was the name of the city he had lived in. And also the city where this room used to be.

The view out of the fake window looked so real and so familiar as everything around him that it was slightly irritating that he couldn't remember. With a shaky breath, he sat down on the hard bed and then, out of a habit it seemed, looked down at the floor. There was no carpet, only parquets.

Merlin didn't even think about doing it, call it _instinctive_ if you want to, but his eyes were drawn to one particular parquet next to him and he couldn't help but to reach and touch it with his hand.

He ended up kneeling on the floor, examining the... _loose_ parquet? Yes, it was loose! This couldn't have been a coincidence, surely some of his memories popped up to the surface, telling him to look inside.

So he did. He removed the parquet and gasped.

There was a little dragon carved out of white wood, and a book under it. His hands were trembling as he picked up the toy and held it in front of his face.

In his heart, he felt that this was an object that meant a great deal to him. Something he held so dear he decided to lock it up together with all these other memories around him. Together with the book, which Merlin picked up right after he put the little dragon on the floor next to him.

Merlin could tell that the book was old. Perhaps even older than he was, but then again, how could he know what his age was? Definitely over a thousand... for a moment he was thankful he didn't remember any of it. He couldn't even imagine how many friends he must have lost.

He carefully unlocked the golden locks on the cover of the book, and slowly opened it, eagerly looking inside. His eyes widened and his jaw dropped – it was a book of magic!

Definitely the most valuable object in this entire room. And as he looked around, he decided that this discovery was more than enough for one day. He took the little dragon and the book, put the dragon and the parquet back where it belonged, and ran out of the room, completely forgetting about his limp in the excitement.

"Ow!" He cried out when he made it down the stairs and stopped. His leg was hurting more than before, he shouldn't have run down the stairs. Then he got an idea.

He opened the book again, this time on the table in front of the sofa in the living room. He quickly researched a healing spell and tried it on his own leg – and it worked! His magic must have been really strong.

As the smile was spreading over his lips, he looked down at the book again and then at his broken arm. Could he... if he wanted to, would he be able to heal his arm too? He researched a more powerful spell and pressed his palm against the cast. Then he closed his eyes and whispered the spell.

" _Ahluttre tha seocness. Thurh-haele braed."_

Although he couldn't see that, his eyes glowed gold and the arm... stayed exactly the same. Merlin frowned as he tried again.

" _Ahluttre tha seocness. Thurh-haele braed!"_

But his arm was still broken. He didn't understand. This was the most powerful spell he could find in the book and yet it didn't work? Was his magic not strong enough? He thought he was supposed to be the most powerful sorcerer ever to walk the earth!

He sighed as he mindlessly flipped through the old pages. Perhaps healing spells were very difficult to master and he just wasn't concentrating enough. Or maybe a broken arm required a spell more powerful than in this book.

His stomach made an unhappy sound and Merlin groaned, standing up again and heading to the kitchen. He hoped the fridge wasn't empty.

xoXÖXox

It's been already four days ever since Agatha left him in Glastonbury all alone. And just like his old self, he didn't go into the town and rather stayed in his own house, doing pretty much nothing expect for going over to the lake, drawing a bit with pencils he found on his desk, reading and studying the book of magic he found.

For the first time since he entered his room with Agatha, he also opened his laptop that was lazily sitting on the table, abandoned for who knew how long.

It was full of pictures of his drawings (and he had to admit, some of them looked very pretty) and of the lake, old houses, and the sunset. He couldn't find a phone, but he guessed he didn't really need it. Well now he might, Agatha was his friend after all and how else would he be able to reach her when she was in Bristol for the week?

Another very interesting thing he found in the laptop was the entire book of magic, _rewritten._ Not necessarily in his own words, but there were some notes here and there. And what was the most interesting thing – he found a sequel!

There were new spells, harder spells and enchantments, curses, potions and remedies he didn't know and _names_ he didn't know. The most used name was _Gaius._ He knew he must have meant something to him, but all he could recall was the feeling of family and love that slowly spread through him as he was looking at the name.

And luckily for him, he found a more powerful healing spell.

" _Ic pe purhhaele pinu licsar mid pam sundorcraeft paere ealdan ae!"_

In the new book of magic, this spell was described as one of the most powerful healing spells ever cast. Apparently Merlin learned this from a dragon called... _Killgharrah_.

Another name that sounded painfully familiar, but for now, Merlin didn't really care. All that mattered was that he tried the spell, and it worked! His arm was healed and now with his limp also gone, he was completely healthy!

Except for his mind of course. That couldn't have been fixed with magic, he just had to wait and see if the memories came back to him or stayed forever buried in his mind. And even though the doctor said he should remember, everyone Merlin knew was dead now and couldn't really help him.

Well, except for Arthur, but Merlin didn't remember what he looked like or what his voice sounded like, or anything he could recognise him by. Most of the drawings he found on his laptop were of the blonde person from his dreams, and he guessed that was supposed to be Arthur, but the memory was still lost to him.

How frustrating.

He used another spell to remove the cast, and after putting it into the trash can, he went to the kitchen to make himself something to eat

xoXÖXox

On the morning of the fourth day since Agatha left – it was Thursday, Merlin woke up to find the door to the mysterious room opened. He was sure he had closed it the night before, but now that it was opened – his magic perhaps? - he couldn't help but stand up and go closer.

He tiptoed inside, scanning the room and finding an open window. He immediately went to close it because he was still in his pyjama and the chilly air made him shiver. He hoped he'd find some heating spell eventually as he folded his arms on his chest. How could he have slept with such temperature around?

When he sat down and closed his eyes, he took a deep breath and waited until he wasn't that cold anymore. Then he finally went back into that little room in the back and sat on the bed just like he did the day before.

He already knew what was under the loose parquets. There was a book of magic and a little dragon. This time then, he knelt down and looked under the bed. There was a weird looking, blue staff. He didn't find that particularly interesting and he was getting hungry, so he stood up again and started searching through the room for something exciting, ignoring the sad feeling he had inside his heart.

Merlin turned around and found a little metal box he didn't notice before. It was sat on a bookshelf with a few books that he hadn't searched through yet either.

Curiously and slowly he neared the bookshelf and took the box into his hands, blowing off the dust on the surface. Then he tried to open it.

But he couldn't. The box must have had some sort of spell cast on it and he didn't know what spell to use since he couldn't remember any incantations. After examining the box and finding no writings on it whatsoever, he decided to leave it where it was until he could find something in his book of magic or until he remembered how to open it. Maybe there was a surprise in there. Like a coin or something. He really had no idea though.

And because his stomach had been trying to tell him he was hungry for more than five minutes already, he quickly grabbed the first book he found on the bookshelf and made his way into the kitchen.

On the way he looked at the cover of the book. There was number 1 on it. Maybe it was another series, some old one, from another century and it just didn't fit in with those other books in his living room.

He didn't want to think much about it though, so he made himself some breakfast and went out of his garden and headed to the lake again.

When he got to the shore, it was less windy than in the morning. He took off the cape over his head and let the light breeze play with his dark hair as he sat down into the slightly wet grass.

It felt good to be back out there, just looking out at the lake in front of him, reminiscing the... well, not really _reminiscing_. But he'd like to do that once he knew more about his past.

Without further ado, he opened the old book and a puff of dust hit him in the face. He sneezed and almost dropped the book, managing to catch it with his magic in time. The book was most probably over a thousand years old, he should at least try not to destroy it when it was barely keeping itself together.

He was surprised the whole book didn't turn into dust as he opened it, but call it a miracle or a magic, he could read the words on the pages as clearly as if he was reading just another part of Harry Potter.

_My first day in Camelot._

Huh. This must have been his diary. Now the 1 on the cover made sense. He smiled and kept reading.

_It's a great city, my mother told me. And the first thing I see? An execution. Of someone because he was using magic. Thank you mother! A great place to send your son to!_

_But my uncle Gaius will help me. Mother said he would. The last time I saw him was over a decade ago, and I think he looks just the same. A little wiser, maybe._

Merlin smiled as he read it. He wasn't sure if he remembered that Gaius character, but he seemed nice. He was _family_ , from what he read. When he looked back down on the page, he could tell it was from a different day.

_I saved prince Arthur's life! After I kicked his ass and had to spend a night in the dungeon for it! And they were throwing rotten vegetable at me! And even potatoes! How unfair! I met a new friend though, her name is Guinevere. She said I can call her Gwen. She's nice._

_I met a dragon! He said it was destiny, and that I was-_

Merlin frowned slightly. It seemed as if something had stopped him from finishing his sentence. And when he skipped to the next page, there seemed to be a huge time gap.

_He's a prat. A royal one. And also a dollophead. But he's the best friend I've ever had. I saved his life today again and I received not gratitude at all. But I think I stopped caring about that a long time ago..._

Another paragraph must have been a few years after the last one. It seemed young Merlin was a very busy man, saving Arthur's ass all the time and getting no credit.

_It was Arthur's coronation today. I couldn't feel more proud of him. From the prat that he used to be, to the great king of legends._

Merlin couldn't help but to smile at that. Arthur must have been a likeable person. And where was that Gwen person? She must have been there the entire time.

_Arthur and Gwen got married yesterday. We were all celebrating the entire evening and night and for once, I didn't have to save Arthur's life again. I think Gwen will make a great queen._

"Nice," Merlin mumbled. He wandered if Gwen was a simple serving girl or a lady. She married Arthur though, and the books Agatha showed him said she was a lady. And that she betrayed Arthur with Lancelot. Merlin really hoped that didn't happen. He'd have to go and check the books and look at the corrections Ag said he had made. Maybe he'd find out more that way.

_I received a warning today. A glimpse of the future. Arthur is going to die if I don't save him._

_Arthur said I don't smile that often anymore. I think he's right._

_Mordred is back. The prophecy is coming true and each day I'm more scared I will lose him one day._

Merlin felt the hot tears in his eyes as he realized how was the story going to end. With Arthur dying. He didn't save him. He _failed._

_There is a great battle upon us. Mordred is on Morgana's side now and I lost my magic. The only way to get a chance of getting it back is to find the crystal cave again, but I won't be able to be by Arthur's side when he's heading to the battle of Camlann._

_I couldn't sleep last night._

And then Merlin's eyes widened as he read the next words.

_It's been a week. A whole week without him. I haven't been this long without him ever since I met him. Kilgharrah said he will rise again, but that I need to wait. I don't think I can do this._

The tears were streaming freely on his cheeks as Merlin closed the book and closed his eyes. He didn't know what was happening. As soon as he read his own thoughts from more than a thousand years ago, it felt as if his heart was exploding both inwards and outwards.

His mind was blank and his vision was blurred by the tears and it didn't help when he tried to wipe them with his hands. His hands were shaking and he could almost hear the upcoming sobs that were about to break out of his chest.

And he didn't stop them.

Something inside him, some lost memory, was too painful to go through again. He knew it was probably Arthur dying, but he didn't expect so many emotions all at once, he didn't think he would care about him so much even after so many years of waiting.

Merlin tossed the book aside and refused to read it ever again as he closed his eyes and laid back into the grass. After a few minutes his breathing evened out and he grabbed the diary and headed back home.

xoXÖXox

Agatha really regretting one thing. She didn't buy Merlin a phone before she left, and now that she needed to talk to him, she couldn't. She thought he'd have a phone, but then again, she couldn't see it in Merlin's house anywhere. Not that she was looking, but wouldn't it be somewhere on a table? Or at least in his room?

She seriously needed to call him, first because she wanted to ask him how he was doing and if he was alright. And then she also needed to mention that she accidentally kept the key to the room inside Merlin's room.

It wasn't her fault, she just found it in her pocket while she wanted to wash her jeans and would have probably thrown it into the wash machine with it, hadn't she noticed the clinking sound the key made when she took her jeans off.

It's almost been a week since she left Merlin's house and she couldn't wait to go back there and see him the next day. It was Thursday and she wanted to drive back to Glastonbury on Friday afternoon. Nothing interesting was happening in Bristol anyway and she heard there was going to be a concert in Glastonbury on Saturday night.

She kinda hoped she could go there with Merlin and her friend. She doubted Merlin ever went to a concert before, especially because of what she's heard about him. If he never talked to anyone in the town, he couldn't have had any fun. She hoped she could teach him that on Saturday.

_Make a character sad and lonely and then make another character try and cheer him up in funny ways until character number 1 laughs at how ridiculous character number 2 is._

Agatha smiled as she yawned and wrote that note into her laptop. Then she finally turned off the table lamp on her bedside table. She was trying to use one of her prompts and write a new chapter of her book, but because of how tired she was, she didn't really write anything, except for that new prompt.

She put away her laptop and finally closed her eyes, dreaming about knights in shining armours... dancing on a concert in Glastonbury... with the band being in their underwear.

xoXÖXox

" _Hey, I just met you... and this is crazy! But here's my number, so call me may-"_

Agatha seriously needed to change her ring tone, especially if someone was calling her in the middle of the night! She quickly rolled over in her bed and pressed the phone against her ear, trying really hard not to fall asleep again.

Then she heard a thunder from the outside and her eyes snapped open.

"Ag! Aggie? Agatha Black, are you there?" She heard her sister's annoyed voice.

"What do you want?" She mumbled in response as she closed her eyes again. Wasn't her sister on a vacation with her husband? In _Australia?_

"Haven't you heard? Turn on the tv!"

"Sara, it's fucking four in the morning!" Agatha replied as she looked at her alarm clock on the bedside table.

"I know, but this is serious! There's a huge storm over England, the biggest one in almost a thousand years according to the news-"

"Okay, hold on... what?" Agatha blinked a few times and opened her laptop, quickly searching for the news. The light from the screen almost blinded her, but she tried her best to let her eyes adjust as fast as they could.

"There's a huge storm over your head!" Her sister yelled. She could hear her sister's husband over the phone. He seemed quite upset. "And they're saying it looks bad, maybe even not natural!"

"How can it-"

"It's above Bristol and Wales, almost London too! And crazy things are happening, there have been many reports on people with glowing eyes and objects flying and-"

"What the fuck are you talking about? Glowing eyes? Wait... is it above Glastonbury too?"

"Glasto-what?" Her sister hissed. "Look, we're safe here, but you're not! Stay inside and wait until it's over, if it ever is. At least that's what they're saying on the tv. And-"

"Yeah, don't worry, I'll take care!" Agatha hurriedly said as she started ripping her clothes off and putting on socks. If the storm was over Glastonbury too, she was definitely coming to check on Merlin. If what Sara had told her was true, then nothing of this was natural. And the only other unnatural – maybe even supernatural – thing slash person she knew, was Merlin and his magic.

"I know you, Ag!" Her sister's voice cut her off. "You're not going outside, not in this crazy weather. You're gonna die out there! How am I supposed to say mum and dad that-"

"Don't worry," Agatha stopped and calmed down. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, replying in a soft voice. "I won't go out there. I'll stay inside, okay?"

"Promise?" She heard Sara's doubtful voice. Agatha gritted her teeth and crossed her fingers behind her back.

"Promise."

"Alright. Stay safe." Sara sighed.

"Yeah, and say hi to Paul for me!" Agatha smiled as she heard her sister's husband's voice and then she ended the call. As soon as she put he phone in her pocket, the hectic movements returned and she started packing all her stuff into a single rucksack, already running for her keys by the front door.

She couldn't leave Merlin alone in this.

xoXÖXox

It was about four in the morning when it happened.

At first it felt like a dream – the person with blank face and blonde hair was just standing there, looking down at him, not moving. And Merlin kept shaking, trying to reach him and hold his hands, but it was as if the person was a statue.

The man with no eyes, nose or mouth, was dressed in an armour and there was water flowing from the tips of his fingers. That was when Merlin got worried and was trying to reach that person harder. But it didn't help. He couldn't reach him, couldn't touch him, whoever he was.

And then it didn't feel like a dream anymore.

The person was gone and everything was dark and then he heard a voice. An ancient voice telling him something very important and he wasn't sure what it meant, but he closed his eyes and listened.

_Emrys._

_Emrys._

It was a name. He didn't know how he knew that, but he knew it sounded familiar and definitely like a name. As if he hadn't heard that name in a long time and yet he didn't know whose name was it and what did it all mean.

It felt like someone was calling him.

_Emrys. The destiny cannot be broken. Arthur shall rise again, but his time has not yet come._

_The Once and Future King is leaving Avalon._

Merlin's eyes snapped open as he woke up and sat upright in his bed. He didn't know what was happening, everything was dark and silent, and yet it felt as if the place was vibrating.

As if something inside him felt alive. More than usual. His magic, maybe? All he knew in that moment was that it was the middle of the night and he wanted to go back to sleep. But there was something he had to do first. He had no idea what it was, but something was urging him to go outside and-

He heard a thunder and almost jumped out of his bed. When he calmed down from the shock, he walked over to the window in his room and saw what was happening. He saw a lightning and there was definitely storm and rain, but... not around his house and around the lake.

It was quiet there. So quiet that it only strengthened his urge to go outside and to the lake. He didn't know if the voices he heard in his dream were just a sign of him going crazy thanks to the car crash, or if it was real, but he knew he had to go to the lake..

And so he ran out of his room, put his trousers, scarf and jacket on, and left his house.

Whatever was waiting out there for him, he really hoped it was worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just got a really cool idea how to make the storm a bigger event in the whole fanfic *steals Ag's notepad* *makes a few notes* Also, please let me know what you think about this chapter! Are you happy that this is finally happening? Did you like Ag's ringtone? :D


	8. The Return of the Royal Prat

The weather outside was crazy. Merlin could hear the wind and storm and the heavy rain in the distance, but it looked as if Glastonbury and the lake have been spared. He didn't understand what was happening, even the clouds looked unusual when he looked up to the sky.

They looked like storm clouds, but they were pure white. He couldn't see stars though, something he had hoped he would be able to stare at.

And the most weird and maybe a little bit scary thing of it all was that Merlin didn't feel afraid. He felt calm and excited and he had no idea why. He should feel afraid. He heard voices in his head, all around him was a huge storm except for the place he lived in, and he was walking away from his home in the middle of the night.

But something was urging him to go to that lake. There was something about that mysterious body of water that kept him wondering whether it had meant something to him in the past. There was something he could not quite put his finger on, but it was there. In the back of his mind.

He kept going forward. He crossed the road where the car hit him, he walked up and down a little hill until he found himself by the trees beside the lake. And though the tiny forest looked tempting, he avoided it and kept going straight to the water.

Merlin found himself on the shore and he didn't stop until the water was up to his knees. The water was cold, but he didn't want to leave. It felt as if he was supposed to wait for something, and so he did.

And then he saw a lighting. A single silver bolt, hitting the Glastonbury Tor on the little island, and then it was gone. The rain seemed to start going away and the clouds that had gathered up in the sky started moving away from the lake in all directions. Merlin was looking up at them, wondering if it was his magic or perhaps something stronger, something like _destiny._

He almost winced when a wave hit his thighs. He looked back at the lake and his eyes widened. The waves were coming from a dark figure that was standing right in the middle of the lake. Merlin couldn't see his face, but his hair was illuminated by the moon that was now visible on the sky.

The person had blonde hair, Merlin was almost certain of that. And his clothes were glistening as if they were made of metal.

No, it couldn't be _him_.

Merlin's eyes got even bigger as he realized who he was looking at. As the man in the water was coming closer to him, he could see his gold hair and an armour.

It was the man from his dreams! The man Merlin was trying to reach for so long, someone he was running after and couldn't get to him until now. And for the first time, he could finally see his face, his eyes and nose and full pink lips, smiling at him.

Why was he smiling?

Merlin didn't know that man. He only saw him in his dreams, and he was never sure if he was someone from his life or just a made up character. But at this moment, the fact that he was going through the water towards Merlin, was proof of his existence.

A sob broke though Merlin's chest and he realized he was crying. The man in the water was almost beside him now and he was looking into Merlin's eyes with a ridiculously happy smile on his face. As Merlin was looking at that smile, he couldn't help but to form a smile of his own. But the tears kept streaming down his cheeks and the person frowned, confusion all over his face.

"Merlin?" The man asked, now standing right in front of him.

And in the next moment, Merlin's arms were wrapped tightly around the man's broad shoulders, almost trying to suffocate him with the embrace. And Merlin cried and he couldn't stop, and he didn't know why.

A hand appeared on his back as the man hugged him back and took a deep breath.

Merlin had no idea what he was doing, but for some reason his body and mind knew this was right. And then there was this tiny little voice that was telling Merlin the name of the man. Because he knew who he was, didn't he? He knew who he was holding on to. The name of the man of legends.

"Merlin?" The man cleared his throat and patted his shoulder awkwardly. "You can stop crying now. What's happened?" He asked as he let go of Merlin completely and waited for his friend to do the same.

Merlin slowly let go and took a step back, confusion and fear all over his face, which made Arthur frown again. "Are you Arthur Pendragon? The Once and Future king?"

Wow, what a great start. Well done, Merlin.

"What do you mean?" The man raised his eyebrows at him. "This is not a time for your stupid jokes, _Mer_ lin. Where am I and how did I get here? Can you answer that?"

"I can't." Merlin told him. He was so glad the sobbing had stopped and the loud rain had too.

"What do you mean you can-"

"I don't remember, sorry." Merlin quickly explained and returned to his former question. "Are you Arthur?" He just had to know who he was talking to here.

The man closed closed his eyes briefly and bowed his head, as if thinking about what to say or what to ask. Then he looked straight at Merlin and there was a slight frown on his forehead. " _Mer_ lin. Let me explain myself. The last thing I remember is that I was lying on the ground and you were... holding me, and then suddenly I'm soaking wet, I'm cold and you're crying on the shore. I need an explanation!" He looked behind Merlin and his eyes got bigger. "Oh and the forests are missing, care to explain that?"

"Wow, you really are a clotpole," Merlin mumbled as he remembered the strange insult-like word he recovered from his memory. "Let my explain myself too then." He began, mimicking Arthur's posture. "The last thing I remember is that I woke up in the hospital, with no memories at all and I still don't know who I am and then I wake up in the middle of the night and go out here for no good reason, only to meet a prat like you who apparently went for a late night swim or something. Care to explain _that_?"

As the man – Arthur most likely – was staring at him, Merlin slowly touched his cheek to confirm that yes, he was indeed still crying. He turned back to Arthur who was still speechless. "I really should get this under control somehow, I seem to start crying in certain situations and I don't have a clue why."

When Arthur still wasn't saying anything, Merlin looked up at him again. And as Arthur opened his mouth and was just about to reply, Merlin cut him off. "So you are Arthur, then."

"Yes, I am the king Arthur Pendragon." Arthur said. "And you're still a cheeky idiotic servant."

"Whoa, wait," Merlin snorted. "I would never be a servant to such an ass," he said. And then, as if by a switch somewhere in his mind, he grew serious again. "Look, it's apparent that we're both very confused. I already figured out that I'm Merlin and I'd love to talk about that with you a little bit more, but it's cold and about three in the morning so I'd rather do that inside my house."

"You own a house?" Arthur asked, probably agreeing on putting an end to the argument.

"A big one, yes." Merlin grinned. He gestured for Arthur to follow him and turned around, walking back to his house. "Also, sorry for the hug. I didn't know I was a.. _hug person_ , I just sort of felt it was the right thing to do at the moment."

"You always think too much and you're usually wrong." Arthur mumbled. "So what's with the forest?" He asked again, and when he glanced back and noticed the Tor, he expanded his question, "and how come the Tower is shorter now? What on Earth did you do to make me come back to life?"

"This is probably going to be a little shock for you, but..." Merlin stopped and gritted his teeth as he turned to face the king again. "The year is 2016."

" _What?!_ " The expression on Arthur's face was indescribable, but a great part of it was shock and disbelief. "Remember what I told you about trying to be funny?"

"Not really, but I'm not trying to be funny." Merlin rolled his eyes. He felt he was going to do that more often from now on. "This is not a joke."

Arthur was silent for a while and when he spoke again, his voice was full of panic. "Well then how come you're still here? How come you're not dead just like I was supposed to be?"

"I haven't really thought about that, I just assumed I'm immortal or something. You know, magic and all that."

And then suddenly Arthur's face went blank as he was staring into his eyes. He must have completely forgotten about the magic part, but that was obvious. He probably couldn't remember much, but he would soon remember more from his last day.

Wait, how did Merlin know he revealed his magic to Arthur on his last day?

"Come on, let's get you dry," he tried to make Arthur present again by gently nudging his arm. Arthur just nodded and let Merlin take him back to his house. Thank god he had a whole empty room, now he knew whom that room was supposed to be for! It must have been Arthur!

So Agatha was right, he was simply waiting for someone.

And as always (although Merlin didn't know that), he started talking.

"To be honest I had no idea you'd be coming back so soon." He started and got immediately cut off by Arthur.

"Soon? _Mer_ lin, it's the _future_! It's been literally over a thousand years!" Arthur went silent after that and added quietly. "I can't even... I can't believe all our friends are dead. Have been for so long." He bowed his wet head as he followed Merlin, the cold water dripping from his hair.

Merlin paused and turned around to face him again. They were almost by the road in front of his house already.

"I'm so sorry about that," he said calmly and honestly. "I don't remember any of them, to be honest I don't remember anything, but the doctor said I should remember if I talk to someone who knew me." Merlin smiled slightly at Arthur who looked up at him. He nodded in encouragement. "I know it must hurt a great deal and once I remember it will probably hurt even more, but for now, let's just get to bed."

Arthur sighed and closed his eyes, nodding. "You still talk too much." He added in a silent chuckle and Merlin couldn't help but smirk as he turned around and led Arthur across the road.

Only a few minutes with Arthur, and he already knew something new about himself. The doctor was right, remembering his past will be so much easier with Arthur by his side now.

"What on Earth, is _that?"_ Merlin heard Arthur's confused and scared voice behind him, followed by the sound of his sword being unsheathed.

Merlin quickly turned around to see two lights in the distance, quickly getting closer to them – a car. Who could that be? As he looked over at Arthur, he noticed it wasn't actually his sword but his dagger, but he didn't have time to think about where that sword had gone, he had to calm Arthur down.

"Hey, it's alright!"

"What kind of sorcery is this?" Arthur yelled in panic and Merlin quickly made his way in front of him, blocking Arthur's view of the car. Thank god they weren't standing on the road anymore.

"Arthur, hey! Arthur, look at me!" He raised his voice and once their eyes met, he tried to reassure Arthur with a smile. "Remember... uh, remember horses? Well, we use those things to travel now, it's nothing unusual in this century." He explained, but Arthur's eyes were still filled with panic.

"But... b-but..."

Merlin gently took Arthur's forearm that was holding the dagger and put it away, letting his other hand rest on Arthur's shoulder. Now he had Arthur's complete attention. "It's a little more complicated to explain, but I promise I'll try later, okay? But there is really nothing to be scared of, it's just a new kind of... horse."

The look Arthur gave Merlin was one of annoyance. "You don't have to talk to me as if I were a child, Merlin." He frowned. "I'm not _scared_."

"Oh really," Merlin smirked and let go of Arthur. "Well, then what was that dagger doing in your hand? I guess it just jumped in there on its own, didn't it?"

Arthur rolled his eyes at Merlin and wanted to reply with something just as witty and rude, but in the meantime, the car was already stopping right next to them and the window was opening.

"Merlin?" A blonde girl smiled up at them and Merlin immediately smiled back. Then the smile turned into a frown.

"What are you doing here in the middle of the night?" He asked?

"Well, hi to you too!" Ag smirked. "Yes, I'm alright and the storm didn't hurt me on my way here from Bristol, thanks for asking. Also, you forgot to introduce me to that handsome man standing next to you." She turned to Arthur and waved her hand. "Hello!"

Arthur's face stayed blank when Agatha was talking, then he tried to mimic the gesture with his hand and added a nervous half-smile. "It's a pleasure to meet you, my lady."

Agatha blushed and chuckled. Then she looked over at Merlin, who was already sighing and smiling as well. "Hi, Ag." Merlin greeted and then glanced at Arthur. "This is... well, that's Arthur."

Agatha's eyebrows got so high that she could easily beat Gaius in a raise-your-eyebrow competition, and her eyes widened as she was staring at Arthur. "Th-that's... that's him?" She stuttered and finally got out of her car. "So that was all the storm and rain and lightning about?"

Merlin shrugged. "I guess so. It woke me up in the middle of the night and kind of made me walk all the way to the lake, where Arthur appeared."

"So the storm should disappear soon." She nodded slightly. "My sister called me, she's in Australia on holiday and she said the storm was so big that they were talking about it on the news."

"Really?" Merlin asked. "So now everyone knows there's something going on about here?"

"I don't think so, they tried to brush it off, saying it was natural."

"Yeah, as if." Merlin shook his head and turned back to Arthur, who seemed to be completely lost in the conversation. That was the reason Merlin decided to spare his brain and hopefully prevent permanent damage by thinking too much, and save the conversation for the morning.

"I don't even know what time it is, but let's go back to sleep," Merlin suggested. Both Arthur and Agatha nodded, and after Agatha drove the car closer to the house and locked it, they all went inside.

Now the real problem arose. They only had two beds in the house, the one in Merlin's room and the one in Arthur's empty room. The one in Arthur's room took Ag because Arthur refused to let her sleep on the couch in the living room, and that meant only one thing – Arthur and Merlin had to share.

Before that though, Arthur had to dry his hair, get new clothes and the armour off his body. And that was what Merlin was there for.

As soon as Agatha closed the door to her room and said good night to them, they made their way over to the bathroom. Merlin closed the door behind them and, not really knowing what to do, opened them again and went out.

"I'll go find some new clothes for you," he mumbled as he quickly left and entered his room, looking over to the closets. He opened them every day of course, but he didn't remember if there were some shirts that would fit Arthur. His shoulders were broad whereas Merlin was a little more lanky.

He sighed and grabbed something that looked like sleeping trousers and a simple white t-shirt. Then he made his way back to the bathroom.

Merlin immediately had to bite down his lips so he wouldn't laugh because Arthur was holding a toothpaste that he had opened and it was on his fingers and he was looking at the sink hopelessly, not having a clue how to find water in that strange room.

When Arthur noticed Merlin, he frowned. "Don't stand there like a sack of potatoes, help me!"

Merlin laughed as he closed the door behind him again. "Were you always such a prat?" He couldn't help but to ask, and he didn't even pause to think that he just insulted Arthur. To his surprise, Arthur was smiling at him when he turned to look up at him. But then the smile disappeared and Arthur pointed at his dirty fingers.

"This strange... _thing_... is it something you can eat?" Arthur hesitantly asked, not wanting to sound like a baby. But judging by Merlin's expression, he was doing exactly that.

"No," Merlin smiled as he opened the tap and gestured for Arthur to wash his hands under the stream of warm water. Arthur was looking at it as if it was another magic trick or something and though Merlin found it funny, he felt a bit sorry for Arthur. It had to feel so strange, Merlin was actually the only person he knew in this new world and Merlin didn't even remember him.

"No, it's called a toothpaste." Merlin continued. "People use it to brush their teeth with. And for that they use toothbrushes too," Merlin pointed at the blue, red and yellow toothbrushes in a little cup beside the sink and Arthur nodded, washing the paste off his fingers.

"I'm cold." He complained as he looked over at the clothes Merlin had prepared for him. "Get me out of this, it's wet and horrible," he looked at his armour and frowned helplessly.

Merlin didn't even think about it as he started putting the metal plates off of Arthur's chest. It was probably instinctive, and as Arthur was watching him, he couldn't help but smile. Merlin did remember something.

"This new world," Arthur began silently as Merlin kept working on the armour, "is so strange."

"You'll get used to it." Merlin answered.

"Will anyone else from the past come back too?"

Merlin wasn't really prepared for that question and he didn't really have an answer either. All he remembered was that strange voice in his head, telling him Arthur's time has not yet come, but that he was coming back anyway.

"I don't know," he said after a while. "I was kind of hoping you could tell me more about me and about my life and life in Camelot so that I could remember something. Anything."

"How much do you remember now?"

Merlin was silent for a while, not really knowing what to answer. "Nothing specific," he said as he removed the final piece of Arthur's armour. Now only the chain mail remained. "Feelings, mostly."

Arthur nodded, as if he wanted to add something but then decided against it. He raised his arms to help Merlin get him out of the cold chain mail and didn't mind at all when he started taking off his trousers. Merlin's eyes widened as he noticed what Arthur was doing, but he guessed they used to be _used_ to this... back in Camelot.

But he turned around anyway, waiting for Arthur to put the pyjama trousers on that he had prepared for him. When he turned back, Arthur was just pulling the t-shirt over his head, changing into the new, dry one.

"These clothes are unusually soft." Arthur commented, probably wanting to change the subject.

"Yeah, that's what that machine is for," Merlin grinned and pointed behind Arthur at the washing machine in the corner of the bathroom. "It's called a washing machine, it washes clothes and make them soft like this. But I guess it's the fabric too."

Merlin took Arthur's old wet clothes and threw them right into the washing machine. "Our clothes back in Camelot must have been harsher on the skin," he mused as he started putting the washing powder into the washing machine.

"It was normal back then." Arthur said as he was watching Merlin push some buttons on the strange white box. "But I guess a lot of things are different now."

"They are," Merlin sighed. "But I wouldn't know..."

When he turned back to Arthur, he was already holding a hair dryer in his hands. Arthur was frowning down at the black thing in Merlin's hands, not really knowing what to expect from it. Merlin grinned when he saw his expression.

"This is a hair dryer." He explained. "It will make a little noise and blow hot wind out of it so you can dry your hair more quickly."

Arthur didn't seem to believe him. "I think I prefer the old way - letting your hair dry on its own." He told Merlin after suspiciously looking at the device.

"Well, you don't really have a choice." Merlin smirked and looked up at Arthur's wet blonde hair. "I won't let you sleep like that in _my_ bed. You're using the hair dryer, now come on."

"I am still your king, Merlin. You can't make me d-"

Merlin turned the hair dryer on and even though the noise was pretty loud, he could still hear Arthur's yelp. He laughed when he aimed the hair dryer at Arthur's head and Arthur was trying to avoid it.

"You're sure this isn't some of your magic?" He asked loudly, at which Merlin couldn't help but laugh again.

"It's not, it's just technology." He answered and successfully started drying Arthur's hair. Arthur was sulking at first, but then he just sighed and let Merlin work. It didn't even take too long, with hair that short, it was very quick.

"You okay?" Merlin chuckled as he turned the thing off and saw Arthur's annoyed expression.

"I'm _fine_ , I just want to sleep already." Arthur groaned. This strange new world was too foreign for him and all he needed was silence, and some time to think about everything. Because _oh my god_ he was _alive_ again. How was that possible?

"Don't worry," Merlin smiled affectionately. "You can use this toothbrush to brush your teeth and then we're-" Merlin yawned, "-and then we're good to go."

Arthur nodded and without question followed Merlin's movements as he showed him how to brush his teeth. It was embarrassing and at first Arthur thought the toothpaste was poisoned because it was stinking his tongue a bit, but everything ended alright and once Merlin changed into new clothes, they went into Merlin's room again.

Ah, the sharing-bed thing.

When Merlin turned on the lights, Arthur frowned. A normal room looked so much different from a chamber in a castle. "These are your... rooms?" Arthur asked as he noticed the half open door inside the room leading to another room.

"Yeah, it probably looks different from what you're used to, right?" Merlin answered as he went over to his bed and pulled away the blanket.

Arthur closed the door behind him and followed Merlin into the room. "It's definitely smaller and... the windows are different... and everything else is too."

Merlin smirked and pointed at the bookshelves and the rest of the furniture. "These are bookshelves with books, that is a table that I can write on, a chair, this is a bed,-"

"I didn't live in a cave, I know what these things are, _Mer_ lin." Arthur rolled his eyes and looked more annoyed than before. But then he yawned and his expression turned from annoyed to very, very tired.

Merlin immediately started yawning too because damn yawns were contagious and then he laughed and rubbed his eyes, pointing to his bed with his free hand. "We should go to sleep, Ag must be sleeping by now."

"How long have you two been friends?" Arthur suddenly asked as he slowly sat on the bed. Merlin sat right next to him and covered himself with the blanket.

"Only about a week." He shrugged, waiting for Arthur to finally lie down. He didn't know if they'd ever shared a bed before, but he couldn't shake off the nervous feeling in his stomach. "She saved my life, actually." He smiled.

Arthur lay down on his side so he could face Merlin. "I never asked what happened to you."

Merlin sighed. "Do you remember what a car is?" He began with a question.

"A new kind of horse." Arthur answered, making Merlin laugh softly.

Merlin nodded. "Exactly. Well, if you're not paying attention to the car, it's as if you forgot how to ride a horse and the horse can misbehave. And apparently whoever was... _riding_ the car, they didn't pay attention and hit me."

Arthur's eyes widened. "That thing was moving very fast when I saw it on the road before your house."

"Exactly." Merlin pursed his lips and lay on his back, folding his arms on his chest. "They can go even faster." He added before he continued. "And when it hit me, I lost consciousness. If Ag hadn't found me there, I would have died."

"You couldn't have been paying attention either because you didn't notice the... _car._ " Arthur said matter-of-factly and Merlin had to roll his eyes again.

"I don't remember, but yeah. That's what must have happened." He said.

"Well, you've always been clumsy." Arthur shrugged and turned over so he was facing Merlin's table in the dark room. He waited for the usual cheeky reply like _and you've always been a prat_ , or something like that, but nothing came. Only silence.

"Noted." Merlin whispered as he rolled over so their back were almost pressed to each other. He didn't know much about what he was like. But he would make sure to ask Arthur the next day. Or in the near future.

They both closed their eyes and let their minds take them to the world of dreams. That night, Merlin dreamt of the person with blonde hair and broad shoulders, but this time, he had a face.

And it was Arthur.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm writing chapter 12 now and I've made some changes to the plot so I'll have to figure out how to make the whole thing work so that I can still make it to the ending I want :D Anyway, did you like the chapter? What did you like about it? What didn't you like about it? Are you looking forward to the next chapter or not? Just please talk to me XD


	9. Meeting "New" Friends?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merthur Merthur Merthur Merthur :D I finished chapters 12 and 13 over the weekend because I decided I want to keep posting every week even in November (even though I'm doing NaNoWriMo... well, it'll be a busy month :D ). I want to keep posting because chapter 17 is supposed to be a Christmas chapter and it should be posted on December 24, which is guess what... Saturday! :D I already know what should happen in every chapter until the end, and this fanfic should have 20 chapters

The beautiful dream about Arthur and him in a forest ended the moment Agatha cracked open the door to Merlin's room. It started when Merlin's ears had woken up and he heard her footsteps outside his room. Then the rest of his body followed as she peeked inside to check if they were still asleep.

And even though he didn't know what time it was, Arthur was still sleeping and he didn't really want to get up either.

Agatha smiled at him from the door when she saw Merlin's eye was half open and staring at her. And at first Merlin didn't know what was she smiling about because there was certainly nothing funny about his appearance... yeah, except maybe for the ridiculous (yet quite comfortable!) position he was in.

Before this new information could make it to his still half asleep brain and he could react, Agatha gestured with her hands downstairs and left, closing the door behind her.

Maybe she was about to go make some coffee and breakfast, or maybe it was early morning and she was about to drive back to Bristol because she hadn't realized she had job in the morning when she left home. Merlin wasn't sure. But closing his eyes again felt like the best way to deal with it.

He inhaled deeply through his nose and realized that apart from the night before, all he could feel now was _Arthur._ His smell, all over his bed and... yeah, maybe it had something to do with the fact that Merlin's nose was pressed against Arthur's mop of blonde hair.

Not that he cared though. He was perfectly aware of Arthur's position too. He was lying on his stomach, with one hand under the pillow and the other spread over Merlin's back. Merlin on the other hand, was lying on his side, curled into fetal position, facing Arthur and... well, his _mop of blonde hair._

Merlin allowed himself another deep breath and a smile spread over his face. He couldn't remember much about his past, nothing to be honest, but this moment... the _closeness_ with Arthur... it made him feel a little funny.

There was this feeling in his stomach when he concentrated on it, and he wasn't sure, but he didn't think he felt like this ever since the car crash. New people and new memories of feelings, he guessed.

At least that was what he was telling himself and his almost awoken brain.

After another ten minutes of blissful breathing in and out, with Arthur's soft breaths right next to him, Merlin decided enough was enough and that whatever time it was, he should get up.

He opened his eyes and shifted away, carefully not to wake Arthur up. When his face was farther away from Arthur's hair, he gently took Arthur's numb forearm (that was on Merlin's waist now) and laid it down on the blanket. And with one last happy look at Arthur's peaceful and relaxed expression, Merlin tiptoed to the door and left the room, going to the bathroom first, and then following Ag to the kitchen downstairs.

As it turned out, Agatha was already sitting in the living room, having breakfast and tea, while sitting on the couch by the little table. She smiled when she saw him approach.

"Someone had a good sleep," she greeted him as she patted the spot next to her, offering him the breakfast she had made. Merlin only nodded in answer and sat down, sipping the hot tea. He knew that Agatha was watching him. "I forgot to ask yesterday, but I didn't want to worry Arthur as he was pretty disoriented." She started and took a bite of her slice of bread with honey. "What happened to your arm?" She laughed softly. "I mean, look at you! Brand new!"

Merlin smiled at that. "I know you're probably going to get excited about this and I can't avoid that, so I'll just say it." He turned to look into her big curious eyes and smirked. "I found a book of magic."

"No!" She exclaimed, quickly covering her mouth with her palm so she would not wake Arthur up, who was sleeping right above them. "You're serious?" She whispered.

Merlin nodded. "Dead serious. I went back into that room and found it beside my bed, under the floor."

"How long had it been there?"

"Probably a long time, the book looked maybe even older than me." Merlin raised his eyebrows, tilting his head. Then he took a bite of his own slice of bread. "So I used magic to heal my arm. At first it didn't work, but after I found the right spell, it did. It must have been a really hard spell because I found it in another book of magic, my own sequel. I wrote there that healing spells were never something I was particularly good at."

"You've got to show me the books once Arthur wakes up." Agatha smiled. "Also, do you mind if I stay over the weekend? I can sleep over my friend if it's a problem, and I'm not going to sleep in Arthur's room anymore, I promise."

"That's totally okay." Merlin smiled. "I'm not sure I'd be able to make it only with Arthur with me here."

Agatha grinned at that and glanced up at the ceiling. "So he's back, isn't he?" She smiled at him. "If we had met more than a week ago, before the accident, I'd never have believed you. I would have thought you're some psycho who loved the legends too much or something."

"Oh come on, you'd never think that."

"No, you're right." Agatha smirked. "The first thing I'd think would be _oh my god I'm talking to the Ghost of Glastonbury lake!"_ She laughed softly, not realizing Merlin didn't understand her.

"What do you mean a _ghost?"_ He asked, putting the mug with hot tea back on the table.

She paused and nodded, realizing Merlin didn't know about the nickname. "Well, it's how some people call you in Glastonbury." She explained. "You kept going to that lake so often and weren't talking to anyone that some people thought you were a ghost. Some meant that literally, some metaphorically, but that's how your nickname started. The Ghost of the Glastonbury lake."

Merlin raised his eyebrows and took a sip of his tea again. "Well, I guess we don't have to ask that question anymore. I'd been going to the lake to wait for Arthur."

"And now you don't have to wait anymore." Agatha smiled at him.

"The Once and Future King has returned."

xoXÖXox

The first thing Arthur did when he sort of woke up was that he squinted his eyes, trying to turn his head on the other side. The sun was shining at him through the window, informing him of the new day. And Arthur hated it. If it was up to him, he'd stay in bed for as long as he wished, but he was the king and he had duties.

Which reminded him of the lack of a warm body sleeping next to him in his bed. He frowned and tried to palpate the person with his right hand that was spread over the other half of the bed. But it was empty. Still a little warm, but empty.

He smacked his lips and tried to open his eyes, turning his head back to the empty side of the bed. "Guinevere?" He mumbled. It was barely audible, but if she was in the room, she'd hear him.

Only she _couldn't_ hear him. It has been a long time since she last heard his voice, way longer than an average lifetime should be. And Arthur soon came to that realization when he opened his eyes more and looked around the room.

Because it wasn't his room. Of course it wasn't his room. And the chaos from the night before, that wasn't a dream. And Merlin wasn't there to say his usual "Rise and shine!" and they were _not_ in Camelot.

And he was not a king anymore. How could he be a king if he had no kingdom? All he knew was the lake and this strange house, and Merlin. He was the only one who kept waiting for him.

He was probably the only true friend he'd ever had. And the only one he had left, everyone else – his knights and family – were long gone.

Arthur didn't want to linger on that thought, but he couldn't think about anything else either. And he couldn't stop the tears from forming in his eyes, even though he tried to blink them away.

He sighed and removed the blanket, sitting up in the bed. It wasn't Gwen who slept next to him that night. It was Merlin. And though it might have sounded a bit strange, he didn't mind actually. They'd shared a bedroll one or two times when they were in a forest.

Those forests were now probably gone too.

He stood up and realized he was still wearing Merlin's clothes. He'd need to buy some new clothes for him, but he had no idea how the world worked now. Not that much could have changed though, there still had to be some kind of a market or a shop where he could find and buy what he needed.

For now though, he'd stay in these new comfortable clothes.

He stretched with his arms over his head and wandered toward the window, looking outside. He saw the lake with the tower in the middle on the little island. He remembered that place, that tower had been there long before he was even born. Perhaps Camelot was still standing too!

That thought made Arthur smile. As he leaned out of the window and looked to the left and right, all he could see were hills and the strange road where that strange... _car_ was the day before. He could see the car parked in front of the garden. And he didn't notice this in the night, but the garden was really beautiful.

As he was admiring the view, his stomach made an unhappy sound. Damn, he really was hungry. But where was his tray with breakfast?

"Merlin?" He called, slowly turning around. No answer. He rolled his eyes at his former servant's typical behaviour and walked over to the door inside the room. "Merlin?" He peeked inside and gasped, not daring to move.

It was Gaius' chambers. A little smaller, not entirely the same, but it looked so similar to it! There were books, tables, benches, the window, and even the door to Merlin's tiny room. Arthur's eyes were wide as he stepped inside and looked around. It was almost exactly the same, he could even see the real Camelot from the window! It even smelled the same. It felt like he was back in Camelot and everyone he knew was still alive.

"Arthur?" Someone called from the other room and he looked at the door. It was Merlin, probably looking for him from the room where they slept. Arthur realized there were tears on his cheeks, so he quickly brushed them away and cleared his throat.

"I'm here."

Soon after, Merlin's head appeared in the door and a smile spread over his face. "Good morning," he said as he entered the old room as well. Then he frowned when he noticed Arthur's eyes were a little red-rimmed. "Were you-"

"You kept the rooms?" Arthur silenced him with a question as he turned around and gestured around the room.

"I guess so..." Merlin narrowed his eyes, looking around as well. "I don't really know what this is supposed to be, but I have an inkling that you do." He kept staring at Arthur, urging him to answer.

"It's... there used to be a room in Camelot that looked almost exactly the same." Arthur started. "It belonged to an old man, the court physician."

"Gaius?" Merlin asked.

Arthur smiled at that. "You remember him?" To his disappointment, Merlin's smile disappeared and he shook his head.

"No, I read about him in my diary and the book of magic." He answered. "I found those in that little room in the back, I guess it must have been mine."

"It was," Arthur confirmed it. "You lived there from the first day you arrived at Camelot. Gaius and you have grown very close, and there were times when you told me Gaius was like a father to you."

A little smile graced Merlin's lips as he imagined what Arthur was talking about. "That's nice to hear." He said. "And what about my real father? Was he living in some village or did he come to Camelot with me?"

"I'm sorry," Arthur bowed his head. "You told me you never met your father. I don't know who he was or if he was alive by the time I got to know you."

Merlin pursed his lips and nodded sadly. "Alright, let's go downstairs, there's breakfast waiting for you." He tried to smile and cover the nervous feeling in his stomach again as he changed the subject. Arthur nodded and followed him downstairs, but before they reached the stairs, Merlin stopped him and pointed to the bathroom. "You can brush your teeth now or return here and do that after breakfast..."

Arthur only nodded and headed to the bathroom, closing the door. "Turn left after you're down the stairs!" Merlin called after him and returned to the living room, where Agatha was still sitting.

Arthur joined them a few minutes after that, sitting besides Merlin on the sofa and looking at the strange food.

"Oh, that's a bread with butter and honey." Agatha smiled at him, finishing her tea.

"And that's tea," Merlin added as he saw Arthur looked curiously at the mug in front of him. "Careful, it's hot." He smiled, but Arthur didn't look at him. Instead, he took a bite of the bread and shrugged slightly, not paying attention to them. He really was hungry.

Merlin kept smiling at his resurrected companion when Agatha suddenly nudged him with her elbow. He looked curiously at her and she was smirking.

"I see your corrections were correct." She told him and when he raised his eyebrow in question, she added. "Your description of Arthur in the books! Remember? You said he was blonde and had _crystal bl_ -"

Merlin kicked her leg under the table to stop her from finishing the sentence and when she looked at him, confused, he just _looked_ at her a little dangerously to let her know he did _not_ wish to talk about that in front of Arthur.

And the king, who was watching them the whole time, frowned in confusion as Merlin looked at him and smiled reassuringly. "Do you like the tea?" Merlin asked to put an end to the discussion Agatha opened.

"Um, it's too hot," he told his former servant and looked over at the mug with steam going up from it.

While Agatha muttered, "hot damn," Merlin smiled at Arthur and said, "don't worry, it'll get colder in a few minutes."

"It's strange to drink hot water." Arthur continued. "In Camelot, we only had cold water and juice from all sorts of fruits. Oh and wine and mead and other alcohol."

"Did you enjoy that?" Merlin smirked, at which Arthur couldn't help but roll his eyes.

"I should ask _you,_ you spent many days in the tavern over the years." He commented and smirked when he saw Merlin's face got pale and a bit flushed. "We had a mutual friend, Gwaine was his name. I knighted him when my father and kingdom were in danger, but he visited the tavern almost every day. I suspect he dragged you there with him."

"I... don't remember that." Merlin said.

"I know," Arthur smirked and let it go after a while. He could sense Merlin had questions though, and Agatha had too. They were both watching him as if he was a ghost or something. But he was used to that from Camelot. He was the most known person in the kingdom after all, a royalty. The prince and then king.

"How many years have we been friends?" Merlin asked all of a sudden, not even waiting for Arthur to swallow the delicious breakfast. He did miss the ham and cheese, but he was sure those didn't disappear from the world over the years.

"A little over ten years." Arthur answered honestly. He didn't smile at Merlin though. He didn't want to admit he was counting the years Merlin spent as his manservant in Camelot.

"And all this time I was serving you?" Merlin frowned in disbelief, making Arthur smirk again. Oh, the things he didn't know! But he wouldn't tell him until he remembered himself, it would only bring embarrassment to tell him Merlin used to give him baths. It was normal for a manservant to do that after all, but most servants didn't have to scrub their master's back. Arthur only did that as a little revenge on Merlin. He wasn't the best servant in the castle after all. But after the years, it became normal for them. Arthur even let him have baths in his chambers when he knew he'd have to use the bathwater after Gaius. Who'd want to make multiple trips to the courtyard for more water after the sun was already down?

Arthur blinked and realized Merlin was waiting for his answer. He opened his mouth when suddenly a strange noise echoed from... Agatha? Arthur stood up to defend the lady from the strange magic sound, but Merlin made him sit down again, shaking his head and saying it was alright.

He looked at Agatha, who apologized and stood up to pace around the room, with a strange box by her ear.

"That's a phone," Merlin explained, and Arthur couldn't stop watching it as Agatha talked into it. "It's a device for communicating with a person that isn't in the same room."

"Magic?" Arthur raised his eyebrows, but Merlin was already shaking his head.

"Magic isn't in this world anymore. Most people believe it doesn't exist and I'm afraid I'm the only one who possesses its power."

Arthur nodded and together with Merlin, they focused on the conversation Agatha was having with the person on the other side of the phone.

"Yeah, I'm okay." Agatha said as she nodded and rolled her eyes. "No, don't worry, I- yep, I'm in Glastonbury. Yeah, I know. Hm. Hm. No, I called him and said I was sick, but don't worry, I'll be back by Monday, I was planning on going here for the weekend anyway. Yes. Yeah, thanks. You too, bye!"

When Agatha turned back to them and put her phone back into her pocket, she didn't expect them both to be watching her closely. She laughed and sat back down. "It was my sister, she was worried after the storm."

"You never told me more about your sister," Merlin smiled at her. "We're both very curious, come on!" He laughed as Agatha rolled her eyes and Arthur silently listened to their comfortable conversation.

"Well, she's older than me." Ag started. Then she looked at Arthur who was holding his mug of tea that wasn't that hot anymore, and smiled, adding, "I'm 24." She turned back to Merlin and continued. "She's almost thirty, and has a husband and one kid. A little boy named Frankie."

"So you're an aunt already," Merlin grinned and Agatha nodded, smiling.

"He's only five though. And the last time I saw him was like... half a year ago." She shook her head slightly. "My sister's name's Sara."

"Beautiful name." Arthur smiled slightly and Agatha smiled at him in return.

"Thanks, I'll tell her that." She grinned. Then she quickly stood up and turned to both of them, putting her hands on her hips. She looked so excited. "I have an idea. You probably don't have anything to do today or tomorrow anyway, so I was thinking... would you go to a concert with me?"

"Con-what?" Arthur asked, while Merlin was already nodding with a grin on his face.

"Yeah!" He exclaimed, pausing a little when he realized Arthur had, yet again, no idea what they were talking about.

"Concert is basically a... a... " Agatha started explaining, searching for the best word in her mind.

"A party!" Merlin said.

"Yeah, a party." Agatha nodded. "There's a lot of people, but no food, although you can bring that of course. And there's music! Concerts are mostly about music, so you can come and find out what modern music sounds like."

"What do you think?" Merlin turned to Arthur who still hasn't even finished his breakfast. "I'm going either way, so..."

"I can accompany you." Arthur attempted a smile. "I like music," he added. "And I'm quite curious to see how much the music I know changed over the years."

"Great!" Ag smiled as she bent down for her phone on the table. Arthur still found that little device quite odd, but she seemed so comfortable around it. She touched it a few times with her fingers, smiling after a few seconds. Then she looked up at them. "The concert is tomorrow evening and my other friend from Glastonbury is also going. I can't wait until you finally meet her! The last time she was here she didn't even come inside and she was so busy..."

xoXÖXox

Agatha continued talking and they were having quite a good time until they finally finished breakfast. They spent the whole day with Agatha, getting to know each other, and she slept in Arthur's room again because her friend wasn't home that night. The next day was almost the same. Agatha spent the morning with them, and then in the afternoon she left to go over to her friend's flat again to make plans for the evening.

And in the meantime, Merlin took Arthur into the city.

They received a few strange stares, and Arthur didn't seem to mind that much (he was probably used to that from Camelot because he was a well-known person), but Merlin felt a little uneasy. He knew he never used to go to the city that much, and definitely not with another person, let alone someone who's curiously looking around at everything that is normal today, like an ice-cream.

Merlin took Arthur to a few shops that he was sure he'd never visited before, and they bought new clothes for Arthur. Arthur was used to letting Merlin help him out and into clothes, so he didn't think it was weird to let Merlin inside the dressing room with him. On the other hand, Merlin found that very unusual, but he didn't say anything and he left every couple of minutes to bring Arthur new (bigger) pair of trousers. Oh, and a belt. With a lot of holes in it.

In the end, they bought three t-shirts, two pairs of trousers (jeans and sweatpants), new socks and underwear and new pajamas. Or whatever Arthur was used to sleep in. And once they left the shop (and the shop owner grabbed her phone to tell her friends she just saw _the ghost of the Glastonbury lake_ in her own bloody shop), they went back home to put there their new clothes, and then they walked to the place they agreed on meeting Ag and her friend.

"Have you met her friend before?" Arthur asked all of a sudden when they sat down on a bench near a little park with a cemetery in the back.

"Yeah, but only for a few minutes." Merlin answered. "It was about a week ago and she went to the gate of my garden and didn't even say her name, she just informed Ag her things were in her flat, said she was busy, and left again."

"That doesn't sound like a lady," Arthur commented under his breath, but Merlin heard him.

"She looked like one, though." He chuckled. When Arthur looked at him curiously, Merlin continued. "Long, dark hair with... green eyes? Yeah, I think they were green. But hey," Merlin smiled and stood up, pointing to a blue car approaching them. "You'll see her soon, come on, they're here."

Arthur stood up and followed Merlin to the car, and curiously stared at the door as it opened and Ag's head appeared in the window.

"Come on, guys, we're almost late!" She grinned at them, urging them to move and get inside the car. "One next to me and one in the back, hurry up!"

Merlin smiled as he ran to the car and opened the door for Arthur in the back. When he was sure Arthur knew what to do, he hurried to the front and sat right next to Ag. When Ag started the car again, Arthur finally had a chance to look at the lady sitting next to him.

"Hi, I'm Morgan." The woman said.

But no, that was no Morgan. Arthur's eyes widened and he instinctively reached for his sword, only to find a useless pocket from his new jeans there. This wasn't a lady and she definitely wasn't his friend.

This was his sister. _Morgana Pendragon._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to add a whole day into this chapter because I forgot they woke up on Friday morning and the concert was on Saturday :D But anyway, if you don't know, then concerts in Glastonbury are actually well-known. Well, they're not exactly in Glastonbury, they're in Pilton, but they call it Glastonbury Festival. And I hope you liked the chapter! I tried to avoid Morgana's name until now, but I guess it was a bit obvious it was going to be her :D
> 
> Let me know what you think please! :)


	10. Don't Dwell on the Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for not updating yesterday like I was supposed to, a lot of things happened and I returned home around midnight and didn't have time to proofread this. This chapter is quite long and it took me a lot of time to reread it and proofread it, but it's here and hopefully without and typos :D Enjoy!

It took them only about ten minutes before they reached the place of the concert. Merlin talked to both Agatha and her friend Morgan, and they were having quite a good time, but Arthur was silent. Merlin threw a few concerned glances at him, but he couldn't figure out what was wrong and he would not be able to find out until they left the car, so he let it go. For now.

When they finally arrived at the concert, there was so many people that they almost couldn't see the stage with the band. They were late, so the music was already playing and people were yelling and singing together with the singers, and colorful lights were everywhere. There were two screens, one on each side of the stage, with the band members on it zoomed in.

And the music was so loud that Merlin noticed Arthur had to cover his ears.

He frowned and bit his lower lip. Maybe it wasn't the best idea to take him here, he wasn't used to music like this. But after a few minutes, Arthur hesitantly put his hands down and got used to the loud screaming around him, which made Merlin smile. They could have a great time after all. He's never been on a concert before either, at least he thought so.

"Have you ever been on a concert before?" Morgan asked them very loudly, smiling like probably never before. She seemed a little bit mean, as if she was unhappy with the world and with her place in it, but when she was having fun, she seemed like a good person.

Merlin smiled back and shook his head. "Haven't had a chance to go yet." He yelled at her, smiling at Arthur behind Morgan and at Ag who started dancing in between three other people who were shaking their heads to the rhythm of the song.

"It's what Glastonbury's famous for!" Morgan yelled and started singing. "And I love this song, hoo ho!" She raised her arms high in the air and danced toward Agatha, still smiling.

Merlin couldn't help but grin as he danced over to Arthur, who wasn't moving at all.

" _Mer_ lin, stop moving like an idiot, we need to talk!" Arthur screamed at the top of his lungs, briefly covering his ears again.

"Why?" Merlin yelled back. "Just try to relax, we'll have a great time, you'll see!" He frowned when he saw Arthur glaring daggers at Morgan's back. He stopped dancing and went closer to Arthur, leaning towards him so he wouldn't have to yell so loudly. "What is it?" He asked.

Arthur startled a bit when he realized how close Merlin was, but he relaxed and closed his eyes briefly. "You don't remember, but we used to know Morgan."

Merlin raised his eyebrows at that and urged Arthur to explain with the look in his eyes. "She is my sister." Arthur said hesitantly. "She... she... Merlin, we need to talk somewhere else, this thing that you call _music_ , is slowly but surely damaging my hearing."

Merlin rolled his eyes and nodded, going over to Ag. She smiled at him and grabbed his hands, spinning him around and Merlin couldn't help but grin at that. Why did Arthur have to ruin this evening? It wasn't even dark yet and the lights weren't visible as he hoped they would be in the dark.

"Ag," Merlin stopped her and leaned closer. "Arthur doesn't feel good, I'll take him back."

Agatha frowned and stopped dancing, looking at him and over at Arthur with concern and a little bit sadness in her eyes. "Do you want to take home?" She asked. "I can-"

"No, it's fine." Merlin shook his head. "It's close to the lake, don't worry."

"Okay," Ag nodded. "Just... I hope he gets better, tell him that."

"I will."

In that moment Morgan danced over to them and asked what was going on when her two friends weren't dancing. Merlin smiled hesitantly and explained the situation. Morgan looked over at Arthur with a strange expression and then she nodded and turned back to Merlin. "Don't get lost." She smiled.

"Please, I've lived her for cen- _ages."_ Merlin quickly corrected himself before saying _centuries_ and smiled at her, finally leaving to take Arthur home.

When he turned around, Arthur was already walking away from all the people and Merlin had to sprint over to him to catch up. He wanted to ask Arthur what he knew about Morgan and what he meant when he gave her that _look_. It looked as if he didn't really like her, but if she was his sister, then why wouldn't he like his family?

It was moments like these when Merlin wished he kept all the knowledge from the books he apparently read in his mind somewhere, but would that be really helpful? As the corrections he did suggested, a lot of things was wrong and he probably wouldn't know any better by remembering who Arthur's sister was.

The sun was slowly getting down and Merlin led Arthur back to the lake, and before he turned to his (their?) house, he turned to the hill in front of the lake instead. Arthur didn't question his decision and followed him, not knowing what Merlin planned to show him. It was already getting late and Merlin was really looking forward to the sunset. He watched it before a few times when Ag was gone during the week, and it was so beautiful that he just had to show it to Arthur.

Once they were on the top of the hill, Merlin sat down into the grass and in front of an old tree. It was the only tree on the hill because most of the hills were bare, only covered with grass and flowers.

"We can talk here." Merlin smiled up at him as Arthur hesitantly sat down next to him, looking over at the sun that hasn't touched the horizon yet. "Why don't you like Morgan?"

"I know this is going to sound absurd, but believe me, you were the one who always suggested strange solutions to even more bizarre problems, which were mostly in your head only."

"Hey," Merlin frowned, but something was telling him this was just who Arthur was. And how they used to talk to each other, so he didn't say anything else and waited for Arthur to continue.

"She's... our mortal enemy." Arthur said.

"What?" Merlin raised his eyebrow again and frowned at Arthur because surely it couldn't be true, how could it? Morgan seemed so... not really nice, a little strange maybe, but not... _evil._ "Then why hasn't she tried to kill us yet?"

"Maybe she doesn't remember? Arthur suggested. "Like you."

"I don't think she got hit by a car though."

"Maybe she hasn't waited the whole time like you did." Arthur shrugged and looked over at the sun that has just begun setting over the hills in front of them. Merlin looked there too, almost gasping when he saw the water glistening in the last strong sun rays. "I still don't understand how could you have waited." Arthur asked all of a sudden, not looking away from the sunset.

Merlin laid down into the grass, folding his arms behind his head and smiling at the sun. Then he had to look away because his eyes started to hurt a little. "I don't know that either." Merlin confessed. But Arthur probably already knew that. "I'm not looking forward to the moment I finally remember. So many years without my friends? That must have been hard."

Arthur nodded as he laid down next to Merlin. "Morgana has magic." He said. "Just so you know. Maybe she got back through the lake too! Or maybe she was born into this world like lady Agatha."

Merlin rolled his eyes as he chuckled. "You don't have to call her _lady_ , Arthur." He smiled at him.

"I can though." He smirked. "You can't tell me what to do Merlin, you probably don't remember, but back in Camelot? You were my _servant._ And _I_ was the _king_. The one who gives orders, you know?"

Merlin had to roll his eyes again. He had this inkling that living with Arthur will not go without daily eyerolls. "Okay okay, Mr. Perfect. But in this world?" He turned to him. "I'm the one who knows things. And no one calls a girl a lady anymore."

"I wish I could go back to Camelot then. At least people had manners." Arthur looked up, avoiding Merlin's eyes so Merlin looked away too, back at the sun.

"Yeah, and it isn't because you were a king at all." Merlin said and then he grew serious. He really wanted to know what his life back in Camelot used to be like. And Arthur probably wanted to know more about this world, and Merlin hasn't told him almost anything yet. "I feel like I owe you a conversation." Merlin sighed.

"I feel like I owe you one, too." He said instead and looked over at Merlin, who was already looking down at him.

Merlin took a deep breath and with a slight hesitation and a little shaky voice, he asked. "What was I like in Camelot?" Arthur seemed to be taken aback by the question a little. They probably didn't talk about these things in the past, but Merlin really needed an answer. It was driving him mad that he didn't know anything, not even what he used to be like.

"Simple. You were an idiot." Arthur answered. And guess what? Yeah, Merlin had to roll his eyes again.

"I'm serious, you dollophead."

Arthur smiled at that, but quickly tried to hide his smile by clearing his throat and putting his arm behind his head on the soft grass. "That was one of your favorite names for me." He said. Merlin wondered how much courage Arthur had to sacrifice only to say that simple sentence, but he didn't really care. He was glad they were finally talking about this.

"Alright, that's a start." Merlin smiled. "How else did I call you?"

"All sorts of things, actually." Arthur mused, still focused on the sun. "I don't remember the last time I had time to watch the sunset." He mumbled unexpectedly, which only made Merlin smile.

Merlin chuckled slightly as he glanced back at the sun. But the sun was going to be there for a long time and he couldn't lose this moment he had with Arthur. He needed answers and he didn't want to get distracted. "And how else did I call you?" He repeated his question.

Arthur sighed, but didn't look away from the colourful horizon. "Your favorite one was _prat._ "

"Really?" Merlin laughed.

"You had no respect for me, right from the day we met." Arthur continued. "You didn't even know I was the prince then, but you stood up to me."

"I'm sure you needed that though," Merlin smirked, not really knowing what to think about this new piece of information.

"I did," Arthur admitted. And something was telling Merlin this wasn't the usual Arthur. He had a feeling that the usual Arthur didn't talk about his feelings. But they were here alone, and as Arthur said, they'd known each other for ten years! They had to be comfortable talking about things like this.

"How so?" Merlin pressed the question further.

"Let's say, I really was a prat." Arthur rolled his eyes while Merlin chuckled again.

"You still are. A royal prat." Merlin laughed. "Although you're not a king anymore, so maybe not a royal one."

"You called me royal prat too." Arthur said. "And a _dollophead_ , a _clotpole_ and a _simpleton_ , and so many other disrespectful names. I still can't believe I didn't sack you, you wouldn't keep your mouth shut. And you scared all the prey away. Always. You hated hunting trips actually, but I took you along anyway to annoy you."

"Well, great to know, thanks." Merlin sat up again. "Thank god there aren't any hunting trips anymore."

"There aren't?" Arthur asked, sitting up too and looking at Merlin with betrayal all over his face, which made Merlin laugh again.

"Well, there are, but you'd probably need a dog or something and a permission to hunt in the woods. And a modern gun, not a _sword_ or a _crossbow._ " He explained, although he wasn't sure how that worked either. He's never been on a hunting trip here in Glastonbury. To be honest, he had no idea what he'd been up to until the accident.

"Interesting," Arthur nodded. "We'll have to find out more." He added and then he hesitantly looked at Merlin. "Merlin," he said a bit timidly, probably not prepared to have the conversation he was about to begin. "I wish you remembered everything now, especially my last day." He started. "We... haven't had enough time to talk about... _your magic._ "

"What about it?" Merlin asked, completely oblivious.

"Well, you'd been lying to me and hiding your... abilities for more than a decade, so..."

"I did that?" Merlin asked, incredulous. In the legends, Merlin was always well known. But maybe that part of his life happened only after Arthur died. He didn't have the details, nor in his mind, nor in the books. "You must have been angry."

"I was." Arthur shrugged. "At first, I felt... betrayed by my best friend." He said and looked down, maybe to hide his face so he could talk more freely without feeling so embarrassed.

"What changed?" Merlin asked quietly and it took a minute for Arthur to answer.

"I realized that... even though you had been lying to be for so long, you were my true friend. You could never be evil." Arthur confessed, probably already thinking about what to say next to ease the conversation a bit, probably something funny or some insult for Merlin.

But Merlin was frowning. He didn't understand. Why would Arthur think he was evil? "Why would I be evil?" Merlin voiced his thoughts, slowly turning to Arthur as the sun began to disappear behind the hill in the distance and the lake became dark.

"Oh, you don't know that... right." Arthur paused and cleared his throat. "Camelot... when I was born, my father started to hate magic. He wanted every sorcerer in the kingdom dead, all druid villages burnt, every suspect beheaded..."

Merlin's eyes were wide as he was listening. "He did that?" He asked in whisper and was sad to see Arthur nodding.

"That time was called The Great Purge. He killed every man and woman or child he thought had magic, burnt down entire villages of druids and from that day, magic was forbidden and punishable by death. I grew up, being taught that magic was only evil and nothing else, and that I could never trust a word a sorcerer said."

"That's so cruel," Merlin said, trying to hide the tears that began forming in his eyes.

"He even killed every dragon and Dragonlord. All of them but one. He imprisoned the Great Dragon under the castle as an example, a warning. And he forbid me from seeing him." Arthur continued. "I grew up without my mother, and my father was often more focused on running the kingdom than on his only son."

"I'm sorry." Merlin couldn't help but say. He knew he must have known this in the past, but that didn't mean he couldn't say he felt sorry for Arthur. Although the dark ages were quite difficult times and he had no idea what his life was like before or after he lived in Camelot.

"Don't be, it's long in the past." Arthur cleared his throat again to put an end to the conversation. Then he looked at Merlin and added, "Magic was forbidden even when I became the king, and when you told me you had magic..."

"I understand." Merlin said softly. "I'm sorry I'd been hiding it from you, but it was punishable by death and I'm sure I trusted you, but I guess I didn't want to put you in that position."

Arthur laughed softly, confusing Merlin. "That's exactly what you told me on my last day." He told Merlin, looking at him. "I just wish I knew what happened _after_ I died." He mused as he looked in front of him, suddenly lost in his own little sad world. "To Guinevere... and my knights. Gaius, too."

Merlin pursed his lips and looked away, suddenly getting an idea. He stood up with a little grin on his face and pulled Arthur up by his hand. "I might have a solution to this." He said and when he was met with Arthur's raised eyebrow - surely he learned that from Gaius,... wait, how did he know that? - he shook his head slightly and added, "I found a series of my diaries in my room." He smiled. "If you want, we can read them, I've been wanting to start anyway. I thought it might help me remember."

Arthur had an amused smile on his face as he was looking at Merlin. "Merlin, it's not often that I say this, but... you do have good ideas. _Sometimes_."

"You're such a prat." Merlin rolled his eyes, yet again.

"Shut up."

xoXÖXox

Thank God Merlin didn't forget his keys like he used to forget everything else back in Camelot. Arthur couldn't help but be glad that it was Merlin who waited for him, out of all of his friends and family. After all, Merlin was the person who got the closest to him. Not even Guinevere knew about all of his doubts and secrets. It was always to Merlin to whom Arthur confessed, although such moments were very rare.

Merlin opened the gate and for a moment, Arthur missed the gates of Camelot. But this was another place he was familiar with now and he was glad he was back here and not at the music party. It was so loud! How could all those people dance and scream even louder was a mystery that Arthur didn't really want to solve.

It was chilly outside, so Merlin sent Arthur to close the door that led to the garden from the living room (which he'd forgot to close before, so Merlin did forget things, you see), while he himself went over to the kitchen to make them something called _cocoa drink._ Arthur didn't know what that was, but he hoped it was something that would give him the energy he needed.

Once Merlin returned, Arthur was already sitting on the couch in front of the tv, looking at said device as if it was something dangerous. Merlin laughed at that and placed the brown drinks in front of them.

"I'll be back in a sec, I'll just go for the diaries," Merlin told him and hurried upstairs.

Arthur sat on the edge of the couch, observing the two mugs, blue and red, in awe. There was steam coming out of them, so the drinks must have been hot, just like the _tea_ Agatha made them in the morning.

He leaned over to the mugs and smelled the steam and... it smelled amazing! His eyes widened with lust as he stared down at the _cocoa drink_ in wonder. What could it be made of? And once he heard Merlin coming back, he immediately leaned back against the back of the couch and pretended he was not confused at all.

Merlin entered the room and switched on the lights because it was getting dark outside. And seeing Arthur's startled expression, he walked over to him and sat down. "Here they are," Merlin smiled as he placed some books down on the table. There was about five of them and they looked very old. "There's about six more diaries, but I figured we wouldn't get so far tonight."

"How-"

"Oh, the lights." Merlin smirked slightly. "Well, it's called electricity. You've already seen it at the concert and in the bathroom before, but I guess you didn't notice."

"Is electricity your magic?" Arthur asked, although he knew how stupid that must have sounded. And his thoughts got confirmed as Merlin stared laughing.

"No, it most certainly is not." His friend laughed and continued to laugh as he saw Arthur's expression. "It's... well, imagine it's the energy from a lightning. Nowadays, it's everywhere and people use it every day. It makes more light than fire."

"Alright." Arthur nodded. He wasn't sure, but he understood the explanation Merlin gave him. Oh so much has changed over the years. "And what is this?" He asked as he pointed at the deliciously looking mugs with steam over them. "What is it made of?"

"It's a drink made of sugar, cocoa and milk." Merlin smiled. "Cocoa is a powder made of cocoa bean that grows on a cocoa tree somewhere in Africa or other countries. Well, I guess you don't even know what Africa is," Merlin frowned when he saw Arthur's puzzled expression. "Um... it's a huge country where it's really hot, and that's where the trees grow. It's really good." He smiled, took the mug and pressed it to his lips, smiling encouragingly at Arthur.

The king followed his friend's example and sipped the drink. His eyes widened and a huge smile appeared on his face. "This is better than drink made of berries!" He exclaimed.

"Knew you'd like it," Merlin smirked and winked slightly. But Arthur didn't really think about that as he looked over at the books and nodded. "Where do we start?" He asked.

Merlin put the mug down and took the book number one. "I've already read a bit from it," Merlin admitted as he opened it. "But just a few pages, It seems I started writing when I first arrived at Camelot and met you, but there are only a few paragraphs over the ten years, I... I couldn't read further." Merlin looked down, trying to avoid Arthur's curious and a little bit sad eyes.

"Start reading from where you've stopped then." He suggested. Merlin sighed and turned another page, skimming over the words with his eyes until he found the right paragraph. He cleared his throat and started. Then he quickly turned back to Arthur and added, "As this is actually my diary, I guess there are going to be things that I wouldn't want you to know, so I won't read everything." Before Arthur could roll his eyes and say something, Merlin began.

" _Dear Arthur_ , oh it wasn't addressed to you before," Merlin paused and continued right away, " _I can still save you, don't worry. It's been a few months since you... went away, and I won't rest until I can find a way to bring you back."_

"I hope you didn't do anything stupid." Arthur commented, raising an eyebrow and sipping the hot cocoa drink.

" _I've travelled the five kingdoms, looking for anything that would help me and now that I'm finally here, back in Camelot, I can start working. I've gathered my findings about magic of life and death in a new book of magic, one that I've written myself. Gaius wasn't very happy about that when he found out, saying that what is dead should stay dead. But don't worry, I won't listen to him. I can save you."_ Merlin paused and took a deep breath, scratching his head. He probably didn't really like what he was reading, so he turned back to Arthur again. "Who is Gaius again?"

It pained Arthur to see Merlin so oblivious. "He was a good friend." He answered. "A court physician, he was like a father to you." He smiled slightly. "But I guess you didn't always listen to him."

"Yeah," Merlin frowned and turned back to the book. "I hope I didn't do anything stupid either." He cleared his throat and continued. " _Dear Arthur, I've tried to bring you back two times, but the spell didn't work. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, but I know I can figure it out. Everyone tried to make me stop, but I couldn't. I couldn't leave you alone, it was my destiny to keep you alive and I have failed! And now again! No one listens to me. But I know that all I need to do is find something stronger. It needs to work. It will."_ Merlin was frowning when he was reading, and then he didn't even look at Arthur as he said, "The next one is about a year later I guess," He cleared his throat again and continued. "Dear Arthur, _even months after you were gone and everyone else had already moved on, I kept searching, looking for some spell or ritual that would bring you back. It kept me going for two years, until Gaius died and I realized that I can't reverse death. Even Morgana knew that. When she tried to bring Lancelot back, all that returned was his Shade. A shadow of a dead person. And I couldn't do that to you, I would never forgive myself. So I stopped and accepted Gwen's offer of becoming Camelot's court sorcerer."_ Merlin paused again and raised his eyebrow. "Seems I wasn't _always_ a servant."

"Seems Gwen lifted the ban on magic." Arthur agreed with a tiny smile on his face. He'd never hated magic just like his father did. And he knew that one day, he'd let magic back to the kingdom. He just didn't get the chance to do that before it was too late.

"Morgana tried to bring Lancelot back?" Merlin asked. Arthur had to admit he was also curious about that part, but since he didn't know what it meant and Merlin didn't have his memories and the diary didn't talk about it before, they would probably never find out until Merlin recovered his lost memories, and who knew when that would be if Arthur being there didn't help yet?

"I wish I knew." Arthur sighed. When Merlin frowned at the book in his hands and Arthur saw he was still curious, he added. "Lancelot was a good friend. He was very loyal until the day he came back after his death, but... I guess that means that it wasn't him." Arthur mused out loud. "Morgana brought him back, so he and Gwen... oh my god." Arthur closed his eyes and rubbed them with his thumbs, putting the red mug back on the table.

"What is it?" Merlin asked, now even more curious than before.

Arthur didn't look up when he continued. "Guinevere and I were supposed to get married, but Lancelot came back." He started. "I knew they liked each other before, but I didn't expect what happened next. They met behind my back and admitted their feelings as if I hadn't just asked her to marry me. As if she hadn't just said yes."

Merlin was silent for a while. "You didn't know he wasn't the real Lancelot, did you?" He asked carefully. And even though Arthur didn't really want to talk about it, he couldn't deny Merlin the answers.

"No." Arthur said. "None of us did. And I... I banished Gwen from Camelot." He said with a deep shaky breath. When he looked up and saw Merlin wanted to ask something, he stopped him. "Please, continue reading."

Merlin closed his mouth and nodded. Then he looked back at the book and Arthur took a sip of his cocoa drink to help him feel better.

" _Dear Arthur,"_ another paragraph in the book began. " _I wish I knew how to prevent your death when you were still alive. I wish I knew how to stop Mordred from killing you. But I was so stupid. So, so stupid. And at my mistakes, you died."_ Arthur noticed when Merlin took a shaky breath and he couldn't stop watching him when he noticed Merlin's eyes were glistening. He never thought how hard his death for his friends, especially for Merlin, must have been. But he listened as Merlin continued. " _It's been three years since you died. Three years and people still remember you with love and kindness in their hearts, just like all of your friends and family. Just like me."_ Arthur noticed Merlin paused for a second and quickly skimmed over the rest of the paragraph before he dared to continue. He was right, diaries were a very intimate thing. Maybe they shouldn't be reading this at all. " _But I know one day you'll come back and you'll want to know how your kingdom looked like and prospered while you weren't here."_ Merlin smiled slightly.

"Finally the part I'm most interested in." Arthur smiled as he sat closer to Merlin and held the mug in his palms to make him feel warm.

" _I don't even know where to begin,"_ Merlin continued. " _Gwen is an extraordinary queen. The best we could ever hope for, but one look at her eyes and you can tell a part of her is missing. The part that is missing in all of us. We all miss you, Arthur, I wish you were here. Gwen is still alone, but I noticed Leon became a trusted friend of her. They knew each other even when they were kids, but they seem to be closer now. We all wish her the happiness she deserves."_

Arthur shifted on the couch, but didn't say anything. If Gwen were to marry someone again, he was happy it was Leon. He wanted her to be happy.

" _Gaius is gone now, and I was given your chambers. Now I know you'd be a prat about it, but there is a new court physician and he has an apprentice. There wasn't a place for me in the tower anymore, I live inside the castle now, closer to you. And don't get me wrong, I protested for a few weeks, telling Gwen that I couldn't take your chambers because if you were to return anytime soon, you'd need them. But the dragon told me that it would take a long time for you to return. I don't know how long, but I want you to know that your chambers are in great hands. I'm taking care of everything, keeping everything you loved at its right place and I won't change anything. I promise. Oh, and another thing that I didn't tell you... Gwaine is dead."_

Arthur gasped when he heard Merlin say it. "Gwaine..."

"Who was Gwaine?" Merlin asked innocently and for a moment, Arthur hated that he had to explain everything because it _hurt_. It hurt a lot and yet, if he didn't tell Merlin, he might never remember on his own.

"Another loyal friend." Arthur closed his eyes briefly and took a deep breath. "He was the one who always visited the tavern, no matter the weather. But you were his best friend. You and Percival. He was a great knight."

"I'm sorry." Merlin apologized and before Arthur had the chance to tell him he had nothing to apologize for, Merlin continued. "It stops here, another paragraph is... some time in the future again, I don't know when." He sighed and started. " _Dear Arthur. I don't understand why I'm beginning every damn sentence in this stupid book with_ dear Arthur _. It's stupid, isn't it? To dwell on the memories of you when all of us except for me had moved on? I can't take this, I can't. It's taking too long. It's been five years Arthur, five bloody years! I'm not mad at you for not coming back, why would you want to come back when we're at war with the neighboring kingdom with a new young and inexperienced king? Why would you? Why would I want to keep waiting for you when it's killing me inside? But I want to Arthur, I need to, I... "_ Merlin paused and as Arthur was watching him, he noticed a tear roll down his face. He should not make him read this against his will. " _Tonight,"_ Merlin whispered. " _I dreamed about you again. It felt so real. It felt..._ it felt..." Merlin covered his mouth with his hand and closed the book.

"Merlin-"

"I can't continue, I'm sorry." Merlin shook his head as he put the book back on the table and started wiping off the tears and rubbing his eyes, trying so desperately to look alright. "I'm alright." He added.

"No, you're not." Arthur said and put his mug back on the table again. "I'm sorry that I made you read it, I shouldn't have, it's your diary and I-"

"No, it's okay." Merlin smiled, not looking at him and standing up. He looked at the wall somewhere behind Arthur and then back down. His eyes were red-rimmed from the tears. "It's not late yet. Do you want to watch tv?" He asked as he went over to that big weird kind of box in the corner of the room and returned to the couch with a strange looking device in his hand.

"What's a tv?" Arthur asked hesitantly as Merlin sat down right next to him and pushed a button on the device. The box started shining and made a quick sound, making Arthur jump slightly.

"It's alright," Merlin told him and rubbed his eyes again with his sleeve. "It's... it's like a painting. But it's moving and you can hear it and it can tell stories." He explained as he surfed the channels and settled on some documentary about lions. "This can be interesting, let's watch it for a bit."

Arthur knew Merlin was using this so he could get some time to calm down. And he didn't blame him, his death must have been the worst Merlin's ever had to go through. So he watched with Merlin in silence and they kept drinking their cocoa drinks.

The documentary was very interesting after all. Arthur has never seen a lion or an animal like it. It was like a beast, but... it was still an animal and it lived somewhere Arthur has never been to. And so he watched eagerly, not understanding every word, but wishing he would.

They kept watching for half an hour, until Arthur noticed Merlin's head fell down on his shoulder. When he leaned closer, he noticed his friend was asleep. He wanted to shake him awake, but how could he? The day was long and they both needed some rest. And so he let Merlin sleep on his shoulder, listening to his soft snores, and he couldn't help but think again about what Merlin read him today.

_It's been three years since you died. Three years and people still remember you with love and kindness in their hearts, just like all of your friends and family. Just like me._

_Why would I want to keep waiting for you when it's killing me inside? But I want to Arthur, I need to, I..._

Arthur didn't know how the sentence was supposed to continue, but what he learned from what Merlin read to him was that Merlin cared a lot about him, even after he'd passed away. Arthur also cared about Merlin, but he was worried he didn't let him know that before he died. That he didn't appreciate his servant, his _best friend_ , enough.

And yet Merlin waited for him a thousand years. A thousand bloody years, how could he survive that?

After Merlin smacked his lips in the sleep and turned his head closer to Arthur's chest, Arthur sighed and shook his shoulder to wake Merlin up. "Merlin," he whispered. "Merlin, wake up you idiot." He smiled affectionately. When Merlin finally opened his eyes and raised his head, his hair was tousled and face flushed, making Arthur laugh softly. "Let's get you to bed."

Merlin nodded and stood up with Arthur's help, remembering to turn off the tv before they made their way up to Merlin's room.

"Goodnight, Arthur." Merlin whispered as he awkwardly stood there with his hand on the door, looking at him, and after some hesitation he went to his bed and fell asleep within seconds. Arthur wondered if Merlin wanted to hug him before he went to bed. He wouldn't mind it if he did.

"Goodnight, Merlin." He whispered as he closed the door and entered his own room. He's never been there before, but he didn't really care. The blanket was red, just like his bed in Camelot, and something told him Merlin did that on purpose. To make him feel better.

Arthur sighed as he sat down on his bed, facing the table. And that was when he noticed the little box there. He curiously picked it up after walking over to it, and opened it. And he gasped as he saw what was inside. It was his ring! The one he gave Gaius to deliver to Guinevere on his last day. Right before he left with Merlin to the lake of Avalon. Before he died.

So Merlin kept it. Gaius gave it to Gwen, and after... after everything, Merlin kept it and waited until he returned to give it back to him. Arthur smiled as he put the ring on his finger. It felt like yesterday when he gave it away, and a tear rolled down his face when he remembered Guinevere. He was glad he wasn't there to witness her broken expression after she found out he was dead.

He kept the ring on his finger and climbed back to bed, covering himself with the soft red blanket. Maybe he'd be lucky and dream about Camelot. Maybe this was all a dream and he'd wake up back at the lake with Merlin by his side. But he knew that wasn't true. Even his mind wasn't so full of imagination to invent lions, tv, and cocoa drinks. And loud music parties.

And so he closed his eyes, not knowing what tomorrow would bring. But knowing who he'd get to see again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it and that I didn't break your heart with what happened to Merlin after Arthur died. But... well, spoilers ;)


	11. Bad Dreams and Bad Decisions

_He couldn't feel his fingers, although his hands were moving. He was blind, but... it felt as if the vision was slowly coming back to him. He was facing a wall, stone wall, with an old chair in front of him. A throne. He was so confused, what was happening..._

_All he could hear were tearing noises. As if someone was tearing fabric apart, piece by piece. Why would anyone do that?_

_He looked down and saw what his hands were doing. They were holding an old waterskin, and a little bottle with strange liquid inside. His breathing was... weird. He was panting. But other than his breathing and the tearing noises, he couldn't hear anything. What was in the bottle? And why did he put it into the waterskin?_

_Suddenly he whirled around and saw a girl in a green dress, sitting on the ground and tearing a blue, almost purple fabric apart. She had long wavy hair and no face. But he knew she was looking at him. He knew her. He's seen her before, in a castle, somewhere... there were lights and loud... music? Who was she?_

_"Here, have some water." He handed her the waterskin. What was he doing? That was not water inside, not only water anyway. It was as if he was a mere observer of the scene. As if he couldn't do anything because it's already happened, so long ago._

_"I'm not thirsty." The girl answered in a very weak voice. What was he trying to do? Why was she destroying that dress or whatever it was?_

_"If we get out of here, you may not get another chance to drink." Merlin heard himself say. Were they trapped?_

_"If we get out of here," the strange girl repeated, stressing the_ if. _So they were trapped. But why was she so sad? And why was he panting and giving her water that was not water? Was he trying to hurt her? She seemed to want to help when she was tearing the fabric. Merlin was so confused. He couldn't let her take that drink. He couldn't let her die, even though he wasn't sure if the water was poisoned at all._

_He heard someone fighting, and he couldn't stop his legs from moving, his hands from giving the girl the waterskin, or his head from looking back at her, desperately and guilty. Why was he trying to hurt her? Merlin was screaming at himself. To not do what he was going to do, and to stop before it was too late. And yet he turned around and took the waterskin again, pretending to drink from it._

_"Here," he turned to her. She had no face, but she seemed hesitant. He was sure they were friends. He just didn't know who she was or why was she so familiar and why on Earth was he trying to kill her._

_"I'm fine." She said. Her voice sounded distant, something Merlin didn't notice before. It was not clear as you would expect, but he could understand her perfectly. It was because he remembered what she said. This dream, this_ memory _, was imprinted into his brain and he wasn't able to erase it. It was too powerful, too painful._

_What has he done?_

_"No, you have some before I finish it." He told her. His voice sounded different. As if he was drowning and yet had enough air to talk. What was happening? Why was he drowning? Why was he crying again? His cheeks were wet._

_"Thank you." She accepted the waterskin with a little smile and drank from the poison. Merlin screamed and screamed, but it felt as if he was trapped inside his head, his own prisoner. He couldn't move or do anything that would stop what was happening in front of his eyes, because it's already happened. So long ago, to someone he cared about._

_And then the real torture began. The girl cleared her throat and then grasped her neck, trying to get some air inside, but she couldn't. And Merlin couldn't breathe either. He felt it. He was drowning, suffocating, dying again. He was dying._

_And the girl fought, looking at him although he could not see her eyes and she started trembling, just as Merlin started crying and screaming with no sound coming out. He was trapped inside his own brain, inside his own dream. He couldn't... couldn't breathe... he couldn't h-he..._

He was awoken to his own quick breaths and sweat beads rolling down his from forehead to his temples. He was aware of his screams, but he tried to stop, especially when the door was open and someone was getting inside his bed, trying to keep his hands from clutching at his neck.

He couldn't see, his vision was blurred and the tears were still flowing freely, and his hands were trembling. He could feel his sore throat from screaming and his breaths were still short.

Then a blonde head appeared right in front of him, giving him something to focus on. An anchor. That person was talking to him and still holding his hands firmly, but Merlin didn't understand. He could still hear the girl gasping for air.

"What have I done?" He asked in a whisper, freeing his hands from Arthur's and covering his face. "What have I done."

"It was only a nightmare, Merlin." He could hear Arthur trying to calm him down. "Sometimes I have them too, everyone does." He was a bit surprised Arthur admitted that, but he didn't really think about that much. Instead, he rolled over so he didn't have to face Arthur and tried to ignore the fact that Arthur laid down right next to him.

Merlin kept silent, wishing Arthur would leave and yet hoping he would stay there with him. He heard him breathing and he was well aware of his position in the bed. Sometimes, he hated his senses. Without them, he could pretend Arthur wasn't in the room and maybe the nervous fluttery feeling in his stomach would go away.

"What did you dream about?" Arthur asked suddenly. He didn't seem to be tired at all, but it was still dark outside. It couldn't have been morning yet.

Merlin sniffled and kept his eyes open because if he closed them, the girl would return instantly. He sighed. "There was... a girl." He told him, and he knew his voice was weak. He expected Arthur to say something like " _wow, you and a girl? I'm not surprised that it only happens in your dreams,"_ but instead, Arthur encouraged Merlin to continue by humming.

When Merlin was still silent, he felt Arthur's hand on his shoulder, carefully resting there, as if afraid he might shatter him like the mug with coffee that one morning with Agatha. "You can tell me, I won't judge you." He said. "No matter how dirty the dream gets-"

Merlin couldn't help but snort and move his shoulder just so that Arthur's hand fell off. Then the corners of his mouth turned down again. "It was... it was horrible." He whispered. "... I hurt her, poisoned her. She was dying." Merlin could feel the tears on his cheeks again, so he turned his face to the pillow and wiped them off.

Arthur was silent for a while, probably rethinking his view of Merlin. "It was just a dream, Merlin." He said after all.

"It was a memory." Merlin shrugged. "It felt like that, too vivid."

"That's what nightmares feel like." Arthur sat up, which Merlin wasn't very fond of since he would be able to see Merlin's face. And Merlin didn't really want Arthur to see him like that, so he turned closer to the pillow and to the edge of the bed.

"But... it felt like _me._ And as if I knew her." Merlin whispered. "And it was inside a castle. She was... she was doing something _loud_ and I offered her a drink, but before that, I added poison..." Merlin closed his eyes briefly and took a deep breath, not really liking that Arthur shifted closer, and yet _loving_ it.

"How did she look like?" Arthur asked gently, yet again surprising Merlin with his ability to feel.

"Long, black wavy hair, green dress. She didn't have a face." He sighed. "Sort of like..."

"Morgana." Arthur finished for him. Then he laughed softly. "Well, then I can assure you that it was only a dream. You never poisoned her." Arthur smiled down at him, and for the first time, Merlin looked up at him and let him see his sad face.

"I didn't?" He slowly sat up, looking right into Arthur's eyes.

"You didn't." Arthur nodded.

"Well, then how did she die?" Merlin couldn't help but ask. "If she's here now and doesn't remember who she was, that she must have somehow returned, or be born again. How did she die the first time?"

"You stabbed her." Arthur shrugged, making Merlin widen his eyes again. As soon as Arthur realized his mistake, he tried to correct it. "But don't worry, she was evil then. It was... on the day I died. I don't remember much, I was tired and sitting on the ground and I couldn't see her." Arthur looked down as he continued. "She was behind me, and you took my sword. The sword you found in the woods and gave to me, it was... a very powerful weapon, extraordinary." Arthur frowned, not looking up at Merlin when he added, "I suppose you must have used your magic then because how else would you find such a weapon?" He looked up, but when Merlin didn't move an inch and kept waiting for his answer, Arthur cleared his throat and finished by saying, "and you used that sword to kill her. As I looked behind myself, that was when you helped me stand up, I could see her body... you'd made peace then."

"Which was for nothing because you died." Merlin looked slightly down, stopped at Arthur's lips for a second, and then he bowed his head, looking down at his own fingers.

"I know you don't remember that," Arthur suddenly said. "But you haven't failed. Whatever was supposed to happen, happened. And whatever the future holds for us, will happen too. Look at me, I came back." He smiled and when Merlin looked up and smiled back, their eyes locked.

Merlin couldn't stop thinking about how nice it sounded when Arthur said that word - _us._ What the future holds for _us._ Merlin and Arthur.

Then Arthur cleared his throat and slowly left the bed, Merlin didn't even realize that they were staring at each other so long.

"So... are you alright?" Arthur asked as he stopped by the door.

Merlin nodded. "Yeah, I will be."

He smiled faintly when Arthur smiled at him and left, leaving the door open. And Merlin wished Arthur would stay there with him. In his bed, just like the night before. It was nice to have someone there, right next to him in the empty big bed. And he couldn't shake off the nervous feeling he had in his stomach. He felt it always when he was around Arthur, and it didn't stop.

Merlin didn't know what to do. And he was scared to admit what he knew the feeling probably was. After all, the words he'd written into his diary himself, said it all:

_Why would I want to keep waiting for you when it's killing me inside? But I want to Arthur, I need to, I... love you._

xoXÖXox

After Arthur closed the door to Merlin's room and disappeared inside his own, he couldn't fall back asleep, he knew he couldn't. Merlin wasn't the only one who had nightmares, he told him that and he meant it. Just before he heard Merlin's screams, he had a bad dream of his own. There was Guinevere and Merlin, both of them standing above his dead body and... he didn't want to think about it. It hurt him so much to see them in such a pain. In such a desperate state of mind, where they wished he would stay alive.

He now understood why Merlin tried so desperately to bring him back to life, even over other people's disapproval. He couldn't blame him for that, he knew they were best friends even though he never told him that before. He really regretted not telling him before he... died.

Arthur rolled over in his bed, playing with the ring on his thumb. He missed Camelot. He missed his people and friends, his family. He missed _everything_. But if he was being honest with himself, he was glad Merlin was the one who stayed and waited for him. He couldn't imagine his life without him. If Merlin had died back in Camelot... he was sure he'd have tried to get him back. Even at the cost of welcoming magic back to the kingdom.

He sighed and closed his eyes, sitting up again. He couldn't be weak, not when Merlin was right next to his room, probably still awake. He never showed weakness in front of others, but Merlin did and he always wanted to stay strong for him. Tonight was no exception.

After another half an hour of doing nothing and not really feeling like he could fall asleep again, he stood up and as silently as possible walked over to the bathroom. They left his armour there, still wet, but Arthur knew it must have been dry by now. He found it beside the bathtub that looked nothing like the wooden tub he was used to.

The armour looked like a reminder of the old times. In the same state it had been after the battle of Camlann. The only thing that went with him to the afterlife and stayed the same even after a thousand of years. He slowly ran his hand over the cold metal and closed his eyes. So many battles he took this armour into. So many times Merlin put this same armour on is body, first with his hesitant fingers and then simply out of a habit.

He would miss wearing this. Even though it was very heavy, it reminded him that he was still a knight. A king. Even though in this time, Camelot must have had a new ruler. He hasn't asked Merlin about this yet, but he would have to. He wanted to know everything about the new land he was living in now.

Without wasting more time in the bathroom, he took the armour and carefully carried it back into his room, putting it on the ground next to his bed. His room was still mostly empty. Besides a few new clothes in the closets, the ring and now his armour, there was nothing that belonged to him. Nothing survived.

Arthur walked out of his room and cracked Merlin's door open, looking inside. Merlin was turned around so he could see his face, sleeping in the fetal position and covered with the blanket up to his neck. The steady rise and fall of his chest told Arthur he was sleeping again. He hoped this time he was dreaming about something else.

And he couldn't help but smile when he saw how happy Merlin suddenly seemed. Tucked into his warm blanket and a big pillow, safe and away from the strange world out there. And not alone. He didn't know what Merlin's life was like before, but he said he's known Agatha barely for a week. He could have been alone before that. And if he wasn't, then where were his friends now? Not caring about him? No, he must have lived alone before that.

But not anymore, now he had Arthur by his side, just like in the old times. Arthur was thinking they could try something to do together, something they did in Camelot... he closed the door and thought about it as he went downstairs and sat down on the sofa.

 _A_ _hunting trip!_

Yes, that was a perfect idea! Maybe Merlin could relive all those moments they had spent in the forests together. It might even help him remember.

Arthur smiled at his clever idea and looked behind himself at the clock on the wall. It was almost eight in the morning. Well, there was no chance he could fall asleep now, he might as well... do what? The diaries were still on the table in front of him, but he didn't want to read them. They were Merlin's diaries after all, and although he was very curious, he couldn't just go ahead and read them. He did wonder how the sentences Merlin didn't finish ended though.

Instead, he focused on the big picture box in front of him. A _tv_ Merlin called it. And he used a weird little thing to control it, the same thing that was now next to him on the sofa. He narrowed his eyes and hesitantly took it, examining the different buttons. He could read of course, so he knew what most of the buttons were probably supposed to mean, but he didn't understand the meaning behind all of them.

He pushed one button and nothing happened. So he tried another and the tv came alive, showing him a documentary about penguins. It was still the same channel they watched in the evening. "It's like magic," he grinned as he tried other buttons and managed to change the stations. Then something caught his attention.

There was a lady in a blue dress and short brown hair, talking very quickly and showing some pictures.

"As the meteorologists have confirmed, all traces of the storm are gone. The side effects, that many people call unnatural, are still present though. First, a very common one, some people, mostly the elders and children, have headaches and feel dizzy. The doctors agree that this can be a mere epidemic of the flu around in England and eastern Wales, but that it's nothing to worry about and eventually it would disappear. Another side affect is hallucinations. Many people claim they have seen objects flying or moving when they wanted them to, or that they saw their own eyes glow gold. If you see that anyone has gold eyes, immediately report to the nearest hospital. The most important thing is to stay calm, as all of this will soon disappear, just like the storm." The lady smiled at Arthur and a blonde man replaced her. "Now, the weather forecast."

Arthur stopped listening to him and turned off the tv with the same button he used to turn it on. He couldn't believe this. People have gold eyes again? Merlin said magic was not in this world anymore... maybe it's coming back because of the storm? Because he came back?

He stood up and wanted to rush to Merlin's room to inform him of the news he learned from the strange magic box in the living room, when suddenly someone called from the garden. Arthur hesitantly opened the door from the living room and entered the garden, looking over to the gate, where Agatha was standing.

"Arthur!" She waved at him with a smile on her face.

He was still in his pajamas that Merlin had bought him - it was a simple white t-shirt with soft red shorts - but he couldn't leave Agatha out there in the chilly morning. So he went to let her in, and because he was barefoot, he had to find his shoes near the front door first. As soon as he let her into the garden, her grin disappeared and she took his hand, unexpectedly dragging him back inside the house.

"Good morning," Arthur said as she closed the door behind her and sat him down in the living, room, taking her coat off.

"Hi," she smiled slightly. "Are you feeling better?" She asked as she sat down next to him and nervously chewed on her lower lip. But Arthur just kept looking at her, confused, so she added, "Merlin said you weren't feeling well at the concert, but I guess the music was too loud too, I'm sorry about that, I didn't realize you wouldn't feel comfortable."

"No, I'm alright," Arthur told her, and after she nodded, she stopped chewing on her lip and sighed, thankfully ignoring his red shorts.

"There's something I need to tell you and Merlin..." she began. "Is he still sleeping?"

"Yes." Arthur answered. "He didn't sleep well," he added. "What did you want to tell us?"

"I... at the concert," Agatha looked very troubled as she continued. "I know it sounds ridiculous, but I saw something. I don't think anyone else but me noticed, but one of the people dancing next to me... his eyes glowed gold." She said, clearly worried. "And then without any warning, the drummer's sticks flew into the air and back into his hands."

"Um... what's the drummer?" Arthur had to ask because Agatha was giving him just too much information and he didn't understand all of it.

"Uh, yeah, sorry." She shook her head slightly and explained. "It's a musical instrument and the person who can play it. You play it with these... sticks, and they just flew away and then back into his hands. People thought it was a trick or something or they just didn't notice and I couldn't see his eyes because he had sunglasses... who even wears sunglasses in the night?" She mused out loud and leaned into the couch, letting out a huge sigh. "I don't know, maybe I'm overreacting." Then she pointed at him with her index finger, "but I'm not wrong about the eyes. They were gold, just like Merlin's."

"It actually does make sense, Agatha." Arthur said, reaching for the remote control again. "I used this, and the lady on the picture on the box said it was happening all over the kingdom."

Agatha raised her head at him and straightened herself. "Really?" She asked. "Well if it's happening everywhere, that means-"

"-that magic is returning to the land." Arthur finished for her, looking down in front of him." Then he looked up at her. "We need to inform the current king of Camelot."

Agatha gaped at him, barely stifling a laugh. "Alright, I guess no one told you this yet." A smile tugged at her lips as she shifted on the couch and looked at him. "It's... not _Camelot_ anymore." She started, hating the face Arthur had in that moment. "I guess you probably guessed that before since it's been more than a thousand years, but... Camelot is a legend. It's long gone."

"I thought maybe the castle-"

"I'm sorry." She said. "Merlin probably wanted to avoid talking about it or he didn't remember, you can't really blame him." She paused for a moment, but Arthur was silent. "The land we live in now, is called The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland."

"That's too long, who would name their kingdom like that?" Arthur frowned, making Agatha feel a bit beter.

"It's because of what countries belong to the United Kingdom." She smiled at him softly. "It's the whole huge island after all." When it was clear Arthur didn't follow, she added. "We'll show you a map. The island is called Great Britain."

"And the current king?" He couldn't help but ask.

"It's actually a queen." She said. "Queen Elizabeth the Second."

Arthur nodded. "And does she know about this?"

"I'm pretty sure she already does, I mean... it was on the tv." She looked at the box on the wall of the living room and then back to Arthur. Anyway," she smiled at him as she stood up slowly, Arthur immediately following her movement as a proper knight would. "I should head back. I promised Morgan to spend a day with her since I spend so much time with Merlin now, and I'm also leaving today to go back to Bristol, it's where I live."

Arthur wanted to say something, about how he would miss her even though he didn't really know her and he wanted to ask how long would she be gone, but most of all, he wanted to warn her about Morgana. She needed to know her friend was their enemy, a very dangerous enemy.

But Arthur didn't get the chance to say something because of Merlin who suddenly appeared on the stairs, looking down at them into the living room. "You're leaving again?" He asked, probably a bit uncertain whether that was a good thing or a bad thing and Arthur wondered why Merlin would even think that, but after so many years of knowing him, he knew he was right about what he read from Merlin's expression.

His hair was tousled from the sleep, his white t-shirt had ridden up, revealing a tiny bit of his bare hip and the print of his pillow was still visible on his face and a little flustered cheeks. Arthur wondered why he couldn't seem to concentrate in that moment, but it was all gone when Agatha started talking again, walking closer to Merlin.

"I'm sorry," she smiled sadly at him.

Merlin was silent for a moment. "I know," he looked down. "Well, goodbye then-" he didn't have time to finish because Agatha rushed to him and gave him a long friendly hug, and Arthur couldn't help but smile at the adorable way Merlin's eyes got big and then how happy he seemed.

"I'll miss you." She told him as she pulled away.

"I'll miss you too." Merlin nodded and looked behind at Arthur as Agatha turned toward the front door. No one seemed to use the door anyway, probably because of the glass door in the living room, Arthur thought. Agatha turned to them again, smiled and then walked out the door, leaving them open.

"Goodbye!" Arthur called after her. He knew she heard him only because she raised her hand and waved at them without turning around. Then she opened the gate and left in her car, driving back to Glastonbury to spend her day with Morgana.

As Arthur closed the door and turned around to look at Merlin, he found the staircase empty. He raised his eyebrow just like Gaius had taught all of them and after closing the glass door in the living room, he slowly went up to Merlin's room.

Just like he expected, Merlin was curled into a ball, lying on top of his blanket, facing the other side of the room. Arthur wasn't sure what to do or what to say, he has never been good at talking about feelings and making people feel better in general.

So he closed the door behind him and went to the window, pulling back the curtains with possibly the biggest smile on his face he could do at the moment. "Rise and shine!" He announced to the silent room, but got no reaction at all. When he turned to Merlin, the boy was looking in front of him and just lying there as before.

Arthur sighed and carefully approached his friend, sitting down on the corner of his bed. "Is this about Agatha leaving?" He asked, and he wasn't sure, but something told him this wasn't about Agatha leaving at all.

"I'm just..." Merlin started, not even looking up at him. Tears were visible in his eyes. "The doctor said I would remember when I talked to someone close." He finally looked up. Arthur was silent and let Merlin continue. "And I know you've been back for barely two days, but... I thought it would help."

"It still can." Arthur reassured him, but Merlin just shook his head and closed his eyes briefly, letting out a tired sigh.

"We've read my diary and we talked about the old times and you're _here_ with me," Merlin looked up at him again and propped himself up on his elbows. "And all that's coming back are _feelings_ and dreams that feel like memories."

Arthur didn't stop looking into Merlin's eyes as he answered. "You didn't poison Morgana, Merlin."

Merlin looked down and was silent for a minute. "That wasn't the dream I was talking about." He whispered, which made Arthur frown. But when Merlin didn't continue, Arthur couldn't help but ask.

"What dream are you talking about?"

Merlin sighed again and looked down. "It was... tonight, before the dream with Morgana. Every person in my dream doesn't have a face, you didn't either when I dreamed about you before you returned."

Arthur paused. "You dreamed about me?"

Merlin nodded without saying anything, trying not to think about his rosy cheeks. "But this dream was... I think I knew who I was dreaming about." He took a shuddering breath. "It was an old man." He began. "He didn't have white hair, so he wasn't that old yet, but... he was lying in my arms and I couldn't do anything as he... died." Before Arthur could interrupt him, Merlin continued. "He felt so close to me, like a family. But before I could ask him anything, he died and I felt... so sad."

"There's only one man I recall who looked like that and died in front of you." Arthur frowned. "He was the last Dragonlord. I don't remember his name right now, but we went to him for help when a dragon attacked Camelot." Merlin raised his head when he heard it.

"What was the dragon's name?" He asked, completely surprising Arthur with such a question.

"What?" He frowned in confusion. "Since when do dragons have names?"

"I... I dont know," Merlin sighed as he massaged his temples with his fingers and closed his eyes again. "I think I read about a dragon in one of the books, somewhere..."

Arthur blinked and when he saw Merlin was still trying to concentrate, he rolled his eyes and got out of bed. "Stop," he told him. "No more focusing today, I have another activity in mind that I'm sure you'll enjoy."

Merlin looked up at him with his fingers still on his head and with a suspicion in his blue eyes. That only made Arthur grin more and without a warning he grabbed Merlin's hand and pulled him up from the bed, already leaving the room, walking backwards.

"We're going on a hunting trip today!"

_Oh no._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you read my other Merlin fanfic "The Age of Dragons" then you probably already know that I decided to add a map I drew and I decided to do the same for this fanfic. When I started writing, I drew a few maps of Merlin's house and the surroundings, so I decided to put them into chapters 1, 3 and 4 :)
> 
> Oh and how do you like the idea of magic coming back to the world? :D


	12. A Magical Shooting Star

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you don't read my other Merlin fanfic "Age of Dragons" then I need to apologize again for not posting anything last week. My computer broke down last Wednesday and I got it back this Thursday, which is why I couldn't post chapter 12.
> 
> This chapter was supposed to be posted last week, but because I'm posting it now, I'm one chapter behind. (That's because chapter 17 is supposed to be a special Christmas chapter and is supposed to be posted on 24th, which is Saturday.) I haven't even started writing chapter 14 yet though, so I'll start working on that asap and once I'm done with that and not behind anymore, there will be two chapters in one week. Not yet though, I wouldn't be able to finish chapter 14 in time.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy the hunting trip! ;)

"There is another thing that I should probably mention." Arthur said without a warning when Merlin was closing the gate. Firstly, he used the key and then (not only to impress Arthur, but Merlin didn't exactly exclude that possibility), he used magic too. They were leaving the house so they could go into the town and find horses (if there were any) and then finally get into the forest. Merlin wasn't very happy about that, he knew Arthur wouldn't actually kill anything since he already explained to him he can't do that, but... a hunting trip? On horses?

But you know what? Arthur was right. It might help him remember because as Arthur said, they used to spend a lot of time in a forest together, riding horses. And even though Merlin didn't even remember if he _could_ ride a horse, he would sure as hell try.

"What?" Merlin asked without turning to Arthur. "Did you want to take anything else other than those big thermos with hot cocoa? Because you know, I could take a whole tray with lunch on it too and have an extra horse carry it."

Arthur rolled his eyes at that. "Seems you've recovered a few things from that head of yours." He raised his eyebrows, waiting for Merlin's response, but Merlin just rolled his eyes in return and sighed.

"Okay, what did you want?" He asked.

"When I woke up, I... watched the tv." Arthur started. Merlin let a tiny smile play at the corner of his lips, not looking up at Arthur.

"And what did you watch?" He asked instead, while he started walking away from his ( _their?_ ) house. Arthur started walking beside him as he continued.

"Merlin, the storm wasn't everything that happened when I returned."

That made Merlin stop and turn to Arthur with a question written all over his face. "What do you mean?" He asked carefully.

"The _lady in the picture_ said that some people felt dizzy and others had gold eyes, just like you." He said hesitantly, and Merlin realized that... before Arthur died, he had never really showed him his eyes when he was using magic. (At least that's what he thought, Arthur said he lied to him until the very last day.) That was probably why every time Merlin used magic in front of him (and it wasn't that often), Arthur was staring into his eyes. Merlin found that quite cute to be honest, but... there were more pressing matters at hand.

"So... do you think those people have magic?" Merlin asked. And then his eyes widened as he realized what that would mean. "Do you think magic is coming back to the world? That I wouldn't be the only one with magic anymore?"

Merlin didn't know if he should be happy or scared. According to what he knew, magic wasn't a part of this world anymore, save for himself and probably a few cursed objects left from the medieval times. But if magic was back and not only good people were able to use it... it would create chaos. Everything would be different. It would be so easy to rob a bank for example!

"I don't know, Merlin, I was never good at discussing magic, for that I had the council who lived in the time before the great purge, like Gaius for example. He was the one who was able to recognize if the threat to the kingdom was of a natural kind or an enchantment."

"Who's Gaius?" Merlin couldn't help but ask. He knew he heard that name before, but he couldn't really place it. When Arthur frowned at him though and raised his eyebrow, Merlin frowned back and rolled his eyes a little. "You probably forgot because of your unnatural stupidity, but I don't have my memories, so maybe you could help a bit." Merlin was surprised when Arthur kept frowning at him with a worried expression.

"But... I already told you who Gaius was." Arthur told him, and Merlin was taken aback. What? "Yesterday, at the lake, remember?"

Merlin felt panic spread through his body and it wasn't because Arthur was still looking at him with that ridiculously beautiful face and eyes and hair and- okay, it just wasn't because of _that._ Why couldn't he remember Gaius when Arthur already told him about him? "Oh, yeah, I remember." Merlin lied, snorted slightly and looked down, continuing on his way to the town.

"Do you?" Arthur asked, doubt clearly present in his voice.

"Yeah, of course, I was just joking." Merlin told him, not looking at him. Then he tried to turn it all into a joke by insulting Arthur, which already seemed to be nearly a half of all of their conversations. "You're dead for a few years and completely lose your sense of humour, you should watch more comedies on tv."

Arthur didn't comment on that although Merlin was sure Arthur didn't know what he meant by _comedy._ He was glad when Arthur repeated who Gaius was in his next sentence.

"Gaius was a court physician, a father figure to you and you lived with him in his chambers." He said, and Merlin kept silent, pretending he already knew that. After Arthur realized Merlin wasn't about to say anything else, he sighed and continued. "Anyway, I don't know much about magic, that was what I was trying to say. And the lady on the tv said it was just hallucinations."

"She's just trying to cover it to not raise any panic." Merlin said. "Now come on, we need to buy phones first because if we get lost, we'll need them. Also, forests are dangerous, not much has changed about that."

"You're forgetting I am a knight, Merlin." Arthur said as he kept walking next to him, along the road where Merlin got hit by the car.

"And you're forgetting that you don't have your sword here, and as I've already told you, you can't just _kill_ someone these days." He informed him. He didn't want to end up in a prison if Arthur killed someone.

Arthur sighed. "I don't even know where my sword is." He mumbled under his breath as they continued walking. (It was probably still in the lake, waiting for the right century with the _right_ Arthur who needed it to save the world.)

And they kept walking until they made it to Glastonbury. They didn't talk much, but it didn't take long to reach the town. Only about half an hour, besides, they would have plenty of time to talk in the forest, Merlin was sure of that. He also took two sleeping bags (thank god he found them under the stairs) and a lot of food and money for the phones. Of course he wrote down Agatha's phone number and kept it in his pocket, he wanted to add her into his contacts as soon as he had the phone.

When they finally arrived to Glastonbury, Merlin almost forgot about how many people gave them odd looks before Ag picked them up for the concert. It was like they were popular now, but no one actually wanted to know them, maybe because they were afraid.

Regardless, they found a shop with electronics and Merlin started looking around to find the best phones they could have, and maybe the easiest to use too because of Arthur, who was currently looking all around the shop at the little flat black boxes with big curious eyes. Merlin couldn't help but roll his eyes fondly at that.

"Just make sure you don't drop it." Merlin told Arthur when they were leaving the shop, both with a new smartphone in their hands. "The screen might shatter and then we'd have to buy a new phone."

"I'm not as clumsy as you are, Merlin." Arthur rolled his eyes as they crossed the street and continued walking, not really knowing where to go. "What are you doing?" Arthur asked when he saw Merlin was touching the screen of the black device and obviously doing something.

"I'll have to teach you how to use this," Merlin mumbled as he kept touching the screen. Then he put his hand in his pocket and pulled out a little piece of paper. "I'm adding Agatha's number so we can call her."

"She won't hear you, she's not here." Arthur frowned, which made Merlin chuckle.

"It's all technology, clotpole." He smiled fondly. "Here," he took Arthur's phone from his hand and started doing the same thing he did with his phone. Then he handed it back and smiled up at him. "Now you have her number as well."

Arthur looked at the phone in his hand all confused and then looked at Merlin with suspicion in his eyes. Merlin rolled his eyes at that. "You can call her without her having to be here." He explained. "Her phone will ring and she'll answer and hear what you're saying from here."

"That's like magic." A little smile appeared on Arthur's lips as they continued walking.

"A little bit, yeah." Merlin mused. "I read in my diaries or in the book of magic, I don't know..." he started, "that sorcerers were able to communicate telepathically. In their heads. I don't remember doing it, but it must have been pretty cool."

"Cool?" Arthur asked.

"That means awesome. Amazing. Very interesting. Things like that."

"Oh."

Merlin smiled at that and put his phone into the pocket. "I can show you how to use it once we're in the forest or back home tonight." Arthur paused when Merlin said that and Merlin turned to him, frowning. "What?"

"I was thinking..." Arthur started. "That we could sleep in the forest. Overnight."

"What?" Merlin's eyes widened with confusion. Damnit, when he packed the sleeping bags, he didn't mean to use them for _sleeping_ , just so that they wouldn't have to sit on the cold ground.

"We did that a lot, back in Camelot. And I hoped it would help you remember." Arthur shrugged and although Merlin appreciated that Arthur was being honest with him for once, he didn't really like the idea. Arthur seemed to know that, so he hurriedly added. "We have enough food and we can find some nice place and just give it a chance, will you? I can still boss you around."

Merlin sighed at that. "I don't.. I-"

" _Mer_ lin." Arthur told him and looked into his eyes seriously. "It's not often that I say this, so be happy that I even consider doing this, but here we go... _please_."

"I'll have to make you say please more often, this is ridiculous." Merlin rolled his eyes. Before Arthur could reply to that though, Merlin added. "Fine, I'll consider sleeping in the forest." He told him. "But it depends on how far we'll go from home."

Merlin smiled fondly when he heard Arthur's mumbled " _yes_."

When they turned around to walk away again, something stopped them. It was a man, who was standing in the middle of the road, looking all confused and scared. Arthur could swear that man wasn't there a second ago, and thank god there were no cars around when he appeared out of nowhere.

He was dressed in a warm coat and a purple scarf, he had one ski-stick in his hand and ski-goggles that he just removed, only to stare at everything around him with his... _gold_ eyes. There was no doubt, he must have used magic somehow to transport himself and he had no idea what happened.

"Merlin?" He heard Arthur's voice behind him and all he managed to do was that he nodded his head. "Magic."

"Excuse us, sir?" Merlin tried to approach the man with his hands in the air to show it was alright. "We saw what happened, I can help y-"

"I'm alright!" The man yelled at him with his eyes still wide. He turned around and realizing he was standing in the middle of the road, he quickly took a few steps back. His eyes glowed gold again and even though Merlin didn't see anything happening with magic, the guy started running away from them. "I'm alright!" He yelled.

Merlin didn't even try to follow him, the guy clearly didn't want their help.

"Aren't we going to follow him?" Arthur asked and when Merlin turned back to him, he shook his head.

"I don't think he'd let us." He said. "Let's call Agatha. You want horses and I have absolutely no idea where to find them."

Arthur was a little taken aback by how quickly Merlin decided _not_ to help that man. He must have changed over the last thousand years, he was all alone without him here after all. But he was still his Merlin, and nothing would ever change that. Besides, that man ran _away_ from them.

With that he nodded and they went to sit down on a bench that was near them and Merlin pulled out his phone. He found the contact list and called the only number that was there. Agatha Black. He would have to add Arthur's number too so they could call each other.

The phone rang a few times as they waited for her to pick it up. Finally someone did and Merlin smiled. "Hi Agatha." He said.

"Hi," Arthur added, trying to get his ear closer to the phone that Merlin held in the air between them. The one who answered wasn't Agatha though.

"Oh hello, this is Morgan." Morgana answered and both Arthur and Merlin widened their eyes. They did not expect her. The first instinct that Arthur had was to ask " _what have you done to her and where is she now",_ but it seemed Merlin didn't want to reply that.

"Hi," Merlin started awkwardly. "Where's Agatha?"

"She's in the bathroom, but she'll be out in a minute. She doesn't get many phone calls, I tell you, but it wasn't anyone from family so I thought it was an ad or something." She paused. "Why are you calling?"

"We're in town and we forgot to ask Agatha something." Merlin forced a smile. "I don't suppose you would know the answer..."

"Depends on what the question is," she replied and he could almost hear the smirk in her voice.

"Well, do you happen to know if there are any ranches around Glastonbury? Or some place where we could borrow horses for a few hours?"

They could both hear Morgana laugh a bit. "Horse lovers, aren't you?" She asked. "Well, It's been ages since I rode a horse, but there is a place like that in Glastonbury. It's on the opposite side of the town from your house. I'm afraid you'll have to walk through the entire town to get there, but once you're there, look for a man called Phillip." She advised them. "He knows me, I used to go there a few times when I moved here."

"Okay, thanks." Merlin thanked her and was glad that she didn't seem to want to expand their conversation any further.

"Bye! And good luck!" She said and the phone went silent again.

"I don't think we should go there." Arthur voiced his thoughts as soon as the phone call ended. "It's Morgana, she could do anything to us. And you've seen that man, magic is coming back to this world and-"

"And I really doubt that Morgana remembers that we used to be enemies." Merlin interrupted him, standing up. "She seemed friendly, didn't she? And at least we know where to find your precious horses now."

Arthur rolled his eyes at that. "Okay," he agreed as he stood up as well. "Let's go then. But if something happens, you can expect _I told you so_."

"You're such a dollophead, really." Merlin chuckled quietly as they started walking again, in the opposite direction than where his house was.

"And you're still an idiot." Arthur replied, but followed his friend anyway.

xoXÖXox

"I don't understand this," Arthur said as he was sitting on the borrowed horse in the middle of the forest, sort of leading Merlin and sort of examining his new phone at the same time. It was late afternoon and the golden sun rays looked almost too pretty between the green and yellowish leaves. It was beginning to be autumn again and the chilly air was only another proof of that.

"I could imagine you don't." Merlin replied from behind Arthur, following him on another horse. If he was being honest, he did enjoy the ride. It felt like something he forgot but still knew how to do, sort of like riding a bike. Although he wasn't sure if he could do that too.

He liked the nature all around and he just hoped Arthur was right and that it would help him remember. And unlike Arthur, he knew how to use his new smartphone, so he quickly opened the camera and took a picture of the sun between the leaves all around them. He smiled when he saved the picture and put the phone back into his jacket's pocket.

"It's... it's..." it seemed Arthur couldn't find the right words to describe his new possession, and Merlin wasn't surprised. It was actually kind of cute. Everything Arthur did was _cute_. But he shouldn't be thinking about that right now, it was just making him blush.

"Okay, why don't you put the phone away, and actually focus on the horse, okay? You have to lead it, it doesn't know you and doesn't know where you want to go."

Arthur huffed and put the phone away, almost forgetting to turn off the screen. "I don't care where we go, I just wanted to take you into the forest. I don't even know where we are." He admitted, making Merlin roll his eyes again.

"I don't remember these woods, I thought maybe you would... a little." Merlin told him, but he knew it was no help at all. They were lost, but even if they were, the trip was nice.

"Even forests change over time." Arthur told him as he stopped the horse suddenly. They came upon a little clearing with a thick old tree in the middle. It looked old and very magnificent. And without saying anything else, Arthur dismounted and tied the horse to another tree, slowly going to the old oak tree in the middle.

"Arthur?" Merlin asked, his voice a little hesitant.

But Arthur didn't seem to listen to him, or hear him at all. He touched the trunk of the old tree and stayed like that, bowing his head. And that was when Merlin realized what was going on.

"I remember this tree." Arthur said in a voice that was a bit too quiet.

"Arthur-"

"We can stay here," Arthur cut him off as he turned back to him and took Merlin's reins, leading him to the same tree he had tied his horse to. Merlin understood what that meant - Arthur didn't want to talk about his feelings, but he never did. That was what Merlin learned from his diaries (that he might have peeked into during one restless night) and from the way Arthur usually behaved.

"Okay," Merlin said as he finally dismounted his horse, following Arthur's example. He went to the tree and touched it with his own palm. Arthur was by the horses, hopefully not looking at him, but Merlin didn't really mind. They both knew he was trying to get his memories back and if this tree has been here the entire time, then maybe he could remember something about it, recover it from his memories.

He closed his eyes, but felt nothing.

After a while he sighed and gave up, turning around and noticing Arthur was looking at him and holding his phone again. "Hey Merlin!" He exclaimed. "There's a mirror!"

Merlin rolled his eyes at that again, but fondly. He noticed he did that a lot around Arthur, and even though he tried hard not to, the nervous feeling in his stomach returned as soon as he thought about it. "That's a camera." He said as if it was obvious. Well, for him it was anyway.

"Came-a-what?" Arthur squinted his eyes.

"Here, let me show you," Merlin smiled and walked over to Arthur, leaning closer to him, _so dangerously closer_. He focused on the phone in front of them and of course it was set on the front camera. "We can take pictures with it." He lectured the king. "Like this."

He smiled into the camera and made a pose, waiting for Arthur to do the same. Although his smile didn't look very trusting, Merlin snapped the camera and took the picture, quickly finding it in the gallery and showing it to Arthur.

"See?" He smiled. "Now it'll stay there saved forever, unless you break the phone or delete the picture."

Arthur kept looking at the photo for a few moments and Merlin kept looking at Arthur's face as he was looking at the phone, until the king raised his eyebrow. "Well, you still look ridiculous." He commented and laughed when he heard Merlin's very audible snort.

"I wonder if people in Camelot could actually stand you all those years." He mumbled as he went to the horses to get an apple out of the saddlebag they were allowed to use. Before he could take a bite though, the horse nudged his shoulder with its nose and started looking at the apple with big brown eyes. Merlin smiled fondly and gave him the apple.

"You definitely couldn't stand me, and you never hesitated to remind me of that." Arthur answered as he put the phone back into his pocket and went over to Merlin, giving an apple to his horse too. Well, the apple from Merlin's saddlebag of course.

"Hey," Merlin half smiled and half frowned when he saw that. "That was my apple!"

"Oh, sorry," Arthur smirked as he looked at the rest of the apple in the horse's mouth and on the ground. "Do you want it back?" He teased and yet again, Merlin had to roll his eyes.

"Of course not, but you owe me now." He replied instead.

"Sure I do." Arthur laughed and punched Merlin in the shoulder slightly.

"Ow!" He cried out. "Do you usually just punch people out of nowhere? Let me guess, you really miss your sword."

Now it was Arthur's turn to roll his eyes slightly. "It usually worked on the knights," he said, but Merlin was already walking away towards the tree.

He sat down to it _,_ his back leaning against the old trunk and he looked up at Arthur. He wondered how many times they were in the forest together, just the two of them. He wondered if they'd ever... no, Arthur married Gwen, it was obvious he was straight. But that didn't change the feeling Merlin kept deep in his heart.

His eyes wandered to Arthur's face and his hair illuminated by the late golden sun. His eyes were warm and he had an easy smile on his lips, looking at the horse and then turning his head to look at Merlin. And Merlin blushed and looked down, pretending he was playing with his fingers.

When suddenly Arthur sat down right next to him against the tree, their sides touching and thighs brushing together. Merlin shivered and looked up at the king, who was looking in front of him, probably thinking about something.

"When you think about me and you in the forest... what's the first thing that comes to your mind?" Arthur asked all of a sudden, not looking at Merlin yet, but Merlin knew he would look down at him eventually, and he really didn't want him to see his _very red_ face right now.

Maybe it would be better to ask 'What's the _second_ thing that comes to your mind?' because well, neither Merlin nor Arthur were prepared to hear about the _first_ thing that Merlin was thinking about.

Merlin cleared his throat and started playing with his fingers again, looking down. He closed his eyes briefly and took a deep breath and then he breathed out, looking up at the trees around him, the sun and the horses... it all reminded him of how he felt when he was _home_. He didn't feel like that often, not even when he was in his house because it still didn't really feel like his home yet. Maybe with Arthur there, that would change in time, because Merlin felt that if Arthur was by his side and he was by his, he didn't really care about where they were.

"Home," Merlin answered honestly, for which he received a very puzzled expression from Arthur. When Merlin saw that, he rolled his eyes and the precious moment of honesty was gone. "I meant like... it feels _familiar_." He tried to explain, but he didn't think any word in English could capture what he felt when he was sitting like that right next to his friend.

"Well, it should." Arthur raised his eyebrows slightly as he shifted on the ground and looked around at all the glory of the forest, changing from its summer clothes to the autumn ones. "We spent a lot of time together in the woods, either on some mission for my father or on hunting trips-"

"I do remember I hated them." Merlin interrupted him, not really knowing where that thought came from. But he didn't think he disagreed with it.

"-or we travelled with the knights of Camelot." Arthur finished his sentence. "That was later, when my father died and I became the king."

"Knights of the Round Table." Merlin quoted one of many, many phrases used in the books in his room.

Arthur pondered a little of it before he started nodding. "Yes, I guess you could call them that." He agreed after a while. Well, it seemed that was another term created by people who weren't there to actually meet the knights of legends.

"Were we good friends?" Merlin asked hesitantly. He knew that there was a drunk knight or someone like that, he was sure Arthur told him. He couldn't remember the name though, even though they talked about him the day before. Or was it the day before yesterday? Merlin wasn't really sure. "You said we travelled with them."

"We were." Arthur said and when Merlin looked at him, there was a little sad smile on Arthur's lips. "There was five of us. Sir Leon, he was a knight as long as I can remember. Always loyal to the king, both to Uther and to me. Then there was Sir Lancelot. He cheated to become a knight, but he deserved the position. More than a lot of other knights I used to know. Sir Gwaine, that was our funny friend. I think he liked you more, but he was loyal nonetheless and always cheered us up when the situation was stressful." Arthur smiled at that and noticed Merlin was watching him the entire time. "He really loved tavern fights and mead. And then there was Sir Percival. Very strong and not very talkative, but he and Gwaine became good friends. And the last one was Sir Elyan. Gwen's brother."

"They sound like great people." Merlin smiled sadly as he looked down and stopped watching Arthur's beautifully illuminated face.

"They were." The king nodded.

"I wish I could remember them." Merlin added, his voice quiet. Arthur heard him and turned his head to him, looking at his sad little face. Merlin was aware of where Arthur's eyes landed, but he didn't look back. He couldn't look into Arthur's face, knowing how disappointed he had to be that Merlin still couldn't remember anything.

He and Arthur both wished the trip in the woods would help him.

xoXÖXox

They ended up sitting under the tree for way too long, and when they led their horses to a meadow that was nearby, the sun was already setting, casting long almost red shadows behind them. Though the air was still chilly, the sun was warm on Arthur's face and when he closed his eyes, it felt as if he was back in the meadows and fields of Camelot. Back _home._

He always thought of Camelot as his home, but the castle no longer existed. Agatha made that clear. And Arthur was slowly realizing that sooner or later he'll have to start thinking of Merlin's house as his new _home_.

 _Home_ was a very strong word. It was a place of his family and friends, somewhere he belonged, where he felt safe. Did he feel all those things at Camelot? Did he still think all those things only with Merlin here? Partly. He'd have to cross out the _friends_ in his list and change it only to one _friend._ But it was his closest friend. Merlin was _family._ Which was even stronger word in Arthur's vocabulary.

They ate something and mounted their horses again, getting deeper into the woods. And they kept talking (well, mostly Merlin did), and for a few moments, everything was like it used to be. Like it was supposed to be.

Arthur didn't want to dwell on the thought that Guinevere and all of his friends were dead and not coming back. What he wanted to enjoy, was the only familiar person that kept him company in this world.

When the sun was almost behind the horizon and they realized they had spent way too much time in the forest, Merlin suggested they should return so they could make it home for supper. That he would make of course, Arthur couldn't cook.

"Maybe we could stay here instead." Arthur said after Merlin wanted to turn around. He would very much like to spend the night in the woods. Yes, it wasn't exactly a warm night, but the sky was clear and they would see the stars and it would allow him to stay in his fantasy for a few more hours. A fantasy far away from all the technology in this world.

"What?" Merlin turned to him with disbelief all over his face.

"We're staying." Arthur smiled, and it might have sounded like an order, okay, but he really wanted to stay there whether Merlin liked it or not.

"It's too cold, we don't have blankets and nothing that would make us warm during the night and-"

"I took some blankets." Arthur told him. It was true after all, they were in his saddlebag, ready to use any time they needed them. Arthur was used to taking things like that with him on the travels. And he sort of hoped they could stay in the forest, and even if Merlin didn't want to, he wasn't the one born to give orders.

"You too- what?" Merlin looked behind his back at Arthur's horse.

"It's in my saddlebag, and I've already decided." Arthur put up his mind and after a few more arguments, it was settled. They were definitely staying for the night and there was nothing Merlin could do to change his decision. "You're going to thank me afterwards, you'll see." Arthur smirked as he dismounted and led the horse back into the forest from the meadow.

He could almost _feel_ Merlin's powerful eyeroll.

"I have a feeling I won't." Merlin replied seconds later, following Arthur anyway.

"You always have _feelings_ and they're usually wrong, I don't think this one is an exception." Arthur said and smiled triumphantly when he found the perfect place in the forest to sleep on. He tied the horse to a tree branch and Merlin followed his example.

"You make a brilliant exception though, did you know that?" Merlin said when Arthur turned to him and stepped aside so Merlin could tie his horse next to Arthur's horse. "I read somewhere that people of higher status were usually clever and good at making decisions."

Arthur punched Merlin in the arm again and instead of replying, he reached for his saddlebag to pull out the two blankets he took from his and Merlin's rooms. "Idiot." He muttered and placed the blankets on the ground, right next to a thick tree.

"Uh, prat." Merlin whispered, and Arthur didn't know if Merlin knew Arthur heard him, but it seemed he didn't care because he started feeding the horses again. "They need water." He said and closed his eyes. Arthur could see his eyes moving under his eyelids and he was wondering what Merlin was doing, when suddenly his eyes snapped open and they were gold. "There's a stream a few minutes from here." He informed him as he turned to him.

Arthur realized he was using the same magic trick he used on his last day. He could see the path ahead. Arthur smiled. "Okay, then go there and get some water for the horses." He turned around to arrange the blankets on the ground and could hear Merlin's groan.

"I'm not your servant anymore." He said, but started walking away anyway, mumbling something under his breath, which sounded a lot like 'Oh no it's okay, I'll just make myself some pail with my magic, don't worry about me Arthur, I'll be fine.' and Arthur couldn't help but chuckle at that.

His old whiny Merlin was still there somewhere, under a pile of lost memories.

"Oh and I took two sleeping bags, they're in _my_ saddlebag!" Merlin yelled at him from the distance, purposely mentioning it late to make Arthur pay for making him sleep in the forest after all.

Now it was Arthur's turn to groan.

xoXÖXox

It has been an hour since Arthur noticed Merlin had fallen asleep. They were lying next to each other, with their heads between the large roots of the tree above them. And Arthur still couldn't fall asleep. They were watching the stars before Merlin fell asleep. Now Arthur was watching on his own, noticing how the stars moved across the sky as the time went by.

When he saw a shooting star, he closed his eyes and made a wish.

_Please make everything normal again. I want to be happy._

When he opened his eyes, he looked down at Merlin. His dark hair was falling across his forehead and his eyes were still under his eyelids. His breathing was even, in and out, in and out. Arthur smiled and closed his eyes as well, breathing in the chilly night air and thinking about his wish as he exhaled.

He didn't know if he was happy now. He knew he was _almost_ happy when he was with Merlin, but there was always a part of him that kept thinking, _if only our friends could be here too. If only we were back in Camelot._ He knew he had to learn to stop thinking about it because other than Morgana and him, there was no one coming back. And even though he knew Morgana was actually reborn and that could mean that others were reborn too, he couldn't think about them as his friends and family anymore. Because even if they were somewhere out there, they didn't know him.

They didn't remember the times when they smiled at each other while crossing the courtyard on a sunny day. They didn't remember any of that, and that made them a whole new people.

Besides, he couldn't even know their names since Morgana's name was different. Morgan McFly or something, he couldn't remember and he didn't even really care.

So he closed his eyes again and took a deep breath, thinking about what he had left. _Merlin_.

It was about two hours later when something woke him up. A little sound, a voice. The stirring of a body lying next to him, movement under the blanket. Arthur stirred as well and turned to face his friend. But Merlin didn't look as peaceful as before. His brows were furrowed and his eyes were moving rapidly under his eyelids and he kept shaking his hands and head from one side to another, chanting Arthur's name like a charm.

"Arthur, no." He mumbled as little beads of sweat started forming on his forehead and temples, damping his dark hair that stuck to his skin. "No, no, _Arthur!"_

When Arthur realized what was happening, his eyes widened and he threw off the blanket, immediately getting closer to Merlin and holding his forearms. "Merlin!" He called his name, looking down at his face as he was breathing quickly and shaking his head. "Merlin, wake up, you buffoon!"

Arthur touched Merlin's face and then shook his shoulders, finally shaking Merlin awake. His eyes were wide and full of tears as he looked up into the eyes of the man he had failed to protect. And in the next second Merlin launched himself at Arthur, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and shaking.

"Arthur I'm so sorry I didn't call the dragon sooner, I'm so sorry you died, it was all my fault-" He started mumbling into Arthur's wet shoulder without letting Arthur say anything until the king stopped him.

"Merlin, what are you talking about? A dragon?"

Merlin stilled in his arms, glad that Arthur's hands were on his back, moving up and down. Then he closed his eyes and explained. "I had a nightmare," he started. "It was a memory of your last day and... I remember what happened. I'm so sorry I couldn't protect you." He squeezed Arthur more tightly and kept his eyes shut.

Arthur understood now. "It's okay, Merlin, I'm alive again." He tried to make him feel better, but they both knew that won't work because Merlin's hands kept trembling behind Arthur's head. "It's all in the past now."

"We should be there too." Merlin whispered. "If I had kept you alive, if I had killed Mordred when I had the chance to, none of this would have happened. We would have been in Camelot and you could be king again. Everyone would be happy and _alive_."

Arthur frowned slightly. He wished they were back in Camelot, but... the future had its upsides too. He and Merlin seemed to get closer even though Merlin didn't remember the majority of his life in Camelot, and they never would have met Agatha.

"You need to let it go, Merlin." He sighed. "What happened _happened_ and there is nothing you can do to change it, even with all your magic." He hoped Merlin would understand now.

The warlock nodded against his neck and sniffled. "Just... just give me a minute." He added as he closed his eyes again and held Arthur in his arms and let Arthur hold him. To be honest, Arthur didn't mind the closeness at all. He didn't mind being close to Merlin in the past either, but they never hugged so often before.

After a while, when Merlin calmed down and apologized many times for being so clingy, they decided to go back home and spend the rest of the night there. The forest was scary in the night, and Merlin refused to sleep there again in order to prevent even more nightmares, so what was Arthur supposed to do?

They woke up the horses and returned to the farm where they had borrowed them. They woke up the owner and returned the horses together with more money for keeping them a few hours longer than they should have, and then they went back to Merlin's house on their own.

When they entered the house and left their backpacks in front of the front door, Merlin immediately started walking up the stairs, probably to hide in his room. Just when he was about to close the door behind himself, Arthur stopped him with his hand on Merlin's wrist.

Merlin looked down at his hand and then up at Arthur, who smiled slightly and sighed. "Good night," he told him, and was happy to find Merlin returning the smile, even though it was just a little smile.

"Good night, Arthur." And then he was gone, behind the closed door, probably in his bed. Arthur hesitated to hug him again (he felt like they both needed it), but he was taking too long and Merlin was already gone.

He sighed and entered his own room, changing into the clothes Merlin bought him for sleeping. He kept the ring on his finger, so he played with it a little as he covered himself with the warm blanket that he took from his backpack. He closed his eyes and thought about the wish he made as he saw the shooting star.

He never really believed that wishes like that could come true, but if magic was real, who he was to say that the magical shooting star wasn't? All he wanted was to be happy again.

And to tell the truth, he felt like... if they were at the end of the world, or anywhere else without any of their friends, just like they were now, all he needed to live happily was his cheeky idiotic friend by his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I hope you liked it! And please leave a comment to let me know what you think so far or what you think will happen next ;)


	13. The Key to My Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Arghh last week was so busy, I didn't even have time to read or write... I haven't started writing chapter 14 yet... but I'll really try this week, I need to. I can't wait to write it, and I know you'll just love the next chapter ;) Anyway, this chapter starts one month after the hunting trip. Enjoy!

one month later

It has been a month since they returned from the hunting trip, since Arthur came back and since they went to the concert in Glastonbury. It has also been a month of endless explanations of how technology works (for Merlin at least).

If I were to write here everything they've texted each other over the last 30 days, this chapter would be way too long. But, I can show you an example of what I mean:

_Arthur: Where are you?_

_Merlin: I went shopping, didn't want to wake you up._

_Arthur: Will you buy more cocoa?_

_Merlin: We have enough home._

_Arthur: I don't think so._

_Merlin: …_

_Merlin: What have you done?_

_Arthur: Nothing._

_Merlin: I'm going back._

…

_Arthur: What is that sound? I'm in the bathroom, should I come down to save you?_

_Merlin: You took your phone with you into the bathroom?_

_Arthur: WHAT IS THAT SOUND_

_Merlin: Don't worry, it's a vacuum cleaner._

_Arthur: what?_

_Merlin: It's a device that I'm using, it cleans the floor and carpet._

_Arthur: Why don't you use the broom?_

_Merlin: Because this is better_

_Arthur: I don't like that sound. It sounds dangerous._

_Merlin: It really isn't._

_Arthur: I don't care, I'm not going downstairs._

…

_Merlin: What are you doing? You're not reading my diaries or searching through my room while I'm away, are you?_

_Arthur: I'm reading._

_Merlin: Oh, what are you reading?_

_Arthur: It's called Harry Potter._

_Arthur: I'm confused._

_Merlin: Why? It's a great series._

_Arthur: This book says he's the greatest sorcerer ever to live. That's not true!_

_Merlin: It's a made up story, he's not real, Arthur._

_Arthur: I think I'm gonna go read some of the books about me that are in your room._

_Merlin: Wait until I'm home._

_Arthur: Too late!_

…

_Arthur: Has fire become invisible while I was away?_

_Merlin: what are you talking about?_

_Arthur: This box just made my food hot again._

_Merlin: It's a microwave, ask Agatha._

_Arthur: She's in the bathroom._

_Merlin: Then wait and ask her!_

_..._

And for Arthur, it was also a month of a little _feeling_ crisis. But, we'll get to that later.

At the moment, they were both sitting in the old Gaius' rooms, on the floor beside Merlin's old bed. They had already gone through the first two books aka Merlin's diaries, and Merlin noticed that since the first book, it was more and more often that he had to skip a paragraph or two because it was mostly about his feelings for Arthur. He always blushed when he had to skip those, and he had a feeling that Arthur noticed that too, although he remained silent.

Merlin was sitting cross-legged, leaning against his bed with the book open in his lap, and reading out loud.

 _"Dear Arthur, everything feels the same, every day, every hour and every minute of my life. Everyone I knew is long gone, but I can't stop thinking about them. Now it's just me and this new house that I had to build on my own. Dear Arthur, dear Arthur. What else should I tell you? That every day bores me to death? That I wish I could die and skip all those upcoming days only to see your face again?"_ Merlin paused, quickly examining the next few sentences to make sure there was nothing that would give away his secret love. When he was sure there was nothing of that sort, he resumed reading. " _He will rise again, Kilgharrah told me. He will rise again, I keep telling myself. But where are you, Arthur?"_

"I sure took a long time," Arthur mumbled as he took a bite of his apple and raised his eyebrows at Merlin to make him read again.

"This isn't helping," Merlin said instead. He still didn't remember anything from his past except for what he learned from his dreams, which were usually nightmares. "I can't recall writing any of this."

"But it's interesting." Arthur argued. "Keep reading, Merlin, don't make me order you."

"You can't order me to do anything." Merlin replied to that, but kept reading anyway, for which Arthur gave him a little smirk that Merlin didn't notice. "This paragraph is titled _Christianity."_

"Well, that will be interesting." Arthur mumbled and Merlin ignored him. He was genuinely interested in this paragraph, he knew the dark ages weren't very fond of magic.

" _Dear Arthur, I can't belive I'm about to say this, but... after so many good years, magic is outlawed again. And I have a feeling this time it's for good. Luckily I don't live in the city anymore and no one knows my real name, nor where do I live. But I'll have to hide again. I'll probably use some aging spell for when I need to go and buy supplies, or I could go live with the druids and protect them. But... there aren't many druids left. The history is repeating, Arthur, the new king and queen had decided to get rid of magic in Camelot and I heard they burn everyone who appears to have these abilities. I hope this is what Kilgharrah was talking about, Albion's need is the greatest now Arthur, we need you, I need you, please come back!"_

"I'm sorry I didn't." Arthur interrupted him.

"There's nothing you could have done about it." Merlin replied, not even looking up, probably trying hard not to get emotional. " _Dear Arthur. It's been a few weeks since I last wrote into this book, but there was a good reason for it. I had to leave my house and the few friends I've made - sorry Julian and Tommy - because there is great battle in Camelot."_ Merlin frowned and leaned closer to the book. " _I tried to help using magic, but people refused my help and wanted to kill me for my abilities. I had to run, and leave Camelot to its own fate. Out of a habit, I came to the lake of Albion. There is a small village near that lake, and I settled there, building a new house again. This time though, I won't make the same mistake, I won't make any friends because eventually, they would find out about my gift and they would want to hurt me for it, like so many had tried to before. I hope Camelot can survive this."_

"I don't like where this is going." Arthur told him.

"Neither do I, but it seems that village is-"

"Glastonbury."

"Glastonbury." Merlin smiled when they said the name of the town in unison. "I'll keep reading, maybe we can find out what happened to Camelot."

"Yeah."

Merlin cleared his throat and began reading again. " _Dear Arthur, the war seems to have no end. I heard that... I heard that Camelot had fallen. That the castle is gone now and everyone either ran away or is dead. At first I couldn't belive what I overheard at the market at the village, so I returned to Camelot to see on my own. And... Arthur, I can't describe what I'm feeling. The white walls and towers that once bore the proud name Camelot, are nothing but ruins now. There is no point in rebuilding the castle, and no one is trying to do that. Instead, they're building churches all over the kingdom, and they're building one in this village too. The king is dead, but the queen is alive and they started building a new castle for her, in a new town. Arthur, I fear that people will forget about Camelot, about you."_

"They haven't." Arthur smiled at Merlin, who didn't seem all that happy.

"They got a lot of things wrong though. Like that Guinevere was a lady or that Mordred was your son or other nonsense." He said, and both Arthur and him laughed at that, trying to forget about what they just read. "I think that was enough of reading for the morning," Merlin said suddenly and stood up, putting the book back on his cupboard."

"What is that?" Arthur asked as he stood up as well and looked at a little box that was in front of Merlin's diaries. Merlin frowned as he followed Arthur's gaze and looked at the box, picking it up.

"I don't know actually," he said. "I remember I tried to open it once, but I couldn't figure out how."

"Would you try again?" Arthur suggested, taking the box from Merlin and examining it.

"Maybe, if you give it back and let my try." He rolled his eyes and waited with his palm in front of Arthur to place the box there. Arthur rolled his eyes as he returned the metal box and Merlin looked closer at it, finding nothing to open it with. Not even a keyhole.

"Well?"

"Well, if you shut up, maybe I'll be more successful." Merlin told him, not even looking up. Arthur shook his head and realized he was still holding the apple core in his hand. He sighed and shook with the apple core in front of Merlin's face.

"I'll be right back," he said and walked away. what he didn't realize though, was that Merlin kept watching him until he disappeared behind the door to his modern room with a smile on his face. When he realized what he was doing, he shook his head and focused back on the box. There had to be some spell to open this.

xoXÖXox

As Arthur was leaving, he couldn't stop thinking about what happened to Camelot. He couldn't stop thinking about anything that Merlin read from his diary. He loved to read Merlin's thoughts from the past. But Merlin didn't seem to feel the same, what was he hiding?

When Arthur returned to the room and Merlin told him the box was still closed and he didn't know how to open it yet, Arthur gave up and went to his room. Merlin already showed him his laptop and the tv and microwave and the lights and the fridge of course. He still wasn't sure how that all worked without magic, but he liked the technology.

For example, he loved what Merlin called _movie nights_ , because they could sit on the couch together for hours, just looking at the screen of the tv and get lost in the movie that Merlin had picked. His eyes always started hurting a little when he was watching the screen for too long though, and that was usually when he said he would go to sleep. He always waited for the movie to end though, the longer he spent sitting next to Merlin, the better. Sometimes the warlock even fell asleep, and usually it was on Arthur's shoulder, which Arthur realized he was particularly fond of.

Ah, the _feelings crisis_ I promised to explain... You see, Arthur became aware of certain _feelings_ ha had. He didn't notice them at first, for example he wasn't really aware of them when they slept in the forest (which they didn't do again after that), but he was well aware of them now. They came from his heart - he was able to identify that. And he noticed that they were almost the same as the feelings he had for Gwen.

He missed her so much it hurt. But when he looked at Merlin and felt butterflies in his stomach (a term he learned when he was watching tv with Merlin), he realized that Gwen wasn't the only one he cared deeply for. In fact, he cared about Merlin so much that he was questioning whether he still saw him as his friend, let alone a _brother._

A _brother_ was so far away from what he saw in Merlin. What he would do with a brother was very far away from what he wanted to do with Merlin... what exactly did he want to do though? He didn't dare to name it, he just knew what he felt and what usually came along with it.

And he was _scared._ Usually he wouldn't admit it, but this time it was different. Arthur didn't know what to do, but according to what he saw on tv (and researched in his phone internet browser), feeling this way was okay these days. He was certain it wasn't allowed in the past, but it seemed the world was more accepting in the future.

And another thing he noticed was that this wasn't the first time that he felt like this. He felt almost the same ever since Merlin became his manservant. Merlin was his best friend, someone he confided in about things he wasn't sure he would tell anyone else, not even Gwen. He didn't think about giving it a name in the past (Merlin was his _best friend_ after all) because Gwen was there and he knew he loved her. With all his heart. But Merlin's been there this entire time as well, and now that Gwen was... not _here_ anymore...

He sighed and closed his eyes for a moment, eventually reaching for his phone on the bedside table and opening the gallery. He found a few pictures of the nature (from the hunting trip and trips to the lake and from Merlin's garden - he should start thinking of it as _their_ garden since this was his _home_ now), and the rest of the pictures?

They were all of _Merlin_.

And most of them were taken _secretly._ There was the first one where they were both kind of smiling - it was when Merlin showed him what a phone camera was. Arthur smiled as he used his finger to get to the next photo.

It was Merlin, asleep on the couch, from the first movie night. Arthur didn't even think when he took the photo before waking Merlin up, and ever since then he kept taking pictures of Merlin whenever Merlin wasn't looking.

There was one of Merlin reading a book, another one where he was smiling, sitting at the table in the garden - Agatha took that one when she was messing with his phone, but luckily he stopped her before she could look into the gallery full of Merlin. Another photo was of Merlin working on the flowerbed in his garden and the next one was him sleeping again.

Arthur was smiling as he kept looking at the picture.

Then suddenly his door burst open and he quickly turned off the screen, turning to Merlin with wide eyes. Merlin's eyes were wide as well and _happy_ and so was the grin on his face.

"I did it!" He exclaimed, pointing at the box in his hand. Arthur smiled and moved to the corner of the bed to make more room for Merlin so he could sit down beside him.

"Was it a spell?" Arthur asked.

"Yeah, and what is the best thing - I _remembered_ the spell!" He was smiling at Arthur, looking so happy that he could explode and it was taking all of Arthur's will not to lean closer and... do something he would most likely regret the moment after.

"I didn't just find it somewhere," Merlin continued, "I was looking at the box, trying to think of any spell that would open it and then there it was! The spell that I needed, already in my head, and I used it and it worked and it's unlocked now and-"

"What's inside?" Arthur asked, cutting Merlin off because honestly that idiot would just keep talking until the evening.

"Right, sorry," Merlin chuckled as he took the box and placed it on the bed in front of them. "I don't really know, you open it." He nudged Arthur's arm with his elbow, looking down at the box excitedly.

Arthur carefully opened the box. It revealed a very old sigil, and Arthur's eyes almost watered when he held it in his hand, after _so many years._ Merlin was looking at him with a question written all over his face, so Arthur gave him the answer. "It's my mother's sigil."

"What's it doing there?" Merlin frowned.

"I gave it to you." Arthur told him and turned to look into his blue eyes. He swallowed. "It was the last thing I had left after her."

"Why would you give me such a thing?" Merlin frowned.

And wasn't the answer obvious?

Arthur swallowed again. "Because I trusted you." He smiled slightly. "Because you were the only real friend I had and in that moment... I just knew I should give it to you." He looked down. "We were facing an enemy that we weren't sure we could defeat, and you said... that we would defeat them together. You had faith in us, and I just felt like you should have it... in case something happened."

When he looked up again, Merlin was silent. He kept looking into Arthur's eyes and after a while, Arthur realized what he just did. He shared with Merlin something he never told him eye to eye, and frankly, it scared him a lot, but he realized he didn't care that much after all. Merlin still was his only true friend, and he still trusted him.

"Thank you." Merlin muttered with a tiny smile, and Arthur took that as an end to their staring session. He nodded and looked down, noticing another object in the box.

"There's a key too," he said, picking it up and giving Merlin his mother's sigil.

"What?" Merlin frowned. "What does it open?"

"Well, are there any rooms in this house that we can't open and need a key for?" Arthur asked the obvious question and they shared another look. They both knew what room they were talking about. After all, there was only one locked secret room left in the whole house, and that was the one downstairs, next to the kitchen.

"Finally," Merlin grinned.

They both stood up from the bed and ran downstairs, excited like little children that have just received a new toy they wanted so badly and kept asking their parents for. Merlin managed to put the sigil back in the box before they ran down the stairs of course, and now that they were finally standing in front of the mysterious door, he took the key from Arthur's hand (fingers slightly brushing) and finally connected it to the keyhole.

The door creaked open and they slowly walked through, holding their breaths. The room was dark because there were no windows. Merlin started looking for a light switch on the wall and Arthur started doing the same on the wall on the other side of the door.

When the light suddenly turned on, Arthur knew Merlin had to be successful in his hunt for the light switch. He turned to look at his friend, but he was already looking in front of them at the inside of the room. Arthur smiled and joined Merlin.

The room wasn't very big, but there was a lot of things. There was an old table and an open closet full of garden equipment. Then there was a glass box in the far corner of the room, and inside was... Arthur gasped. It was his crown! The same one his father wore and the one he had during the coronation!

As Arthur glanced back at Merlin, his friend wasn't looking at the crown though, he was looking at the rest of the things in the room - paintings. Arthur didn't think much about them before, but now that he looked at them, he realized one thing - they were _all of him_.

There were at least a hundred of small or big paintings, old and new, and all of them, every single one, was of Arthur's face. Arthur frowned and looked back at Merlin, only to see that he was already looking at Arthur. Merlin swallowed and his face was red and he cleared his throat, quickly looking back at the room to avoid Arthur's eyes.

And Arthur was speechless. Merlin kept drawing his face, over and over again, and either they didn't get to that part of his life in the diaries or he didn't write about it there. But Arthur didn't need a diary to know why Merlin kept drawing him over the years.

So that he wouldn't forget his face.

It was sad when you thought about it. Arthur has been gone for so long, and Merlin kept living and even though he was immortal and had magic, he still feared he would forget how Arthur looked like. That he would forget everything and not wait for him anymore.

"Well," Arthur cleared his throat as he finally broke the silence and walked over to the closest painting. "I didn't know you could draw like this." He said and picked up the painting, looking at it. It was as if he was looking at himself in the mirror, but not all of the paintings were like that.

Merlin wasn't always good like this, the older paintings didn't look like him at all, it was just a blonde head with blue eyes and red full lips, but they kept getting better. Merlin paid extra attention to his hair, the corners of his eyes and mouth, to his nose and even to his ears and cheeks. The painting he was holding was probably the more recent one because as Arthur was looking at it, he realized that the colours were probably new and the blue of his eyes looked somehow more real. As did his hair and the red cloak that Merlin painted around his shoulders.

"I didn't know either." Arthur heard Merlin say in a weak voice. He knew it was a lie, he saw Merlin drawing with a pencil when he was alone in his room and Arthur just walked in. Merlin always tried to hide what he was doing, but now it was obvious to Arthur what was he drawing all this time. Even when he didn't know he used to do that before the accident, he came back to the activity and started drawing again, in secret.

It looked so real as if it was one of the photographs in Arthur's phone.

Arthur sighed. "You're very talented," he said without realizing he was actually complimenting that idiot. But did he care? No, he didn't because Merlin really was talented. He perfected his talent over the years, but Arthur was pretty sure he was awful at drawing back in Camelot.

"Thanks," Merlin said and moved closer to Arthur to look at the other paintings. Arthur put the painting down and walked over to the table. There were brushes of various sizes there, together with used colourful sponges and other colours. When he opened one of the drawers, he gasped again.

After Merlin walked over to him to see what Arthur found, Arthur showed him. There were a few other, old paintings hidden in the drawer. One was of Camelot, but there were more. There was Gwen, Gaius, Gwaine and Leon, Lancelot, Percival and even Elyan. All the knights and their queen.

"I have a feeling I know who they are," Merlin mumbled as he took the one of Gaius and looked at it. Arthur waited, looking at Merlin and wishing that he would remember. It was taking too long already, the doctor said he _would_ remember, and if this didn't help then Arthur didn't know what else would.

"Go on, tell me." Arthur encouraged him.

Merlin frowned as he was looking at the old man with long white hair on the painting. "Um... Ga... Gei... Goua...Gis?" Merlin tried, and Arthur had to roll his eyes.

"Come on, Merlin." He told him. "We already talked so many times about him, how the hell don't you remember his name? It's so obvious, you're so close!" To be honest, Arthur noticed that some of the things he told Merlin, were lost again. It was as if Merlin couldn't hold the information inside his brain, and it was scaring Arthur a lot. For now though, he didn't want to think about it. "Try again." He encouraged him.

Merlin sighed and closed his eyes, clearly concentrating. "It's uh... it's ... Gais? No... it's _Gaius."_ He smiled up at Arthur and Arthur was smiling back at him, proud of Merlin that he was able to remember on his own.

"Yes! That's him." He took the picture and gave Merlin another one. "Now try this one, you know this, come on."

"That's Gwen." Merlin smiled. And Arthur couldn't stop grinning and handing Merlin the rest of the paintings, waiting for his responses that kept coming. "This is Gwaine, and Leon, and um... Percival? I know this one, that's Lancelot. And ... I don't remember this one, is that Gwen's brother?"

"Yes, that's-"

"Elyan." Merlin finished for him.

"Yes." Arthur couldn't be happier. He looked into Merlin's eyes, trying to find one last answer that he needed at that moment. "What else can you remember?" He asked him. "Do you... do you remember-"

"Only the faces and names." Merlin shrugged with a sad sigh. "Sorry, we'll just have to keep reading the diary and talking about it, I don't know why I can't remember." He looked down and his shoulders slumped and Arthur sighed, putting the paintings back into the drawer. They would need to put them somewhere into the house so they could look at them every day, they looked so real!

"It's alright." Arthur nodded, trying to hide his disappointment. "You'll remember. In time." He added. "Until then though," he grinned and waited for Merlin to look up at him. Arthur grabbed the colours and brushes and smiled. "Until then, we can paint!"

"Oh god, Arthur." Merlin closed his eyes in regret and laughed as he accepted the brushes Arthur handed him. "Let's see if you can be better than me, then."

"Oh you just wait," Arthur smirked.

"Shut up."

xoXÖXox

Agatha was just on her way to Glastonbury after she visited her sister who returned from Australia about two weeks ago. Her sister was happy to see that Agatha was alive and well, but that didn't mean they could ignore the situation in England and maybe even all over the world. They talked about it a lot, but Agatha couldn't say anything about Merlin and Arthur, her sister wouldn't believe her and she felt like she didn't have the right to tell anyone. So far it seemed no one needed to know because Arthur and Merlin were doing just fine on their own.

The situation I'm talking about is the one that the storm caused. The storm was only the beginning, and when Arthur finally came back, magic was unleashed back into the world, coming back to anyone whose ancestors once possessed the gift.

At first people thought it was only hallucination, but soon not even the news could keep lying. People didn't believe them and soon they found out that magic wasn't a hallucination and no one was truly ill.

A lot of people didn't want to believe what was happening - there was more suicides than in the last two years combined, but those who stayed and accepted their abilities divided into two major categories. One - they wanted to help or keep the gift to themselves, helping out only friends or in household. And two - they used their gift to steal and break the law.

It was all over the news again, warning people to report anyone who used magic in the wrong way. The law had to be adjusted and even the queen had something to say to all of that. Scientists started thinking of ways how to make thieves with magic stop using magic, but nothing was working so far.

The whole society was breaking apart, but Agatha believed that it would come together again, maybe in a few years.

Magic has spread through Europe, Asia and America so far, but Australia and Africa were soon to have magic too.

But Glastonbury? Glastonbury was still mostly the same, safe for a few people who discovered they had magical talents too. Agatha was glad for that because Bristol was different ever since magic returned, and she found out she most enjoyed her weekends spent with either Morgan or Merlin with Arthur.

She drove straight to the lake and parked in front of Merlin's house, getting out of the car and honking at anyone who was in the garden.

"Merlin?" She called. "Arthur? Guess who came to visit?"

The gate opened and both Merlin and Arthur appeared, grinning like two idiots that they were. Agatha had already learned that. She smiled when she saw them, and her smile got even bigger when she realized what they looked like.

Both dressed in white sheets, with colour splattered _everywhere_. Merlin's hair was red around his left ear and Arthur had green and blue on his cheeks and above his eyebrow. They were both holding used brushes and a palettes with almost every colour she knew existed on them.

"What oh earth have you two been doing?" She asked, laughing at their appearance.

"Painting," Arthur answered as he tried to attack Merlin with his purple brush, but Merlin didn't let him and made him paint himself with his magic. "Not fair!" Arthur laughed and Merlin just rolled his eyes.

"I don't want to see the rest of the house." Agatha mumbled, but she locked the car and let them lead her into the garden anyway.

"We found a key to the locked room downstairs," Merlin explained as Agatha nodded and opened her notepad, writing down a new prompt.

_Two characters (who don't like each other?) start fighting and it turns into the most childish play ever - colours?_

"Wait," she paused as she realized what Merlin actually said. She looked up at his colourful face and grinned. "You found a _key_?" She exclaimed in excitement. "When did this happen? Why didn't you call me?" She grabbed him by his shoulders and shook him, grinning like an idiot. Oh well, she fit well into the group.

Merlin laughed as he answered. "About two hours ago," he said. Arthur laughed too and returned his painting. "It's full of paintings that I'd made, although I still don't remember that."

Agatha ignored the last sentence because of the excitement she still felt and grabbed Merlin's hand, leading him inside. "You _need_ to show me!" She laughed and turned around only to notice Arthur giving Merlin a smirk as they disappeared inside the house again.

Merlin opened the door to the room with the key he kept in his pocket under the _not-so-white_ sheet and showed her around. Her mouth opened wide as she looked around at all those beautiful pictures and colours and the holy shi- " _A crown!"_ She exclaimed.

"Yup," Merlin smiled. "It's Arthur's. I found out I kept it."

"You must have been very lonely, judging by the paintings," she smirked when she saw literally all of them were of Arthur. She turned to Merlin and saw the light blush on his cheeks. Wait a minute... "Merlin," she said his name, smiling and looking into his eyes that he tried to avoid.

"What? It's nothing, I just... drew and painted his face a lot... it's.. it's... nothing. I was bored." He stuttered, and she could almost feel the way his heart started beating so fast. Her smirk got bigger and she glanced behind the door to see if Arthur was still in the garden - he was, so she turned back to Merlin and narrowed her eyes.

"Is there something you're not telling me?" She asked. Merlin swallowed and opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out, so he closed it again and looked around, not really knowing what to say or do.

"You know you can tell me whatever you want, right?" Her smirk turned into a gentle smile and she put her hand on his shoulder to maybe try and soothe him somehow. And it worked, judging by his slumped shoulders and the sigh. He closed his eyes and hung his head, slowly turning back to Agatha.

"Alright, alright..." he muttered. "I... I don't really know how to say this." he admitted as he looked into her eyes, looking for some help.

She smiled at him. "Are you... do you... I don't think you need to explain, I think I know what's going on." She told him and was glad when he finally smiled as well. "And don't worry, I won't tell him." She winked at him.

"Thank you." He smiled.

"No problem." She smiled at him reassuringly.

"I guess I didn't want to forget his face, too." He mumbled with a slightly sad smile on his face. Agatha looked at him and nodded, understanding what he meant. He must have had so many lonely nights over the thousand years that he spent only waiting.

"He's here now." She told him and squeezed his shoulder. He nodded slightly and smiled up at her.

When he turned around and went back to the garden, she pulled out her notepad and slowly followed him.

 _Two characters (who_ _don't like_ love _each other?) start fighting and it turns into the most childish play ever - colours?_

She smiled when she put her notepad back to her pocket and left the living room, finally joining her friends in the garden. "Well, show me what you're painting!" She smiled as she saw they were attacking each other with the brushes again.

Merlin was trying to paint the garden with Arthur in the background with donkey ears. At least that's what he told Agatha because all he had so far was one pretty good corner of the garden, but the rest of the painting was covered in splotches of Arthur's red brush with donkey ears that Merlin was trying to paint now, in peace.

Arthur on the other hand, was painting Merlin with gold eyes, and there were no splotches of Merlin's brushes there, the splotches were on Arthur's face instead as he had tried to protect his creation from Merlin's hands.

Agatha joined them and started painting a meadow with horses and neither Merlin nor Arthur dared to use their brushes on her painting.

xoXÖXox

"I'll be right there!" Merlin called at Agatha and Arthur about two hours later, running upstairs to fetch his old book of magic. They had cleaned everything up and left the paintings to dry on the table in the garden, and then they decided to go to the lake together.

And Merlin had a brilliant idea - to take his magic book with him so he could show them all the spells he had learned so far. All he needed to do was to find it under the loose parquet where he left it...

Once he ran back with the book in his hand and a warm coat in another, he left the house and saw that Ag and Arthur were already waiting for him behind the gate. He went to them and locked, following them up the hill.

"It's so cold here," Agatha said as they reached the first hill.

"I heard that it should get warmer again this week, almost twenty degrees." Merlin smiled. He couldn't wait for the last warm days before the real cold began. The winter was coming after all, and not just in the Game of Thrones series.

"Oh, really?" Agatha turned to him, walking backwards for a few seconds. "We should make a trip or something. Have some fun before we have to stay inside or leave only with a coat and a scarf."

"What do you suggest?" Arthur asked when they were almost by the shore. Merlin turned right so they could walk around the lake and hide in the tiny forest between the hills.

"I was thinking of... a sea, and a beach." She smiled. "Last time I was by the sea was when I was eight years old, that was with my parents and my sister, and I think our grandma was there too." She was smiling as she was saying this. "I thought we could all get into my car and just drive and drive and drive until we got there. We would book a room in a hotel and stay for a few days and then get back."

"That doesn't sound bad at all." Merlin smiled, stopping by a tree and sitting down into the yellow leaves and the dark green moss. He opened his book of magic and prepared a spell that was his favorite so far.

"So it's settled then?" Agatha sat down right next to him, smiling from ear to ear.

"It's settled." Merlin and Arthur said in unison, smiling at each other and at Agatha who was sitting between them. "We'll have to take some coats though, just to be sure." Merlin added and Agatha nodded.

"Well, show us your spells then," Arthur encouraged Merlin and the warlock happily started doing some magic. He clasped his hands together and whispered something into them, opening them again.

A blue glowing butterfly flew out of his hand, making both Agatha and Arthur gasp and stare at it with sparkling eyes as it flew away, towards the lake.

xoXÖXox

Agatha was brushing her hair, sitting at the corner of Morgan's bed and preparing for their movie night. They were supposed to watch Sherlock together, the whole season 3 again and the special too if they weren't asleep by that time yet. She was really looking forward to it, she wanted to watch Sherlock with Merlin and Arthur too, but Merlin argued that he hasn't watched all the Harry Potter movies with Arthur yet and that they had to wait.

She left them in the forest after Merlin showed them a few more spells. Morgan called her that she was ready and that if they were about to watch all four episodes that she should come over as soon as she could, so she said her goodbyes and left them there, driving to Morgan's flat in Glastonbury.

But where was she? Morgan said she would go for the cookies in the oven that had been baking there, but she wasn't back yet. Agatha frowned and left the room, slowly making her way to the kitchen.

"Damn it, not _now_." She heard Morgan's worried voice. She paused, contemplating whether she should go there or should rather return to the living room, but she couldn't help but be curious.

So she tiptoed to the door and peeked over the corner, looking at Morgan. She had a high ponytail and two oven mitts on her hands, looking at the cookies as if they were to blame for whatever happened.

There were three candles on the window, only one of which was burning. Morgan closed her eyes and frowned, holding her hand (that she must have burned with the cookies) and the two other candles started burning. Agatha's eyes widened and Morgan's gold eyes widened as well as she turned to the candles and quickly blew them out.

Then she took off one of the oven mitts (which looked like it had a hole in it) and looked at her finger, quickly washing it under a stream of cold water.

Agatha quickly hid behind the corner and tiptoed back to the room, sitting down on the bed.

Morgan had magic. That meant that someone from her ancestors must have had magic too. And now _Morgan had magic._ She had to call Merlin and tell him, but... Morgan was still there and she could hear her...

The door opened and Morgan walked in with two glasses of milk and the cookies on a plate in the middle of a blue tray. "Sorry it took so long," she apologized as she set the tray down on the table in front of them and in front of the tv. "I burnt my finger."

"No, it's okay." Agatha smiled and cleared her throat as Morgan sat down beside her. Then she turned the tv on. "Let's finally get our weekly dose of Benedict Cumberbatch."

"Here we come, Mr. Holmes."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why do I always make the chapters _so long?!_ I hope you liked it though, if I remember right, it took me long to write XD And I learned some new words too, like _splotches_ or _oven mitts_. See mom? Writing fanfiction _does_ help with school! :D


	14. Water You Thinking About?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating yesterday... this chapter is very long though, I hope you'll like it. Oh and... HAVE YOU SEEN THE NEW SHERLOCK TRAILER?????

Yet again, Morgan woke up to her window open, the candles suddenly burning and her door opening on its own. She hated every morning ever since that blasted storm. Not only has she been having nightmares every other night since then, she also witnessed her eyes turning gold and weird things happening around her.

It was a mistake inviting Agatha over. She knew it happened a week ago, but still. So many things could have gone wrong. Luckily, she only burned her finger (thanks to magic), but at least she didn't wake up with her curtains burning. And yeah, that happened once before. The bathroom was close to her room, so she used her shower to douse the fire, but still. She kept a pot of water near her bed ever since. Not when Agatha slept over though, that would be weird.

But she needed a little bit of normality again, and watching Sherlock with her seemed like a good way to do that.

In most of her dreams, she saw a white castle. A huge white castle, with towers and courtyard and a whole city and gates, horses, _everything_. She knew that place, but she didn't _know_ that place. She's never been there.

She's been to visit only one castle in her entire life. And that was when she was 12, one year before her parents died and she ended up in orphanage. They visited the Bolsover castle. She remembered she loved it there as a kid, and ever since then, she knew she wanted to visit more castles and feel like she felt in Bolsover castle again.

But then her parents died and all her dreams died with them.

Not all of them though - she moved to Glastonbury as soon as she could. This place, this town... it always seemed so familiar to her. She visited the King Arthur's tomb many times (and met Agatha there), and it always felt as if there was something more. Something she couldn't quite put her finger on.

And now with all those strange dreams, medieval flashbacks in her head and _magic_? Was _this_ something more? That _something_ she has been looking for this whole time?

Morgan... or _Morgana_ , sat up and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. Her name was another thing that didn't seem quite right. In all of her dreams, when she heard different and somehow familiar voices, they all called her _Morgana._ It was very similar to her real name, but why would they call her that? Wasn't Morgana le Fay an evil enchantress? The enemy to king Arthur?

"Why does this keep happening to me," she mumbled as she threw her legs over the edge of the bed and stood up, walking to her desk and blowing the candles out. Thank god she hid the burnt curtain so Agatha couldn't see it. She had no idea how would she explain that.

She yawned and put her socks on, closing the window and going to the bathroom. Then she made herself breakfast and watched the news – nothing new. People were still either becoming aware of their magical abilities or robbing banks or not having any special abilities at all. It was chaos out there, but not that she cared.

Experimentally, she looked at her fridge and started concentrating and narrowing her eyes. Perhaps she could use her magic at least for something. No one liked having to get up from the table to fetch something, and if her magic could help with that, maybe it wasn't such a curse after all.

The door of the fridge opened and she managed to spill the milk. "Jesus," she frowned and got up to clean it all up. Why did she mess up everything she touched? Or _didn't_ even touch?

Later that day (because it was Sunday), she decided to go outside. She took her warm purple coat, a scarf and a bobble hat, and then she drove over to the lake. She parked behind one of the hills, hopefully hiding her car from Merlin and his house.

She didn't know why she didn't want him to see her around the lake. She just knew that whenever she was near him and his other blonde friend (which was so far two or three times), she felt... uneasy. Strange. She didn't want to be mean to them, she barely even knew them, but everything just kept telling her they were _not_ her friends.

So she got out of the car and walked over to the lake and to the forests around. She could really use some time to relax, especially in a forest – for some reason she liked the trees around her, it gave her similar feeling like the one she got at the Bolsover castle. And she missed that.

She breathed in the chilly air and breathed out, closing her eyes while still moving forward.

" _I want him dead!"_

She quickly turned around as she heard the shout. She frowned and for some reason she started breathing faster and she kept looking around her, searching for whoever said those words. "Hello?" She called, but received no response.

" _Tell me where the king is!"_

" _I'd rather die."_

" _Then you shall have your wish... once you've told me. Not even you Sir knight, can resist the charms of Nathair..."_

Morgan put her hands over her ears and closed her eyes, trying to block those awful voices. One of them sounded just like her, but filled with so much hatred that she almost didn't recognise her own voice at all. The other one sounded like a man. She didn't know what was happening, but she _wasn't going crazy._

It was because of her magic again. It had to be.

" _Hello, Emrys."_

Who the hell was Emrys? Morgan started running back to her car, but nothing seemed to help her make the voices shut up.

" _I am a High Priestess. No mortal blade can kill me."_

Suddenly Morgan fell down to her knees as a sharp pain appeared in her stomach. She quickly unzipped her coat and pulled up her sweater, looking at her skin – there was no blood. She frowned and got up again, holding her side and running back to her car.

As soon as she closed the door behind her, she locked the car and closed her eyes, her breaths and heartbeat still faster than they should be.

What the hell was that? What the hell just happened? Why did she hear Those voices and why did it all sort of feel like a _deja vu?_ She decided that the safest place was her flat, so she started the car and drove away. As soon as she was on the road, she slowed down and glanced at Merlin's house. She looked into his windows and narrowed her eyes.

There had to be a reason why he was so familiar to her. But there were other days for figuring that out, right now she needed to get back to her flat as soon as possible. Or maybe she could call Ag and ask her why was Merlin so familiar, of course she wouldn't tell her what was going on though...

But anyway, she couldn't spend any more time in the forest.

xoXÖXox

The door to their room burst open as Agatha marched forward and dropped her bags beside her chosen bed. She had the right to choose since she drove them there, and it took almost two hours to do that. She turned to them with a big smile on her face and her eyes sparkling like tiny drops of water on clear glass.

"This trip has officially began!" She laughed and took Merlin's hands to get him to the room. He almost dropped his bags as she started spinning him around and he laughed with her and with Arthur as the king closed the door.

This was Merlin's first time at a sea, and the first time he owned any kind of swimwear – trunks. Well, he didn't find them at home so it wasn't incorrect to assume so. The only thing that kept him not completely happy was this weird unsettling feeling at the pit of his stomach. And it wasn't just the usual nervous feeling – butterflies in his stomach you could call it – because he's already got used to that. He felt it every minute of every day (because he spent every minute of every day with Arthur). But this was a different feeling. He felt it a few times when he was with Arthur at the lake, but it wasn't this strong.

"I'm so excited," Arthur smiled at them as he put his bags on another bed. There were three beds in the room, each of them separated from the others by a little bedside table. Arthur looked up at Agatha and at the beds and then he glanced at Merlin. "Are you sure you don't want another room? I'm sure I could arrange that..."

"I'm not letting you arrange anything on your own." Merlin told him right away, silencing Arthur who just rolled his eyes.

Agatha chuckled and then smiled at Arthur. "No, it's fine. I don't mind if you don't."

"I don't." Merlin reassured her with an easy smile and so did Arthur, after glancing at Merlin again.

Agatha nodded and knelt down to open her bag and go through it. After she threw out the majority of her clothes (Merlin was a little surprised to see she was just as unorganized as Arthur was – he had to pack his things up for him), she pulled out her purple swimsuit and grinned as she pressed it to her body and stood up.

"I've been waiting to show you that," she smiled. "What do you think?"

"It's beautiful!" Merlin smiled at her. When he looked at Arthur though, the former king's eyes were wide. Merlin frowned and turned to him completely, together with Agatha.

"What's wrong with it?" Ag asked, lowering her hands with the swimsuit.

"Is that... how women dress these days?" Arthur asked hesitantly. "Because back in Camelot you could be put in the stocks for this."

"It's normal these days." Ag explained.

"Yeah, women like to undress more, which I don't find particularly normal, but that's just how it is." Merlin shrugged. "You know, people don't put other people in the _stocks_ these days either."

"That's a shame." Arthur smirked and glanced at Merlin, clearing his throat immediately after. "But anyway, it is a beautiful colour."

"Thanks," Agatha smiled at him and threw the swimsuit on her bed carelessly. "You guys have nice trunks too, you know?" She laughed, knowing well that they didn't really like it.

They spent almost an entire hour just wandering through shops in the city, trying to find something suitable for Merlin and for Arthur. Arthur's trunks were red, and Merlin's were blue. These two colours somehow seemed to be characteristic for them, and she liked them in those colours.

"You'll look perfect, you'll see." Agatha laughed when she saw the slight doubt on their faces. When she looked at them, the doubt was replaced by a fake smile in an instant though.

"Alright, let's unpack and then prepare for the first trip to the water!" Agatha said as she knelt down on the floor, unzipping her bags again. The sun was high, there was no strong wind, and although the water was cold, it was nothing a couple of warm towels couldn't fix. She didn't have a chance to go to the sea in the last six years, and since her sister had recently been to Australia, she thought she could enjoy herself for a few days too.

Well, her boss let her off his hook for a week, so she was definitely about to enjoy that.

"Isn't it too cold to actually get into the water?" Merlin voiced his worries. He wasn't really worried about the temperature, it was quite fine outside, but that strange feeling in his stomach wouldn't let him rest, and it sort of _jumped_ when Agatha mentioned swimming.

He really hoped he wasn't afraid of the water or anything, why would he keep protecting the lake then? Besides, he's been to the lake before – when he ran to meet Arthur and didn't even know who it was at first. Since then... the only water he used was in the bathroom.

"Are you kidding? It's like 22 degrees( ***** )," Agatha told him. "This might be the last chance we get to swim in this entire year, I'm not sure you noticed, but it's autumn." She said.

"Yeah, I know, it's just... I don't want either of you to catch a cold or something. And I don't want to catch anything either." He started playing with the hem of his shirt slightly as he stepped back and looked down.

"It's fine, Merlin." Agatha smiled at him reassuringly. "You don't have to go into the water if you don't want to."

And he was grateful for her understanding, but it wasn't really _him in the water_ he was worried about. He didn't like the idea of Arthur being anywhere close the sea, and he had no idea why.

After they unpacked most of the things and ate something, they changed into the swimsuits and put on normal clothes over it. Then they finally locked the room (each of them had a key), and they left, driving to the nearest beach.

"So, do you want to be here, or..." Agatha asked as she looked at the beach full of people. They weren't the only ones who didn't mind slightly cool weather it seemed. And judging by Agatha's expression, she was hoping they would agree with her and want to find a different part of the beach.

Before Merlin could reply, Arthur answered. "I don't think this is the best place for us." He said. "After all, we're not really from here, at least I am not. Maybe we should find some more silent place."

"I agree," Merlin added as Agatha nodded, her lips pursed into a thin line.

"It's settled then," she smiled. "Let's find someplace better."

They started walking to the right side of the beach, passing many parents, couples, friends and kids, umbrellas near multicoloured towels and sandcastles. There were rocks and a high cliff where they were going. Maybe they could find a quiet, peaceful place with no one else so they can enjoy the sea properly.

As soon as they rounded the cliff and other large rocks, they knew they found the right place. There was still sand, but not a lot of it – just enough for three towels and a possible sandcastle. The little secret beach ended on the other side, the rocks meeting the water.

An easy smile appeared on Merlin's face as he entered the beach after his two friends. He didn't want to smile, he really didn't because the feeling in his stomach grew even stronger, but that beach was just so _perfect_. He closed his eyes briefly and though the wind wasn't particularly warm, it pleasantly played with his dark hair as soon as he removed the sun hat he wore on the way from Ag's car to the sea.

He really didn't understand what could be so wrong about something that looked so beautiful.

"It's been so long since I bathed like this," Arthur smiled, bringing Merlin from the magical moment back into reality.

Agatha laughed and Merlin turned around, just in time to see Arthur unzipping his coat and throwing his clothes all around him carelessly. As soon as he was only in his red trunks and _nothing else_ , Merlin lost all ability to make coherent thoughts.

_What was he supposed to do and what should he look like? Should he look away or keep looking at him as if nothing was wrong or should he-_

"Don't drool all over yourself," Agatha whispered into his ear, startling Merlin like never before. He jumped away, quickly closing his mouth (that had apparently been open) and turned to her, rolling his eyes.

"I'm not," he whispered back as he turned to look at Arthur again, who just went into the water. The feeling in Merlin's stomach grew stronger and he frowned, but Agatha wasn't looking at him. She just raised her eyebrow and shrugged with a little smirk.

"Definitely seemed so," she smiled and ran after Arthur, entering the cold water as well. She squealed a little bit and told Arthur something, which Merlin couldn't hear.

Not because they were far away, but because the feeling in his stomach spread through the rest of his body and for a second he felt as if paralyzed. What the hell was wrong with him? His friends were having the best day of their lives while he was just standing there, still in his clothes and just looking at them as if he didn't know them at all.

He sighed and closed his eyes, trying to will that feeling away and concentrate on something else instead. Like on Arthur's handsome body. He opened his eyes and just stared at him, keeping his mouth shut this time. And then he decided it would take a while, so he laid out a big towel on the sand and picked up Arthur's and Agatha's clothes after them and folded them on his towel. Then he sat down and took his phone out of his pocket, opening the camera and zooming in on Arthur's face.

"Oh boy," he took a deep breath as he focused on Arthur's smile and similar smile formed on his face.

Then Arthur's eyes found his and Merlin's heart started beating a little faster. He looked up at Arthur who was looking at him from the water. The king waved and smiled.

"I want to see those pictures once we're back!" He called at him. Merlin smiled and showed him his thumb up – to which Arthur frowned until Agatha started explaining to him what it meant. Then he smiled in return and did the same gesture with his both hands.

Merlin sighed and zoomed in on Arthur's abs. _Right. So no inappropriate pictures that Arthur could find afterwards._ Merlin thought.

He wondered how often was he with Arthur alone in his chambers, dressing Arthur up. Arthur told him they used to do that, but Merlin refused to do it in this century. And to be honest, he quite regretted that decision. But maybe it was better this way – he couldn't even imagine how red his cheeks would be if he saw Arthur almost naked from that close.

He was blushing even now and Arthur wasn't even close to him.

Merlin put the phone away and looked at Arthur and Agatha again. He became painfully aware of the feeling again, and he couldn't get rid of it. There was just something with _Arthur_ and _water_ that made him feel scared, like he wanted to protect Arthur and not let him go into the water at all.

Maybe something happened to Arthur in the water. Maybe...

 _The sun disappeared and clouds gathered up on the grey sky. It was evening. The wind was cold and the water that went up to his knees was even colder. Merlin looked down and saw that he was standing in a lake._ The _lake. And in front of him... there was a boat. A boat with a body inside – a dead body of a great king of legends. The boat with Arthur was slowly moving away from him and he couldn't do anything about it._

_It was over. He had failed._

" _In sibbe gereste."_

Merlin blinked and immediately got up from the ground, looking around him, confused. His eyes were wide, his heart was beating too fast for his liking and his hands were shaking. And that feeling was stronger than before, but what did it all mean?

And then he heard a _scream._

Merlin looked up and saw a wave coming to the shore. Behind that wave was Agatha, standing, and a body with red trunks floating on the surface.

Merlin's blood ran cold as he yelled Arthur's name and started running toward his king, not caring about the water at all. That feeling was gone after all – it had felt like a warning. He understood now. He lost Arthur to water once, he couldn't do that again.

"Arthur!" He screamed as he ran to the water in his clothes, swimming towards the man he loved.

Agatha was already holding him, trying to reach the shore and once Merlin reached her, he helped her and grabbed Arthur by his head and shoulders, using his magic to move faster.

His eyes were gold and full of tears and some part of all of this felt _instinctive_ , but the rest of Merlin's brain was just screaming, trapped in endless despair.

They reached the sand and Merlin laid Arthur down.

"Arthur! Arthur!"

Agatha got up and started running away, calling for help, but Merlin couldn't hear her. He couldn't even see her, all of his senses were completely devoted to Arthur who was lying in his lap on the shore, the sand sticking to his wet skin.

He started pumping the water out of him, the skill suddenly appearing as if he already did this many times before. And of course he knew how to do that, he lived in the Lake village - future Glastonbury - and he helped its people during the floods.

How did he know that?

"Arthur! Wake up!"

_I need you!_

And then it all came back to him. The people. Faces. Feelings. Moments he thought he'd lost forever. All those centuries of his life, every day by day, appearing in his mind again, as if the dark clouds just simply disappeared and helped him see everything clear again.

"Arthur!" He screamed at the top of his lungs, with tears streaming down his face and his eyes flashing from blue to gold and to blue again. Was his magic trying to help? Was it actually helping?

Where was Agatha?

"Arthur!"

"Merlin!" He heard a female voice yelling and running closer to him, followed by the sound of other people. Agatha knelt down next to him again in the same moment Arthur started coughing. Merlin helped him turn over and get the water out of his lungs as he kept coughing and Merlin kept crying.

He knew everything now. He remembered every moment they'd shared in the past, every moment he spent alone, without Arthur. Without the other side of the coin, without his other half that made him complete.

"Arthur!" He cried and hiccupped, grabbing Arthur by his shoulders as soon as he turned up to look at him, and kissing him right then and there, lips on lips.

He didn't have to think about it, it just happened. And he couldn't feel anything except for Arthur's lips, gently moving against his own as his hands tightened around Arthur's shoulders. And then another pair of hands appeared on his cheek and around his neck and he was pulled down into a hug, still pressing his lips to Arthur's and almost forgetting to breathe at all.

Every sound around him was dulled compared to the sound of his breathing and heart beating. Agatha's crying laugh, the sound of the ocean waves hitting the cliff and the shouting and clapping of hands from the people who were watching them and probably congratulating them.

When he pulled away and finally opened his eyes, Arthur's crystal blue eyes were looking into his. And Merlin was cradling his face in his hands, smiling like a complete idiot. They were mere inches apart, and there was nothing more urgent Merlin could think of saying than this:

"I remember." He whispered. "I remember everything."

Arthur's smile got bigger and he pulled him in for another hug before he collapsed on the sand with Merlin on top of him. Merlin closed his eyes and didn't want to hear anything else except for Arthur's once again steady heartbeat. Nothing else was this reassuring.

As the time went by, the people disappeared and Merlin could hear Agatha talking to them. Then he heard her footsteps as she walked to them again, sitting down into the send next to them. Merlin opened his eyes and took a deep breath, sitting up, but still keeping the contact with Arthur by gently stroking his hand. Arthur sat up then too, with Merlin's help.

"I'm sorry this trip turned out like this," Agatha apologized.

"You have nothing to apologize for." Merlin smiled at her. The smile looked like from a very old and tired, wise man, who was happy at the moment. "I didn't feel good about this trip from the start, but I didn't say anything." He admitted. "It felt... like a warning, perhaps."

"Maybe it was." Arthur told him, coughing again.

"It's not a warning if you don't know about it until the very last second," Merlin said, but then he looked up and smiled. "But I remember now." He smiled up at Agatha.

"What?"

"I remember everything." He laughed. Then he had to wipe his teary eyes with his wet sleeve as he sniffled. Agatha's smile couldn't match any other smile Merlin's seen on anyone else – she looked so happy that she could explode.

"Oh my god, Merlin!" She laughed and briefly hugged him. "The doctor was right! You finally remember everything!"

He nodded.

"What do you think set it off?" Arthur asked. "I mean, I've been trying to make you remember for the last month or so."

Merlin shrugged as he thought about it. "I think... I might have sort of _relived_ something." He looked down and then glanced at the blue body of water next to him. "I had a vision before Arthur got hit by that wave. I saw him on a boat. He was dead, and I think I had put him there. He was floating away from me on that lake, and I think... I didn't want it happen to again... It almost did."

"But it didn't," Arthur smiled at him and took his hand, making Merlin's breath hitch. "I'm still here."

"I'm so glad you are," Merlin whispered, earning himself another hug from Arthur.

Agatha slowly started clapping, grinning like an idiot. "I thought you guys liked each other." She told them as they pulled away again. "I mean, I knew about Merlin liking you, but I just wasn't 100% sure you liked Merlin back." She laughed awkwardly.

"How could I _not_ like him back?" Arthur put his hand on Merlin's thigh and smiled up at him. Then he coughed again and got up. "Am I the only one who still wants to get into the water?" He asked then.

Merlin rolled his eyes as he slowly stood up as well. "This time I'm going with you though. I can't have you swimming around, unprotected."

"So I'll be protected by an idiot like you?" Arthur snorted. "How could you protect me?"

"Careful, I could also take you apart with less than one blow." Merlin smirked, knowing well he almost repeated one of the first things he ever told Arthur after meeting him.

"That's pretty far from _protecting_ , don't you think?" Arthur laughed as he started going backwards to the water, keeping his eyes on Merlin's smirk.

"Oh I can protect you," he laughed as he started taking his clothes off, Arthur staring at him the whole time.

"I'll just stay here for a while then," Agatha laughed as they started running to the water. Merlin turned at her and nodded, looking back at Arthur immediately after.

It was time to finally have some fun.

xoXÖXox

Agatha smirked and took another towel from her bag, putting it around her shoulders and sitting down on Merlin's towel. She had enough for one day already. Besides, she could really use some time to continue writing her novel again, and yes, she knew that it wasn't the best thing to do on a beach, but she didn't bring anything else.

So she opened her laptop and started writing paragraph after paragraph, eventually stopping and taking a few pictures of Merlin and Arthur in the water. They were swimming around each other, throwing water at each other and laughing. To be honest, Agatha didn't think she saw Merlin laugh like that yet. Not even Arthur.

They looked so _in love_.

Her smile faded away a little bit as she thought about that. She met a guy once. She fell in love with him and they'd been flirting around for weeks, but when he finally asked her out... she found out he was a complete asshole. She still couldn't get over it. He even had two other girlfriends who didn't even know about each other – that was until she told them what their boyfriend was really like.

He moved out and never talked to her again, and so she tried to fill her days with writing and eventually visiting Glastonbury and meeting Morgan.

Agatha smiled and opened her bag once again to find her notepad. She started reading all those old prompts she hasn't had time to use yet. There was one about hobbies, and another one she wrote when Merlin and Arthur were painting...

She smiled as she remembered that day and looked over at her boys again. They were looking at her, saying something. Then Merlin waved his hand and pointed behind the cliff and rocks on the end of the beach. They probably wanted to swim over there.

So she nodded and smiled at them and then they started swimming away, leaving her alone only with her laptop. Ag sighed and started writing a short story for one of the prompts to exercise herself before she started writing her book again.

And then her phone started ringing.

She rolled her eyes and let the towel fall off her shoulders, finding the ringing phone in her bag.

It was Morgan.

"Hi!" She grinned when she put the phone to her ear. "How are you doing?"

"I need to ask you something," Morgan went straight to her point, surprising Agatha a little bit.

Some kid from the crowded part of the beach yelled for his mom as Agatha wanted to answer. "What is it?" She asked.

"What was that?" Morgan asked instead. "Was that a kid? Where are you?"

"I'm with Merlin and Arthur, at the sea." She answered simply and shrugged. And then she realized – she forgot to tell Morgan they were going there!

"The _sea?_ " Morgan asked, clearly slightly annoyed. "You didn't tell me Merlin wasn't at home."

"What?"

"Nothing, you just didn't tell me you'd be gone. With them." She corrected herself before Agatha could react properly. "Where are you?"

"Just near Bristol... anyway, what was that question you wanted to ask?" Ag smiled slightly and put the phone to her other ear, closing her notepad with the other.

"I just..." Agatha could hear a slight sigh on the other side. As if Morgan was deciding whether she should ask her at all. "I was just wondering... before Merlin and I met... do you think we might have met before? I mean... I know he's the _Ghost of Glastonbury_ and all that, but just... he seems _really_ familiar. And that other guy does too. What was his name again?"

Agatha was already frowning. "Um... Arthur." She told her friend. "But I don't think you could have met him before. He uh... he lived in another city before he moved here about a month ago, you know? So I don't think you-"

"Arthur?" Morgan repeated his name as if it was very important for some reason. She couldn't have known about the legend, could she? Agatha knew they met at King Arthur's tomb in Glastonbury, but surely she couldn't have known this Arthur was the actual king.

"Yeah, Arthur." She looked over at where Arthur with Merlin were supposed to be, but she couldn't see them – oh, they were still behind the cliff. "Morgan, I don't think you could have ever-"

"Never mind, it's fine." Morgan cut her off. "It's okay, I must have confused him with someone. Sorry."

"But-"

"Enjoy your holiday!" Morgan told her and hung up, leaving Agatha all confused. What just happened?

Morgan had no way of knowing that Merlin was the real Merlin and Arthur was the real Arthur. And if so, she would have made that connection at least a month ago, at the concert... but they didn't actually tell her Arthur's name then, did they?

But even if Morgan realized that, she should be fine. They could be a happy group of friends, knowing something the rest of the world didn't.

"Well," Agatha shrugged and put her notepad and phone back into her bag. Then she stretched her fingers as she laid them on her keyboard. "Let's continue this then." She smiled and started writing again.

Nothing felt better than writing. At least in Agatha's mind.

xoXÖXox

"Hey, hey hey, stop," Arthur took Merlin hand gently under the water to stop him from swimming away. They were behind the cliff now, completely and utterly alone. "Agatha can't see us now," he smirked and his heart started beating faster.

"Now what would such an old man want to do with me?" Merlin smirked and let the water take him closer to Arthur as he entwined their fingers and raised them above the water surface.

"I'm not old, you are!" Arthur laughed. "All those years I'd spent in Avalon don't count." He added. "I don't even remember any of it," he laughed. He loved this – their usual banter. It made everything feel normal again. He was happy.

His wish from the hunting trip came true.

"Well, if I'm that old," Merlin looked up as he smiled and swam even closer to Arthur. "That makes me very experienced, doesn't it?"

Arthur smiled and wrapped his other arm around Merlin's waist, while still moving his legs to keep them above the surface. He pulled Merlin closer and kissed him, gently brushing his lips against Merlin's.

Without opening his eyes and pulling away, he whispered, "I've been wanting to do that for so long."

"Not for as long as I have," Merlin argued, chuckling slightly as he wrapped his arm around Arthur's shoulders. "I've... I think I felt something for you right from the start." He admitted, finally opening his eyes, but choosing to look down at the water instead of Arthur's eyes.

"I'm sorry it took me so long, then." Arthur told him, but Merlin started shaking his head.

"It wasn't like that, I... I didn't understand what was it about you that kept me... interested. I would have stopped working for you if I could, but I just couldn't. And one of the reasons was that I knew me working for you and protecting you was my destiny."

Arthur laughed at that, earning himself a look from Merlin. "How could you have known that?"

A little smile appeared on Merlin's face and he looked into Arthur's eyes. "I remember everything I've lived through for the past thousand years. And I know we'll need to have a serious conversation about it, a conversation that includes the answer to your question." He paused for a second, still looking into Arthur's _young_ curious eyes. "You don't know everything I've done back in Camelot, and that's because I didn't tell you about a lot of things that I did back then, but I'll tell you."

"Are you trying to ruin this moment?" Arthur asked honestly, frowning slightly.

"No," Merlin sighed. "I just want to apologize again for lying to you for so long and I want to talk to you about it, but later."

"Okay," Arthur nodded, glancing at the cliff and rocks. "So I probably won't get an answer now."

Merlin chuckled a little bit. "No, but I can tell you a little bit." He waited until Arthur looked at him again and raised his eyebrows in question. Then he grinned and finally answered, "a dragon told me."

"What?"

Merlin just laughed and pulled away from Arthur, swimming away into the sea. Arthur stayed at the same spot for a few seconds, thinking about what Merlin just said. There was only one dragon he knew about – the last one. And even though he didn't know the full answer know, the entire story, he had a feeling he won't like it very much once Merlin tells him.

But why to ruin the moment now when there was plenty of water to throw at Merlin?

Arthur let the question slip his mind and started swimming after Merlin again, at full speed. He had a training as a knight of course. Not a very good one, but he could definitely swim faster than his former manservant.

"You can't catch me if I use magic!" Merlin called at him, laughing when he had to turn around to look at Arthur.

"Don't you dare!" Arthur smiled and went down under the water, swimming even faster to Merlin and grabbing his legs, pulling him under the water as well.

Merlin's eyes were open when he saw him under the water. His cheeks were full of air, but he could see in his eyes that he was smiling. Arthur moved closer and pulled Merlin to him by putting his hand on the back of his neck. Once their lips connected, they rose above the water again and started kissing more desperately.

And Arthur couldn't get enough of Merlin. He loved kissing him, loved having him so close. And he was sure he would love all those moments spent together in bed, just talking about their past and their future. And they would talk about all the stories Merlin kept from him when they were still in Camelot, all those paragraphs Merlin skipped in his diary (there had to be a reason for that), and about that damn dragon.

Or about Merlin's scars that Arthur noticed as soon as Merlin took off his t-shirt, but didn't say anything.

They would have to talk about them a lot, for sure.

xoXÖXox

Agatha was just finishing another paragraph for her prompt, when she suddenly heard a loud laugh. She startled a little and looked at the shore, immediately noticing a certain warlock being carried to their towels over the shoulder by a certain king. She laughed when she saw how Merlin tried to fight Arthur but eventually gave up, just hanging there and drawing circles into Arthur's naked back with his fingers.

"See?" She smiled as she looked at Merlin, whom Arthur just put back on the ground. "The water wasn't that bad, was it?"

"The water was the best actually," Merlin smirked as he looked at Arthur. Agatha's eyes narrowed and she had a feeling she didn't really want to know why the water was so good.

"And what have you been doing?" Arthur asked her when he noticed the laptop on her lap.

"Writing," she smiled. "Although, Morgan called me."

She could see how both Arthur and Merlin visibly winced and tensed. Merlin cleared his throat and looked at the sand, digging with his foot a little hole and pretending there was nothing wrong, but obviously there was something.

"Why are you guys like this?" She asked plain and simple. "It's like...every time I mention Morgan or she calls me or anything, you just... stop smiling."

Merlin looked at Arthur, who shrugged and then nodded silently, but Ag didn't see that. Instead, she looked at her laptop again and then closed it, clearing her throat.

"Alright," She started. "There's something I should probably tell you about her and about the phonecall." When nor Arthur and nor Merlin said anything, she took a deep breath and started. "It's really weird 'cause Morgan just called me... asking whether she'd seen you somewhere before you met. She said you both looked very familiar and she was a bit shocked to hear your name, Arthur. We never really introduced you, so I had to tell her and she just ended the call, not explaining a thing." Agatha looked down and frowned. "Last week, we had a sleepover." She added. "And I saw her... use _magic._ "

Now Merlin suddenly reacted.

"Morgana has magic?" He asked almost way too loud, swallowing and looking at Arthur again. They both knew something that she didn't.

"Okay, _what_ is it?" she asked. "And I'm not driving you home until you tell me."

"Alright," Arthur cleared his throat and took a deep breath. "Sorry we didn't tell you before, but... Morgan's real name is actually Morgana."

"The real one, from all those books." Merlin added, raising his eyebrow. "It's her. The Morgana."

"Morgana le Fay?" Ag asked, frowning. I mean, this was _ridiculous._

"Morgana Pendragon." Arthur corrected her. "She was my half-sister, but then she turned against us and tried to kill us many times, until Merlin killed her instead."

Agatha looked at Merlin, who was still looking at the ground and not talking at all.

"Are you being completely serious right now?" She asked desperately. She wanted to be friends with Morgan, they've been friends for about two years already and she didn't want to lose that. Although sometimes Morgan could be a little mean, Agatha believed she was a good person in her heart.

But how could she _not_ trust Merlin and Arthur? She barely knew them for two months, but... she loved them as her brothers. How could she think that what they were saying was not true?

"We are," Merlin nodded, finally looking up at Agatha who had little tears in eyes.

"Oh my god," she covered her face with her hands, regretting she ever even asked that question. When Morgan called her, she could tell she wasn't being honest with her. She didn't tell her about her magic and she didn't tell her why she needed to ask that question. But now it was pretty obvious.

"She's remembering her past life then. She must be." She told them. "That's why she called. She wouldn't have asked if she'd seen you before, then."

"If she remembers _and_ has magic..." Merlin shook his head and looked at Arthur.

"Then she could do anything." He finished for him.

Agatha's eyes widened. "Do you think she would be capable of breaking into your house?" Merlin and Arthur both turned to her with their eyes wide. "I forgot to tell her that we were here and she sounded surprised and sort of _weird_ when she found out that you weren't at home." She looked at Merlin whose face looked very worried.

"We need to get back." Arthur said as he stood up. "We can return to the sea when this is over or we can use the lake, but... we need to make sure she's not at our house."

"I agree," Agatha said as she accepted Arthur's hand and he pulled her up. Merlin stood up on his own and started drying himself with his towel.

Agatha started putting on her clothes and when they were all packed up, they headed back to her car.

To be honest, Agatha didn't know how to feel after what she just learned. She didn't want to betray Morgan... or _Morgana_ by not trusting her and turning against her because supposedly she was evil and Merlin's enemy, but on the other hand... Morgana was sometimes unpredictable and if she broke into Merlin's house... Ag didn't know if she could stay friends with her after that.

Morgan was the only girl friend she had. And she didn't want to lose that, of course she didn't. But sometimes... destinies were troublesome things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I didn't really plan to do such drama around Morgana, but whatever, I'll have to adjust the next chapter a little bit XD
> 
> (*) - 22 degrees of Celsius = 71.6 degrees of Fahrenheit.  
> "In sibbe gereste." - means "rest in peace" and was used by Merlin in the last episode... you know which scene I'm talking about (take deep breaths and don't cry please, that's what you'll be doing at the end of this fanfic).
> 
> The flashbacks Morgana had in the forest were also taken from the last episode. It was from a few different scenes - the first one when she was sitting on her throne and yelled "I want him dead!" (talking about Arthur), the next one was when she was talking to Gwaine and torturing him (*sobs*) and the rest was from when she met Merlin and he killed her - her last words.
> 
> The flashback that Merlin had on the beach was from the last episode too, which was kinda obvious.
> 
> I hope you liked the chapter! And I hope I can finish writing the next one on time, they're getting too long! XD
> 
> Please let me know what you think, thanks! ;)
> 
> (oh and about the name for this chapter... do you _sea_ what I did there?) ;)


	15. There's No Place Like Home

"Yeah, Arthur." Agatha told her into the phone, and the information instantly made Morgan's eyes large. How could she have _not_ noticed it before? "Morgan, I don't think you could have ever-"

"Never mind, it's fine." Morgan cut her off, swallowing and closing her eyes. "It's okay, I must have confused him with someone. Sorry."

"But-"

"Enjoy your holiday!" Morgan ended the call and threw her phone on the bed behind her, following it by falling into her bed and opening her eyes, staring up at the ceiling.

There was something in her head, hidden deep inside, and it was just outside her reach. She knew what she had to do in order to unlock that secret door and _remember_. She only had to try and think about it. It was _so close!_ So she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, letting the memories take her.

Merlin and Arthur. Her _friends._

" _Perhaps if you would stop shouting at me for one second, you would notice that I am packing!"_

" _I am so sorry for everything you've been through."_

No, they were her enemies...

" _I'm going to enjoy killing you, Arthur Pendragon."_

" _You don't know what it's like to be an outsider! To be ashamed of how you were born, to have to hide who you are!"_

Morgan took a deep breath and opened her eyes again. They were filled with anger and a vase on her table shattered as they flashed gold.

" _Sometimes you've got to do what's right and damn the consequences."_

She could see and hear and feel everything just like she used to all those year ago. She remembered her past life, a life full of magic and fights and castles. And mortal enemies.

Yet again, she felt the hatred for her father and for Arthur and Merlin, whom she'd underestimated in the past and that was her doom. She never thought Merlin could be that strong. Was he still that strong? She _needed_ her revenge, he _killed_ her!

Agatha was away, so that meant Merlin wasn't at home. Morgan paused as she sat up and looked out of the window. If Merlin wasn't in his house, perhaps she could break in and find out something about him. He must have known who he was in his past life. He didn't seem particularly friendly in this century and neither did Arthur. At least to her.

With Agatha they were always good friends, but when she was around? They always stopped smiling and proceeded with caution. She noticed that.

So she got up from the bed and took her coat, scarf and a gloves (she couldn't leave fingerprints, right?) and she stormed out of her door, running down the stairs to reach her car and Merlin's house as soon as she could. She couldn't know how long were they supposed to be at the sea, could she? And Bristol was only about two hours away.

Her car was parked on the street right under her window. She got in and started the engine, heading straight to the lake and not caring about anything and anyone. She needed to find out how powerful Merlin truly was, and if she couldn't find that out, at least she might discover some of his weaknesses in this life.

And even if he didn't remember her... she would take her revenge.

When she found herself outside his garden, she hesitated. Morgan McFly wasn't a bad person. She's never done anything against the law, but she was naturally... manipulative. She liked things being her way and she was very stubborn, and sometimes could seem mean.

Morgana Pendragon on the other hand... she was the last High Priestess of the old religion. A religion that was slowly coming back, and she was slowly regaining its powers again. She killed her own father, tried to kill her friends, and in doing so mercilessly killed hundreds of other people, only so that she could get her throne. Which she never did.

Until now, Morgan belonged to the first group of people with magic in this century. She never told anyone and used it only for herself. But now she's encountered a choice...

Break into Merlin's house, find out the much needed weaknesses of her mortal enemy and then avenge her own death... and in doing so, move to the second group of people with magic. The ones who used magic to break the law.

Morgan McFly cared about this. Morgana Pendragon didn't.

But Morgan knew that if she had magic, remembered her past life _and_ drove all the way from the town to the lake...

That Morgana Pendragon had already won.

So she stopped clutching the steering wheel and finally opened her door, getting out and looking at the ridiculously walled garden. What did he have to hide? Did he really need to be this secretive?

She locked her car and walked over to the gate. She didn't even hesitate anymore as her eyes flashed gold and she opened the door.

" _Tospringe."_

The gate unlocked and she walked inside with a triumphant smirk on her face. She's seen this garden before, when she stood just outside of it, talking to Agatha and Merlin was there too. She was in a hurry then though. And now? She was kind of in a hurry too, but she had magic now. She could do everything she needed in time.

She marched to the front door and unlocked it with the same spell. When it opened, she smirked again. Merlin didn't pay much attention to security, she was surprised he didn't. With past life like his? He must have known she was his enemy.

To her left, there was a door. The first room she would officially search through, hopefully finding something useful. She positioned her hand above the doorknob and whispered, " _tospringe."_

The sound it usually made when it unlocked was missing though, and a strange white shield flashed around the door and then disappeared again. Morgan frowned and tried opening the door, but it was still locked.

"He isn't such an idiot after all," she mumbled as she tried another spell, something more powerful. " _Ic ia tóspringe_ ," she said out loud, and this time nothing happened. No sound, and no shield.

Morgan tried the door again, but it was still locked.

What the hell? She was High Priestess of Old Religion! Her magic was very strong, maybe not comparable to Merlin's (although she wasn't sure just how powerful he was), but she could definitely kill him if she had a plan.

Why didn't the spell work then? It wasn't that powerful spell, just a little bit stronger than _tospringe._

Unless... Morgan's eyes widened. She turned away from the door and walked into the living room, looking around and trying to find something she could work with – she found a sofa. Then she reached out her hand and said, " _astrice!"_

The sofa didn't move an inch, and Morgana looked down at her palm with horror all over her face.

Her magic wasn't strong enough. _She_ wasn't strong enough. This body was born again, in a world without magic and although it had memories of the world with magic, it just didn't have the power to use them.

She screamed in anger and turned around again. When she first discovered she had magic back in Camelot, her magic was very weak. Morgause told her that too, and that was why she had to help Morgana train and use her magic every day.

_Morgause!_

She was the only one with better knowledge of magic. Her teacher and friend, her sister. Morgan needed her now more than ever, and if Merlin and Arthur and she were all alive again... maybe Moraguse was here too!

A little smile appeared on her face as she thought about seeing her dear sister again. Even though she probably had a little different name these days. Morgana Pendragon or as the books said _le Fay_ , was now Morgan McFly. Perhaps Morgause stayed Morgause too? Nevertheless, she needed to find her, train and perfectionate her magic and then return and kill both Merlin and Arthur.

She would probably leave out Agatha, but Merlin and Arthur had to die.

For that though, she needed to know their weaknesses.

When she looked around the living room again, there wasn't much to see. A door leading to the garden, a tv set, sofa and a table with chairs around in the corner of the room, books on shelves and... paintings of Gwen, Gaius, and the knights of Camelot on the shelves around the living room. The only thing that was missing to make the room almost perfect was a good old fireplace.

So she headed up the stairs and found a bathroom and two rooms. One of them was ordinary – with clothes, a desk and a few books, not much around. It was probably Arthur's, judging by the painting of Merlin that was on the bedside table. The other room though was filled with books and old drawings on the table, a laptop, (another painting of the garden with Arthur in it), and... another door.

Morgana tried the laptop first. But it was protected by both password and a spell. Cursing, she turned to the door and tried opening them instead. With no luck. It was the same protection spell she saw on the locked door downstairs.

Why did the _Ghost of the Glastonbury lake_ have to be so secretive and annoying? What did he know that she didn't?

And then it hit her. The _Ghost of the Glastonbury lake_ they called him. Why? Because he's been around since anyone could even remember and he never left the lake.

Which meant Morgana really knew only one thing about Merlin: he didn't have a past life like she did. He lived through all those years without Arthur, alone and waiting for him to return. Which meant another thing: his magic was even _stronger_ than when she last met him, when he killed her.

In this century, he really was the greatest sorcerer to ever walk the Earth.

Emrys.

And she was just a small town girl with magic she couldn't properly use, driven by her hatred and pain.

She really needed to find Morgause.

xoXÖXox

They noticed what was wrong the moment they arrived at Merlin's house and Agatha parked the car in front of it. The gate was open and that meant only one thing – Morgana had been there. Because without magic or a key, no one could open the gate, and only Merlin and Arthur had the key. They were thinking about making one for Ag as well, but they haven't yet.

So it must have been Morgana.

"We're late," Arthur said and opened the door. He was sitting next to Ag who drove the car.

"I hope she hasn't taken anything important," Merlin bit his lip and opened the door, finally getting out of the car. Agatha and Arthur followed him right away and they ran to the gate, stepping inside the garden.

There was only one thing wrong.

"Your flowerbed," Agatha breathed out as she looked at the disaster in the right corner of the garden. Instead of all those beautifully colourful flowers, there was only mud now and dirt and all the flowers were ripped out.

Merlin's eyes saddened as he saw it. "It's... it's just a flowerbed," he sighed. "Let's check if she hasn't destroyed anything more important."

Arthur nodded and started walking forward with Merlin and Agatha in tow right behind him. They went inside through the front door and the first thing that Merlin did was try to open the secret door to his left.

Luckily, it was still closed – she couldn't get inside.

"Is it still locked?" Arthur asked and Merlin nodded.

"Yeah, I almost forgot I put a protection spell over it about a uh... " he frowned. "Two hundred years ago? Well, glad that still works," he smirked a little in satisfaction.

"Did you put the same spell over the room in your room?" Agatha asked him, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, I couldn't risk anyone getting inside." He shrugged. "It could only be open with the key that I hid in the hollow book and only if I was in the room too. I kind of invented the spell myself." He smiled.

"Clever," Arthur smirked and his smirk got bigger when Merlin looked at him and smiled. They locked eyes for a few seconds, and as soon as Agatha realized they weren't paying attention to her or their surroundings, she rolled her eyes.

"Guys, let's check the rest of the house," She said as she smiled and turned away from them to walk into the living room.

As soon as she was turned around, Arthur grabbed Merlin's hand and leaned closer to give him a quick kiss on the lips. "Is it strange that I feel proud?" He told him and smiled when he saw Merlin's faint blush over his cheeks.

"A little," he chuckled.

"Well," Arthur shrugged and looked into Merlin's eyes again. "I've always been proud of you. I just never told you that."

Merlin's mouth opened and rather than waiting for any response, Arthur smiled and turned around to join Agatha in the living room.

"I don't think anything's missing from here," Agatha said when she heard Arthur and Merlin finally entering the living room. "Books, table, couch and the pictures are all still here."

"Were there any of your diaries in here?" Arthur asked Merlin, tensing when he even thought about Morgana reading them.

To his easement though, Merlin shook his head. "No, I made sure they were all locked up in my room when we left."

"Let's check your room then," Ag turned around and looked up at him. "And let's hope nothing's missing from there."

They went up the stairs and checked Arthur's room and then Merlin's room. Nothing was missing though and everything was at its right place. Even Merlin's old drawings were on the table next to his laptop and all the books were in the right order on the shelves.

"Maybe she just didn't have the guts to do it," Agatha suggested as she was looking around and thinking about her friend. She didn't want Morgan to turn evil.

"The Morgana I know is capable of anything," Arthur told her.

"But the Morgan I know, would not do such a thing." Ag argued, taking a deep breath and touching Merlin's desk to support herself.

"I guess that means..." Merlin approached her, "that Morgan isn't the Morgan you know. Not anymore."

Ag looked up at him with little tears in eyes as she nodded and looked down again. She knew it was true. The Morgan McFly she knew would _never_ be capable of breaking into someone else's house. She didn't steal anything, but she had magic and she didn't tell her about that, and she broke into Merlin's house and destroyed the flowerbed.

She has always seemed a little on edge, but Ag never thought she'd do this.

"She seems to be a little bit of both," Arthur said. "She's like Morgan and Morgana. Determined to have her revenge, but something is holding her back."

"Perhaps I should head back and look for her," Agatha straightened up all of a sudden and left the room. She paused when she sensed Merlin and Arthur walked out of the door and looked at her as she stood by the stairs. She turned around at them and shrugged. "I'll... I'll try to find out whether she's at home and if she isn't... well, we'll have our answer, won't we?"

"Should we go with you?" Merlin offered her, but she was already shaking her head.

She swallowed and smiled. "Thanks guys, really thanks. But... I need to do this alone."

"Alright," Merlin nodded and Arthur did too.

"Be careful though," The king added and after Agatha nodded, she went down the stairs and left the house.

Merlin looked down and returned to his room, looking up at his painting of the garden and Arthur on one of the empty shelves next to his wardrobe.

"Will she be alright?" Arthur asked quietly.

Merlin shrugged and sighed. "Morgana was her only friend." Merlin said, not really looking anywhere. "But if she really turned evil... I think in time, Ag will be alright."

"I hope so too." Arthur nodded.

After a moment o silence, he sighed. "Well, since Agatha is gone now and we're here alone... what do you want to do?" He asked with a smirk.

Merlin smirked as well and turned to him. "Wasn't it always you who gave the orders and not the other way around?"

"I can order you to-"

"Nope, I've had something in mind actually," Merlin stopped him and took his hand. He looked up into his eyes and smiled. "I couldn't show you when I didn't have my memories, but since I have them now... let's go _home._ "

xoXÖXox

Two hours later, Merlin and Arthur were slowly walking through the forest, getting farther and farther away from Glastonbury and the lake. Merlin refused to tell Arthur where they were going, even though Arthur had an inkling... but he didn't want to cling to false hope.

The most important thing was that they were both still alive and together after all.

Merlin put another strong protection spell over the front door, the wall surrounding the garden and the gate itself. When they left the house, Ag's car was already gone, so she must have been in Glastonbury right now, probably not really enjoying her holiday the boss has given her.

But at least the weather was nice. It was still around 23 degrees(*) (very rare for late October, but very pleasant) and although the trees were not as green as they used to be, at least most of the leaves were still attached to the branches as Merlin and Arthur were walking around them.

"Will you finally tell me where are we going?" Arthur asked his former servant, who just rolled his eyes.

"For the last time, Arthur, it's a surprise!" Merlin told him. "Honestly, one would think you'd be a little bit more patient when you were supposed to be a king, but apparently that's wrong."

"Come on, Merlin." Arthur laughed and stepped closer to him, taking his hand and entwining their fingers when Merlin didn't turn away. "If this isn't a hunting trip and we're not on some mission, what is this then?"

"This is me, paying my debt." Merlin told him as they continued walking lazily through the fallen leaves of different colours on the ground. Before Arthur could answer, Merlin added, "I remember everything and I can finally tell you everything, that's what I wanted to tell you."

Arthur was silent for a while. Then he asked, "am I finally about to find out about that bloody dragon?"

"Yeah," the warlock laughed. Then his smile disappeared and he cleared his throat _,_ hesitating a little bit. "I'm... sorry I never told you so many things," he started, but Arthur's hand on his forearm stopped him.

"You already apologized for that." He told him. "And even though it's been more than a thousand years for you, it's only been a month for me. You don't have to apologize again."

"But I want to," Merlin said. "I just feel like I need to apologize again..."

"Then your apology is accepted." Arthur smiled. "Again." And before Merlin could start protesting as usual, Arthur cut him off with a question. "So start in the beginning. And the dragon."

Merlin smiled at that. "That dragon actually is at the very beginning of my story."

They continued walking for nearly two hours and Merlin told Arthur about how he met Kilgharrah, how he talked to him and how he disliked the dragon in the beginning. Arthur didn't really believe dragons could talk at first, but Merlin just laughed it off and told him he was a bit surprised when Kilgharrah called his name in the night, but then he said it would be weird if the dragon couldn't even talk and was just staring at him in the cave.

He told him about what really happened Morgana and apologized numerous times for lying and for not telling him about some things. Like about Morgana's magic or that he released the dragon from his prison under the castle.

"You're lucky that I managed to stop that dragon," Arthur said as they reached a little meadow and continued walking across it. "Althouth, I'm not sure how I feel about killing him now when I know he helped you and me so many times before."

"You didn't actually kill him." Merlin bit his lip and really tried to continue walking when Arthur stopped, but he turned to look at him anyway. Arthur was just standing there and looking at him like a very confused donkey.

"What?"

"You didn't kill him." Merlin shrugged. "I saved the day while you got knocked out, as usual."

"Wait, what do you mean I didn't kill him?" Arthur narrowed his eyes and walked closer to Merlin, still frowning.

"Remember how we went to search for the last Dragonlord?" Merlin asked, all the old pain suddenly coming back to the surface. It's been centuries since he last saw his father. He saw him a few times in the crystal cave, long after Arthur had died. But in the end, even the crystal cave got lost and destroyed and he had to flee.

He didn't know if he could ever see his father again, but he really doubted it. Balinor was dead, just like Arthur had been.

And now Arthur is back and they're finally together and he shouldn't really think about things like that, but Arthur asked him and he had the right to know...

"Yeah, you were acting very weird all day." Arthur said, slowly starting walking again towards Merlin, who joined him as they crossed the meadow and entered the forest again.

"Well, there was a good reason for it." Merlin said. He's been practicing saying these words for over a millennium and yet when the time came, he still found himself hesitating. He really wanted to tell Arthur, but at the same time... this was a big secret - that he was a Dragonlord. It was almost just as big as him having magic, and he needed to tell Arthur, but he's never told anyone before... any of his friends at least (except for Lancelot).

"Which was?" Arthur reminded him he was still waiting for his answer and Merlin sighed, looking at the ground full of yellow and brown leaves.

"Balinor, the last Dragonlord... was my father." And instead of letting Arthur react, he continued right away. "I didn't know he was my father until Gaius told me only a few hours before we were supposed to go look for him. That was why I was so... quiet the entire trip. I knew I was about to meet my father and I didn't have enough time to come to terms with it."

"I'm sorry, Merlin." Arthur took his hand as he realized what Merlin was telling him. Balinor died only a day after Merlin had met him. That had to be awful, and Arthur didn't do much to comfort him even though he noticed his tears.

"It's okay," Merlin nodded, looking up at the trees all around them. "I'm the last Dragonlord now." He added. "I became one after my father died and I stopped Kilgharrah." He turned to Arthur who was already looking at him. "You never killed him, you only hurt him. And thank god the wound wasn't serious, he helped me a lot since then."

"So you stopped him on that clearing, in front of-"

"No one actually, you were all unconscious and some men were already dead." Merlin cut him off. "I saved Camelot again and you slept right through it."

Arthur punched him in the arm slightly as he rolled his eyes.

"I'm sorry though." He added again. "I know what it's like to lose a father."

"I know what it's like to lose everyone." Merlin whispered, clearing his throat and choosing not to dwell on that thought. "Anyway, to continue with the story. I talked to Kilgharrah and commanded him to stop the attack _ **.**_ Then he flew away and could never attack Camelot again. We met many times after that and although he liked to talk in riddles, he always helped me when I needed it."

"I don't suppose he's... still alive." Arthur hesitantly asked, picking up a little branch from the ground and carrying it in his hand.

"Kilgharrah had already been more than a thousand years old when I first met him. He died a few years after your last day." Merlin answered. "There was another dragon though, and you know her."

"Her?" Arthur frowned.

"That little white one." Merlin smiled. "Remember when we searched for the dragon egg and it got destroyed by the tower falling?"

Arthur sighed when he heard the question. "I suppose it didn't get destroyed, did it?"

"Not at all," Merlin smiled. "I took care of it, taking it to Kilgharrah and helping it hatch. I named her Aithusa, and for a few years, Kilgharrah wasn't the last of his kind anymore."

"What happened to her?" Arthur asked. He remembered that dragon, it was white, small, and it looked emaciated. He knew Morgana was taking care of... Aithusa, and even though Aithusa attacked them because Morgana told her to, Arthur still felt sorry for that little baby dragon. Whatever her fate had been.

Arthur wasn't sure he would be this okay with it at the time they thought the egg was dead. If he'd found out Merlin was hiding it and protecting it this whole time... he didn't know what he'd have done. Their mission was to make sure the dragon egg didn't hatch, but if Merlin was a Dragonlord and could make sure none of the dragons could ever hurt them, he was sure it would be interesting to keep her as a pet.

After legalizing magic of course. Which was a matter for another time.

"She wandered off when nor me nor Kilgharrah were paying attention." Merlin told him. "And she met Morgana and they created a bond. Then she spent three years with her in a dark prison while she was growing up, which was her doom. She... never learned how to talk and she never grew up properly. She grew attached to Morgana and felt ashamed when I met her... it was... heartbreaking to see her like that." Merlin whispered and closed his eyes briefly, squeezing Arthur's hand.

"And then?"

"And then," Merlin sighed, "and then I had to command her to leave the battle when she was about to fight with Morgana against you. After that, I spent almost two years trying to make you come back, but after that? When Gaius died and I became the court sorcerer, I tried to summon her, just like I used to do with Kilgharrah."

When Merlin stopped, Arthur looked at him and squeezed his hand back.

"What happened?" He asked carefully.

"She came flying to me, but when I saw her... I couldn't help her anymore." He swallowed and blinked the tears in his eyes away. "She was so weak and so hurt... that she couldn't even stand the flight. The only thing I could do was to take her pain away."

"You..."

"No, I could never kill her," Merlin hurriedly explained. "I just... took her pain away with magic so she didn't have to feel it as I... sung to her. Kilgharrah was already gone, and with Aithusa... the last dragon had died."

Arthur was silent for a minute, until he asked, "do you think there are any dragon eggs left?"

Merlin's laugh sounded bitter. "I don't think so, no. And even if they were, a dragon doesn't belong into this world anymore. At least not in England, imagine what would people do if they found out."

That was something Arhtur couldn't answer. "What would they do?" He asked hesitantly, not sure whether he really wanted to hear the answer.

"Instead of physicians, there are scientists now. They would probably kill the dragon and try to do tests on it, or they'd test it while it was still alive, and I would never let them do that. But for that, I'd need to reveal my magic to the world, and I would never live in peace anymore. None of us would. Not even the dragon."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Arthur sighed. "But for our own good,... do you have any _funny_ stories you failed to tell me about?"

Merlin laughed at that.

Of course he had a few. He told Arthur about how he'd never been to the tavern when Gaius told him he was. He confessed about being the old sorcerer when he tried to save both Gwen and Uther, and then he told Arthur something he never told anyone else, not even his diary...

"I'm... I'm Dolma." He said.

"You're a what?" Arthur frowned with his eyes wide and barely keeping it together. "You mean you're... the old sorceress that..."

"Yeah, yeah, that." Merlin started nodding and looking away from Arthur, who started laughing like never before. To be honest, he could have expected it, the old woman did seem quite familiar, but he never thought about that.

Then Merlin stopped with the funny stories and told Arthur that he actually _did_ poison Morgana. But Morgause saved her before it was too late, and that was why she was missing for a year.

He told Arthur everything he could think of but one thing. He didn't tell him about Freya.

Merlin was sure he'd tell him someday, but not yet. He didn't want Arthur to feel guilty.

"You already know that I almost went crazy trying to search for a way to revive you somehow." Merlin continued as they crossed another meadow, now already a few miles from Merlin's house. "And after Gaius died, you know that I stopped and accepted Gwen's offer of becoming the Court Sorcerer."

"I wish I could have been there when she was giving you the title publicly." Arthur chuckled. "You were quite known, you know? The idiotic servant to the handsome prince-"

"Leave out the handsome."

After Arthur nudged Merlin in the arm, he continued, "-and I'd have loved to be there and see that idiotic servant with a mental affliction being put into a whole new position in the castle, that had to be hilarious."

"It wasn't." Merlin shook his head.

"Now I think you're lying."

"I'm really not."

"That's what a liar would say."

"Shut up, Arthur." Merlin laughed, suddenly stopping and turning to his king with a smile on his face. "Dollophead," he added just because he could and then he leaned in and stole the next insult from Arthur's lips by a kiss.

When he pulled away, his smile wasn't as bright as before. And once Arthur opened his eyes again, he noticed that too.

"What's wrong?" He asked, cupping Merlin's face and looking into his sad eyes.

"We're here," Merlin simply answered and stepped away from Arthur, turning around and looking at the large meadow around them. Arthur followed his example and looked around, not really seeing anything interesting.

It was a huge meadow, surrounded by an old forest and other meadows and hills in the distance. He could see them because this meadow was slightly higher than them, and even though he's never been there before, there was this strange unsettling feeling in his chest.

"Where are we?" He asked, frowning and still looking around. There was a stream running along one of the forests and Arthur looked at it, tilting his head. Something was wrong about this place. If he could just figure out what it was-

"Welcome home." Merlin said and Arthur turned back to him, his frown even deeper. He noticed Merlin's eyes were filled with hot tears, and he wanted nothing more than to go and make him smile and forget the tears. But Merlin seemed apologetic again and Arthur wanted answers.

"What do you mean, _welcome home_?" He asked carefully.

Merlin shrugged weakly and stepped closer to him, looking down at the ground. "I failed to protect you and I failed to protect our home." Merlin told him, still looking at something on the ground. Arthur started walking closer to him, listening to what Merlin was saying and yet not really wanting to know what he was saying at all. "This... this is Camelot." Merlin looked up at him.

And Arthur wished this was something else, a joke or a bad dream, but not _reality._

"What?"

"Currently, we're standing on the old courtyard." Merlin whispered, the words almost being carried away by the wind. "This place... is where we first met, and look at it now," he continued, looking down at something on the ground again and kneeling down to touch it. "This is the only thing that's left of the great castle of legends."

Arthur knelt down next to Merlin and looked at the thing Merlin was touching. And of course it was a stone. It was a huge white stone, perhaps from one of the walls or pillars, buried under the ground so only the top of it could be seen. If you didn't know what you were looking for... you might not even find it.

"I was devastated when I heard the news," Merlin said, the tears silently streaming down his cheeks. "But there was nothing I could do to change the past... I'm sorry."

Arthur couldn't talk. For a few seconds, he almost thought he couldn't even breathe. Breathing was so much harder when you saw everything you once recognized as home, buried under the ground, so close and yet so far away, lost in the past. When he first heard about Camelot being gone, he was sad. But actually seeing it? It ripped his heart apart.

And he knew it wasn't Merlin's fault, of course it wasn't. But Arthur didn't have the strength to tell him that at the moment. All he managed to do was cover Merlin's hand on the stone with his own, and when Merlin looked up at him, grabbing his shoulder and slowly pulling him in for a hug.

Merlin cried into his shoulder and Arthur kept his eyes closed, burying his head into Merlin's neck and holding him as tight as he could.

All he had left now were memories of the magnificent castle and the people who lived in it. The people he left behind, never to meet again.

xoXÖXox

Agatha was becoming rather impatient. She's been standing in front of Morgan's front door for half an hour, and that was only because one of her neighbors kindly let her in. Morgan wasn't picking up her phone, nor did she answer any of the text messages that Ag sent her.

She knocked on the door for the tenth time, getting no answer. So she rang the bell – again, and still no answer. She knew Morgan was inside though, she could hear her move around the flat when she pressed her ear to the door.

"Morgan, just let me in!" She called through the door. "I just want to talk, it doesn't have to be like this!" She sighed when no one came to open the door. "I'm still your friend." She added.

Then she took her phone and decided to add another text message to the previous dozen.

_I'm not leaving until you at least acknowledge I'm here. Open the door. Ag_

She waited for a few seconds, just looking at her screen and waiting for some reply.

"Morgan, come on!" She said out loud, leaning against the door and knocking again and again.

If Morgan didn't reply or open the door, she could at least tell her to go away. Ag knew she was pretty annoying with all the knocking and texts.

_I JUST want to talk, I promise._

She hit send and waited again and again, until nothing happened. Again.

"Hey, are you alright?" Some old man asked her when he opened the door from the other side of the hall.

Agatha looked up and shrugged. "I don't know, my friend is inside and she won't open the door. I need to talk to her, but she obviously doesn't want to talk to me."

The old man nodded. "Perhaps you could give her a little time. I'm sure that whatever happened, it will be alright again." He smiled at her. "Maybe she'll answer or open the door tomorrow."

Agatha thought about that and nodded. "Thanks." She smiled up at him. "I guess I'll just go then, if she hasn't answered in the last half an hour, I guess she won't answer in the next five minutes either."

"Take care," the man smiled at her. "And good luck with your friend."

"Thanks." Ag answered.

After that, the old man closed the door again and Agatha sighed, knocking one more time and then writing another text.

_I don't know if you heard your neighbor and me talking, but I'll come back tomorrow. I know that you remember your past life, and I want to help you. We can find a solution, but just please don't use your magic for evil._

When Morgan didn't answer in the next minute, Agatha turned around and started walking down the stairs. Morgan lived in the fifth floor, in one of the highest buildings in Glastonbury. It was almost in the middle of the town.

And as soon as she made it outside, she looked up at Morgan's windows. No movement. But she knew she was there. She heard her.

"Merlin?" She said as soon as she dialed his number. "Is Arthur with you?"

"Yeah, we're both here." Arthur answered instead of Merlin. "We're just on our way home from the woods."

"Nice." She smiled. "I'm just on my way to your house from Morgan's house."

"How did it go?" Merlin asked.

"It didn't _go_ at all." She answered with a loud sigh. "She refused to open the door or even answer any of my calls and messages. I even had to ring her bell and disturb her neighbors, God." She closed her eyes briefly and opened the door to her car, sliding inside.

"Maybe she wasn't at home." Arthur suggested, but she was already shaking her head.

"No, I heard her inside. She was there, but she ignored me masterfully."

"Come home then," Merlin told her. "We'll hurry up so you don't have to wait outside and you can sleep in Arthur's bed tonight." She could hear Arhtur mumbling something right after Merlin said it and Merlin whispering something back.

"And you can go to her flat again tomorrow." Arthur suggested the same thing the neighbor did.

"It looks like I'll have to," Ag nodded, fishing out her keys from her pocket and turning it in the ignition, starting the car. "Anyway, bye, I'll see you soon."

"Bye!" They said at the same time, and after that she hung up, tossing her phone on the empty seat next to her.

She understood that Morgan was a different person than when she met her, but to ignore her like that? That wasn't like her at all.

xoXÖXox

_It was raining heavily. The water was damping his dark hair and coming in streams down his forehead, nose and mouth. When he opened his eyes, he had to narrow them because of the rain, but he did notice it was very dark. It was night and he was walking down an old street in the Lower Town of Camelot._

_He recognized the place, but it took him longer than he thought it would. Merlin didn't know why should he forget such a place, he lived in Camelot after all._

_When he turned around, there was a cage in front of him. A cage with someone trapped inside – a girl. A young druid girl with long dark hair and ragged red dress._

_Her eyes were looking into his, and he couldn't look away. He knew who she was, she was his first love – Freya. The bastet. The poor cursed girl that he fell in love with and stole from Arthur for._

_The scene slowly changed and he could feel cold winter on his face that was tear-stained. He was kneeling beside a lake and holding a body in his arms._

" _You made me feel loved," the girl said as her head fell backwards and her last breath together with her soul escaped her body._

" _No!" Merlin screamed, but it was useless. She was dead. His first love was dead. The girl he hid under the castle._

_The lady of the lake._

Merlin woke up to his own quick and deep breaths and a firm hand on his chest, keeping him in the bed. He grabbed the hand and moved it away, turning around and seeing Arthur with his hands in front of his body in the surrender position.

"Merlin, it's just me." He told him. But Merlin's eyes were still wide and his heart was beating faster than it should. "It was just a nightmare, Merlin, you're safe."

Merlin looked down and covered his face with his palms, taking a deep breath. He felt Arthur's hand on his shoulder, and he didn't hesitate to turn around and let Arthur wrap his strong arms around him.

A few tears escaped him as he closed his eyes and let Arthur hold him. "I'm alright," he whispered. "It was only a dream."

"Shh," Arthur whispered into his ear, holding his head and back.

When Merlin calmed down and lay back into his bed, Arthur entwined their fingers and lay closer to him to make him feel better. They were quiet for a few minutes, until Merlin sighed and turned to Arthur so their heads were very close.

Arthur's eyes were looking into his, trusting and worried. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asked gently, rubbing the back of Merlin's hand with his thumb.

"There's a..." Merlin began. "There's one story I didn't tell you about yet."

Arthur frowned slightly. "What story?"

"Remember how I kept stealing your food that one week and told you I wanted to keep you in shape?"

Arthur sighed and rolled his eyes slightly as he remembered exactly what Merlin was talking about. He nodded. "Yeah, I remember." He told him. "I'm not fat."

Merlin chuckled at that, but then he grew serious again. "There's a reason for why I stole those sausages and the ham and bread."

"I'm listening," Arthur encouraged Merlin when he paused again.

"Well, at the time, there was that druid girl that escaped and every midnight she changed into bastet and killed someone." He started carefully, watching Arthur's face for any hints he didn't like it. When Arthur's face stayed the same, Merlin sighed and added, "It was me who hid her."

"What?" Arthur frowned.

"I'm sorry," Merlin sighed. "But... I didn't tell you because-"

"Because it was bloody illegal and if Uther or I found out you thought you'd go to the dungeons? Or worse – into the stocks?"

"No," Merlin rolled his eyes. "I just... her name was Freya." He said, choosing to look down at their hands instead of Arthur's eyes. "And I brought her food and hid her under the castle. I didn't know she was the bastet, I thought she had magic just like me and that was why I wanted to protect her. I didn't have to pretend anything in front of her, I could just be who I was."

Arthur narrowed his eyes. "What are you trying to say?"

Merlin swallowed before he answered. "That Freya was the first person I fell in love with." Before Arthur could say anything, Merlin continued. "She was the one who made me realize my feelings for you. I fell in love with her, and then when she... died, I realized that what I felt for you was something much stronger than friendship or brotherhood."

"I'm sorry it ended like that," Arthur whispered. "I'm sorry I killed her, I didn't know you-"

"It's okay," Merlin smiled up at him and squeezed his fingers. "It's been over a thousand years, Arthur. And you had to protect Camelot, I understand."

Arthur nodded. "So that was why you seemed so sad when I found you brushing my boots."

"Yeah." Merlin nodded. "But you cheered me up. Thanks for that." He smiled up at him. "And my nightmare... I saw Freya die again. I don't know why, maybe because I chose not to tell you about her in the forest."

"Maybe," Arthur mused. "But that's all in the past now. Let's just..."

"Let's just what?" Merlin smiled when Arthur put his hand on Merlin's waist and pulled him closer.

"Let's just focus on this moment." Arthur whispered. He looked into Merlin's blue sparkling eyes and then at his mouth that was mere inches from his own lips.

"And what do you want to do in this moment," Merlin asked in a barely audible whisper.

"Kiss," Arthur answered and leaned closer, gently brushing his lips against Merlin's.

Merlin didn't hesitate to put his hand into Arthur's hair and pull him closer, deepening the kiss and closing his eyes. They kept kissing under the blanket for good ten minutes, until Merlin pulled away with a smile.

"I'll just... go get a glass of water from downstairs." He whispered. "Do you want one too?"

"No, I'll wait here for you," Arthur smiled at him.

Merlin grinned and kissed him one more time, before he got out of the bed and went downstairs, completely forgetting about the nightmare he had. Well, that was until the moment he looked out of the window in the living room when he went there to drink the water.

It was raining heavily and it was dark in the garden. He heard a thunder, and then he walked closer to the window, looking out into the rain.

And then he saw a person in the dark. He frowned and narrowed his eyes, but as soon as he blinked, that person was gone. It looked like a dark haired girl, almost like Morgana. Or Freya.

Merlin shook his head and tried to forget about it, thinking it was only his mind playing tricks on him because of the nightmare. He already saw a girl with dark hair in the rain after all, and that was when he was asleep.

He put the now empty glass into the sink in the kitchen and returned to his room, walking quietly so he wouldn't wake up Agatha who was sleeping in Arthur's bed. Then he opened the door and closed it again, lying into the bed next to Arthur again and falling asleep while holding him.

And this time, he dreamt about his second love - Arthur.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  Quotes:  
> 
> 
> \- " _Perhaps if you would stop shouting at me for one second, you would notice that I am packing!" -_ This is from ep 2x04 Lancelot and Guinever, and Arthur said this to Morgana when she thought he wouldn't go searching for Gwen when she was kidnapped. __  
> \- " _I am so sorry for everything you've been through." -_ From ep 3x01 The Tears of Uther Pendragon Part 1 - Merlin told this Morgana after they found her again and he believed her when she said she was held captive (she was with Morgana the whole time though). __  
> \- " _I'm going to enjoy killing you, Arthur Pendragon." -_ Morgana said this to Arthur in 4x13 The Sword in the Stone Part 2. __  
> \- " _You don't know what it's like to be an outsider! To be ashamed of how you were born, to have to hide who you are!" -_ Morgana said this to Merlin when they were fighting under the castle in ep 3x02 The Tears of Uther Pendragon Part 2. __  
> \- " _Sometimes you've got to do what's right and damn the consequences." -_ Morgana said this to Arthur in 1x04 The Poisoned Chalice, when she wanted Arthur to go and find a cure for Merlin - Mortaeus flower.
> 
> Spells:
> 
> \- " _I_ _c ia tóspringe_ " - means "Yea, I open it quickly." and was used by Merlin when he opened the door to a house of one druid woman in 2x03 The Nightmare Begins.  
> \- " _Tospringe_ " - means "open quickly" and it's probably one of the most used spells in the whole show :D If Merlin can open any door with this, makes you wonder why did he try to steal the keys from Arthur... XD  
> \- " _Astrice_ " - means "I strike," and it was used in episodes 1x13, 2x01 and 2x12
> 
> (*) - 23 degrees of Celsius = 73.4 degrees of Fahrenheit
> 
> Ughh welp... I hope you liked the chapter because it took me so long to write it. I should have more time this week since it's the last week of school before Christmas and I'll do whatever I can to add chapter 16 (should be very short) and chapter 17 on 24th of December. But don't be mad if I don't, I LOVE writing this fanfic and it means a lot to me, but it's also very exhausting XD
> 
> I hope I'll update at least something, but if I don't... Merry Christmas!


	16. Wake up, You Sleepyhead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm finally here again with a new chapter! I haven't started writing chapter 17 yet, but according to everything that I want to happen there, it'll probably be a very long chapter again and it'll take a lot of time to write, which I don't really have this week because the teachers decided to drop bomb of homework on us during Christmas (I'm gonna procrastinate anyway oops).
> 
> And although this chapter is shorter than the previous ones (but still quite long), I hope you'll enjoy it because I decided to write as much Merthur as I can. When I started this fanfic, I thought I would write some smut as well, but when I started writing this chapter and was just sitting there in front of a blank page... I decided against it, I hope you don't mind, they've been together for only about two days anyway when you think about it... there doesn't have to be smut for it to be a good fanfic, right? ;) I've tried writing smut once before and it was so bad that when I found it one year later, I had to delete it immediately. I'm just not good at writing it *sigh*
> 
> Anyway, enjoy! :)

No, Arthur wasn't sure what time it was when he woke up. He wasn't even sure whether he's really woken up or whether it was all just a part of his dream about Merlin's hands all over his body. But then he heard a familiar creak of the door, followed by silent " _shit_ ," and that made him frown. Not that Merlin didn't curse in his dream, but there was no door.

So as happy as he was right now, curled to Merlin's side with his arm over Merlin's waist, he moved his head and looked over at the door that was – as he expected – open.

Agatha was standing there with a grimace on her face, looking at Arthur apologetically. When she looked behind him at Merlin, she sighed and smiled.

"Arthur?" She whispered and made two steps forward. That was when Arthur noticed she was already in her clothes outside. What time it was again?

"Time?" Arthur asked, closing one eye and suppressing a yawn.

"It's eight," she told him in a whisper. "Listen, I'm going back to Morgan's flat and maybe she'll open the door this time."

"Okay," Arthur nodded and closed his eyes for a bit. When he opened them again, Agatha was already leaving and closing the door behind her.

So Arthur turned back to Merlin and almost yelped when he saw Merlin was looking at him with one eye open and the other one closed. He hummed and smiled up at his king, making it almost irresistible for Arthur to just lean down and kiss him.

"Good morning," Arthur whispered and pulled him closer with his hand on his waist under the blanket. Their thighs touched and Arthur shuddered, taking a deep breath and smiling at Merlin.

Not a good time to remember that dream he had.

"It's not morning until I say it is," Merlin mumbled and closed his eyes again, snuggling the blanket up to his chin and shifting under the blanket so he could be as close to Arthur as he could.

"Oh, I didn't know that you can control time as well," Arhtur chuckled and kissed Merlin's forehead. When he looked down at his boyfriend, Merlin was smirking up at him and both of his eyes were open again.

"I can't control time, but I can control you." He told him, making Arthur laugh suddenly and raise his eyebrows.

"Oh, I see," he grinned and lifted himself carefully above Merlin so they weren't touching yet, but Arthur was keeping Merlin trapped underneath him with the prison bars being his arms on each side of Merlin's head. When Merlin didn't say anything and just stared at Arthur's lips, Arthur smirked. "And tell me, sorcerer. Can you control me if I do _this_?"

He waited a few seconds just to drive Merlin crazy and then he leaned down, pressing his entire body to Merlin's and keeping their lips just mere inches apart.

"Tease," Merlin breathed out in a whisper, not daring to move or try some spell on Arthur to control him. Arthur only smirked again, leaning a tiny bit closer, but not touching Merlin, not yet.

"Maybe _I_ can control _you_ ," Arthur smiled.

In that second, Merlin lifted his head and pressed their lips together, bringing his hand from underneath Arthur to the back of Arthur's head and to his hair. Arthur didn't expect it, but he didn't hesitate to kiss Merlin back either.

He had to take a deep breath through his nose as the kiss started to feel a bit more intense. This wasn't new to him, things like this sometimes happened with Guinevere, but never... were they ready for this?

"Arthur," escaped Merlin's lips as he kept kissing his king, and in that moment Arthur knew that he didn't care. All he saw, felt and breathed was Merlin's body underneath him, every movement he did, his soft lips connected to his. Every thought of his mind screamed _Merlin_.

"Merlin?" He gasped in bewteen the kisses. "Are you... are we..."

Merlin laughed slighly and pulled away, his eyes still closed. "No, I... I don't have what we need in here," he sighed and opened his eyes, looking at Arthur's face and caressing it with his thumbs.

"What do you mean?" Arthur asked. "Are we talking about the same thing?"

"I'm pretty sure we do, yes," Merlin smiled up at him and looked down at his lips, running his thump over them and then kissing them once more. When his head fell down on the pillow again, he shrugged. "These days, people have all sorts of enhancements to make sure it's safe, and I don't have that, so..."

"Alright," Arthur smiled and leaned down to kiss Merlin again. Then he decided to roll off of him and he ended up on his back next to Merlin, who laid his head on Arthur's chest and smiled down at him.

"So... can you wait?" Merlin asked him, with worries in his eyes.

Arthur nodded and ruffled his dark hair, making it even more tousled. "We'll wait."

Merlin smiled and leaned down to kiss Arthur again, enjoying the slow and passionate kiss. Then Arthur pulled away and slowly sat up, waiting for Merlin to let go of him and snuggle back into the blankets.

"Where are you going?" Merlin moaned and then yawned, trying hard to frown up at Arthur. Which made the king chuckle.

"I'm going downstairs to prepare some breakfast." He answered as he finally got up and stretched himself, his arms over his head.

"Well, that's something I'm sure you've never said before," Merlin smirked and watched Arthur's stomach after his white sleeping t-shirt had ridden up while he was stretching himself.

Before Arthur could respond, Merlin asked, "hey, and where's Ag?"

"She went to Morgan's flat to try to persuade her to open the door again." Arthur shrugged.

"Isn't that dangerous?" Merlin propped himself on his elbow and turned to Arthur, looking up at him and frowning.

"They were... are friends." Arthur said. "I don't think Morgan would hurt her."

"And _Morgana_?" Merlin voiced his doubts, but Arthur just shook his head.

"She has memories of both of her lives now, Merlin." Arthur reassured him with a smile. "I don't think she would be capable of hurting Agatha, Agatha wouldn't even go there if she thought Morgan would hurt her."

"Yeah, but Agatha wants to save Morgan from her own self." Merlin shrugged and fell back into the bed, lying on his back.

"Everything's going to be fine, don't worry." Arthur smiled and finally disappeared behind the door.

He didn't hear Merlin's voice again as he went down the stairs, thinking about what could have happened, hadn't he started talking during the make out session. Perhaps something similar to what happened in his dream?

But that was only for Arthur to decide.

He sighed and reached the kitchen, making two cups of cocoa and bread with butter and honey. That was the breakfast he had the first morning he spent in this house. Well, they had tea then, but Arthur liked cocoa drink better. So he prepared all of that and laid it on a tray he found in one of the cupboards under the sink and then he returned to their room again, carefully opening the door with his leg.

"A little help, maybe?" Arthur smiled, thinking about different ways Merlin's magic could help him right now. He expected a usual witty answer, like "Suffer like I suffered," or "I've been doing this for actual _years_ , having to get it from the royal kitchen up to your chambers and you can't even get it here?", but Merlin was silent and all Arthur could hear were his silent snores.

He finally looked up from the tray and put it on Merlin's desk, careful not to destroy any of Merlin's drawings (majority of them were of Arthur's face or of them both together, so destroying those felt almost like a sin), and he turned to look at Merlin.

His boyfriend was asleep, wrapped in the warm blanket and lying on both halves of his big bed. And how could Arthur not smile at that?

So instead of waking him up, he kissed his forehead and entered Gaius' old rooms, looking around and reminiscing. He sighed and then took a deep breath _,_ imagining as if nothing had changed and he was back in Camelot.

The enchanted fake windows on the wall with the view of the Lower Town were helping a lot, but the soft snores coming from the other room were just a reminder that Camelot was gone now. Arthur wasn't sure he would ever get over that, but the snoring was also a sign that there was something good in this world.

Like his new boyfriend and a very old best friend, his loyal warlock, Merlin.

And Agatha was in this century too, he could never forget that. Sometimes she seemed a bit strange to Arthur, but she was a good person and a good friend.

Arthur smiled and entered Merlin's old little room, looking around and then eventually picking up the first diary they read together. He knew he shouldn't, he definitely shouldn't, but Merlin had his memories now. They didn't have to continue reading his diaries and if he wanted to know anything, all he had to do was ask.

And Arthur was sure he would miss all those moments they spent together in peace, Merlin reading for him out loud and Arthur losing awareness of his surroundings and imagining himself in Merlin's place. And then Merlin would always clear his throat or move slightly and Arthur would be thrown back into the reality, back into the room or bed with Merlin who was only reading a diary and not regaining any memories whatsoever.

That was different now, as he said. So Arthur ignored his hesitation and for a moment forgot he was supposed to be in the room with Merlin, and he picked up the book and opened it on Merlin's old bed.

He started flipping the pages, recognizing the paragraphs they've already read together and then finding new paragraphs that Merlin had purposely skipped. Arthur was very curious, and he had an inkling as to what was written in those paragraphs, so he knew he shouldn't read them, but... he's already opened the diary, hasn't he?

_Dear Arthur._

_I don't understand why I'm beginning every damn sentence in this stupid book with_ dear Arthur _. It's stupid, isn't it? To dwell on the memories of you when all of us except for me had moved on? I can't take this, I can't. It's taking too long. It's been five years Arthur, five bloody years! I'm not mad at you for not coming back, why would you want to come back when we're at war with the neighboring kingdom with a new young and inexperienced king? Why would you? Why would I want to keep waiting for you when it's killing me inside? But I want to Arthur, I need to, I love you._

_Tonight, I dreamt about you again. It felt so real, it felt as if you were here with me, holding my hand and promising to come back soon. I couldn't let go of you, but you disappeared, as you always do in the end, and then I wake up to the sad and dark reality. Lonely and so very alone._

Arthur blinked the tears away and turned a few pages back, trying to find something they haven't read yet from earlier after he died. And then he found another promising paragraph.

_Dear Arthur,_

_I know this is weird for you if you're reading this right now and I'm so very sorry for making you uncomfortable. Sometimes, I'm making myself just as uncomfortable, believe me. But why should you believe me when I had been lying to you for so long? That is a question I'm asking myself every day, every day that I spend looking for a spell or a ritual that would bring you back._

_Dear Arthur, dear Arthur, I'm sorry if you're still reading this. If you've skipped paragraphs or entire pages that are dedicated to you and my feelings for you, I wouldn't blame you. *But maybe you should skip the entire diary number five._

Arhtur frowned, and realized that the last sentence was written by a different pen or quill. It was a note from Merlin who'd already written most of the diaries and was just reading through the old ones, most likely.

_I've been dreaming about your face. I keep dreaming about your face almost every night and those nights are blessed because every morning I wake up, and your face is gone and all I'm left with are my memories and a few old paintings that don't look like you at all. I need to get better, I know that. Even Gaius told me that, along with something like "Merlin, you need to stop leaving and trying to revive him. He's dead, you can't change that. It will drive you crazy." I don't listen, I never listen, and maybe I've gone mad, but it's worth it, Arthur. I'm crazy about you._

_I miss your voice, your scent, everything that makes you Arthur, I even miss the ghost of your breath on my bare skin that I can only feel in my dreams._

Arthur closed his eyes and closed the book. This was getting too intimate, he shouldn't be reading this. He looked at the cover of the book – a simple brown leather cover, with Merlin's engraved name in the middle and some old druid symbols in the corners.

Merlin in the next room snored a bit more loudly, and Arthur raised his head and sighed. It was still morning, so Merlin would wake up very soon and he was reading something he definitely shouldn't be reading. So he put the diary back on the shelf and closed the door as he left the little room, and entered Merlin's modern room.

When he saw Merlin's innocent sleepy face, he smiled and walked over to the bed, leaning down and kissing Merlin on his lips.

"Rise and shine, you idiot." He smiled when Merlin stirred. "Rise and shine."

xoXÖXox

After she rang the doorbell of one of Morgan's neighbors and made it inside the house, Agatha immediately started running up the stairs, so she could start texting and knocking again a little bit sooner. Morgan lived in the fifth floor though, and soon Ag was panting and supporting herself on the rail. Thankfully, that happened when she was in the fifth floor already. (Her fitness couldn't have been that bad, could it?)

She knocked on the door, but as soon as her knuckles touched it, the door opened and she was standing under the door frame.

Morgan wasn't at home? She _always_ locked the door, something must have been wrong.

Agatha's eyes widened as she entered the flat and closed the door behind herself. The first thing she noticed was that almost all the shelves were empty and most of Morgan's belongings were gone. Ag quickly checked Morgan's room, her bathroom, kitchen, but there was no sign of her.

Where has she gone?

When it was clear Morgan wasn't inside and Agatha almost lost all hope of finding her again, she found a letter addressed to her on the table in the living room.

She hesitantly opened it and started to read.

_Dear Agatha,_

_I know you were knocking on my door today and texting me and I'm sorry I ignored you like that, but you need to understand that I can't be talked out of this, and you might be capable of doing just that. Talking me out of my plan._

_As you already know, I have my memories back. And you have no idea how much I've changed, I'm a completely different person now, one you might not want to be friends with. But I appreciate that you wanted to talk to me. If I answered though, that would mean that whatever I told you, you'd tell Merlin and Arthur, and that can never happen._

_It's strange to remember two lives so well. But now I finally understand what made me move to Glastonbury in the first place, and why I kept visiting Arthur's Tomb so often. There was always a part of me missing, and now that I've finally found it, I feel better, much more like myself._

_I've left Glastonbury, that much I can tell you. And I'll be back, but first I need to find someone and do something and I don't know how long will it take. My magic is very weak right now. But I found out there are special camps for people who have magic in England, and I plan on going there._

_Only you can decide whether you believe what I just wrote or not. It might be the truth, and it might not._

_You won't hear of me for a while, so don't bother calling me or texting me – as soon as I get into some city, I'll buy a new phone._

_Morgana Pendragon_

Agatha sighed and closed her eyes for a few seconds, trying to understand what she just read and what it meant. For starters, she couldn't trust Morgan anymore, that much Morgan told her herself in the letter. She also wouldn't be able to find her and she won't see her until... until what exactly? Until she returns to Glastonbury with that _someone_ and after she did that _something_?

What was she after? Merlin's and Arthur's lives? Would she be capable of killing them? She did say she was a completely different person...

Agatha opened her eyes and folded the letter in half and then in half again, putting it into the inside pocket of her coat. Then she took a deep breath and with one last look at the empty apartment, she left and closed the door, taking her phone out of her pocket.

Maybe she should call Merlin and Arthur and tell them what happened... or maybe she should tell them in person, she wasn't ready to speak or even think after what she just learned.

She just hoped she was alright enough to drive.

xoXÖXox

They were sitting on the sofa in the living room, all drinking cocoa drinks and talking about Morgana's letter. Well, Agatha was mostly talking, and Arthur was too, but Merlin? He was sitting with his side pressed to Arthur's side, with his head falling onto Arthur's shoulder and he was thinking about his dream, the person he saw in the garden, and also about the letter Agatha was telling them about.

"So she's gone? For good?" Arthur asked, taking a sip of his cocoa and glancing down at Merlin who moved his head slightly on Arthur's shoulder.

"No, she said she would eventually come back," Ag sighed and smiled slightly when she saw how comfortable Merlin looked around Arthur. "She said that before she could return, she needed to find someone and do something."

"Any idea what that might be?" Arthur asked.

"No," Ag shrugged. "She said she was a completely different person now, so it could be anything."

"Well, we know the old Morgana," Merlin said, not really looking anywhere and narrowing his eyes as if he was the only one in the room. "And you know the new Morgan, so..."

"She doesn't have anyone." Agatha nodded, thinking about it. "She said her parents died and she spent the rest of her life as a child in an orphanage in London. So I really don't know who she might be looking for."

"Maybe it's someone from her previous life." Merlin shrugged.

Arthur nodded and then he shook his head right after. "Yeah, but there's no one here who lived in Camelot. Is there?"

"I know only the two of you and Morgan," Agatha said and looked out of the window at the garden.

As Merlin followed her gaze, he ended up staring at the garden. It was just after noon and the garden was illuminated by the sky because there were clouds everywhere and no sign of the sun whatsoever.

He squinted his eyes and tried to see the black haired girl again. In his mind, he could almost see her. It was only for a second, but he recognized the long wavy black hair and the coat. He didn't notice the coat in the darkness, but she must have had it, he was sure she had it. And there was no doubt who that girl in his garden from last night was. He would recognize her anywhere, and it seemed she stopped for a visit before she left Glastonbury.

The only thing he didn't know was what was she doing there during the night and why did she leave just as fast as she came, leaving no damage behind. And how did she get into the garden after he put the protection spell over it... maybe she climbed over the walls?

"Merlin?" Arthur moved his shoulder slightly to make Merlin pay attention again. "Are you alright?"

"What? What, yeah." Merlin nodded and pulled away, leaning against the couch instead of Arthur's shoulder and finishing his mug of cocoa. "Uh, so Morgana is who knows where, planning something against us for sure."

"Do you really think she would do that?" Agatha asked him silently.

Merlin looked at her and nodded with sad eyes. "I'm sorry, but if she remembers who she was, she must have recovered also feelings and urges and she was hell bent on killing us in the past. She'll definitely try again."

"And she said her magic was weak, so she'll want to take some time to try and regain her powers." Arthur confirmed it. "She said she knew you were going to tell us, so everything that was in the letter is what she's comfortable with us knowing."

"And the rest is only for her to know." Ag looked down into her half full and half empty mug and frowned.

"I think I'll go take a nap," Merlin suddenly said, putting the empty mug on the table and standing up.

"Now? It's afternoon." Arthur frowned up at him, but Merlin just shrugged.

"What, I probably won't even fall asleep, I'm just tired."

"Are you sure you're alright?" Agatha asked, but Merlin was already leaving the room as Ag and Arthur exchanged worried glances.

"I'm fine," he said and went up the stairs, leaving them downstairs alone. He really needed a little bit of time alone and he really felt a little tired. He hoped he wasn't coming down with something.

So as soon as he fell down into his bed again, he sighed and closed his eyes, accidentally falling asleep in seconds.

xoXÖXox

It was two hours later when Arthur went to Merlin's room and found him asleep there. He and Agatha just kept talking and ended up watching a movie after he said he'd take a nap, and when Arthur noticed Merlin was still upstairs, he decided to check on him.

Merlin woke up to a kiss on his forehead, that then traveled down to his lips. He smiled into the kiss and instead of opening his eyes, he reached out his hand and his smile got even bigger when a strong hand entwined their fingers and a body lay down next to him.

"Wake up, would you?" Arthur's voice commanded, making Merlin instantly groan. He opened his eyes at last and looked up at Arthur's happy face, looking down at him with love in his eyes.

Merlin wrapped his arms and legs around Arthur and snuggled closer to him, enjoying the warmth and closeness. "How long was I asleep?" He asked.

"Nearly two hours," Arthur answered, making Merlin tense. Before Merlin could say anything, Arthur continued. "And now it's almost four in the afternoon and we're both very worried about you, so I'll ask you again. Are you alright?"

Arthur looked down into Merlin's blue eyes and kept staring at him until Merlin looked away and shrugged.

"I'm just really tired today, that's all."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah," Merlin nodded against Arthrur's shoulder and sighed. "Yes, I'm sure. We can go on a trip tomorrow if you like, I won't be tired tomorrow."

Arthur raised his eyebrow, not very sure whether he should believe Merlin, but then believing him anyway because of Merlin's cute face and easy smile.

"So you're okay."

"Yeah, maybe it's just the weather or something, I don't know." He rolled his eyes and sat up, rubbing them. "Anyway, since I'm awake now and was asleep most of the day..." he turned to Arthur and raised one eyebrow, a little scared to suggest what he had in mind, but on the other hand deciding he was ready after so many years of waiting. "... so that means I'll have a lot of energy during the night." He said in a silent voice, waiting for Arthur's response as he heard the fast beating of his heart and stopped breathing for a few seconds.

Arthur kept staring at him, slowly realizing what Merlin was suggesting and offering him. "What about... the other things..."

"I can go to the town," Merlin breathed out as he turned to Arthur and sat a bit closer to him. "And get everything we need."

"And what about Ag?" Arthur added another question.

"I have magic Arthur, I can shield the room and make it soundproof and lock the door, if that's what you're worried about. Now will you give me an answer?" He asked, glancing at Arthur's lips and then staring into his crystal blue eyes again.

There was slight fear in Arthur's eyes, and Merlin was sure there was some in his eyes as well. But there was also an excitement and as Merlin touched Arthur's wrist lightly, he felt his rapidly beating heart as his hot blood was pumping through his entire body, gathering in his cheeks a bit.

And then Arthur nodded. "Yes." Arthur whispered, still nodding and cupping Merlin's face. "I think I'll be awake. You?"

Merlin smirked slightly. "I can't think of any better way to spend my night when I'm not tired." He smiled and his smirk disappeared as he felt Arthur's hot breath on his lips.

He closed his eyes and did the final move forward, connecting their hungry lips and moving his hand from Arthur's wrist up to his hair. He took a deep breath through his nose and he was sure Arthur heard that judging by how passionate the kiss became.

"I need..." Merlin mumbled against his lips. "Where's Agatha?"

Arthur pulled away for a few seconds. "She's gone back to Morgan's flat to gather some of her things. She wanted to be alone for a while too, so she said she'd return for dinner."

Merlin nodded and sat on Arthur's lap with his hands on Arthur's shoulders as Arthur looked up into his eyes. He glanced at his lips and Merlin leaned down for a quick gentle kiss.

"I need to go to the bathroom though," he giggled when Arthur wrapped his arms around Merlin's waist and it tickled a little.

"What if I just won't let you go?" Arthur smiled and kissed his neck. When his tiny kisses reached Merlin's jaw, the warlock smiled and moved his head down so Arthur kissed his lips again.

"Well, then I'll have to use my magic," he smirked.

After a few more kisses, Arthur let him go with protests, but when Merlin kissed him one more time, he was finally able to leave the room and lock himself in the bathroom.

He sighed as he stood in front of the mirror with his eyes closed. His head was spinning whenever he started thinking about Arthur and he found himself wondering if Arhtur felt the same when he was thinking about him. That made him open his eyes and he stared at himself in the mirror.

Then he washed his hands and his face and looked at his reflection again, thinking about how tired he was that day. He knew he wouldn't be able to fall asleep that night, that much was certain.

A little laugh escaped his lips when he looked at his hair.

It was almost too dark and tousled, with traces of Arthur's fingers in it, which made Merlin's cheeks a little bit red. So he ran his hand through his hair and-

_what the fu-_

"What?" Merlin frowned as he quickly leaned closer to the mirror. But yes, he wasn't wrong. There was a lock of _grey hair._

His heart started beating faster and this time it was not because Arthur was close to him or because of what they were planning to do in the night. This time it was because he was _scared_.

This hasn't happened to him before, not ever. He never aged after Arthur died, he just stayed the same for the next 1500 years so Arthur would recognise him once he returned, and although he used the aging spell many times because of some people he got to know, this has never happened on its own.

He gritted his teeth and forced himself to take another deep breath and as he exhaled, he tried the de-aging spell. " _Edniwe min geoguð!_ "

Of course Merlin knew exactly how to use the spell so that he wouldn't change himself into a baby, all he needed was the grey hair gone. But the spell didn't work. His eyes flashed gold and nothing happened, and Merlin felt himself starting to panic.

He didn't want to get old, he still looked as if he was in his 30s and he really didn't want to change that into 1530s. How _old_ would he even look if his body had kept changing after Arthur died? He wouldn't have been immortal then.

Merlin turned around and looked at all the shelves in his bathroom. He didn't have a magic shampoo or anything that would change the colour of his hair from grey back to black (and he would need to buy that later if this kept happening), but he had scissors.

Without any hesitation he grabbed the scissors and found the grey lock of hair. With a shaky hand, he cut it and flushed it down the toilet as soon as it was detached from his head.

This didn't erase the problem, he knew that. But it allowed him to forget.

At least for another day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Edniwe min geoguð!" - means "restore my youth" and was used by Merlin in 3x10 Queen of Hearts, when Uther and Morgana saw Arthur with Gwen in the forest and Merlin tried to save Gwen from an execution by changing into Dragoon the Great, but then couldn't change back.
> 
> I'd love Arthur to read more from Merlin's diaries, so I hope I won't forget about that.
> 
> Well, I hope you liked it and that you're properly worried about our favorite warlock. This chapter is very similar to one of the episodes from season 1... you know, that one with young Mordred... titled The Beginning of the End? *evil laughter*
> 
> Okay, so sorry for that.
> 
> Merry Christmas?


	17. Always the Same Mistake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY COLIN! AND OMG GET READY FOR NEW SHERLOCK! (I'm so not ready) :D I had to split chapter 17 into two chapters so this chapter doesn't have (almost) anything to do with Christmas :( But Merry Christmas anyway, guys, I hope you had lovely holidays and that you'll celebrate the end of 2016 properly ;)

It's been three weeks since Merlin found the grey lock of hair on his head. It's also been three weeks that Arthur and he have been together, and three weeks since they last heard of Morgana.

Merlin and Arthur were half sitting and half lying in Arthur's bed now, both listening to songs and sharing earphones. It's become Merlin's mission to teach Arthur something about modern music, something less loud than what he heard on the concert. It was fun and soothing. And another thing that let Merlin forget about his hair.

It was all grey now. Every single hair was grey on his head, slowly turning to white and losing all colour. Of course Merlin didn't tell anyone what was happening, he just started to dye his hair once a week and was sure to hide the hair dye he bought in one of the cupboards in the bathroom, protected by magic.

At first he was scared, then he was kind of relieved because at least it meant that his curse was gone and he wasn't immortal anymore – he could age together with Agatha and Arthur, side by side, just like normal people did. But what worried him and made him keep it a secret was that it wasn't just one lock of grey hair.

He looked young. And yet his hair was turning grey. The only explanation? He was aging too quickly than normal people normally did. So what was wrong? Where was the mistake? Was this really what destiny had decided for him? To stay young until his king returns and then kill him soon after?

He prayed that this wasn't true and that he would get grey hair around age 30 anyway. But did he really believe that? Of course not.

So he kept it a secret from Agatha and from Arthur, he let them take him back to the sea, he enjoyed the rest of the week with Arthur in the water and he bought hair dye, _and_ he listened to songs with Arthur after that.

They also started reading books together. Sometimes they were just lying next to each other, each of them reading at their own pace and turning the pages once they were both done. Sometimes, they read different books, and sometimes one of them was reading out loud for the other. That happened usually at evenings. It was more fun that way.

So Merlin was lying in Arthur's bed, with his head on Arthur's chest and he was watching the closets in front of him and the empty white wall next to them. Arthur was the one to choose what music they would listen to according to what he found interesting, and Merlin was just lying there, trusting him and trying not to think about things.

They were listening to Shattered by Trading Yesterday.

 _And I've lost who I am, and I can't understand  
_ _why my heart is so broken, rejecting your love,  
_ _without, love gone wrong, lifeless words carry on.  
_ _But I know, all I know, is that the end's beginning?  
_ _Who I am from the start, take me home to my heart.  
_ _Let me go and I will run, I will not be silent.  
_ _All this time spent in vain, wasted years, wasted gain.  
_ _All is lost, hope remains, and this war's not over._

"Why such a sad song?" Merlin uttered after a while of listening to the singer. He felt Arthur shrug underneath him.

"It's not too loud, not too fast and I like it." He answered.

"But it's sad." Merlin repeated.

 _There's a light, there's the sun, taking all shattered ones.  
_ _To the place we belong, and his love will conquer..._

 _And I've lost who I am, and I can't understand.  
_ _Why my heart is so broken-_

"Try another song." Merlin turned his head up to Arthur and took his phone out of his hands. "How did you even get to this one?"

"It just kept playing on its own!" Arthur argued, looking at Merlin's skilled fingers tapping on the screen of his phone.

"You didn't turn off the autoplay, you moron." Merlin sighed with a smile as he turned it off and started typing something into the search box. They were on YouTube after all. "Agatha said she liked Nickelback, didn't she?"

"Yeah." Arthur confirmed. "Which is..."

"A band." Merlin answered as he started scrolling down the videos after the search. "I suppose. I'm for choosing a random video and giving it a go." He turned to Arthur again, who shrugged and took the phone again.

"I'm picking though," he smirked. Merlin rolled his eyes and laid his head back down on Arthur's chest, when suddenly a song started playing.

 _This time, This place  
_ _Misused, Mistakes  
_ _Too long, Too late  
_ _Who was I to make you wait  
_ _Just one chance  
_ _Just one breath  
_ _Just in case there's just one left  
_ _'Cause you know,  
_ _you know, you know_

 _That I love you  
_ _I have loved you all along  
_ _And I miss you  
_ _Been far away for far too long  
_ _I keep dreaming you'll be with me  
_ _and you'll never go  
_ _Stop breathing if  
_ _I don't see you anymore_

Merlin closed his eyes to blink away the tears that this particular song managed to form in his eyes. "What's this song called?" He asked, trying really hard not to think about how it felt to wait for Arthur for such a long long time.

"Um, it's called _Far Away_." Arthur told him. "By Nickelback. Hey, what's wrong?" He asked when he noticed Merlin put the earbud out of his ear and took a deep breath.

"Turn it off, please." He told him. "And find something that isn't _sad."_

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, yeah, just... please find something _happy."_ He mumbled and closed his eyes, waiting for Arthur to change the song patiently. Then another song finally started playing and Arthur put the earbud back into Merlin's ear to let him know.

"This one is called _You're the Voice_ by John Farnham."

"Sounds better." Merlin smiled slightly and opened his eyes again, watching the wall and the closets. There was a piece of paper stuck to the door of the closet that Merlin didn't notice before. There was something written on it, but it was blurred.

In the meantime, the singer started singing.

 _We have the chance to turn the pages over  
_ _We can write what we want to write  
_ _We gotta make ends meet, before we get much older_

 _We're all someone's daughter  
_ _We're all someone's son  
_ _How long can we look at each other  
_ _Down the barrel of a gun?_

 _You're the voice, try and understand it  
_ _Make a noise and make it clear  
_ _Oh-wo-wo-wo, oh-wo-wo-wo  
_ _We're not gonna sit in silence  
_ _We're not gonna live with fear  
_ _Oh-wo-wo-wo, oh-wo-wo-wo_

"Do you like this one?" Arthur asked him after another minute of the song playing.

"It's not sad." Merlin sighed and looked up at Arthur to give him a kiss. It was just after lunch and Agatha was downstairs, writing something on her laptop again.

It was Saturday and they were definitely having a lazy afternoon.

"I guess that means you like it," Arthur smiled when Merlin pulled away from the kiss. "Want to listen to it again?" He suggested with a smirk, but Merlin was already smirking up at him and leaning up to kiss him again, glad that he didn't have to think about his hair for a moment.

Or about that text that Arthur had on his closet door because it wasn't that far away... should it be blurred?

"Hey, what's that on your closet?" Merlin asked finally, when one of their favourite Beatles songs started playing.

Arthur smiled and read the text from the distance. "Some men are born to plow fields, some live to be great physicians, others to be great kings. Me? I was born to serve you, Arthur, and I'm proud of that. And I wouldn't change a thing." He smirked when he saw how amazed Merlin seemed. "I knew this funny fellow back in Camelot, who told me something similar to that. I wish you could meet him, he was slightly clever, but mostly stupid and very annoying."

"Well, I think that _funny fellow_ wouldn't be too happy to hear you talking about him like that." Merlin told him when Arthur looked down at him.

Arthur smirked. "You can tell that _funny fellow_ that he's just as funny as he used to be."

"I thought you knew him only in Camelot." Merlin smiled. "Or should I be jealous?"

Arthur thought about that for a few seconds and then shook his head. "Nope. You're irreplaceable, Merlin." He smiled when Merlin's head left his chest as the warlock kissed him again.

"Although that was sweet, I need to go now." He told him and got up from the bed, trying not to think about how he couldn't read that writing on Arthur's closet and yet Arthur could without any problems.

"Why, where are you going?" Arthur frowned and stopped him by holding his hand. Merlin's earbud was lying on the bed in between them, still playing music.

"I promised Agatha I would help her with something." Merlin confessed, letting go of Arthur's hand.

"What does she need help with?" Arthur asked.

At that, Merlin winked at him and went backwards to the door. "Secret." He mumbled and sent Arthur a kiss on his hand, finally leaving the room.

The thing was, he knew Agatha asked him to help her with something. He just couldn't remember what that was or why did she need his help, and he remembered she needed something only when _Happy Christmas_ by John Lennon started playing, and he was sure that the help Agatha needed had something to do with that song, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it.

So he told Arthur that it was a secret and yet again, pretended everything was fine.

Because there was nothing wrong with him.

No grey hair, no problems with reading or focusing his eyes on things that were far away, no problems with memory (they've been through that already, haven't they?), and thus there was no reason to panic.

He closed his eyes briefly and took a deep breath, entering the staircase and going down.

And he didn't want to miss that step and fall down.

So there was no reason to panic whatsoever. Or was there?

xoXÖXox

" _Merlin?"_

" _Merlin! Can you hear me?"_

He heard... voices. But they were distant... slowly coming closer to him from different directions.

Someone took his hand and another hand appeared on his forehead. He felt dizzy and all he could see were smudges of light. White.

Pain. He felt pain. But then it was suddenly gone.

No more voices.

Darkness.

Someone entwined their fingers. He was shaking and his eyes were probably open because he saw sharp light. He closed them again. So many voices and noise. He heard a car.

The hand disappeared and there was dark. But he didn't lose his consciousness, not yet.

"Merlin?"

He tried to turn his head towards the familiar voice, but he couldn't see anyone. He couldn't move.

Then the darkness came to take him again.

xoXÖXox

The first thing Arthur had heard before he started listening to another song, was a loud bump with Merlin's yelp. Arthur frowned at first, but then he jumped out of his bed and ran to the stairs. As it turned out Agatha had already been there, holding Merlin's hand and calling someone on her phone when Merlin didn't respond.

That was when Arthur got really scared.

They had called the ambulance, got Merlin out of there and joined him in the back of the big white car as they were on their way to the Glastonbury hospital.

And about thirty minutes after the fall, Arthur and Agatha were sitting around Merlin's bed in the hospital, waiting for him to wake up. That was where they still were now, just sitting in silence and worrying about that bloody idiot who didn't say anything to anyone.

Because of course Arthur wasn't stupid. He noticed how slightly distanced Merlin acted lately and how forced some of his smiles were. He thought it had something to do with Merlin's memories being back. So he didn't ask and waited for Merlin to tell him himself, which was a mistake he already did in the past and it seemed he never learned because Merlin never told anyone anything.

Arthur took his hand again and entwined their fingers, studying Merlin's nails and then looking at the beeping screens he didn't understand. They needed someone who would take care of his boyfriend, a physician. Someone as good as Gaius.

"Arthur-" Agatha opened her mouth but couldn't finish as another man entered the little room.

It was a doctor. At least that was what Arthur assumed, every doctor he saw on the tv with Merlin wore a long white coat, except for that one who travelled through time and space in a magic blue box and whom Merlin liked so much that sometimes Arthur got a little jealous.

The man looked at Agatha and smiled slightly. "Ah, I see we meet again." He told her. "The Ghost of the Glastonbury lake again?" He asked when he looked at a bunch of papers he held and at Merlin in the bed. "I was wondering what happened to him after he didn't arrive here to let me check that broken arm of his. But I did hear he had been seen in the city far more often that before... without the cast..."

He raised his eyebrows at Agatha, who just shrugged and gave him an awkward smile. "Can you help him this time, or not?" She asked him.

"Of course I can, it's nothing serious." He told them. "Are you really his friend now?" He added and waited until she nodded. Then he turned his attention to Arthur and frowned. "And you are?"

"I'm-"

"He's family." Agatha cut Arthur off and glanced at him. "Now how's he doing?" She looked at Merlin again and then looked at Arthur, trying to smile and cheer him up.

The doctor sighed and went closer to the patient. " _Marvin_ here, is alright." He started. "You said he fell down the stairs. Well, considering he lost consciousness and hasn't woken up yet, we've x-rayed him and checked some other stuff that might have happened, but he has no concussion. And I expect he should wake up very soon. So he's absolutely fine." Before Ag and Arthur could smile though, the doctor continued. "Except for one thing."

"And what's that?" Arthur asked carefully, now looking up from Merlin to the doctor again.

The doctor frowned and looked at both Agatha and at Arthur and then his eyes landed on Merlin. "His body functions... as if he was a very old man. And yet he is here, looking young while his body is working like that of my grandpa. Who is still alive by the way, and very very old. But Marvin doesn't seem to look like my grandfather now, does he? And then there's this other thing." The doctor frowned.

Both Agatha and Arthur were worriedly looking over at Merlin and awaiting the doctor's answer. Of course Merlin's body was working like a body of an old man, he was over a thousand years old and yet he looked young. Arthur thought it was a miracle, or magic, or destiny as Merlin had told him many times. But even though he was old, his body should be working normally, shouldn't it? Otherwise he wouldn't look this young...

He looked at Merlin again and at his face. A lock of his hair was away from the others, above his right eye and Arthur smiled, wanting to push it out of the way. And then he noticed it.

The tiny lock of grey hair, hidden in the shadow between Merlin's ear and the pillow he was lying on.

With fear in heart, Arthur was listening to what the doctor was telling them about his boyfriend.

"His cells are dying and reproducing faster than they should be, his... body seems to be getting old, but at a rapid speed." He paused and searched for any clues in Agatha's and Arthur's faces. When he found only horror, he raised his eyebrow and continued. "I haven't seen anything quite like it... but I think we should keep Merlin here. And this is not just my professional curiosity, I'm afraid it would be better if Merlin was under our care and-"

"Do you have magic?" Arthur suddenly stopped him and looked the doctor in the eyes.

"Excuse me, what?"

"Do you have magic and do you know how to fix him?" Arthur repeated his question and kept staring at the doctor with unshed tears in eyes, which he was trying to blink away.

The doctor shook his head. "No, I don't have these... modern abilities. And even with our technology or your magic, I don't think I could-"

"If you don't have magic and modern medicine can't save him, then I'm afraid you were mistaken, doctor." Arthur rose from his seat by Merlin's bed and sighed. "He'll be much better back home."

Agatha seemed to know what was Arthur's intention, so she stood up as well and nodded to support him. They had loads of magic books back in Merlin's house and once he woke up, an expert as well.

"Are you sure?" The doctor asked, glancing at Merlin again and sensing there was something going on right under his nose. Something he probably wouldn't be able to understand.

"Yes, we're sure." Arthur nodded. "As soon as he wakes up-"

"Arthur?" A weak voice from the bed whispered and immediately stole all of their attentions. The doctor nodded and quietly left the room, leaving them alone so they could talk in privacy and was left to wonder until the end of his life, who he really met in that small room.

"Merlin?" Arthur smiled and took Merlin's hand, entwining their fingers and glancing at Agatha with a smile.

"Can you hear us?" Agatha asked him. When his blue eyes wandered over to her, he smiled slightly. "How are you feeling?"

"Ugh, just like I did when I trained with Arthur for the first time and let him hit me over and over again..." Merlin put his hand on his head and hissed in pain.

While Agatha laughed at his answer, Arthur rolled his eyes and mumbled, "glad to hear you didn't lose your memories this time, then." Because after he saw that the doctor and Agatha already knew each other (and Agatha didn't live in Glastonbury), the only logical explanation Arthur found was that Ag was here with Merlin after the car accident and with the same doctor when Merlin lost his memories. Which would also explain why the doctor thought Merlin's name was... _Marvin?_

"True," Merlin sighed and with Arthur's support from one side and Agatha's support from the other, he sat up and closed his eyes for a moment, trying to get his head to stop spinning. "Yeah, um... so what happened?" He asked and grinned.

Nor Arthur nor Agatha were smiling though.

xoXÖXox

The ride home was silent. Way too silent for Merlin's liking, but he knew it was his fault – his silence caused _this_ silence. He should have told them what was happening, he should have been honest and yet he made the same mistake as he did in Camelot – he didn't say anything.

He was sitting in the backseat and Arthur was sitting next to Agatha in the front of the car. Merlin glimpsed Arthur's eyes looking at him in the mirror, but as soon as he did, Arthur looked down.

Merlin felt horrible. He really should have told them instead of pretending he was alright.

So he looked out of the window and sighed.

"I can't take this silence anymore," Agatha mumbled. "I'm not sure if it's a good idea to do this while I'm driving, but something tells me that you knew this was happening Merlin and I want an explanation."

Merlin sighed again and closed his eyes briefly. "I knew about it, yes." He admitted and felt ashamed for the sharp intake of breath he heard from Arthur. This was all his fault.

"Alright, so... what's the matter with you? What's happening?" Arthur asked.

Merlin hesitated, and then he opened his mouth and this came out, "I'm just ill and-"

"Ill people don't get grey hair, _Mer_ lin." Arthur gritted his teeth. Merlin could almost feel Arthur's anger, but he knew there was fear hidden underneath it. Arthur was terrified, and honestly... so was Merlin.

"Okay," he said.

But then the car stopped and the lights turned off and Agatha opened the door. They were back in Merlin's house and so they all got out of the car and slowly crossed the garden until they were all inside the house, where it was much warmer than outside.

Merlin took a step towards the stairs, but Arthur's glare stopped him right away.

"Alright then." Agatha sighed and folded her arms on her chest after she put away her coat. "What is happening?"

"I'm..." Merlin clasped his hands together because they were shaking and he didn't want them to know that he didn't know how to fix this which made him feel scared. "I've lost my immortality." He explained.

"You were literally _immortal?"_ Agatha asked.

"Yes, of course I was immortal." Merlin closed his eyes. "But now that Arthur's back, I seem to have lost that... curse. And I'm getting old."

"You _are_ old." Arthur uttered.

"Yeah, but I don't look like it, do I?" Merlin gave them a bitter smile. "Well... I sort of do," Merlin sighed as he raised his hand and made a circle around his head with it as his eyes flashed gold.

The black colour seemed to dissolve into the air as it disappeared, and all that was left was Merlin with grey hair that were already slowly turning into white at the roots. Arthur's and Agatha's eyes widened and Merlin's tear filled eyes closed on their own.

Then he shook his head and opened them again. "I don't want to look like it." He whispered and without another word, he hurried up the stairs and hid inside his old little room in Gaius' fake chambers. There he sat down on the little bed and closed his eyes tightly, trying to stop the tears but they still started streaming down his cheeks and he couldn't stop his eyes from being red-rimmed.

Because this was it. The end of his life. He's lived through centuries, waiting for his best friend, his _love_ , to return to him and when he finally did, he couldn't even remember him. And then when he finally _did,_ he started aging again and there was nothing that could stop it. His hair became grey during the first week, and that was way too fast for a normal person.

He wasn't a normal person though, was he? He was an immortal sorcerer. Well, that was gone now too. He was an ordinary human with far longer life than he should have had, and that happened only because he had failed Arthur in the battle of Camlann in the first place.

When Arthur came back to him from Avalon, he heard a voice. That voice told him that this century and this year that Arthur came back wasn't the right one. It wasn't time for the Once and Future King to rise again yet and Merlin didn't know what it meant then and he wasn't sure he understood now, but what he knew was that... if Arthur wasn't supposed to come back and yet he did... was it only because he was stupid and got hit by a car? Did Destiny... wake Arthur up early only to help him regain his memory? And now that they were both alive again, in the wrong century when the world didn't need them yet... was Destiny trying to get rid of them?

Was this the whole purpose of Arthur's return? Was it all Merlin's fault? Was that the reason he was dying now?

Because that's what it was, wasn't it? He was _dying._ He really was. No one could survive aging this fast and aging wasn't even the only problem here... he started forgetting things again. He still couldn't remember why Agatha wanted his help before he fell down the stairs, his eyes were getting bad because he couldn't read the words on Arthur's closet... He was getting old in every sense of that word and he would die eventually.

No need to hide that from Arthur and Agatha now. They already saw his hair and tiny wrinkles under his eyes that were not only from sleep deprivation.

He didn't realize he was crying silently and holding his first diary until suddenly there was hand on his shoulder. And he didn't have to turn around to know who it was.

"Merlin," Arthur whispered as he gently put the diary away and turned Merlin on the bed towards him. He wiped away his tears and sighed, wrapping his arms around Merlin and letting his head fall against Arthur's shoulder as the warlock started sobbing.

"Don't worry," Arthur whispered. "We'll fix this. We always do."

And Merlin didn't dare to tell him that this time they couldn't. He was the most powerful sorcerer to ever walk the Earth. He knew everything about magic there was to know, he even wrote his own book of spells and if there was anything _, anything_ that could help... he would have already found it.

But he hasn't found anything. Nothing he tried worked so far - no one could help him now.

So he let Arthur hold him as he held Arthur and he closed his eyes, trying to forget everything and focus only on one thing. Arthur's hand in his hair and on his back and his warm breath he felt just behind his ear.

Who knew if this wasn't one of the last hugs he would ever get from his king?

Who knew?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own the songs, obviously. But I really recommend listening to them, they're all from my Merlin playlist so :D I haven't even started with my school work (probably because I can't focus on anything without thinking about Sherlock this week), but I'll do my best to write the Christmas chapter and post it next week. Also, I'm so very sorry for how this chapter ended, this was my plan from the beginning of the fanfic and I've been thinking about it since I started writing (which was right after I finished reading Twist and Shout... which I probably should have mentioned - if anyone doesn't know, it's the most famous Destiel fanfic out there that will break your heart and leave you sobbing for a week after reading it). Also, the song Time by Hans Zimmer (soundtrack for the movie Inception) was my inspiration for this fanfic.
> 
> I hope you're not too sad, and I promise there will be a happy ending in the last chapter. I wouldn't be able to leave you all heartbroken, don't worry about that. In fact, I'm planning to end this fanfic with a little bit of humour, so I hope that will turn out well :)
> 
> Bye for now! And one more time: HAPPY BIRTHDAY COLIN! :D :D


	18. The Past and Presents

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so first of all, I am so so so sorry for not updating for a month omg, second of all - this chapter is all about Christmas and it has almost 8K words and I hope you'll love it if you haven't forgotten what this fanfic was about in the first place. Okay, I'm really sorry it took me so long to update. I took a break from instagram too (for a month) and if you follow me ([magical_mischel](http://instagram.com/magical_mischel)) then you probably know why I stopped writing (if I managed to explain it anyway). At first it was because of tests in school, and then because of a lot of pressure from school and everything, so I took a break and focused only on one thing - Sherlock. I know, I know, I should have focused on this fanfic instead, but honestly? I couldn't bring myself to write anything, and I'm still not sure if I can write a whole new chapter in a week, but believe me, I'll try.
> 
> I realize it's probably a bit too late for a Christmas chapter, but I hope you'll enjoy it. If I got anything wrong (grammar, if there are any typos, Christmas traditions - we open the presents in the evening, but I know most of you do in the morning) so if there's anything, please just tell me and I'll try to fix it. Enjoy :)

_Where are you? We're still waiting for you... same place as yesterday, remember? XX_

It looked almost like a paradise. A white kingdom with cold snow covering everything, every tree branch, every pine needle and the ground, bushes, even Merlin's hair. Although one might not notice that because... his hair was white. That's right, after he got rid of the black hair dye, it slowly started to turn white and now there was no going back.

Agatha sighed as she was watching her friend. The tiny wrinkles around his eyes from laughing were slowly becoming bigger, spreading all over his face. She really doubted Merlin laughed often before Arthur came back, but the wrinkles had always been there. She saw his photos from all those old ID cards. She knew he must have used to smile a lot, because the wrinkles were around his mouth as well.

But now? He looked sad. Well, she knew he was sad even though he tried to look happy. She saw right through his mask.

"There," Merlin sighed as he put away his phone and put it back into his pocket again.

"You texted him?" She asked, suddenly realizing that that was the reason neither of them was talking – Merlin was texting Arthur because they all agreed to meet up in the forest to cut down a tree for Christmas, but Arthur wasn't anywhere, even though he had promised to come.

"Yeah, he hasn't replied yet." Merlin shrugged and looked up at the tree they've chosen to cut down. Agatha watched as he clasped his hands together, the black gloves protecting them from the biting air all around them.

He breathed out a white puff of air and laughed.

"What?" Agatha chuckled when she saw the happy smile on his face – a rare thing these last three weeks.

Merlin looked down at her and then back at the tree they were standing around. It was a little pine, and its every needle was thoroughly wrapped in the white sparkling blanket.

"I just remembered something," Merlin smiled at her. "It's one of those memories that just don't go away and stay with you," he chuckled, "and it's been over a thousand years since it happened." He looked at the tree again and raised his eyebrow.

"Why are you looking at the tree like that?" Agatha laughed, taking a step closer and taking off her glove to touch the cold snow and let it melt underneath her fingers.

Merlin watched her hand as he answered. "Before the time I arrived at Camelot, I lived in a village called Ealdor. It's where I was born." He told her and glanced down at his boots. "I had a best friend there, Will. He... died only a few months after I left Ealdor, just when I came back to help my village with a group of invaders."

"I'm so sorry to hear that," Agatha looked at him, but he just nodded and smiled at the tree.

"When Will and I were young... we were in the forest, playing around... and he knew I had magic, he was the only person who knew. And well, we didn't know there was one of the villagers in the forest with us, and I kind of... managed to cut down a tree with my magic." Merlin chuckled. "And it almost landed on him." He added. "The... villager, I mean."

Agatha started laughing, putting her hand away from the tree. "Are you serious?" She grinned at him.

"Yes, of course I am." He laughed. "It was an accident, but he really didn't like us. Even before that. Oh, old Simmons." Merlin smiled. "Luckily, he hasn't seen me use my magic, and we managed to run away before he started asking questions." Merlin added and put his hands into his pockets.

Agatha sighed again and put her hand back into the warm glove. "Has he replied yet?" She asked him when she saw Merlin was looking at his phone again.

"No, he hasn't." Merlin told her. "Maybe we should go back and... check up on him."

Merlin was still looking down at the screen with a frown on his face when Agatha looked up at him and nodded. "Yeah, let's go then." She smiled and left the little tree, together with Merlin walking by her side.

As she was walking through the show, she realized she didn't have anything to give Merlin and Arthur for Christmas. That was probably because she was always busy over the week in Bristol, and every weekend she came to visit Glastonbury, they ended up doing something entirely different from what they wanted to do.

And yes, she knew it was already 24th and that they should have had the tree decorated by now, but she wasn't around last weekend. She spent the entire weekend in London with her mom, dad and her sister and her sister's family, because she wouldn't be able to see them on Christmas Day. Her parents were planning a trip so they weren't going to be in London for Christmas at all, and well... her sister had her own family. So the only ones Ag could spend her Christmas with were Merlin and Arthur, and she was very excited for that.

Their first Christmas together.

She didn't want to think about the fact that it might as well be their last.

So she glanced up at Merlin and put her hands into the pockets of her coat. "Do you have presents yet?" She asked.

"No," Merlin shrugged. "I've... I haven't celebrated Christmas in decades, I... oh my god, I almost forgot we were supposed to give each other gifts!" He stopped and turned to her, slowly realizing that he didn't have anything to give his two best friends.

"Hey, it's okay," she smiled at him. "You're not the only one, you know? I haven't got anything either." She told him and saw how visibly Merlin relaxed. "But Christmas Day is tomorrow, so we still have time."

Merlin smiled at that. "What do you suggest?"

"Shopping with my two best friends." She smirked up at him and slowly started moving again, Merlin next to her. "There's this shopping centre in Glastonbury... the only one, with quite a few shops in it. Morgan told me about it actually..." she said, immediately regretting mentioning her name. Her smile disappeared in seconds and she cleared her throat, trying hard not to think about the friend who betrayed her and left her. "Anyway... it's really great in there, so I think we'll be able to find everything."

"That's amazi-"

_Beep!_

Merlin smiled when he realized it was his phone that interrupted him. He quickly pulled it out of his pocket and together with Ag they read the message Arthur sent.

_Sorry. I'll be there as soon as I can. Half an hour? XX_

Agatha's smile returned to her face when she read the message, but Merlin only rolled his eyes, immediately starting to write a reply.

_Too late. We're heading back. Dollophead._

He sent it and then after a few seconds of staring at the screen, he added " _XX"_ to end the message with two kisses. Agatha chuckled at that and Merlin put his phone back into his pocket, slight crimson on his cheeks.

"Well, at least he's alive." Agatha smiled.

And so they continued walking through the forest, back to Merlin's house to finally get Merlin's boyfriend so he could show him how to properly cut down a tree with magic.

xoXÖXox

The last thing Merlin wanted to think about was the lack of the Christmas tree in his living room when he finally entered the house together with Agatha. He knew that Christmas wasn't really about a Christmas tree and all the decorations, it was mainly about family and friends coming together. But if this truly was his last Christmas with Arthur... he wanted it to be as perfect as if may be, Christmas tree and all.

Which also included said boyfriend to be present. And since he hasn't answered his last text, Merlin was more worried about him than about that damn tree.

"I'll stay here, you go and check up on him." Agatha smiled at him as she headed for the living room and sat down on the couch.

"That I'll do," Merlin nodded and sighed, removing only his shoes before he went up the stairs. He got rid of his scarf and jacket on the way to his room and left it in Arthur's room that he'd checked first. The royal prat wasn't there though, which left him with only one option – Merlin's room.

It's where they always slept anyway, since Agatha had nowhere else to sleep than in Arthur's bed. Not that they minded, actually it was great to share the bed and to-

Merlin mentally slapped himself and entered his room to focus on the one feature of interest – Arthur _Prat_ dragon.

"Arthur?" Merlin called when he realized his room was empty. And judging by the open door to the bathroom that he noticed earlier, Arthur couldn't have hidden there either.

So he stepped closer to the small room inside his room and frowned when he realized the door was closed. "Arthur?" He called his name again and took the door handle – only to realize that the door was actually locked.

He never locked that door after both Agatha and Arthur knew what was behind it. Well, there was the spell that always kept the door locked for anyone but him (because of Morgana), but he was certain he left the door open when they left the house with Agatha. So what was Arthur doing there?

"Arthur? Open the door, I know you're in there!" Merlin tried one last time, but because Arthur didn't answer, he sighed and opened the door with magic.

And as soon as he entered the old Gaius' room, he found what he was looking for.

Books lay open on the old benches and tables, Merlin's old magic books among them and even his first diary, there was his laptop opened on one of the tables with internet browser opened on it, indicating that someone was in the middle of a research, and there in the middle of the room, was Arthur, slowly looking up to meet Merlin's expectant eyes.

Time stopped when their eyes locked, and all you could hear were their breaths.

Merlin wanted an explanation, he really wanted one, but deep down he knew what this was all about because there were tears in Arthur's eyes. And before Merlin could even open his mouth to say anything, Arthur confirmed his worries.

"I can't let you... die." He mumbled. And then again. "I can't let you die, Merlin. I can't. I'd rather die myself."

Merlin nodded and closed the door behind him, slowly closing the distance between them. As he was coming closer, Arthur's head kept rising as he was looking at him.

"Arthur," Merlin whispered. He really didn't want to cry because he already told Arthur he'd come to terms with his inevitable death, but he was lying and so was Arthur when he promised he wouldn't try to find a way to save him because there wasn't one.

Without saying anything else, Merlin slowly ran his hand up Arthur's arm and cupped the back of his neck, bringing him closer until Arthur's forehead touched his stomach. He felt Arthur wrap his arms around him and he smiled, slowly sitting down on the bench next to Arthur and resting his chin on the top of Arthur's head while his king cried.

History was repeating itself, that much was obvious.

Arthur died and Merlin had almost gone crazy trying to find a way to bring him back. Now it was his turn to die and his responsibility to keep Arthur away from doing the same thing he did. They all needed to accept that the end was inevitable.

If Merlin couldn't find anything and there was no one out there with greater knowledge than his... then his death was sealed. And there was no going back.

And Merlin would do anything, _anything_ , to spend his last days (or weeks, or months) with the love of his life, in peace.

"Come on," he whispered into Arthur's hair, smelling it softly. Tears ran down his cheeks, but he tried to stop them and be strong for Arthur, even though it was his life that was soon about to end. "Let's get that damn Christmas tree into this house."

xoXÖXox

Arthur couldn't remember any other time that he got so emotional. The only other time he cried so much was when his father died. But this time it was even more than that because Merlin was still there, still with him, his fingers providing warmth in between his.

After they left the house and finally cut down that tree, Agatha drove them into the town to buy presents. Arthur didn't know what to buy to either of them, but from what he's seen so far, there were more than enough lovely things out there to buy. Certainly more than at the Camelot market. He still couldn't get out of his head the single white stone half buried in the meadow that Merlin showed him – the last piece of their old lives besides their memories.

Still, Arthur hoped to buy Merlin something that reminded him of all the times they'd spent together in Camelot, and of the love he felt for him. Not anything a girl would buy though. But he had to admit, he wasn't very good with buying things for people so he might require Agatha's guidance.

With that thought in mind, he looked out of the window of Agatha's car and focused on the song in the radio. It was the one they were listening to with Merlin before he went to the hospital – Happy Christmas by John Lennon.

It was snowing outside again as Agatha stopped the car and they all got out. Merlin immediately went closer to Arthur and took his hand, adjusting his woolen hat on his head with the other hand.

"It's over there," Agatha smiled at them and pointed behind the car on the other side of the road. "I love it when it gets dark and all the decorations light up." She grinned.

"It looks lovely," Merlin agreed as they all crossed the street together.

It was a shopping centre, just like Agatha described. But there were a few stalls in front of it on an empty parking lot, with decorations everywhere and people, buying things.

"Now, I need to buy presents for both of you, so I'll text you when I get back." She announced as soon as they made it to the first stall.

"Wait, you're just gonna leave us here?" Arthur stopped her and raised his eyebrow.

She turned around and grinned at them. "You can't get lost, it's not a big place or anything." She shrugged. "Besides, discovering this place together will be fun! Just wait and see!" She smiled at them and with a wave of her hand was gone.

"Well, that's nice." Arthur mumbled.

"Don't worry, I'll keep texting her so she'll have to get her phone out of her jacket every time." Merlin smirked as they started their journey through the different shops and stalls.

"What do you think she'll buy us?" Arthur smiled. The air was cold and full of pleasant smells of food and different drinks all around them. And though Arthur was still a little upset that Merlin found him in Gaius' rooms, he couldn't help but smile as the snowflakes fell down on his tongue that he'd stuck out – the last time he did that was when he was a kid. It filled him with unexplainable joy.

Merlin laughed when he saw him doing that and joined him. "I don't know," he replied after a while. "And to be honest, I don't know what to get her either, there are so many beautiful things out here- oh, look at that!" He pointed to his left and started dragging Arthur to one of the stalls.

There were Christmas decoration made out of shiny colourful pieces of glass. Each decoration had multiple colours and was glistening in the light of the candles that the stall owner had next to him.

"What would you like gentlemen?" He asked them as they approached. They were the only ones standing in front of his stall after all.

Merlin bit his lip and started searching for something he would like. And Arthur was glad to see him so happy because at least one of them was. And if Merlin seemed happy, maybe Arthur could try and pretend he was as well. It was Christmas after all.

"This one looks pretty!" Arthur pointed to a golden sparrow with blue and white wings that had a little hook on top of it so it could be on a Christmas tree. It was tiny but very beautiful.

Merlin smiled when he looked at the same little bird and that was the first time Arthur noticed the owner was eyeing them strangely. But well, he knew Merlin was famous in the town – the Ghost of the Glastonbury lake or something like that.

"How much does it cost?" Merlin asked, making the man clear his throat and nod a little.

"One pound fifty." He said. Merlin nodded and gave the man his money, accepting the little bird wrapped in a brown paper bag. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas!" Arthur and Merlin both replied and left the stall, planning to investigate everything else the parking lot and the shopping centre had to offer.

After a few minutes of endless arguing about what to buy Agatha, Merlin took his phone from his pocket and removed his gloves so he could text Agatha.

"What are you going to text her?" Arthur asked, curiously looking over Merlin's shoulder. Merlin grinned at that.

"I don't know, something funny."

_Arthur's being annoying. Save me._

Merlin smirked as he wrote the message and before Arthur could stop him, he sent it and earned himself a nudge to his arm from Arthur.

"Very funny indeed." Arthur rolled his eyes. "I'm not being annoying, you're just being unreasonable."

"I think I have a little bit more experience with women, Arthur. Honestly." Merlin told him.

"And what makes you think that?"

Merlin laughed at that. "You couldn't even buy a proper gift for Morgana's birthday, I had to help you with that!" He grinned when he saw Arthur rolled his eyes again.

"Yeah, but I don't think another one of those glass decorations is a good present for her." Arthur said. "Alright, what does she like?" He started all over again, hoping they would finally agree on something.

"She likes writing." Merlin shrugged and put his phone back into his pocket. "She writes all the time, and she likes reading too."

Arthur nodded. "Anything else? I can't think of a single thing to buy her based on that."

"You wouldn't be able to think of anything based on everything she told you." Merlin smiled, but then stopped and thought really hard about it as they started walking again. "Alright, um... she told me once she liked Sherlock."

"Sher-who?"

"Oh, and she likes dogs." Merlin smiled at him.

"We can't buy her a dog." Arthur sighed. They were inside the shopping centre and entered one of the shops with different things inside. "Something to eat?" Arthrur asked when he saw _chocolate._

Merlin followed his gaze and rolled his eyes. "Maybe, but it can't be everything we give her." He said and took Arthur's arm to drag him to a different part of the shop.

"Look at that," Arthur smiled. "Mugs. With messages on them."

Merlin glanced at him and then looked at the mugs, trying to find something that would be funny or something that would make him think about Agatha.

"There's nothing funny here," Arthur sighed.

"That would be probably because you don't get it." Merlin laughed when he read another message on one of the mugs.

Arthur just rolled his eyes and turned around, noticing stuffed toys. Now _that_ was something entirely different. "Merlin?" He took his hand and didn't even need to look at him to know that Merlin turned around and was looking at the same thing as he was.

"Now, that's better." Merlin grinned.

Half an hour later, after they'd already seen most of what could be seen outside and inside the shopping centre, they found another shop and separated, trying to find something to buy each other. That didn't take long because they knew each other well enough to know exactly what to buy.

And as Arthur was coming back to the place they agreed to meet up again, his phone beeped in his pocket and he fished it out, taking the bag with his present for Merlin in another hand. It was a text from Agatha.

_Would you_ please _tell Merlin to stop texting me? I'm trying to find something to buy both of you and he's not helping!_

Arthur laughed out loud as he read that.

"What's so funny?" Someone suddenly asked him, already peeking from behind his shoulder to look at the text. It was none other than Merlin himself.

"Nothing," Arthur lied, but it was too late. Merlin managed to get hold of his phone and started walking away, laughing as he read the text from Agatha.

"Merlin, you bloody idiot, give it back!" Arthur smiled as he chased him into and through another shop and finally caught his hand at the end of the shop, where they were alone, hidden behind towers of toilet paper.

"Oh my god," Merlin smirked and then laughed, and after a second Arthur realized it was not the text Merlin was looking at this time.

"What is it?" He asked and went closer to him. When he saw what caught Merlin's attention on his phone, his cheeks turned red _instantly._ "You weren't supposed to see that..." He mumbled.

Merlin was going through Arthur's gallery, looking at all those photos Arthur had taken of him in secret, long before they even knew they loved each other. As he was going through all those pictures, he couldn't help but smile and that warm smile filled Arthur with happiness.

"I didn't know you took so many pictures of me," Merlin told him.

"Oh, don't pretend I'm the only one." Arthur rolled his eyes and sneaked his hand into Merlin's pocket, successfully stealing his phone and without Merlin noticing, opening his gallery as well.

"Hey!" Merlin laughed when he saw what Arthur was doing, but Arthur was already looking at various pictures of him that Merlin also took in secret. "Oh my god, nooo..." Merlin covered his face with his palm and stepped aside, bracing himself for what was coming.

And then Arthur started laughing. "I can't believe it!" He turned to Merlin and showed him the picture he found. "You took pictures of me _while_ I was in the sea with Agatha?"

"I couldn't help it!" Merlin told him, all embarrassed with his cheeks pink. It was cute. "You looked so... handsome and I couldn't stop watching you and yes I might have taken a few pictures..."

Arthur looked back at the phone and started going through all the pictures. "Just a few?" He grinned. "Merlin, there's at least twenty of them."

"I stopped counting, okay?" Merlin laughed with him and let Arthur lean closer and kiss him for that.

"But I have to admit... I do look quite handsome in the pictures you took." Arthur smiled at him smugly, making Merlin punch him in the arm slightly and then suddenly pull him closer to kiss him properly.

It was right about then when Agatha found them in the back of the shop. "I knew why I wanted to leave you, god!" She covered her face in embarrassment and turned around, only hearing Merlin and Arthur laugh behind her.

"You can turn around again." Merlin told her as he gave Arthur back his phone.

"Are you sure?" Agatha asked. "Because I think I can still hear-"

"I promise!" Merlin laughed and she finally turned around, with a big smile on her face. She looked down at them and seeing that they both had one bag in their hands, her smile got even bigger.

"I see the shopping went well." She said. "But I'm starving, let's find something to eat! Hot chocolate?" She winked at them.

"Hot chocolate?" Arthur asked, while Merlin smiled and replied with, "that's not exactly food, but okay."

"Hot chocolate is like cocoa drink, but even better." Agatha chose to reply to Arthur instead of Merlin and with that they all turned around and started looking for a restaurant.

First of all, they hid the presents in the car, and then Agatha led them to a restaurant that she visited with Morgan half a year ago. They ordered hot chocolate, and even though Arthur loved the drink, he couldn't help but notice that Merlin stopped smiling again.

"Are you alright?" Arthur asked him when he tried to suppress a yawn and didn't succeed. When Agatha heard that, she looked at Merlin with worrisome face.

"No, I'm fine." Merlin lied and sipped his hot chocolate. But Arthur could see right through him, and he could tell what was wrong. Merlin was getting a bit slower lately, and he was tired more often than he used to be. So when Arthur realized how many things they've managed to take care of since that morning – cutting down a tree and getting it back to their house, the shopping, building a snowman in the garden before lunch – it made sense that Merlin would be tired.

"You should have said earlier that you're tired, we'd come back home sooner." Arthur took his hand on the table and squeezed.

"Arthur's right." Agatha joined in, nodding at Merlin. "Sometimes you can be a bloody idiot."

"Well, that was uncalled for," Merlin frowned slightly, but then nodded.

Ag only smiled at him. "You need to start taking this seriously, Merlin. And you need to let us take care of you, so stop saying you're fine every time we ask you and please be honest with us. We care about you." She told him, not smiling this time and Merlin bowed his head, nodding slightly.

Arthur wrapped his arm around Merlin's waist and pulled him closer. "Just tell us you're tired next time and we'll take you home, no matter what we're doing, can you promise me that?"

"Alright," Merlin sighed as he locked his eyes with Arthur, honesty and slight fear in them. "I promise."

Arthur smiled up at him and nodded. "Now let's finish the hot chocolate and get back home. It's late anyway." He said when he looked back at Agatha, who was checking her wristwatch.

They finished their drinks while talking about Christmas in Camelot and in the 21st century, and then they headed back to the car and back home.

xoXÖXox

The evening was full of fun and friendship, just like every Christmas should be. And this was the first Christmas for Merlin that he really felt the love radiate around him. It's been almost too long since he had real friends, and he could safely say that Agatha was one of his best friends, just like Arthur was.

So when they started arguing about Christmas decorations for the living room and for the Christmas tree, none of them took it seriously and the argument ended up in giggles and the tree almost falling on the couch if it wasn't for Merlin's magic.

"Wait, what is that?" Agatha asked as she pulled a beautiful gold sparrow made of glass out of a brown paper bag.

"I bought that today," Merlin told her, taking it from her and placing it on the tree. "I almost forgot that I didn't have any decorations for the tree, so when I saw this, I bought it."

"And I had to remind him to buy more decorations because as he said, we didn't have any." Arthur added. "Thankfully, we found some in one of the shops and bought them."

"And I bought this," Agatha smiled and went over to one of her bags and revealed a chain made of sparkly pieces of seemingly glowing paper. When she received two big smiles from her two friends, she grinned and wrapped it around the entire tree with Merlin's and Arthur's help.

Half an hour of giggles later, the Christmas tree finally looked like it should on Christmas. They all took a step back to admire its beauty and Merlin smiled, forgetting about how tired he was earlier.

"Yup, definitely the most beautiful tree I've ever seen," Agatha confirmed with a nod and a smile, reaching for her phone and doing something Merlin couldn't see because he turned to Arthur and wrapped his arms around him, giving him a kiss on the lips.

Then suddenly music started playing.

"Come on," Agatha grinned at them. "Dance! I want to see you dance!"

"We can dance all together," Merlin took her hand and spun her around, leaving the other hand for Arthur as they started moving to the rhythm of the song. More giggles and singing occurred and Merlin was sure that if this was his last Christmas, he was happy with that because it was perfect.

After the songs ended and Merlin became aware of how tired he was again, he tried to blink that feeling away because Agatha suggested they could play some games together. She bought them too, so basically without her, they would have no fun and not even the Christmas tree would be decorated (and the golden sparrow would sit there alone with only a few other Christmas balls that Merlin and Arthur bought together for the tree).

Merlin was very eager to play any game that he could lay his eyes on, and after Agatha showed them what she bought, they all went to Arthur's room and started to play. (The living room was a mess, covered in paper bags and plastic bags from the shopping, and there was no place for a game board.)

It didn't last long until Merlin felt tired again though and soon he had to leave, which sort of ruined the whole game because Arthur insisted on coming with him and Agatha couldn't play on her own.

But it didn't really matter, as Agatha admitted she was a little tired herself and that was how the beautiful day ended. With Agatha writing until 1am in Arthur's room on her laptop and with Merlin and Arthur sharing the bed in Merlin's room.

Merlin yawned for the umpteenth time and Arthur suppressed a laugh, yawning himself almost immediately after. And Merlin laughed at that, softly, against Arthur's neck as he shifted closer to him in the bed.

Arthur smiled as Merlin closed his eyes and he ran his hand through his white hair gently, his smile slowly leaving his face. Merlin didn't open his eyes but hummed with a little smile, clearly enjoying what Arthur was doing.

"You're like a dog," Arthur chuckled, hearing that Merlin hummed again when Arthur continued playing with his hair.

"You were even worse when you were a donkey, don't worry, Gwen told me all about that," Merlin laughed with his eyes closed and his mouth partly closed.

Arthur tugged at his hair for that, but then he frowned and pursed his lips into a thin line. "It's sad to know what colour it used to be." He mumbled, making Merlin open his eyes this time with a question in them.

"Your hair," Arthur clarified and Merlin looked down, not moving and keeping his eyes open. He didn't want Arthur to worry too much about it because there really wasn't anything that would help him. His hair turned grey, his skin stopped looking so young, his memory got worse and so did his hearing and eyesight. These things happened to everyone, and Merlin was almost way too old for all of this. And even if Arthur argued that it didn't mean Merlin would necessarily die, Merlin could almost feel it. He knew what was coming.

"I loved the black," Arthur admitted with a sad face and Merlin sighed quietly.

"Hey," Merlin slowly got closer to him and kissed him on the lips passionately. When he pulled away, he smiled down at him and stared right into his crystal blue eyes. "I'm not going anywhere for Christmas." And before Arthur could say anything else, Merlin added with a smirk, "so shut up and let me _sleep_ , seriously."

When Arthur chuckled and kissed Merlin again, finally leaving him and his hair alone so he could close his eyes and fall asleep, Merlin's mask fell off and his features grew grim. It was Christmas and he didn't want to worry too much, but it was also a whole month since the rapid aging has started and he couldn't shake off the uneasy feeling of what was coming – his sight got worse, his hearing was quite alright, but his hair was already white and every day he looked at himself into the mirror, he looked more and more like Dragoon the Great.

Not yet. But he knew that was his future. His Destiny.

And even though the word _destiny_ has been in his life since his early 20s, he learned to know one thing. Sometimes, destinies were shit.

xoXÖXox

Christmas Day

Agatha stirred in her sleep as the land of dreams slowly left her and she became aware of the soft bed beneath her body. It was warm under the blanket, and very comfortably warm. She didn't want to get out, but she spent half an hour wrapping her presents after Arthur and Merlin had left and now those presents needed to get to the living room and under the Christmas tree.

She just hoped her boys weren't awake yet, she needed to do one more thing – a little surprise she bought yesterday and was excited about.

A mistletoe.

With that thought in mind, she opened her eyes and yawned, finally uncovering herself and sitting up. The presents were sitting in the corner of Arthur's room, waiting for her to take them downstairs. A little smile appeared on her face as she thought about what she bought them. (She almost bought Morgan a present too, but she didn't want to think about that now.) She knew what she wanted to buy for Merlin, but she wasn't sure what to buy for Arthur – that's why she wanted Merlin's help with that, but then the accident happened and they ended up going to the hospital instead.

That wasn't a happy memory. She shouldn't be thinking about that, Christmas was supposed to be happy and just thinking about what was happening to Merlin made her sad all over again.

Because it wasn't only Arthur who was desperate to find a spell that would cure Merlin. In fact, the only reason Arthur had enough time to start looking through Merlin's old books before Merlin found him was because Agatha knew about it and it was her idea to drag Merlin into the woods, not waiting for Arthur.

She sighed and closed her eyes briefly, finally leaving the bed and gathering the presents in her arms. She was in her pajamas, true, but it was Christmas and she didn't care. She used to open her presents only in her pajamas when she was a kid anyway.

As she tiptoed down the stairs, she stopped and peeked over the corner to check if they were really asleep. She didn't want to open the door to their room because that would inevitably wake them up, but when she heard Arthur's loud snores, she knew she didn't have to worry. She finally entered the living room and carefully arranged the presents under the tree.

The tree was green (because Merlin managed to rid it of snow with magic so they wouldn't get water inside the house) and most of the decorations were gold and blue. Thanks to the red wrapping paper Ag used on the presents, the living room now looked very beautiful and she couldn't help but take a picture of it on her phone again. Well, after she got rid of all the paper and plastic bags around first.

Then took the mistletoe that she hid in one of the bags and she put it into the doorway between the living room and the space in front of the front door – there wasn't any other door in the room anyway, only the one that lead to the garden and it was so cold outside that no one would want to open even the window.

As she sat down on the couch again, she sighed and looked up at the Christmas tree. On one of the branches rested the little gold sparrow that Merlin bought with Arthur.

It were things like these that got left behind. Because when someone dies, they always leave something behind – be it an unfinished dinner, and open book or a little bird that they bought.

Agatha closed her eyes to stop the tears that she knew were coming. Whenever Merlin was gone – shopping or just outside without Arthur, taking a walk along the lake – both Agatha and Arthur started looking, searching for anything that would help. Even when Agatha had to be in Bristol over the week, she always found time to get some research done on her laptop. She couldn't even continue writing for two weeks after they found out Merlin was dying, and her browsing history was full of magic related websites.

And the worst thing was that she didn't have anyone to turn to. Merlin was the only one who knew almost everything about magic, Arthur never knew much about it, Agatha didn't even know it existed before she met Merlin, and the rest of the world was just rediscovering it. No one knew more than Merlin did and yet he was the only who kept telling them there was nothing that would help him.

But what kind of friends would accept that?

"Oh no," Someone said from the door and Agatha jerked her head to look at him, unaware of the salty tears on her cheeks. Merlin was in his pajamas as well, with his white hair tousled and a sad smile on his face. "No crying on Christmas, please." He walked inside the room, but Agatha was speechless.

She's never cried in front of Merlin before, she just... felt uncomfortable with letting people see her weaknesses. But she couldn't keep the calm mask on any longer, she wasn't as strong as she thought she could be.

"There has to be something, so-something, Merlin..." she whispered, surprised at how desperate she sounded. The last time she cried was with Arthur, but that was alright because he was crying with her. They both refused to see their friend go.

But Merlin has always been understanding. He went over to her and wrapped his old arms around her, sitting beside her on the couch and letting her cry on his chest. She knew she promised herself not to do this to Merlin, he must have felt even worse because it was him leaving them, not the other way around, but she needed him now more than ever. Before it was too late. He was her best friend after all.

"Better?" He rubbed her back and after she nodded, he slowly pulled away.

"I'm so sorry," She chuckled slightly and wiped away her tears with the back of her hand. "You're right. It's Christmas Day, we should be happy." She smiled up at him and he nodded. When he was sure she was calm again, he looked down at the presents around the Christmas tree.

"Oh my god, we haven't even wrapped the presents!" He stood up with a laugh. "My first Christmas in this century and I haven't bought any wrapping paper and-"

"Where have you gone?" Arthur yawned, stopping in the doorway and rubbing his eyes.

"No, stay where you are!" Agatha got up and pointed at Arthur, almost laughing out loud at his confused expression. "Stay where you are and Merlin, you know what you need to do now," she winked at him and then looked up at the mistletoe that was right above Arthur's blonde head.

When Merlin saw the plant, he smirked at Agatha, but when Arthur looked up, his brows furrowed. "Is this some kind of a... ritual?" He asked, not very certain about it.

"It is, of sorts." Merlin laughed as he stepped closer. "It's a tradition that some people do on Christmas, usually couples." He shrugged and Agatha grinned when she saw them under the mistletoe together.

Arthur raised his eyebrow. "What tradit- umph!" He couldn't even finish his sentence as Merlin leaned closer and kissed him just as intensely as he did when they first kissed.

Agatha closed her eyes and laughed, happy to see them both happy. But then the moment ended and Merlin pulled away, smirking at Arthur and then taking his hand and walking him to the Christmas tree.

"We should definitely abide by this tradition then," he mumbled, smiling when he heard that both Agatha and Merlin laughed.

As Merlin sat down on the couch next to Ag, he immediately stood up again. "The presents!" He laughed and took Arthur's hand to go upstairs again.

"But I don't have any wrapping paper left!" Agatha told them.

Merlin nodded. "That's fine, we'll be back, don't open anything!" He looked at Ag and raised his eyebrow.

"All those presents are from me, you idiot." Agatha smiled and Merlin returned that smile, disappearing behind the corner.

And Agatha was alone again. Seeing Merlin and Arthur so happy together got her thinking about her own love life. Yeah, she should definitely start working on that. She was 24 and still single, and she hasn't dated anyone... ever. The only experience she had was that one time with Tobey, but that didn't end up well. Not for him, not for her and not for his other two girlfriends. She frowned when she realized she never heard of him again, not even by her colleagues in her job – one of them used to be friends with him.

But she really needed to get over that.

So she opened her laptop that she brought downstairs with the presents, and she opened the document with her book. She hasn't written a single word over the last month – she was too busy worrying about Merlin and she was familiar with almost all 3000 results she got on Google every time she tried to do some research.

Of course, as she already said, she stopped writing only for two weeks after they found out about Merlin's... problem. But since then, even when she started writing again eventually, instead of writing her book, she started writing down everything that she did with Merlin so she could read that sometime after... after the end. So she could remember their time together. And her book was not more important than that.

That's what she was writing about last night too. About her, Merlin and Arthur and their shopping adventure.

Closing her eyes, she closed the laptop as well and set it aside on the couch, looking back at the mistletoe in the doorway. And in that moment, Merlin with Arthur walked in.

"We're back." Merlin announced. "And we've wrapped the presents," he added. For a second Agatha was scared that he wrapped them in a toiler paper or something, but it turned out Merlin used... well, the bed sheet to cover all the presents at once (since the bed sheet was so big).

"Isn't he a genius?" Arthur rolled his eyes at Merlin who was holding the bed sheet filled with presents. "I told him to use the toilet paper, but he wanted something bigger."

Agatha started laughing. "It's okay, but you'll have let me take a picture." She grinned as she found her phone on the couch and took the picture and then walked over to give Arthur and Merlin a big hug.

They put the presents under the Christmas tree, and began unwrapping.

"It's a stupid tradition anyway," Arthur kept mumbling under his breath the entire time. "Wrap it and then unwrap it again moments later. Who's idea was that?"

"Shut up and take the present," Merlin laughed.

" _I demand to repeat the tradition under the magic plant_ ," was another thing that Arthur said after they all got their presents, which made all of them laugh.

They took a lot of photos of them unwrapping the presents in their pajamas. Agatha got a cute stuffed dog and a red necklace, Arthur got a book called _A-Z Guide to Technology and How it All Works_ from Agatha and a Lego castle from Merlin to remember the old times, and Merlin got a new set of art supplies (Agatha was thinking about asking Merlin to paint them all together) and a new diary from Arthur because he noticed all his old diaries were already full.

It was an amazing day. Merlin used his magic to light up a few candles that he spread throughout the room, Arthur with Merlin repeated the tradition a few times, they all ate breakfast and cookies together and they were all happy. Just like they should be on Christmas because once Christmas was over...

_Beep!_

Agatha received a text from her parents and her sister, wishing her Merry Christmas. So she replied with a smile and then put her phone away, laughing at Arthur's expression as he was looking into the book she bought him.

Yes. It was a good day. Just like Christmas Day should be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys, there are only three chapters left and it's only going to get worse from here. Remember, two sad and heartbreaking chapters and then a happy one that I hope will somehow magically fix this mess of a fanfiction. Well, I hope you still care about this fanfic even though I haven't updated in so long... see you soon (hopefully) :)
> 
> Oh, and please let me know what you think, it literally took me almost a month to write this chapter, thanks :)


	19. It Will Catch up with You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! I think I should name this chapter... "Please Don't Hate Me Part 1" because then the next chapter would be "Please Don't Hate Me Part 2" and that's very fitting for both of these chapters... As I promised... three weeks ago, this chapter and the next one will be very painful and sad, and I don't know if I'll be able to fix it with the last chapter, but that was the original idea so I'm gonna stick to it.
> 
> I'm so so so sorry for your tears :'(
> 
> Warning: major character death!
> 
> (Agatha's own diary documents what happened over the months after Christmas.)

_March 8, 2017_

_Merlin, the man I have saved and the man who saved me in so many ways, my best friend... is dead._

.

.

.

Three months earlier

_January 7, 2017_

_It's after Christmas and it's still snow out there. Right now it's about 11pm and Merlin and Arthur already went to sleep. I'm sleeping in Arthur's room, as usual. It was very cold outside today, but we decided to go for a walk along the lake anyway._

_It was fun._

_Merlin showed us some spells that he liked. He made the snow pink. And then when Arthur fell over and landed in the snow, Merlin used the opportunity to throw a snowball at him. We had a snowball fight, but soon it was over and Merlin was tired so we went back home._

_His hair is getting a bit longer, and the wrinkles are longer. His skin is not smooth anymore, and his voice sounds slightly deeper. But when I don't think about it, I don't even notice it. I noticed that his hands tremble from time to time though._

_We had dinner and watched tv. Merlin fell asleep on Arthur's shoulder, but before I put a blanket over him, Arthur stopped me and took Merlin to his room instead._

xoXÖXox

It was Thursday and that meant that Merlin and Arthur had not much to do because Agatha wasn't with them in Glastonbury. They read Merlin's diaries again because Arthur asked him to, and Merlin just couldn't say _no_ to that face, no matter how painful some of his memories were. And to be honest, even though he now remembered most of the things from his diaries and they weren't reading them just to restore his memory, he quite enjoyed their time together in his old room.

Sure, the bed could be more comfortable... or bigger, but that's how it used to be in Camelot and they both needed to forget about the modern world, even if just for a moment. The situation out there... it was chaos. Most of the cities were facing problems with increased criminality thanks to some of the thieves having magic. It didn't happen in every city, and of course not a lot of people had magic, but it caused a lot of new problems that the society didn't have to even think about before, outside of fantasy books.

But Merlin knew that the world didn't need them. Not now. Humankind could deal with it on their own – they've already established those camps for people to try to control their magic. Merlin thought about going there and helping them, but it would mean too much explaining – _how come you're the only one who knew so much about magic? Why are you getting old so fast? Why didn't you come here sooner? Is it your fault that magic started existing again?_ \- and Merlin just didn't have the strength for that. Not anymore. But maybe he'd try to contact someone in charge and give them his books of magic? Surely that would help a bit.

As Merlin was thinking about all of this, he found himself in the bathroom, locking the door. He looked at himself in the mirror and sighed.

Old blue eyes hidden behind glasses, wrinkles on his cheeks, white eyebrows and fringe above them, grey scruff... he was a mess. An old mess. And no matter how many times he tried, it wouldn't go away and he knew that he'd die. There was simply no help for him.

He removed his t-shirt and threw it into the corner of the room, hesitating before he folded it with his magic.

He glanced at the door and then looked into the mirror again. He knew he should have come to terms with his death sooner, but even though he's been alive for so long, he just couldn't. Not now, when Arthur was finally here with him, making every day of his life better.

He sighed and closed his eyes. " _Edniwe_ _min_ _geoguo!_ " He whispered and slowly opened his eyes, holding his breath and bracing himself for the same result as always – his face was still old, his eyes still wide and not even a single wrinkle had disappeared.

It was the end.

His magic didn't help him before and it wouldn't help him now. He was simply lost. An ugly old man, fearing death even after a thousand years of surviving.

And then there was s gentle knock on the door. Merlin's breath hitched as he grabbed the sink with his both hands, still shirtless and closing his eyes.

"Merlin?" Arthur said, letting his forehead rest against the door. "Are you okay?"

Merlin sighed and his shoulders slumped a bit, before he opened his eyes and smiled, barely. Arthur always knew when he needed him. "No, I'm not." He admitted as his smile disappeared and he waved his hand to unlock the door with his magic.

Arthur slowly walked in and locked the door again, looking at Merlin's sad face in front of the mirror and taking it all in. He sighed and smiled slightly, going over to Merlin and putting his hand on Merlin's shoulder.

"I'm always here if you need me," he told him, their eyes meeting in the mirror. The ghost of a smile reappeared on Merlin's face and he nodded, putting his own palm over Arthur's hand on his shoulder and squeezing.

They were silent for a few seconds, just smiling at each other in the mirror, before Arthur turned Merlin around and put his hands on his neck. "It's late, come on." He gestured to the shower stall, or the _chamber of the magical warm rain_ as he used to call it, and waited until Merlin nodded.

They removed their clothes silently, Arthur helping Merlin when he couldn't bend over, and then the old warlock waited until Arthur set the water to pleasantly warm and not too cold or too hot. Then they closed themselves inside, like so many times before. This time it wasn't all about kissing and getting their hands all over each other though, this time it was just... _calm_.

They worked together like they were used to do every time they took a shower at the same time. Merlin took the shower gel while Arthur prepared the sponge (a red one – it reminded Merlin of Arthur when he bought it), and then Arthur squeezed the sponge a few times to make it all bubbly and foamy.

Merlin was looking down at the water hitting the white floor of the stall, waiting until Arthur used the sponge himself or decided to wash him - Merlin. When Arthur didn't do either, Merlin looked up and found out Arthur was already looking at him with a worried expression.

The warlock sighed and nodded, knowing that Arthur knew there was something bothering him. Something he admitted but hasn't really mentioned yet. He looked at Arthur's broad chest and shoulders – still young, still beautiful, full of life, even after such a long time - and sighed again.

"I'm ugly and old." He mumbled, closing his eyes to spare himself the look on Arthur's face.

"Shut up." Arthur replied, coming closer to him and taking his wrist into his hand, using the sponge to wash his arm and shoulder. Merlin looked up at him and Arthur was staring into his eyes. "You're beautiful." He smiled down at him. Then he licked his lips and stilled the movement with the sponge. "And I love you."

Their eyes locked and Merlin couldn't seem to look away. After a moment he smiled, putting his other hand on Arthur's naked waist and blinking the tears in his eyes away.

They've never said this to each other before. They usually used insults and both of them knew what it meant, but they've never said it out loud.

Merlin breathed out. "I love you, too." He replied, suddenly forgetting all of his problems and worries. He's loved Arthur for more than a thousand years, he said so even in the diaries, but this was the moment they finally admitted to each other just how far their affection went. How deep in their hearts they kept each other.

Arthur gave him a beautiful smile and leaned closer to kiss him, their lips moving in sync, and the water sliding down their bodies being the only reminder of the real world as they listened to their beating hearts.

When they parted and finally opened their eyes, Arthur returned to his task to wash the back of his warlock, while Merlin kept smiling and waiting until it was his turn to get the sponge and return his boyfriend the favour.

xoXÖXox

_January 29, 2017_

_It's Sunday. This morning, while Merlin was watching tv in the living room, Arthur told me that Merlin had a nightmare again. He stopped having them after he got his memories back, at least that's what Arthur told me. I'm really worried about him. About both of them._

_Sara called me and I really wanted to tell her the truth about my friends, about Merlin and Arthur, but I hesitated and didn't tell her anything in the end. I don't know if they would be comfortable with anyone else knowing. My sister doesn't even know them. But she will. Once we find a cure._

_I tried contacting Morgan. Arthur said she was a high priestess of magic or something like that, and that she knew a lot about spells and rituals. I tried calling her old number, but it doesn't exist anymore. Sending texts is pointless, and I have no clue where she might be. I tried to search for some of the camps in case they have a list of participants online, but turns out they don't. Of course, Morgan would be very careful about that. Besides, Merlin and Arthur said she might be looking for someone, her sister, another witch._

_This is so complicated. And so hard. My hands are shaking just when I'm thinking about everything._

_Merlin's hair is longer, he grew a nice white beard, but insisted on shaving it off, and he's got wrinkles everywhere. He looks as if he was about 60 years old now, and we can all tell it's getting worse. We don't have much time left. And what's worse – we don't know what to do._

xoXÖXox

"Who am I painting again?" Merlin asked Arthur, who was standing behind him with his chin resting on Merlin's shoulder. The soft smile left the former king's lips as he was watching Merlin's shaky hand leading the brush across the canvas.

"One of our old friends." Arthur answered. It was a few days ago when Arthur and Merlin were watching tv and Merlin looked around the living room, noticing his paintings of the knights and of Gwen, and asked Arthur who they were. Merlin couldn't even properly remember painting them, not all of them, and he didn't want to believe he was that good at it, so Arthur decided to refresh his memory a little bit.

But this was the fourth time he was telling him who he was painting.

"Can you recall his name?" Arthur tried. Merlin shrugged slightly, making Arthur's head on his shoulder move up and down, and then he straightened his glasses (that Arthur with Agatha bought him) and shook his head.

"Not really." He said.

"His name was Lancelot. One of the knights of Camelot, one of the best men I'd ever known." Arthur smiled sadly and closed his eyes for a moment, putting his hand on Merlin's waist.

Then he pulled away and observed Merlin as he was hesitantly painting the man they both knew. His hands were shaky and he was frowning.

"Don't think too much about it, his face will come to you." Arthur reassured him, turning around and looking at the original painting of Lancelot on the wall, folding his arms on his chest.

"I'm not very sure about that." Merlin sighed as he continued working on Lancelot's fair skin. After Arthur didn't say anything, Merlin pursed his lips and stopped, leaving his hand with the brush just a few inches above Lancelot's face. "I'm sorry I keep forgetting him. And everything else."

Arthur turned back to Merlin and unfolded his arms, taking Merlin's free hand into his.

"It's not your fault." Arthur told him gently, swallowing to keep the tears at bay. "Besides, we can still-"

"What, fix this?" Merlin finished for him and let his hand with the brush fall down, squeezing Arthur's hand and looking down. "I don't think so, Arthur. I forgot a lot of spells, but something tells me that if I hadn't found anything to help me then, I won't find anything now either."

"Hope dies last." Arthur replied. "Now, paint. Don't let Lancelot wait for you." The king put his hand on Merlin's shoulder and the warlock raised his white-haired head, nodding slightly to himself.

"Lancelot, who was a..."

"A knight. And our friend." Arthur clarified again.

"Right."

Merlin reached for the palette to add more colour and continued painting Lancelot du Lac. And Arthur kept standing there, watching him, and wishing Agatha managed to come up with some way to save his soulmate over the week in Bristol.

Because if she didn't... his last hope would leave him as well.

xoXÖXox

_February 14, 2017_

_Ugh, today was crazy. It's Valentine's Day and I called Merlin and Arthur and we talked for at least half an hour. Merlin's voice sounds... older, which is understandable, but hopefully changeable as well. Merlin said he wasn't comfortable with going into the town because everyone would be staring at them and their date would be ruined. So they decided to walk alongside the lake and then have dinner and a movie night._

_I, on the other hand almost forgot it was Valentine's Day and remembered only when one of my coworkers – Carl Rogers – gave me a little cute chocolate box with his phone number hidden inside._

_I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to get over my one and only not-even-a relationship, but then I had second thoughts. I can't concentrate on anything other than research for Merlin and I spend every weekend in Glastonbury and I don't have time for a boyfriend. Carl is cute, but he'll have to wait for me... if he's still interested after we help Merlin._

_In the evening, Arthur called me again and this time it was not good news. According to what he said, Merlin didn't recognise any of the paintings they've put into the living room. He recalled working on some of them, but apparently he had no clue who those people were, even though they used to be his closest friends, his family._

_That got me worried. First the glasses, now Merlin was losing memory again, just like he had after the accident. I should probably keep a record of everything he's forgotten again._

_Appearance: White, longer hair, beard that he keeps shaving off, wrinkles, looks like a 70 year old._

_Forgotten things: His old friends from Camelot (his own paintings)._

_He remembers Arthur though. Of course he remembers him. I'm not so sure about Morgan and... I hope he remembers me. I have to get to Glastonbury right after work this Friday._

_Research: no new results_

xoXÖXox

It was another Saturday, another weekend with Ag with them in their house. It was _their_ house now, and it's been for a while. Merlin wasn't sure how many more days or weeks he would stay alive, but he wanted to be optimistic and give himself another month. He's been aging since before Christmas after all and it was just after Valentine's Day.

They were sitting in his bed – he and Arthur – reading his diaries again. Merlin couldn't remember the people and events, but he could still recall a few things. Most of it was unfamiliar to him though.

Arthur's arm was comfortably lying across his shoulders and under his white hair (which grew a bit longer so he was almost looking like Dragoon the Great, but he wanted to cut his hair and make it shorter again, and hopefully Arthur would help him with that). Arthur was rubbing small circles with his thumb on Merlin's arm, and Merlin cleared his throat, adjusting his glasses with his free hand.

" _Dear Arthur, people have made you into a story. You're just a story now, but you'll always be more in my heart, don't worry. I'm probably the only one now who knows the truth and knows that you will really come back again. That it's not just a story people tell each other to spend a lazy afternoon._

" _But I've told you all of that before. Today, I went into the library in the town of Glastonbury and though a lot of people were looking at me strangely, they didn't say anything when I was sitting at the table, reading books about you. They really think you're just a story, Arthur. And they turned me into an old man with beard and everything-"_ at this Merlin chuckled slightly and sighed. "- _and they think Gwen was born a lady. But to be fair, she was much better person than most of the princesses out there. Remember princess Vivian?"_ Merlin frowned and looked at Arthur. "Who was princess Vivian?"

Before Arthur could answer, the door opened and Ag walked inside with a tray full of food – mostly just fruit, and orange juice. She smiled at them and put the tray on Merlin's desk, then she took his chair and put it closer to the bed and before Arthur could reach to help her, she took the tray again and put it on the chair, sitting on the bed herself and putting a piece of an apple into her mouth.

"How much did you read while I was downstairs?" She asked them once she swallowed.

"Just a few paragraphs." Arthur answered. "See those books over there?" He smiled and pointed at Merlin's shelves full of the books about Arthur.

"Yeah, I went though most of them when I was searching for Merlin's birth certificate." When Arthur looked puzzled, she added, "that's basically a piece of paper that documents your birth and there are all sorts of information about you, including your name. We thought Merlin's name was Marvin."

Arthur laughed at that. "Really? That's pretty close though."

"It is very close, actually." Merlin rolled his eyes.

"So what's with the books?" Ag asked Arthur, who nodded and smirked.

"Merlin probably stole most of them from the local library."

At that, Merlin punched Arthur into his shoulder slightly and looked at Ag who was grinning at him to explain. "We don't know that yet, so far we know I was reading in a library."

"And then he probably stole them." Arthur added quietly.

"We _don't_ know that." Merlin repeated.

"Continue reading then." Ag smiled at him. "And we'll know for sure."

Merlin took a deep breath and looked into the book, searching for the last sentence he read out loud. He couldn't find it though and started reading again only when Arthur pointed at the particular paragraph they were reading before Ag joined them.

"Right. So." Merlin cleared his throat. " _But to be fair, she was much better person than most of the princesses out there. Remember princess Vivian?"_ At this Merlin paused and looked at Arthur again. "Oh, but who was princess Vivian?"

Arthur nodded, and started explaining. "She was the daughter of the king in one of the five kingdoms, a kingdom not far from Camelot. She arrived for a visit once, when my father, king Uther, wanted to talk about peace between all five kingdoms. She..." Arthur's cheeks turned a bit read and Merlin raised his eyebrow. He couldn't remember any of that and he really wanted to know what Arthur wanted to say about her. "She was very mean and self-centered, well mostly, but... I'm not sure what happened, but she fell in love with me and I fell in love with her and it was a crazy few days. Her father challenged me to a combat for his daughter and I was blinded by my love to her, even though I actually fancied Guinevere. But during my fight with her father, the king, all my feelings for her disappeared after... after... well, they just disappeared."

"Sounds like some kind of a love spell to me." Agatha commented, taking a piece of banana that she'd cut to little pieces on a plate.

"It was," Merlin smiled. "I don't remember all of it, but I remember I spent all night reading my book of magic, going through all kinds of love spells and curses. I think I know now why I had to do that," he chuckled. "Well, if it wasn't me who started the spell... anyway, how did those feelings disappear though?" He asked then. "I'm sure it wasn't that easy, I think there was something with that Guinevere-"

"Yes, she kissed me in a tent." Arthur sighed, ignoring giggles from Agatha. "Now, please, continue reading." He pointed at the book in Merlin's lap and after smirking up at his boyfriend, Merlin nodded and started looking for the sentence he read last.

Arthur had to point at the sentence again and Merlin smiled and continued reading. " _But to be fair, she was much better person than most of the princesses out there. Remember princess Vivian? I sure do, I remember I had to deliver a love letter to her, a love letter from you which you made me write all by myself. My only mistake was that I delivered the letter to Gwen instead, not realizing you were actually thinking about Vivian, and Gwen probably spent all evening waiting for you and you never showed up._

" _But other books go even further, describing your relationship with Morgana or even Morgause as intimate, and making Mordred your own son. Ha, ha. There is so many things wrong in the books that I wanted to correct them right there in the library, but despite the people not paying attention to me now, I'm sure they would approach me as soon as I held a book in one hand and a pencil in another. I wanted to correct the books though, so... I stole them."_

"Ha!" Arthur laughed and pointed at Merlin with his hand that was around Merlin's shoulder, holding an orange in another hand. "I knew it, you stole them!"

"Oh my god," Merlin closed his eyes in regret and his cheeks turned pink. "I can't believe I stole so many books from the library," he looked at the shelves in his room.

"Not all of them, don't worry," Agatha reassured him. "I found an old receipt in some of them."

"Well, that makes me feel so much better." Merlin joked and sighed, looking inside the diary and this time finding the right sentence where he stopped. " _I need to be honest, using magic like that, trying to hide it in front of people... it felt a lot like the old times, back in Camelot's library where I used magic all the time, too. I remember I needed to sneak in there once in the night, and had to use magic to lull old Geoffrey back to sleep."_ Merlin looked at Arthur, knowing that his boyfriend knows he's waiting for an explanation.

"Geoffrey of Monmouth was the keeper of the royal library." Arthur told him.

"Oh, right." Merlin nodded, turning back to the book and smiling when Arthur put his arm back around his shoulders. " _I had to steal one or two books from the Camelot library though because I couldn't risk anyone knowing what kind of books they were. They weren't about magic, such books were forbidden in the kingdom as you know, and although I don't remember exactly what they were about, I remember Gaius telling me I had to return them to the library as soon as I used them, and I had to do so in secret. Ah, good old days._

" _These days it's so much different. With the Napoleonic wars in Europe. I don't go much into the town, but I heard Napoleon was planning to march to Russia. I wouldn't do that if I were him to be honest, the winter is cruel up there, but it's his decision._

" _I miss you Arthur, you were so much better a king than all of the leaders in the current world combined. I think I'll try to paint your face again tomorrow because I need to get better at it, but for tonight? I have a few books to read and correct._

" _Your very old friend, Merlin."_

xoXÖXox

Arthur didn't want to wake Merlin up, he really didn't, but he also couldn't stop the sobs coming out of his mouth and although he tried to silence them with his hand, it wasn't very helpful. It was middle of the night and they were sleeping in Arthur's bed this time. Agatha was back in Bristol.

Arthur was supposed to stay strong for Merlin and take care of him and help him get better, he wasn't supposed to cry about how much worse it got. He never admitted this to Merlin, but the feeling of _guilt_ overwhelmed him. He couldn't escape it and in the end, he probably didn't even want to.

Merlin's suffering was all his fault. He shouldn't have been in this century, it wasn't his time to come back yet. At least not according to what Merlin told him he heard in his head the night Arthur returned. Damn it, none of this would be happening if he'd just stayed alive and hadn't let Mordred stab him. If he just hadn't stood there in front of his enemy, too shocked to move and defend himself.

The silent stirring next to him snapped him back into reality and he glanced at Merlin, quickly wiping his tears away with his fingers. Merlin deserved a full night of sleep, and he definitely shouldn't wake up in the middle of the night just because of him.

But there seemed to be nothing that could help Merlin and Arthur couldn't bare the thought of losing him, which resulted in sleepless nights and silent sobs.

The warlock frowned in his sleep and sighed, turning to Arthur and moving his eyes under his eyelids. And just when Arthur thought Merlin was still asleep, his eyes slowly opened and their eyes met.

"Arthur?" Merlin murmured, frowning and blinking his sleep away.

There went the healthy sleep.

Arthur sighed and took a deep breath, trying to stop the sobs. When he trusted himself enough to speak, he turned to Merlin and smiled at him. He's lived such a long life and majority of it was without him, and now when Arthur finally came back, he took their life together away from him.

"What's wrong, talk to me. Please." Merlin slowly sat up and closed his mouth, trying not to groan in pain. His back hurt, especially after sleep. Then he looked at Arthur, his king, and took his hand in his, interlocking their fingers.

Arthur tilted his head and felt a tear roll down his already wet cheek. And then he finally spoke the truth. "I wish I hadn't come back to you... so that you would stay alive."

Every hint of a smile disappeared from Merlin's face in an instant and he squeezed Arthur's hand in his, shifting closer and not caring about his back anymore.

"Don't you ever say that again." He whispered. "Living without you was no life at all. Having you back made my life worth living again and it made me feel alive. Even though we can't grow old together, I value every second spent in your presence, by your side. Always remember that."

"But you're dying only because I haven't returned at the right time." Arthur shook his head.

Merlin gently grabbed his cheeks and pressed their foreheads together. "That is not your fault. The only reason you returned sooner is because I got hit by a car and lost my memories, so if anyone is to blame then it would be-"

"No one is to blame if I'm not to blame for this." Arthur nodded slowly, looking into Merlin's eyes. "But it all started with me and Mordred at the battlefield, so-"

"It all started even sooner, when I decided not to trust Morgana-"

"No, wait, then it must have started even sooner, when-"

"You know what?" Merlin shushed him with a finger on his lips, pulling away and looking into his blue eyes. "No one started it, no one is to blame, it's just the way it is and we have to deal with it."

Arthur was silent for a while, looking down and then finally meeting Merlin's eyes again. "But how?"

At that, Merlin smiled. "By living our lives to the fullest while we still can. We'll make pancakes and cocoa drinks, watch silly movies together, go to the forest and make as many good memories as we can."

"What's the point in that when I'll be the only one carrying those memories with me?" Arthur frowned, shaking his head slightly.

"How else do you want to spend the beginning of spring though?" Merlin smiled at him and moved his head down a bit so their lips touched. Arthur's eyes fluttered shut and he returned the gentle kiss, glad that it returned the smile to his face. Even if just for a while.

"Now shut up and let me sleep, seriously." Merlin rolled his eyes and smiled when he saw Arthur's own smile back on his face. As soon as the warlock turned his back to him to lay down again, Arthur's smile was gone and his eyes were glued to the back of Merlin's head.

He would make good memories with Merlin, but he'd also make sure he wasn't the only one keeping them. He just needed to call Agatha and hope that she found something.

_Anything._

xoXÖXox

_March 3, 2017_

_I just woke up from a nightmare. I haven't had a nightmare in a long time, but this one was awful and I don't really want to write, talk, or think about it right now. It's Friday morning, 4:26am and I have work in a few hours so I should get more sleep, but before that I need to add something here because I fell asleep yesterday and didn't write anything._

_Sara called me and texted me about ten times already, always asking the same thing: have you seen Sherlock season 4 yet? I answered her each time that no, I haven't, but that I will once I have time._

_It's a lie. Well, not if_ once I have time _means once we help Merlin and everything is okay again. Besides, watching Sherlock makes me think about Morgan because we used to watch it together. We used to watch it together with my sister too, but right now I just can't watch it, I need to help Merlin and Arthur. It just can't end the way Merlin thinks it'll end. He can't die. He's the last true friend I have left._

_Merlin's appearance: Arthur texted me that he cut his hair, so I guess it's short again, but still white as snow. He looks as old as my grandpa did before he... nope, I won't go there – he just looks old, okay. I noticed his hands were shaking, which they were since January. Oh, and Arthur texted me that Merlin's hearing got worse and that they had to buy new glasses. Merlin himself said that everything hurts him now. It's just so hard to look at him like that. We need to find a cure, soon. Speaking of which..._

_Research: I tried library this time, after everything Merlin read for us from his diary. I tried to find as much as I could in any Arthurian book, but couldn't find much because they don't mention magic in any other way than –_ it was an enchantment _, or_ it was Merlin's magic _, or that it was some_ magical potion _. So I tried to find some magic related books instead because I thought they might be here after everything that was happening in the world, but most of it was fake or made up and there were no books about real magic. They just don't exist anymore and it'll take time until people write new books about magic. But I was thinking about going to one of the camps for people with magic, they might have something there. I tried last night – that's why I fell asleep in my sofa, exhausted – but I found out none of the people there know what they're doing either. They're just trying to figure it out together. And I still can't find Morgan._

_Forgotten things: Merlin doesn't remember almost anything from his diaries. He's forgotten names of people from his past and how they looked like. He recognizes me and Arthur, but I'm not sure about anyone else. He might still remember Morgan though. Or he might not. I don't know._

_My writing: I haven't written anything for my book since we found out about Merlin's problem and I probably won't continue at all. Maybe once we help him, but I'll have to reread everything I've written, including notes and my old prompts._

_I'm getting tired again, but one thing I need to do – tomorrow at work, I'll ask my boss for another week off. I need to stay in Glastonbury with Merlin and Arthur next week, all seven days of it._

_I just can't stop thinking about my nightmare becoming true. That we don't ever find a cure. And that Merlin dies, and that after the funeral... Arthur kills himself too._

xoXÖXox

It was one of the warmer days of the beginning of March. Nearly 15 degrees Celsius ( ***** ), with clear sky and the sun high above the lake. It was afternoon after all, and as Merlin was sitting in the sofa in the living room and looking out of the window, he wished he could go outside and enjoy a little stroll along the lake and through the forest.

He was in the forest two days ago, with Agatha and with Arthur, and he was very happy that Agatha was staying with them for the week. He loved having her around, especially when his days were numbered and he never knew if he was seeing her for the last time.

Of course, he knew that both Agatha and Arthur were still trying to find a way to save his life, but as he got older and more fragile, he finally, _finally_ , made peace with his fate. And if he was being honest, not having to worry about the world sounded nice to him. The only thing he hated was to leave Arthur and Agatha behind. He would rather stay alive and look old than die and leave Arthur and Agatha to grieve alone.

But he didn't have a choice, everything has already been decided for him.

He could choose how to spend his last days of life though, so he slowly got up and because he knew he couldn't go up the stairs without Arthur's help anymore, he used magic to get the key to the locked room near the front door.

Then he went inside and gasped when he saw all the paintings of Arthur. They were very good, much better than the painting of one of their old friends that he tried to make with Arthur's help not long ago. But that was probably because his hands were shaking and he couldn't remember his face properly.

These paintings, they looked just like Arthur. And he knew they were his work, Arthur told him that himself. But Merlin was looking for something else. He looked around the room and tried opening every cupboard with his magic without having to move or bend down, and then when he finally found what he was looking for, he used magic to move it out of the room as well. Then he closed the door and carried the garden supplies together with him to the garden.

He took his coat and a scarf, but left the coat open. Arthur was together with Agatha, helping her make dinner and Merlin didn't want to spend his evening just sitting in the living room, watching telly. He needed to do something – and he loved his garden, so what else?

With a little difficulty, he walked over to the damaged flowerbed and slowly, very slowly, knelt down. He let the garden tools drop on the ground as he stopped using his magic and he touched his back, wincing a little.

It really hurt, but when he made a few moves forward and back, the pain lessened a bit. Then he finally got to work.

Merlin wasn't sure why was this particular flowerbed destroyed. It was the the beginning of March, almost the beginning of spring and although the flowers weren't in bloom, he could make them bloom with his magic. It was warm enough for them today anyway.

Silently, he started working. He dug up all the flowers and adjusted the loam to look better, and then he started putting the flowers back. When suddenly, as he was making a little hole for another flower, his trowel hit something hard, hidden under the ground.

Merlin frowned and put the trowel away, using his hands instead to move the loam and look at what made the strange sound. And then he found a little metal box. He used magic and the trowel to get it out and put it in front of him on the grass, trying to get it to open. In the end, he had to use magic for that as well.

Inside, after he carefully opened it, was a letter. Merlin unfolded it and found out it was from someone called _Morgana._

And then it hit him. He remembered why the flowerbed was so destroyed – because Morgan did it. She damaged it and almost killed his flowers as they were returning from the sea. That night, he really saw her in his garden. He was wrong about the dark haired girl being only a dream, she was really there, and it was Morgan, putting a box into his garden before leaving with a promise to return and make him pay for everything.

Merlin looked down and started reading.

_I don't understand how could you have stayed alive for so long, Merlin, but I know that even though you have more control over magic than me right now, you can't stay alive forever. You're what, two thousand years old? It's got to get worse some day, and I can't wait to watch you wither and then die. For all the things you've done to me in the past. For the long life that was given to you unfairly._

_Mark my words, Merlin. It will catch up with you and I will be there to witness it._

_Before I left, I checked what_ Emrys _means. It means immortal, and I guess that's a fitting name because of how old you are, but you_ will _die one day, and I will be there. I'll gladly finish you off, once I find my sister again and learn how to control my magic better. And you won't be able to find me before it's too late._

_So get ready for the final battle,_ Emrys. _Get ready and know that once we come back, both me and Morgause, you won't be that strong anymore. You won't be enough for the two of us, and after all this time, I'll finally get my revenge._

_Until we meet again, Emrys. I'll be counting the days before I can see you again and kill you with my own hands._

_Morgana Pendragon._

Merlin narrowed his eyes as he was reading the letter and he completely failed to notice that it had started raining, the clouds seemingly coming from nowhere. The faded paper soaked with water and slowly disintegrated in his hands, small holes creating where his shaking fingers held it.

The raindrops on his cheeks mixed with his tears as he realized one thing. Morgana was right. He was too old now, and even with all of his magic, his end was inevitable and very clear. He was going to die, and his loved ones would watch him leave this world. Morgana would be too late to see his torment, but she would try to kill Arthur for sure, and Merlin won't be there to protect him.

As he was thinking about her, some of the old memories came back to him. And he had to wonder... when did she become so bitter with hatred? When did it all go wrong? Was it when he let her steal those keys from Arthur even though he knew she was going to steal the crystal of Neahtid, having befriended Mordred and that other druid? A thief and a killer? Was it when he listened to Gaius' advice and didn't trust her with his magic? Was it when he listened to Kilgharrah and poisoned her, completely losing her as a friend and letting her be kidnapped by Morgause?

Was all of this his mistake? Was he to blame for his own fate?

A thunder roared in the distance, and Merlin took a deep breath, suddenly feeling weaker than before. A sharp pain ran through his chest, close to his heart and he gasped, letting go of the wet paper and clutching at his chest.

_It is time, Emrys. Your time has come._

"Merlin!" He heard Arthur call him from the main door. "Merlin?!" As soon as Arthur saw him, a weak old man half-lying and half-sitting next to his flowerbed in his garden, he sprang into action and ran to his side, not one bit caring about the pouring rain.

"Arthur?" Merlin whispered, the pain slowly becoming dull and pulsating with every beat of his heart. He felt his king's fingers quickly grab him by his shoulders and turning his face to look him in the eyes.

"Agatha!" Arthur turned away from Merlin and called her as soon as he saw Merlin's pale face. Then he turned back to Merlin and cupped his face with his palms, brushing away the water and tears under his eyes and on his cheeks.

He smiled, slowly, carefully, and for Merlin in that moment, Arthur looked like an angel. Merlin smiled back, closing his eyes and forgetting about the pain. Arthur brought his forehead to Merlin's and closed his eyes briefly.

"Merlin, stay with me. Please, just... _please_ stay with me." Arthur whispered with a lump in his throat.

Merlin didn't dare to open his eyes, but he nodded, squeezing Arthur's hand in his. "It's alright," he whispered. He could feel it coming and right now, right here, he made his peace with that. If only he could make sure Morgana wouldn't come for Arthur after his death...

"It's _not_ alright, Merlin." Arthur disagreed, just when someone gasped from the door. Another pair of hands grabbed Merlin and together with Arthur, they lifted him off the ground.

"What happened?" Agatha asked, her voice worried and almost inaudible because of the heavy rain. How did such a nice day turn into a storm? How did a nice afternoon turn into _this_?

"I don't know, I just found him here!" Arthur shouted back. "He's soaking wet and he's cold, we need to get him inside!"

Merlin couldn't keep his balance even though both Arthur and Agatha supported him and helped him inside his house, step by step. The sharp pain came back as they stepped over the threshold and he gasped, letting go of Agatha's hand to touch his chest as he gritted his teeth.

"What's wrong?" Agatha asked.

"I don't know," Arthur answered, closing the door with his leg as they slowly moved closer to the couch. When they managed to lay Merlin down on it, his eyes were closed and his breathing was weak and slow.

"I'm... I'm sorry," Merlin whispered. He could feel everything leaving him – his strength, his magic, his last memories. His memories were quickly disappearing and as the seconds ticked by, he couldn't even remember anything beyond the pain in his chest.

"Merlin," Arthur took his hand and Merlin's eyes fluttered open. He looked up at Arthur and his lips moved up in a slight smile. He tried to raise his hand to touch Arthur's face, but he was too weak and if it wasn't for Arthur, he would never get to touch him again.

With his help, Merlin cupped his cheek and Arthur pressed his hand over his, his throat betraying him as he let out a silent sob. Agatha's cheeks were wet with tears as she watched what was happening in front of her.

"We were supposed to have more time," she cried and Merlin's eyes slowly shifted to her.

"Time wouldn't have fixed anything," he whispered and coughed, the pain throbbing and making it hard to think. "It's happening, I'm... I'm dying. I can feel it."

"Don't say that," Arthur stopped him and sniffled. "Don't you say that, we can still do something, we can still-"

"Save me?" Merlin finished for him with a little laugh full of pain. Then he shook his head as a tear rolled down his cheek. "Oh Arthur," he smiled. "Arthur, this is... something no one can stop. It's destiny. I... am far too old already."

"You will never be too old for me." Arthur told him as their eyes locked.

Agatha started sobbing, entwining her fingers with Merlin's and kissing them. "You were the best friend that I've ever had." She told him as he looked at her.

He was too weak to smile now and he nodded and closed his eyes, his chest raising and falling with every shallow breath he took. It was painful, but it would all go away soon. He wondered if dying was like falling asleep.

But then he blinked and everything was gone. He couldn't feel his magic anymore. It was no longer just at the tip of his fingers, always ready to use, a comforting sensation he'd known all his life. It flew away like a leaf in the wind, and it took his memories with it. It took his whole life, his mistakes and his new findings, everything he knew from the... diaries... books... he didn't know what he was supposed to know now.

"Please don't leave me." Arthur whispered. "I love you."

"I love you too," Merlin took a deep breath and then he blinked again, his eyes narrowing and his brows coming together. "It... this... feels familiar." He whispered.

Both Agatha and Arthur frowned. "What does?"

Merlin was silent for a moment, searching for a memory long since forgotten. "Dying." He answered at last, not really remembering why it should feel familiar, but it did. It did feel familiar and he's been through this already, some time in the past, a long time ago.

He opened his eyes and with the last shred of strength he had smiled up at Arthur and at Agatha. "Thank you." He told them. "For helping me and being my friends... for loving me... for... for... everything."

He breathed out and his eyes closed on their own. His heart stopped and his chest ceased moving up and down. The room fell into silence. Merlin's hand dropped from Arthur's, back on the couch.

"No," Arthur whispered. "No!" He closed his eyes and hid his face in Merlin's chest.

But it was too late. He was gone, in Avalon. And nothing could have saved him, not even the love he shared with Arthur and Agatha.

Nothing.

xoXÖXox

_March 8, 2017_

_Merlin, the man I have saved and the man who saved me in so many ways, my best friend... is dead._

_And there's nothing I could have done to prevent it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me! I promise to try to include some Merthur flashbacks into the next chapter, a friend of mine suggested something that I really liked and I think I'll try to write it. Btw, I don't know if you noticed, but this chapter was inspired by an episode of Sherlock - 2x03 The Reichenbach Fall.
> 
> * 15 degrees Celsius = 59 degrees Fahrenheit
> 
> Edniwe min geoguo! - means "restore my youth" and was used by Merlin in 3x10 Queen of Hearts, when he made himself old to save Gwen from an execution and then tried to change himself back, but without a new potion it didn't work.
> 
> I found out I'm writing SEVEN tests this week, so I won't be able to start writing the next chapter until the weekend again :( I know it's taking me too long to write new chapters, but I hope the fact that they're quite long makes the waiting worth it. Anyway, I have a lot to study for, so until next time :)
> 
> And as always, any feedback is greatly appreciated, so don't hesitate, thanks :)


	20. I'm So Lost Without You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back again, this time with the longest chapter I've ever written. Srsly, it's like 11.6K words wtf :D but, it's not a happy chapter, at least the end isn't. I'd call this "Please Don't Hate Me Part 2" because it's very very sad and heartbreaking. I wrote this last weekend, only in three days and I'm very proud of how this chapter turned out, but I really need to apologize for being so cruel. I'll need to make sure the next chapter is as happy as it can be to make up for this...
> 
>  **WARNING** : I don't want to spoil the chapter for you, but this is very important and I don't want anyone to get hurt. This chapter deals with suicide thoughts and Arthur eventually commits suicide. You'll also find out that Merlin had killed himself quite a few times during the 1500 years that he had to wait. If you don't feel strong enough to read the chapter, please don't. I'll write a short summary for you at the end of the chapter so you won't miss anything important :) I divided the chapter into 7 scenes (beginning and ending with "xoXÖXox") and I'll put a special trigger warning at the beginning of each scene if it's needed. :) Thank you and please be safe *hugs*
> 
> Alright, let's go.

_Someone laughed. Someone laughed and it sounded so beautiful that it almost made his heart hurt with the love he felt for that person._

_It was black all around him, but all it took for the scary darkness to disappear was to open his eyes and realize where he was. The sun had set down an hour ago. The chilly air around him filled his lungs as he took a deep breath and smiled._

_He could see the stars in the sky, shining down at him and sparkling just like Merin's eyes when he used magic, but faster. He could see the dark white clouds as they moved across the sky, and underneath him was grass because as he realized, he was lying on the ground near the lake._

_Someone laughed again and squeezed his fingers, making him realize that their fingers were interlocked and that this was one of the happiest moments of his life._

_He turned his head to the left and saw the person he loved with all his heart. Merlin. His hair was longer than usual and it was white, and for a moment he felt indescribable pain and sorrow. He frowned because he couldn't quite explain it. Why would he be sad when he was here with Merlin?_

_The feeling stayed with him only for a second though and then it was gone, forgotten. Arthur smiled at Merlin who smiled right back and looked up into the sky, his eyes sparkling just like the stars above them._

_Arthur took a deep breath again and reached into his pocket, checking if it was still there. The little box with a ring inside. The one he bought for Merlin himself, hoping to make a promise to him as he would give it to him. But he still hasn't decided which moment was the right one._

_So he let go of the box and laid his hand on his stomach, squeezing Merlin's fingers and observing the night sky._

" _I love you," Merlin whispered, making Arthur turn to him with a smile on his face. Merlin's eyes were full of honesty and adoration._

" _And I love you." Arthur nodded, cupping Merlin's cheek with his hand and moving closer to him, staring at his lips. Then he finally leaned in and closed his eyes, feeling Merlin's soft lips against his and feeling such happiness that he was afraid his heart might burst out of his chest._

_When they parted, Arthur rested his forehead against Merlin, their noses touching, and looked down and then into his eyes, smiling again. Then they shifted closer to each other and stared up at the sky again._

" _How many stars do you think there are?" Merlin asked all of a sudden._

" _Billions of billions." Arthur breathed out with a gentle smile. "But I'd count them all for you if you wanted." He suggested and turned his head to Merlin, glad to see the grin on his face._

" _That's just stupid," Merlin laughed. "It would take you too long and I wouldn't be willing to wait."_

" _You could kiss me with every hundred stars." Arthur shrugged, receiving another adorable laugh from Merlin._

" _Make it every dozen." Merlin told him. "And then maybe I'd think about it."_

" _You know you can't stop me from trying to count them for you, right?" Arthur propped himself up on his elbow and stared at Merlin's face that was just a few inches under his nose and lips._

_Their eyes locked as Merlin smirked. "I know," he nodded and without any warning moved his head up and joined their lips in a short kiss. "But I can distract you." He kissed Arthur again and put his hand on Arthur's neck, using the other hand to lift himself off the ground. "And then I know you'll forget about it."_

_Arthur didn't answer, he just laughed and laid his head back into the grass as Merlin straddled him and kissed him again and again._

" _You're very good at distracting me," Arthur mumbled against Merlin's lips._

" _I know," Merlin laughed and kissed him again. "I know."_

_Suddenly the scenery changed and they weren't laughing and kissing under the night sky anymore. Instead, they were sitting at a table in the living room and eating dinner together, which they had prepared together earlier._

_First a trip around the lake and counting the stars, then dinner, and then movies. It was Arthur's first Valentine's Day and it was the best day he's ever had. Spent only in the company of his adorable warlock that he loved so much._

_After the dinner, when Merlin used his magic to make the dirty dishes disappear and reappear in the kitchen sink, Arthur stood up from the table and took Merlin's hand, surprising him a little._

" _I've been waiting all this evening for the right moment, but I realize now that all of them are perfect for this." Arthur told him and then got down on one knee._

_Merlin gasped and shook his head. "Arthur? What are you-"_

" _Don't worry, I'm not asking you to marry me." Arthur laughed. "Although I'd love to do that too, one day." He admitted, suddenly feeling the strange sadness again._

" _Arthur, you know that we can't." Merlin's eyes looked down at him, filled with the same sadness. "You know that my time is running out, and sooner or later-"_

_Arthur raised his finger to shush Merlin and when Merlin did, Arthur took a deep breath and was glad that the sorrow disappeared as he exhaled. Then he reached behind into his pocket and pulled out the little white box that the nice lady gave him with the ring in the shop._

_Arthur held the box in front of Merlin and smiled up at him, opening it._

_A little purple ring sat in the middle, with little golden marks carved into the surface. It glistened in the light coming from the chandelier in the living room and Merlin's eyes filled with tears._

" _It's a promise ring." Arthur told him quietly. "I saw a movie once, with Agatha. And there was a boy who fell in love with a girl, but the girl had to move into a different city because she had been accepted to a university there. Before she moved, the boy gave her a promise ring and swore to love her even if she was gone."_

" _Arthur-" Merlin breathed out, but Arthur continued talking._

" _With this ring," he told him. "I want to promise you to love you unconditionally, no matter how old you are or how old you look. You will never be too old for me, Merlin and I want you to know that. I'll always love you."_

_Merlin covered his mouth with his hand and blinked, a few tears rolling down his old face. Then he took a deep breath and smiled down at Arthur, extending his arm towards him._

_The smile wouldn't leave Arthur's face even if he wanted it to as he gently took Merlin's hand and slowly put the ring on his finger. Then he looked up at him and stood up, putting the box back into his pocket and kissing Merlin's knuckles._

" _Thank you," Merlin whispered as he put his arms around Arthur's neck and pulled him a tiny bit closer, looking down at his lips with his glistening eyes._

" _You don't ever have to thank me, Merlin." Arthur told him and closed the distance between them, gently brushing his lips against Merlin's. Merlin had other plans though as he pulled Arthur even closer and deepened the kiss, putting as much passion into it as he could._

_The kiss left them breathless when they parted and Merlin closed his eyes and licked his lips, letting his forehead rest against Arthur's. Arthur kept his eyes open as he stared at the man he loved from so close, the smile never leaving his face._

_Then Merlin's lips parted once again and he opened his eyes, looking up at Arthur and moving his head a few inches away. "What movie was that?" He asked with a little giggle when he touched the ring on his finger with his other hand, his arms still resting on Arthur's shoulders._

" _I can show you if you want to, Ag left it here from her last visit." Arthur suggested, smirking at Merlin. "So if you're up for a movie night..."_

" _With you, I always am." Merlin smiled up at him and took his hand, interlocking their fingers._

_With you I always am... Arthur heard again and frowned because Merlin's mouth remained closed and he was already taking him to the couch._

_With you I always am..._

_Arthur's head started hurting and the room around him started slowly dissolving into the air until there was nothing left. Merlin's fingers disappeared from between his, leaving his palm empty._

_With you I always am... Merlin's words echoed in his mind almost soundlessly. Then the sorrow he couldn't explain returned and settled inside his heart, residing there permanently._

_And then it was all gone, replaced with empty blackness._

Arthur silently cursed as the sharp sun rays from the window reached his tired puffy eyes. He didn't get much sleep. He didn't get much sleep not only last night, but over the last month. Every since _that_ happened. He refused to talk about it or think about it, but he couldn't pretend forever.

The pain in his heart that his tired mind still couldn't figure out, was back and Arthur turned around in Merlin's bed, keeping his eyes closed and reaching with his hand for the other warm body next to him, only to find a cold empty space. He frowned and opened his eyes, realizing that the bed was indeed vacant.

And then everything came back to him, just like it did every morning.

The rain in the garden and on his face, Merlin's weak cold fingers reaching for his as they carried him back to the living room, the magic and memories that left Merlin's body as he was slipping away from him and Agatha, the familiar feeling about all of that that he confessed to have, his last words...

The pain was the worst.

And it was _everywhere._

" _What did you dream about?"_ A familiar voice asked him, coming from the book shelves on the other side of the room. Arthur had his back turned to that voice and to the window and the annoying sun.

He didn't answer until about five minutes later. "The usual." His voice was croaky and he cleared his throat, getting rid of the blanket as he sat up and let his legs hang from the side of the bed.

" _Is it like you're living through it all again? As if none of this ever happened?"_ The voice asked him and Arthur nodded. " _Do you remember every little detail in your dreams? Does everything happen exactly the way it happened on Valentine's Day?"_

"Yes." Arthur closed his eyes briefly and then stood up, stretching his arms over his head and then letting his shoulders slump again, finally turning around to face the owner of the voice.

Their eyes met and locked and Arthur couldn't look away. Couldn't stop pretending it was real.

And Merlin just stood there in the corner of the room, leaning against the wall and the shelves with books, his arms folded on his chest and a little smile playing at his lips. His hair was short and dark black, all messy from the morning and he had his red neckerchief around his neck with a simple blue t-shirt and a grey hooded jacket that was zipped only to a half of his chest.

Arthur breathed out and closed his mouth, smiling back at the image of Merlin that his exhausted mind conjured for him.

" _So what do you want to do today?_ " Merlin asked and let his arms fall down. " _I mean, you could do the usual or you could finally get your phone and asnwer-_ "

" _The usual_." Arthur cut him off and pursed his lips in regret as Merlin's smile disappeared.

" _Okay_." Merlin shrugged after a little while. " _I'll wait here for you then._ " He added.

"Thank you." Arthur nodded and left the room, heading to the bathroom.

He didn't even bother to lock the door, he immediately went to the washbasin and splashed his face with cold water, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes in the process. Then he looked at himself in the mirror and tried to ignore the scruff on his cheeks and chin, the dark circles under his eyes from sleep deprivation and the ringing in his head.

The pain was too much and he knew he's finally lost it. He's lost his mind, he was far gone. Because Merlin appeared only a few days after the real Merlin died, and at first Arthur was confused, but then when he couldn't touch him, he realized what it all meant. That he was crazy.

But if it meant that he could see Merlin again, he didn't care.

After he used the toilet and brushed his teeth, he made his way back to Merlin's room and entered the old Gaius' chambers. A little smile appeared on his face again.

He was waiting there for him, sitting on the table with his feet on the bench and a book in his hands. He looked up at Arthur and smiled back at him.

" _All good?_ " Merlin asked him and put the book back on the table, removing Gaius' old glasses from his face.

Arthur hesitated before he lied. "Yes, all good."

The look Merlin gave him told him that he knew it was a lie, but that it was alright and that he understood. " _Come on then_ ," he told him and patted the spot next to him on the empty table.

And Arthur sat down next to him, picking up the book that Merlin was reading and looking at the cover. It was so familiar to him now. Merlin's diaries. He's almost read all of them. Right now he was holding diary number 9, and he was very close to the end. Only one last diary remained, diary number 10.

" _Do you remember where we left off?"_ Merlin asked him, a ghost of his hand on Arthur's shoulder. That was a strange sensation. So light that he wasn't sure if he was feeling it at all, but he knew it was all in his head.

He nodded.

" _Page 196, the second paragraph, a sentence starting with 'you don't know how much...', is that it?"_ Merlin asked with a smirk, as if reading it right from Arthur's mind.

"Yes, exactly there," Arthur smiled as he looked up into Merlin's blue eyes and sighed. He was so beautiful and he was looking at him as if nothing happened even though the painful truth was ever present between them.

He looked back down and started reading out loud so Merlin could hear him too. Sometimes he made funny comments, something that Arthur found comforting.

" _Dear Arthur, you don't know how much I regret trying to make friends again. Julia and her brother Robert from the village of Glastonbury went investigating twenty years ago, as I told you at the beginning of this diary and they found me in the garden, working on my flowerbed. Well, after a few years of being friends with them I had to explain to them why I was still young even though they've aged so much. They didn't want to believe me and were afraid of my magic, but in the end they accepted me. I remember I told you about this a few times before."_

" _I did,"_ Merlin chuckled with his mouth close to Arthur's ear. So close that Arthur had to close his eyes for a few seconds, trying to remind himself that he couldn't just turn his head and kiss Merlin now. Those times were gone.

"You did, I remember Julia and Robert." Arthur nodded. "From how you described them, they seemed nice."

Merlin smiled at him and nodded. " _Continue reading._ " He said. " _You haven't even had breakfast yet._ "

"I-"

" _I know, I know."_ Merlin rolled his eyes at him. " _I won't eat until I finish this page, and that page, and that page, which eventually turned into 'until I finish that_ book' _, and... Arthur, you know you_ have _to eat."_ Merlin sighed and Arthur looked away from him. His subconsciousness was definitely capable of being just as annoying as Merlin used to be.

"I know." He whispered.

" _Beer isn't food and you know it."_ Merlin told him and raised from the table, crossing his arms on his chest again. " _Arthur, you need to get yourself together and finally answer-"_

"Would you just shut up and leave me alone?" Arthur exclaimed, immediately regretting it and looking up at where Merlin was standing. But Merlin was gone and the silence soon became too much for him.

So he returned to the book and started reading again, but after finding out that Julia and Robert died, he closed the book and went downstairs to get something to eat just like Merlin suggested. Arthur knew that when Merlin was telling him to eat, it was actually he himself saying he needed to fill his empty stomach with something, _anything_ , because he hasn't eaten anything the whole previous day.

He almost forgot why he didn't eat anything until he opened the fridge and found it completely empty, save for a few beer bottles at the bottom. He sighed. Now he knew what he wanted to do yesterday and forgot – he should have gone to the town to get some food. But the diaries were too distracting and in the end he didn't sleep and didn't eat and had hallucinations of Merlin and started drinking.

He was definitely losing it. And the worst thing was that Merlin was right about one another thing. He should finally get his phone and answer Agatha's calls. He's been ignoring her ever since the... the _funeral._

" _I'm glad you're realizing I was right and only wanted to help you."_ Merlin appeared again and when Arthur glanced up at him, he was sitting on the kitchen counter, with his hands under his thighs almost sitting on them, and dressed in the same clothes.

Arthur sighed and after a few seconds reached for one of the beer bottles.

" _So you're not going to apologize?"_ Merlin asked and for some reason Arthur knew that Merlin folded his arms on his chest again, without even having to look at him. " _You know you can't only drink that, you need to get some water, come on."_ Merlin hopped down from the counter and walked over to the kitchen sink.

Arthur looked up at him and closed the fridge.

"I want the beer. I need it, Merlin." Arthur confessed as he walked over to him and put the beer on the counter right next to the sink.

" _Then we make a deal._ " Merlin smiled up at him. The smile was short though.

"I'm listening." Arthur moved his hand, motioning for Merlin to say what he had in mind.

" _You can have that bottle, if you drink water as well today and finally buy some_ real _food, and by real food I mean meat, milk, eggs, vegetables and some fruits. You need those more than the beer and you know it."_

Before Arthur could answer, a sound of a car outside stopped him. Arthur frowned, but didn't look away from Merlin's face that lit up with a smile.

" _I told you you should have answered her."_ Merlin told him. And when Arthur looked out of the window and saw Agatha's car outside, he closed his eyes briefly and sighed. Which Merlin immediately picked up on and protested. " _No, Arthur. You won't pretend you're not home just because you look like crap-"_ Arthur looked up at him at that moment and Merlin smirked, " _yes, of course I know what you think that you look like."_

"But what will I tell her?" Arthur shrugged.

" _You know what? Let's make this another part of our deal. You can have that bottle if you go shopping and talk to Agatha. Don't worry about what you'll tell her, I'm sure she'll be the one talking. She's your friend, Arthur. You need to let her know that you're okay."_

"I'm not okay," Arthur admitted.

Merlin's smile turned sad and he walked closer to him, looking up into Arthur's eyes. " _Then tell her that. And she'll be there for you, you know that."_ Merlin smiled and when Arthur smiled back, he stepped away again and looked out of the window. " _She's just got out of her car."_

"Okay, I'll talk to her." Arthur sighed.

" _Promise?"_ Merlin smiled at him and Arthur's heart melted.

"Promise."

And as soon as he said that, he already heard Agatha's voice calling him from outside of the garden. Arthur looked down at himself, realizing he hasn't changed clothes since the day before.

" _You look fine, go."_ Merlin urged him, fondly rolling his eyes.

Arthur nodded and walked over to the door, opening it and stepping out into the garden, shielding his eyes from the sun. Merlin wasn't there with him when he looked back.

"Arthur!" Agatha smiled at him and waved her hand.

And for the first time in almost three weeks, Arthur took a few steps forward and crossed the garden, walking to the gate.

xoXÖXox

Three weeks ago

Arthur heard a thunder from the outside as the rain pounded against the window in Merlin's room. He also heard Agatha's voice calling him that they needed to go or they would be late, but Arthur didn't want to hear her and so he closed his eyes and tried really hard to make him come back.

He's been there just that morning, but then he disappeared. Arthur didn't want him to go and he desperately wanted to see him again even if it meant he'd have to hit his head really hard.

But the reality was waiting for him and time was running faster than the raindrops as they were sliding down the glass in the window. A black suit was waiting for him, hanging on the door of Merlin's closet and Arthur's been looking at it for the past half an hour, not wanting to admit to himself what it meant.

"Arthur," Agatha knocked on the door and when she got no response, she opened it and looked at Arthur who was still sitting on the bed. "Arthur," her voice was softer now.

He could see her as she moved over to him and sat down next to him on the bed, but he wasn't looking at her, he couldn't get his eyes off of the suit even if it was too painful to look at.

She put a single lock of hair behind his ear and kissed his cheek. "We need to go, Arthur. The priest won't wait only for the two of us." She reminded him and Arthur nodded, closing his eyes and finally letting his chin drop on his chest.

He took a deep breath. "I know," he whispered.

"Do you need help?" She asked him gently, but he shook his head. He didn't know what else she told him, but before he knew it the room was empty again with only him inside. No Agatha and no Merlin. Only him and the suit, a silent battle happening between them.

In the end, Arthur put the suit on and joined Agatha outside. They got into her car and barely said a word on the way to the Glastonbury graveyard.

It was still raining when they stepped outside and walked over to the hole in the ground with the coffin next to it. There was an old man in another black suit waiting for them and Agatha held Arthur's hand as they hid under her umbrella and listened to the priest's words.

Arthur felt numb. As if he couldn't move or think, just listen to those words and keep looking at the black coffin with Merlin's body inside. He must have zoned out because suddenly Agatha squeezed his hand and it was over. The coffin was being lowered into the ground and Arthur's breath hitched.

"-earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust-" he heard the priest say and he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.

When the priest left and Merlin was buried, Arthur noticed he was crying the whole time. Agatha took his hand and they began walking back to her car, but before she could open the door for Arthur, he stopped her.

"It's okay, I can walk on my own." He said, looking into the ground.

"You don't have an umbrella," Agatha reminded him, but Arthur was already shaking his head.

"It doesn't matter." He told her without looking up at her. But then she took his hand and put her own umbrella in it, kissing his cheek and giving him a brief but tight hug.

"Just be safe," she told him. "Promise?" She asked him, but Arthur already turned around and started walking away without promising her he'd take care of himself. Because he couldn't promise that, he knew he couldn't. And Agatha didn't stop him when he walked away with the closed umbrella in his hand, letting the rain wet his hair and clothes. She got into her car and drove back to Bristol. He knew she couldn't stay with him longer and he knew she was sorry for that, but he wanted to be alone anyway.

That was the first time he bought beer and heard Merlin's protests about it.

But it was all in his head, he knew that. All in his head.

But it didn't stop him from talking to him, reaching for him even though he knew he couldn't, listening to him, smiling at him, wishing he could kiss him and pretending Agatha wasn't waiting at his door because he wanted to be alone with him.

xoXÖXox

Back to the present – a month after Merlin's death

"Hey," Agatha smiled at him as he reached for the key in his pocket and opened the gate for her. "Long time no see," she added as she stepped through and hesitantly reached out her hands to him until he let her hug him and melted against her.

"I'm so sorry about that," he told her and took a deep breath, pulling away.

"It's okay," she brushed her hand over his forearm and smiled up at him. "Oh, I almost forgot, wait a second." She smiled and went back to her car, opening the back door and returning with a full bag of food in her hands.

That made Arthur smile. It seemed he wouldn't have to go shopping that day after all, but he still hoped Merlin would let him drink that beer if he ate something healthy too.

Agatha noticed his smile and closed the gate with her foot, smiling up at him. "I figured you might be hungry so I thought I'd cook you something."

"That's very nice of you, thanks." Arthur nodded as they started going back to the house.

"It's been crazy three weeks, let me tell you." She sighed. "I almost thought you wouldn't want to let me in." She admitted, making Arthur close his eyes briefly in regret. He shouldn't have ignored Ag for three weeks, she was only trying to help.

"I quit my job," she told him as they entered the kitchen. "And found a new one with better salary." She continued as she put the bag with food on the ground next to the fridge. Arthur was silent. "And I finally said yes and let my former colleague take me on a date, and it went pretty well, so I guess... I have a boyfriend now." She raised her eyebrows slightly to herself, a little happy smile appearing at the corner of her lips. "His name is Car Rog-" But then she opened the fridge and found only the beer bottles inside, with nothing else.

She was quiet for a few seconds, and when Arthur looked behind her, Merlin reappeared and looked into the fridge with her. He folded his arms on his chest and shook his head slightly, knowing well that it would make Arthur feel guilty.

"Arthur," Agatha closed the fridge and noticed another bottle of beer on the kitchen counter. She sighed and walked over to him, taking his hands gently. Arthur had to stop looking at Merlin and looked at Agatha instead, still being silent.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled and felt hot tears welling up in his eyes. Agatha pulled him closer and wrapped her arms around him, patting his shoulder.

"It's okay." She told him. "I'm here now and I'll cook you something and we don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. But I'm staying over tonight and you can't stop me."

" _Listen to her, Arthur."_ Arthur heard Merlin say and he opened his eyes, seeing Merlin in front of him. The warlock reached out his hand and caressed Arthur's cheek, but Arthur couldn't feel it. The tears threatened to fall so he closed his eyes again and let them.

"Thanks," he told Agatha.

She nodded against his shoulder. "No problem. We both need to learn how to make this work and with time... it will be less hard. Never easy, but less hard." She said and pulled away.

He smiled at her and she smiled back. He could see Merlin smiling at both of them behind her as he walked over to the bag and curiously looked inside, at which moment Arthur's stomach decided to make its protests be heard with a loud growl.

Agatha chuckled at that. "And we'll start with breakfast, what do you say?" She asked him.

"Yeah, that sounds nice." He nodded with a smile and helped her put the food she bought into his fridge.

He could only smirk at Merlin as they both noticed Agatha bought meat, milk, eggs, vegetables and some fruits.

xoXÖXox - ***TRIGGER WARNING***

" _I don't like looking at that bottle."_ Merlin told him as he was opening the diary for Arthur, both of them sitting on Merlin's old bed and preparing for yet another reading session. Arthur wished he could feel Merlin pressing against his side, his warmth.

"I just opened it." Arthur protested and looked at Merlin who was frowning, but then Merlin rolled his eyes and looked at the bottle and back at Arthur.

" _Alright, but just because you had breakfast today and actually managed to change clothes_." Merlin told him. " _You can have it._ "

"You know I don't have to listen to you, right?" Arthur smiled at him. "I'm a king." He proclaimed with a smirk. He loved when they talked like this, as if everything was alright.

Merlin laughed at that. "You _were_ a king. Now you're just a royal ass." He told him with a huge grin on his face.

Arthur laughed at that and punched Merlin in the arm, only for his hand to fly right through him and hit the bed. Arthur caught himself before he fell over and Merlin appeared on the other side of the bed. When Arthur realized what he did, his smile disappeared and he frowned, looking down at the book in his hands.

" _Come on."_ Merlin told him gently. His voice was sad. " _Let's read._ "

Arthur sighed and opened it.

" _Remember, page-"_

"Page 85, the third paragraph, first world war, I know." Arthur finished for him.

" _Right."_ Merlin smiled and walked over to the other side of bed where he was sitting before Arthur tried to hit him. Arthur waited until Merlin was seated next to him, trying not to think about how nice it always felt when Merlin's head fell down on his shoulder as they read together and how cute Merlin looked when he sometimes fell asleep like that.

None of this was possible anymore.

" _I'm waiting_ ," Merlin reminded him of his presence and Arthur nodded and took a deep breath.

"Alright." He smiled as he turned to another page, realizing he was on the previous one. " _Dear Arthur, I'm so so so so sorry for not telling you earlier about this. I've been lying to you yet again, for many many centuries. I've lied to you in every diary in every sentence because I decided it would be better if you just didn't know about it. But it happened again today, it happened again."_ Arthur stopped reading and looked at Merlin.

The warlock shrugged. " _Keep reading."_ He encouraged him and Arthur realized that because this wasn't the real Merlin, he didn't know what was Arthur about to read.

So he nodded and continued, suddenly feeling very uneasy. " _Arthur, living without you is a torture in every day, every minute, in every breath that I take and I can't ever get rid of it. There is always only one way out, and I tried so hard to avoid it, but sometimes there's just no other choice left. I took the knife in my kitchen and I … I used it against myself. Quickly into the heart and then just wait until the pain is over. That's the way out."_ Arhtur gasped as his eyes filled with tears, but he couldn't stop reading. " _It's never a permanent solution because I always wake up the next day and everything is back, including the unbearable pain. And this is not the first time either, the first time I killed myself was when I was 130 years old. That was exactly one hundred years after your death, on your birthday. I couldn't keep living, I just couldn't. Everyone I knew was dead and I couldn't bear it, so I ended it only to find out I was alive again the next day. I killed myself many times, and every time that I'm dying it feels familiar. I know it shouldn't, but it does."_ Arthur sobbed, remembering Merlin's last words when he confessed dying felt familiar even though he didn't know why. Now he knew. Now he _knew._

Merlin next to him was quiet and Arthur couldn't keep reading out loud. He looked at the words on the paper, only reading them in his head and covering his mouth with his hand to keep the sobs silent.

_Some days are better and some days are worse. Today, was one of the worse days and together with the world war and constant hiding, I couldn't take it anymore. But it's alright again. I'm fine. My body healed and I'm fine. I can't promise to stop doing that, I can't. But I promise not to tell you so you don't have to think about it. I'm sorry._

Arthur finished and closed his eyes, sobbing into his sleeve.

" _I don't know what to say, I'm sorry."_ Merlin admitted as he listened to Arthur's cries. " _Try reading again, it might help. Maybe the next days were one of the better kind for me."_

Arthur couldn't think straight, but he looked down at the book again and covered the paragraph about suicides with his hand so his eyes wouldn't glance at it with every few words.

 _Dear Arthur,_ he read only in his mind, not daring to use his voice. _Do you remember the horn that you used to summon your father's ghost? I can't stop thinking about it._

In that moment, Arthur stopped reading and his eyes widened. "You're right." He whispered.

" _Thank you,"_ Merlin answered and raised his eyebrows. " _Why, what did I say? I know I'm always right, but could you be more specific?"_

Arthur turned to him, not caring about his wet cheeks and smiled. "The horn!" He exclaimed. "You found the horn, I can find it too. You must have left it here somewhere. It's hidden in this house!" He put down the book and stood up, starting to look around and thinking about where could have Merlin put it.

" _Arthur, I don't think that's a good idea."_ Merlin told him as Arthur kept turning around, picking up books and then putting them back down, opening the wardrobes and looking under the bed. " _Don't you remember what it did to your father? You might see me again, the real me, but you can't look back as you leave, you know that. You'd bring me back and I wouldn't be the same. Arthur!"_ Merlin raised his voice when he saw Arthur wasn't listening. Arthur stopped and looked up at him. " _Don't you remember what it did to your father?"_ Merlin repeated in a soft voice.

"I don't care, I need to talk to him, Merlin." Arthur closed his eyes tightly and grabbed his head. Then he opened them again and looked at Merlin, who was still standing there, not looking very happy. "I'm sorry, but you're not him." He shook his head. "You can't answer my questions, I need to talk to him, I'm sorry."

" _Arthur!"_ Merlin yelled as Arthur ran out of the room and continued downstairs. He needed to search everywhere and one of the possible places was the room with Merlin's paintings.

When he reached the room, Merlin was already standing there, looking very worried.

"I don't have time for this, Merlin. Get out of my way." Arthur frowned, knowing well that with the tears on his face he didn't look very intimidating. But well, this was his own mind he was talking to.

Merlin folded his arms on his chest and straightened up. " _You can't make me move, Arthur. You can't use the horn even if you find it because you know it will only hurt you. It will damage the good memories you have of me and turn them into something bad."_

"In fact," Arthur frowned. "I can make you move. You're not real, _Mer_ lin!" He told him a bit more loudly then he intended, and then he moved forward and walked right through Merlin with his eyes closed.

He opened his eyes again and turned around, only to see that Merlin was gone. Great. He made him disappear again and even though he knew he needed him, he had a real chance at seeing the real Merlin again. And he couldn't just sit and do nothing. So he opened the door and was greeted by dozens of paintings of his face, all of them as if looking at him, telling him to stop searching and get some sleep instead.

Arthur ignored that feeling and moved forward with determination.

He collected the paintings and put them aside, opening every drawer and looking behind every little piece of furniture. He almost turned the room upside down, trying to find something, _anything._

And then as he removed the older, not very realistic paintings from the corner of the room and used every bit of his strength to remove a big cupboard filled with garden supplies, he finally found what he was looking for. That _something_ he needed to find. Not the horn, not yet, but it was a secret door in the _floor._

He smiled. He never thought this house could have a secret cellar, but apparently he was wrong. He just couldn't figure out why Merlin didn't tell him after he had his memories back. Was there something he didn't want Arthur to see? Like the horn, for example?

" _Arthur, please think about what you're doing."_ Merlin appeared again, standing in the mess he's left behind.

Arhtur didn't turn around and only rolled his eyes. "For the last time, Merlin. I don't have to listen to you. Actually, you should listen to me, so please let me do this. I need to do this."

" _You don't have to Arthur. You don't."_ Merlin walked closer. " _If Merlin didn't want you to see it, then he probably had a pretty good reason for it."_

Arthur paused. That was the first time that Merlin didn't talk about himself as if he was the real Merlin. The first time he referred to himself in third person singular pronoun and it made Arthur stop completely and slowly turn to him. His heart filled with guilt, but when he imagined himself seeing the real Merlin again, it was stronger than the guilt. So he blinked and shook his head.

"I need to know what's down there, Merlin." He told him and turned back to work – figuring out how to open the secret door. And before Merlin could say something, Arthur added, "and I'd really appreciate some silence."

" _I'm not going anywhere if you intend to continue."_ Merlin folded his arms on his chest as he did very often and walked over to Arthur. " _I think you'll need magic to open it._ " He shrugged, voicing Arthur's worries.

Then Arthur noticed a little key hidden on the backside of one of the paintings that he left next to the opening in the floor. "I don't," he smiled.

" _Arthur don't-"_

"Too late." Arthur cut him off as he put the key into the tiny keyhole. The door made a little clicking sound and Arthur immediately opened it, finding a ladder inside. A ladder that led under the floor, into the cellar.

" _Bravo. You managed to uncover the last secret Merlin had, I'm sure he'll love you for that as soon as you see him again after using the horn."_

Arthur ignored him and excitedly threw his legs over the edge, carefully finding the ladder underneath him with his feet and climbing down.

It was dark down there, very dark, with the only source of light coming from the lit room above him. But soon he noticed a simple and very old light switch hanging on the wall, with wires coming out of it and leading somewhere further into the cellar on the ground. Arthur used the lightswitch and the light almost blinded him.

When he slowly put his hand down from his eyes and adjusted to the light, he gasped. Because there was almost nothing in the little room, nothing. Only four old walls around him, one of which filled with different markings and tally marks, dates, words (mostly his name) and with a table pressed against the wall in front of him. And an old notebook and a pen on it, together with three old candles.

" _Wow, so small."_ Merlin commented as he appeared next to Arthur. " _This place creeps me out, let's go back."_

"No," Arthur simply said, silencing him as he moved forward, scared to learn what the walls said. What was written there and what it all meant. He was so scared, more than ever before in his life. He was terrified, but also curious and confused and he couldn't help it.

As he stepped closer to the walls and to the table with cobwebs on its legs, he couldn't help the tears that were already streaming down his face again.

There were tally marks on the wall in front of him, some written in blood, but thankfully most of them were carved into the wall, probably with a knife or with magic. He was scared to count the tally marks, and he was scared to even start thinking about what this all meant. But he already knew. It was the only thing Merlin didn't want him to know, the one thing he lied to him about in his diaries.

When Arhur opened the notebook, he gasped.

Dates. Nothing more than dates and a few words under them.

_6.2. 1815_  
_\- sword_  
_31.5. 1826_  
_\- rope_  
_19.2.1859_  
_\- rope_  
_28.11.1899_  
_\- drowned myself again, sorry_  
_1.3.1917  
_ _\- kitchen knife_

Arthur closed his eyes as one of his tears fell down on the old paper. He was shaking all over and he couldn't read the words and dates anymore because his eyes were filled with hot tears and because it was too painful to acknowledge.

Merlin committed suicide. He killed himself many times in the past and who even knew how many times was it? The page Arthur opened described only the 19th century, so how would he know how many times-

He gasped as he realized it. He slowly raised his head and looked at the tally marks on the walls. How do you keep a record of something that happens many times? You use tally marks.

Arthur couldn't breathe. He looked at the wall and swallowed thickly, wiping his eyes with the back of his hands.

Five, ten, twenty, another twenty... he couldn't keep counting.

His legs were weak and he couldn't keep standing, so he fell down on the cold damp floor. His eyes burned and his hands were trembling. He couldn't believe Merlin would do such horrible things to himself. He didn't want to believe that the waiting made Merlin take his own life. He couldn't believe that because his time to return hadn't come yet, Merlin was expected to wait and wait endlessly and suffer so much. He couldn't believe that he didn't return for the first world war. Or the second one. Or all those horrible wars before them that Merlin told him about.

He couldn't believe that their lives were so brilliantly fucked up that from now on, living seemed pointless even to him.

"Why did you never tell me?" He whispered as another broken sob escaped him.

But Merlin didn't answer. And when Arthur turned around, Merlin was gone.

xoXÖXox - ***TRIGGER WARNING***

_With you I always am..._

Arthur heard Merlin's voice in his head as the sleep slowly left him and new day began. When Arthur turned to the window with his head still on the pillow, he realized it was raining.

Merlin was sitting cross-legged in front of him on the bed, partly blocking his view of the window. He was dressed in the same clothes and looking at Arthur with a gentle smile playing at his lips.

" _What did you dream about?_ " Merlin asked, just like he did every morning. As if he didn't know that Arthur dreamt about the same day again and again. Either that, or about nothing. Tonight he could see and feel the real Merlin in his dreams though. He could kiss him under the stars, then at the dinner and after he gave him the ring. He had another ring of his own, and he never took it off ever since Valentine's Day.

" _Arthur?_ " Merlin frowned and leaned down, looking into Arthur's tired eyes. " _Did you see me in your dreams? Was I with you again?"_

Arthur's smile turned sad when he met Merlin's eyes. "Yes." He answered.

" _Smile then."_ Merlin encouraged him. " _You need to learn how to smile again. I know we had a good laugh a few days ago, but ever since you found the-"_

" _Mer_ lin." Arthur warned, but Merlin ignored him as usual.

" _-cellar, I haven't seen you smile. Not once._ " He finished, his own smile gone.

"I am aware." Arthur rolled his eyes and turned away from Merlin, hiding his head under the blanket, maybe trying to silence him and maybe not. He couldn't decide.

" _You can't hide."_ Merlin reminded him and Arthur felt him stand up and round the bed, kneeling in front of his covered face. He could feel his breath on his face and the worst thing was that he knew it wasn't real. How could he feel it then? How could he feel it when he couldn't even touch him?

" _Do you want to read something again?"_ Merlin suggested, his voice softer than before.

"We've already finished all your diaries." Arthur mumbled under the blanket and finally put it away, looking up into Merlin's sad eyes. "And I'm not interested in any of your new books."

" _Then we'll read my oldest diary again. The one from my first years in Camelot, when you were still with me."_ Merlin smiled at him and reached out his hand, playing with Arthur's hair. Arthur closed his eyes and tried to feel the light touch of his fingers, but he couldn't and his hair didn't move an inch. How could he feel his breath and hear his voice, but not feel his touch? Was he completely crazy?

"We've already read that yesterday night." He told him.

" _Don't you want to read it again?"_ Merlin asked him, which made Arthur open his eyes.

"Of course I want to read it again." He whispered. "I want to read all your diaries again, but I can't. You know I can't. Not after I've memorized all the dates."

Merlin's smile disappeared. " _I understand."_ He told him and smiled briefly. Bitterly. " _But you can read the beginning of diary number one, that's harmless."_

"And you complain quite a lot about me there." Arthur nodded, agreeing.

" _So is it settled, then?"_ Merlin asked with a light smirk. Arthur looked into his eyes and took a deep breath, nodding.

"Yes. We'll read it again." He smiled up at him.

" _Perfect, I'll wait for you."_ Merlin grinned and walked into the old Gaius' room, waiting for Arthur to get there after breakfast. Or maybe he'd appear in the living room, eating with him. That happened often as well.

After brushing his teeth, taking a quick shower and grabbing an apple with beer, Arthur went upstairs again and entered the old Gaius' room. When Merlin wasn't there, Arthur decided to go into Merlin's old room, and he found him sitting on the bed.

" _Let's start._ " He smiled up at him and frowned when he noticed the beer in Arthur's hand.

"Shut up." Arthur rolled his eyes. "I don't need you to tell me that I should take care of myself. I don't care about that. I just want to read the beginning of your first diary and then... then... then I don't know, okay?" Arthur closed his eyes briefly, in regret. He was in a really bad mood this morning.

" _It's okay, Arthur. You don't have to know everything right now."_ Merlin told him.

Arthur turned away from him and noticed all the diaries on the shelf. His breath hitched and he swallowed. So many times had Merlin killed himself and each time destiny brought him back to his suffering. Arthur couldn't live with that, he couldn't live knowing what Merlin did because of him. He didn't remember anything from when he was in Avalon, but he was sure he would throw a fit if he saw what Merlin was doing to himself. He would throw a fit just because he couldn't talk to him. Because only seeing was a torture of its own.

" _What are you thinking about?"_ Merlin asked him, his voice sounding a little worried and a little panicked. " _Don't think about that."_ He asked him.

Arthur looked at all the diaries and realized that there was one diary he hasn't read yet. It was after number ten, and he coldn't believe he hasn't noticed it. When he frowned and took the diary into his hands, he realized it was the empty diary that he gave Merlin on Christmas. The one he thought they'd fill with good memories and good days spent together.

But he was wrong. He was so wrong. And now without Merlin, he was so so lost. He couldn't do this anymore. Merlin had to wait and wait over and over again, and Arthur couldn't live with that. Merlin took his own life, many times and he kept a record of that. Who knew what he was doing down there in the cellar when he lived alone in this house? Who knew what terrors he saw in his sleep after he'd killed himself yet again? How could Arthur know this when Merlin told him he didn't want him to know?

No, Merlin deliberately skipped the worst of the worst in his diaries and admitted he lied only once. He didn't even find the horn. When Arthur returned from his frantic searching, he finished the diary and found out that Merlin never found the horn and never used it to see him. So all that searching was pointless.

As was his life without Merlin. Without love. Even Agatha already found someone she could spend her evenings with. Sooner or later, her visits would become scarce and he'd have to be here alone.

" _Arthur?"_ He heard Merlin's panicked voice from behind him. He hated to hear him like that, but he couldn't help it as he couldn't help the tears that were already streaming down his face again.

He put the apple and beer on the shelf and then he took the new empty diary and ran his finger over the cover. Then he slowly opened it with a deep shaky breath and to his surprise, found a little piece of folded paper.

" _What do you think it is?"_ Merlin asked, leaning over his shoulder, sounding less panicked. " _Do you think I left it here for you? That Merlin left it here for you so you could read it after... you know?"_

"I don't know." Arthur sighed as he slowly sat down on the old bed and unfolded the paper. He wasn't strong enough to read it out loud, but he knew Merlin would read it with him.

He took a deep breath. "Let's find out."

 _Dear Arthur. It feels stupid to continue with this even after all those diaries that always started with_ dear Arthur, _but I don't care because I can't remember most of the diaries anyway and because there's one thing I still remember and regret the most._

_Please read this only after you've read all the diaries. I'm not sure, but I think I didn't mention it until maybe the last one. And it's very important that you understand what I'm trying to tell you here._

_My hair is grey and I've got wrinkles everywhere. I'm aging and there's no cure, so sooner or later I... will be gone. And you'll be here alone for the week, only with Agatha visiting you every weekend. I don't want you to feel how I felt for more than a thousand years. But there's really no escaping this, so you'll have to learn how to live with this. And there's no other option._

Only there was another option, and Arthur knew that. Merlin knew that too, and how he felt now... he didn't know if he could be as strong as Merlin was and _live._

" _Don't think about that, please."_ Merlin interrupted his thoughts. His voice was panicked again and this time, Arthur already knew why.

He ignored Merlin though and continued reading.

_I don't want you to end up like I did, but I'm pretty sure you're not immortal so it'll be easier for you. That means you can still have a long and happy life and you won't have to live for centuries, never being sure when I return. I already lost you once and I won't feel the pain the second time I lose you because it'll be me dying. You've lost me once and didn't feel the pain of waiting because it was you who died, and now it's your turn to lose me again and feel everything at once, just like I did for centuries. All the anger, the sorrow, the hopelessness... believe me, I've been there._

_And as I'm sure you've found out by now, I couldn't live with that and... I didn't. I took my own life more times than I can even remember._

_Arthur, I love you. I love you more than anything and you know that I know what you're thinking about right now. Don't. Please don't. You can do this, I'm sure you can do this. I lived without you for a hundred years before I first took the sword and used it to end my suffering. And it didn't work, but that didn't stop me from doing it again. Normal mortal life is shorter than a hundred years though, which is why I know you can do this._

_But still, I want you to talk to Agatha and tell her what you're feeling right now. She'll understand, you know she will. It's rare that I've met someone so understanding and kind and decided to be friends with them. At least I think it is, some of my memories are gone again. I guess that's the price to pay for aging so quickly. Not that aging is anything I like, but it's just the way it is._

_You've been in Avalon for as long as I had to wait here on Earth. I don't know if you could feel time in Avalon, but I'm about to find out. And I don't want to be afraid because you'll be with me in my last moments and because this time I will die peacefully._

_Please just take care of yourself. I love you._

_Goodbye, Arthur._

_Your Merlin._

Arthur was sobbing again, covering his mouth with his hand and putting the letter back into the empty diary. He didn't remember how Avalon looked like, but Merlin was there right now, waiting for him again and Arthur was down here, suffering. Arthur didn't remember if you could feel time in Avalon, but if it was possible then Merlin was going through all of that painful waiting again and he couldn't let that happen.

And there was only one sure way to end both of their suffering.

" _Please tell me you're not thinking about what I think you're thinking about."_ Merlin asked him, his voice trembling. He sounded panicked and Arthur knew why, but he couldn't stop it. " _You can't do this, Arthur. You can't do this to Aga-"_

"Merlin needs me." Arthur cut him off and turned to look at him, breathing quickly and wiping his tears with his sleeve. "And I need to see him. If I don't have the horn, then this is the only option."

" _No, Arthur-"_

"No, _Mer_ lin." Arthur frowned, taking a deep breath and closing his eyes. "You're not real and if there's a way to be with the real you again, then I have to do it." He sighed with a lump in his throat. "And if you want to stop me then please leave me alone."

" _Arthur-"_

"I said _leave!"_ Arthur yelled as he turned away from him. He closed his eyes and hid his face in his palms, taking deep breaths and trying very hard not to start sobbing again.

There was only one thing to do now. And he knew the perfect place to do it.

When he turned around again, he found an empty room. But that was alright. Soon he would be with his real Merlin. And they would live together in Avalon. They'd be happy again.

And he really needed to feel happy now.

xoXÖXox - ***TRIGGER WARNING***

He acted quickly, without thinking twice about it. He put on Merlin's favourite jacket, left the house, closed the gate and walked back into Glastonbury to take the bus. It took him about two hours to get to Bristol, and then he continued to the beach where they first kissed and where Merlin got his memories back, and most importantly to the _cliff._

And Arthur didn't care that what he was doing was probably wrong and not what Merlin wanted. All he needed was to see him again, to be able to touch him and hold him close and kiss him senseless until he understood _why_ he did it. Until he knew that he couldn't live without him, not back in Camelot, not ever.

It was unthinkable to live to the fullest without Merlin by his side. That idiot always managed to get them out of an uncomfortable situation, sometimes by making it even more awkward or sometimes by risking everything and in the end saving them both.

Arthur loved him for that. And even if Avalon wasn't a happy place as everyone thought, at least they'd be together there and Arthur knew that together they could beat anything.

When he was finally standing on the cliff, with the wind blowing in his face and playing with his hair, he decided to listen to music for the last time so he fished his earphones from his pocket.

But the only song he could listen to now was not a happy one.

_This time, This place_  
_Misused, Mistakes_  
_Too long, Too late_  
_Who was I to make you wait_  
_Just one chance_  
_Just one breath_  
_Just in case there's just one left_  
_'Cause you know,  
_ _you know, you know_

_That I love you_  
_I have loved you all along_  
_And I miss you_  
_Been far away for far too long_  
_I keep dreaming you'll be with me_  
_and you'll never go_  
_Stop breathing if_  
_I don't see you anymore_  


_On my knees, I'll ask_  
_Last chance for one last dance_  
_'Cause with you, I'd withstand_  
_All of hell to hold your hand_  
_I'd give it all  
_ _I'd give for us_

" _Arthur!"_ He heard Merlin from behind him, just as he was looking at his old pictures of Merlin and him that they took together on their first trip to the forest. " _Arthur, please think about what you're doing. Really, think! You can't do this!"_

Arthur only laughed bitterly. Then he turned around and stared into Merlin's worried and scared face. He hated to see him like that, but that was exactly the moment he had to remind himself that this Merlin wasn't the real Merlin and that the real Merlin was waiting for him in Avalon, hopefully not watching him right now.

"I need to do this and you know it. You'r only in my head." Arthur told him.

Merlin's face saddened even more if it was possible and he stepped closer to him. So close that they were standing right in front of each other, their faces inches apart.

" _Arthur, please. I'm begging you."_ He whispered with his voice trembling. " _Don't do this, you can live without me. You're strong enough, I know you. Agatha can help you too."_

"I'm not strong enough! Don't you see? You lasted a hundred years before the endless waiting made you take your life. I'm not strong enough to last even a month without you!" Arthur cried, feeling the hot tears in his eyes again.

It was at that moment when Merlin decided to grab his hand. And he felt it. God, he _felt it_ as if it was real, as if Merlin was there with him. It felt so real!

Arthur couldn't control his breathing anymore as a sob escaped him. He took a deep breath and interlocked their fingers, feeling all of Merlin's between his. It was like a miracle. The last bit of happiness before he ended it all. And the song was still playing as they stared at each other.

_I wanted you to stay_  
_'Cause I needed_  
_I need to hear you say_  
_That I love you_  
_I have loved you all along_  
_And I forgive you_  
_For being away for far too long_  
_So keep breathing_  
_'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore_  
_Believe it_  
_Hold on to me and, never let me go_  
_Keep breathing_  
_'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore_  
_Believe it_  
_Hold on to me and, never let me go_  
_Keep breathing_  
_Hold on to me and, never let me go_  
_Keep breathing  
_ _Hold on to me and, never let me go_

Arthur felt the tears on his cheeks, the chilly wind making him even more aware of them. He wanted to hold on to Merlin and never let him go. He really did, but this Merlin was not the real Merlin. His Merlin.

The decision has already been made.

Merlin's eyes widened as he realized what Arthur was thinking about. He tightened the hold on his hand and whispered. " _Please..."_

"You're not the real him." Arthur breathed out. "You're just an echo. You're a constant reminder of what happened and that I can't change it, you're the proof that I've finally gone out of my mind. Without him, I'm nothing. With you... I'm just a lunatic." He shook his head and used his free hand to get rid of the earphones.

"I'm sorry." He shook his head again as he made a few steps backwards, forward the end of the cliff. One step closer to his death. He didn't know if there were any stones under the cliff or if there was only deep water. But he knew that once his body hit the surface, he'd lose consciousness and wouldn't have to worry about anything anymore.

The pain would be over. And Merlin would be his again.

"Hello? Young man?" He heard someone's voice. He frowned and looked behind Merlin, seeing an old man standing there, looking worriedly at him.

But Arthur ignored him. He needed to do this. And no one could stop him. Not in the real world, not in his head.

" _Arthur-"_

"I love you." Arhtur smiled at him. "Goodbye."

And with that he closed his eyes and let go of Merlin's imaginary hand, taking the last step and then feeling only the air around him.

And then feeling _nothing._

xoXÖXox

"So do you prefer spaghetti or... spaghetti?" Carl smiled as he was looking at the two packages of spaghetti in his hands. Agatha laughed as they were both standing in the kitchen, in Carl's flat. Then he smiled at her and hung his head. "I'm sorry I don't have anything else. I should have bought something."

"That's fine." Agatha smiled and leaned against the wall, looking at him. "I've never seen a man _cook_ , so I'm happy with whatever you make. The only thing I ask is that it's edible, I'm hungry."

Carl grinned at that. "I can promise you that!" He told her as he put one of the package of spaghetti back into the cupboard and put the other one on the kitchen counter. Then he turned back to his new girlfriend. "My mom taught me how to cook when I was fourteen. I have two younger sisters, so I had to take care of that when both my parents worked over summer holidays."

"Impressive." Agatha smiled and stepped forward. "I like that."

"I'm glad you do." He smirked and looked down at her lips, leaning forward. Agatha closed her eyes and waited for his lips to land on hers, when suddenly her phone decided to ring at exactly that moment.

They stopped, still close to each other and Agatha snorted. "I'm sorry." She apologized, but Carl only laughed.

"It's fine."

Agatha walked back to the living room where she left her phone in her handbag. When she found it, her smile got even bigger. It was Arthur calling. She hoped he was fine, it was Thursday and she was with him a few days ago, staying over the weekend as usual. But at least he was calling her and not ignoring her anymore. She was very glad for that, it meant he was getting better.

"Arthur? Hi," she smiled as she picked up and looked at Carl who was waiting in the kitchen, smiling at her and holding the spaghetti.

"Hello? Is this Agatha Black?" Ag frowned when she heard the unfamiliar voice. It sounded like an old man.

"Yes. Who are you?" She asked carefully. There was no reason for Arthur's phone to be in somebody else's hands, unless... she really hoped he didn't pass out in some pub.

"My name is Viktor Smith, I'm very sorry to bother you, but you're the only one who picked up. I found his phone-"

"Wait a second," she closed her eyes, feeling her chest tighten. Car was already walking towards her, sensing something was wrong. "What happened?" She dared to ask and grabbed Carl's hand for support.

"I am so sorry, miss." He told her. Agatha didn't know what was wrong, but she could feel tears in her eyes. This didn't sound like only a pub at all. "I found him standing on the cliff, but I couldn't stop him. I found his phone with pictures in it, but he's gone. The young blonde man, miss."

"What? W-what cliff, wha- what..." She started breathing faster and had to sit down on the couch as her knees started shaking and her legs were too weak to support her.

"He jumped." The man simply told her, his voice shaking. "I already called the police and ambulance, they're on their way." He informed her.

Carl wrapped his arms around her as she started shaking all over, sobbing. "Whe-where are you?" She managed to ask.

"The Sunken Bay Beach, miss." The man told her. And Agatha could almost feel her heart break. It was the same beach they visited with Merlin and Arthur half a year ago.

It was that same beach, that same cliff, that same _high_ cliff.

Agatha felt paralyzed. She couldn't think, talk, or _breathe._ She felt as Carl gently took the phone out of her hand and put it to his own ear, saying _thank you_ to the man and hanging up.

And then he just held her. He held her as she cried into his chest and he kept mumbling something into her ear. But it didn't help. Nothing ever could. Because she had lost Morgan, then she lost Merlin and now even Arthur.

She's lost all of her friends, everything she held dear over the last year. _Everything._

This was the story of how she saved a man and helped him, and how knowing him and loving him broke her.

And how she continued to love him even after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Ever since Merlin died, Arthur keeps dreaming of their Valentine's Day and he keeps seeing Merlin everywhere - it's a hallucination, but it's enough to make him laugh sometimes. He started drinking though and he doesn't really take care of himself, he even ignored Agatha for three weeks after the funeral, but in this chapter they meet again and talk and we find out that Agatha has a boyfriend - Carl Rogers. Arthur finished reading all the diaries together with his imaginary Merlin, and he found out that Merlin had killed himself many times in the past because he just couldn't wait for him anymore. Arthur then finds a secret cellar under the room with the paintings. There's a notebook with dates and short descriptions of how Merlin killed himself on that date. There are also tally marks on the wall, which means that Merlin hadn't killed himself only once. Arthur is devastated and then he finds a letter from Merlin in the new diary that he gave him on Christmas. In the letter, Merlin explains that he knows what is Arthur feeling and that he wants him to talk to Agatha and stay safe. But Arthur can't take it anymore and takes a bus to the beach where they first kissed and he kills himself - he jumps off the cliff. Agatha finds out through a phone call from a witness.
> 
> The song I used is called "Far Away" by Nickelback.
> 
> Well... I did include some happy Merthur flashbacks (thanks Clipsy!), so I hope you weren't sad while reading the whole chapter. But I know it was very sad and I'm so sorry for that :'( The official story of the characters that you learned to know so far in this story is over. The next chapter will be set far in the future, and I'll tell you what eventually happened to Agatha (and Carl!) and what happened to Morgana because as you can see, she's probably still looking for Morgause :/ You'll meet Merlin and Arthur again, and this time, it will finally be the right time for Arthur to return. With one little change... he'd already returned in 2016, so he'll have to be reborn, together with Merlin... so yeah, they won't know each other yet and that's where the fun will start :D I hope you'll like the next chapter because my head is already full of details :D
> 
> Btw, if it makes you feel any better, almost every time I thought I wrote "Carl", I actually wrote "Car", so I was very confused when I was rereading the chapter and found out that some car was willing to cook spaghetti and then proceeded to hug Agatha :D
> 
> *hands you tisues* I'll start working on the next (and happy!) chapter asap, but we didn't have school this week and it's already Thursday and I have a lot of work to do, so it'll take some time again :(
> 
> Please leave a comment, even if it's just the result of your head banging against the keyboard, thanks :)


	21. Our Story Never Dies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man. Oh god. Okay, it's here. The last chapter of this very long fanfic. Honestly, I never thought it could be this long. When I first had the idea back in August, I thought it would be maybe about 50K words, certainly not twice that long! This chapter has no warning, it's all happy (at least in my opinion) and hopefully a little funny as well. I'm so sorry for chapters 19 and 20 btw, but in this chapter, both Merlin and Arthur get a fresh start :)
> 
> Enjoy!

The year was 2099. Merlin wasn't waiting for Arthur anymore, in fact, here he was – standing in the Museum of Magical Arts in London, with the rest of his history class.

He was 18.

His hands were itching to open the book he was holding. He loved books and he loved reading, but right now he was looking at the only other book that seemed more interesting to him that the one he was holding. This book though, was behind glass. It was the original, the very first book of magic, written sometime in early 6th century and found in 2017. At least that's what the lady told them and also what their teacher wanted them to remember for their next exam.

Merlin was actually very interested in the spell book. The more he kept looking at it, the less he was paying attention to what the lady from the museum was saying. It was a strange feeling to describe... it was as if the book spoke to him, as if it was trying to call him and steal his attention.

The fact that he saw a very similar book being filled with new spells by his own hands in his dream, didn't really help. Ah, the _dreams._ Or visions or whatever you call them. They started when he turned 18. At first they came to him in dreams, but it happened once or twice during the day too. He hasn't told anyone yet. Not even Gwen, his best friend.

She would definitely want to know. She always helped him and was the nicest person in their school that Merlin knew. He told her about everything, spilled all of his secrets.

Sometimes she even waited for him when he had to stay in the school longer for extra magic lessons thanks to his talent, and only because she knew he needed someone to talk to.

Merlin narrowed his eyes and had to blink. The book was so old and yet it hadn't fallen apart. It was like a miracle, a very very old miracle. Or simply some kind of a curse that held for centuries.

Then someone nudged him into his elbow. "For someone so interested in magic and books, you don't seem to be listening to her at all." It was Gwen. Merlin turned to her and smiled, embarrassed that she caught him so deep in thoughts.

Then he took a quick glance around their little group of about 20 teenagers and shrugged. "No one is listening to her except for the teacher anyway." He whispered, caressing his book with his thumb absently.

She rolled her eyes. "I am." She told him. "It's very interesting, and from what she and Ms Kennedy told us, early 21st century seems pretty chaotic."

Before Merlin could answer, Lancelot found their way to them and tapped Gwen's shoulder, receiving a pretty smile from her. He entwined their fingers and leaned closer to her, whispering to her ear. "Have you seen Gwaine, love?" He asked her, glancing at Merlin and then behind him.

"See?" Merlin smirked at her. "Gwaine definitely isn't listening."

"Yeah, but Gwaine's Gwaine and you're you." Gwen told him and then turned back to Lance. "I'm sorry, I thought he was with you."

"That's fine." He sighed. "I suppose we'll learn where he is very soon anyway."

Gwen giggled at that and received a stern glance from the teacher. Merlin smirked and kept his mouth shut, finally trying to listen to the lady and stop looking at the spell book that was so distracting.

The lady didn't really help him when she pointed at the book, yet again. "The first camp was given this book by a stranger, who never introduced himself and left as soon as the spell book was out of his hands. To this day, no one knows who he was, but one thing is sure. This book was written by the second most powerful warlock in the world. Emrys. The name he was born with though, was Merlin. He-"

Merlin swallowed. The queen Morgana has been looking for Emrys aka Merlin since she first sat down on the throne in the Pendragon palace. It was said that any boy born with magic and with the name _Merlin_ was to be watched carefully. But everyone wanted to be named after the great Merlin of legends, so soon the law had to be changed and now the only thing the queen could do was to wait and wait.

While everyone else was waiting for her to die. She was very old, but didn't look the age. Everyone knew she used magic for that, some spell that she created when she was about forty. She never told anyone though.

And Merlin guessed his mother couldn't have been in her right mind when she gave him his name. But she couldn't have known he would have magic, could she? Except that the first time he opened his eyes, they flashed gold, and that's how she found out, which was unfortunately already _after_ she decided to give him that name. Merlin's heard that story so many times now that he could tell it to anyone with all the right details.

But a lot of people were born with a flash of gold in their eyes and a lot of boys were called Merlin, and that's how Merlin knew he wasn't the right Merlin. The Emrys. The _one_.

His eyes wandered to his own book again and he smiled. Then he sighed and looked around the group of his classmates. They were all from Glastonbury city, and this visit of the museum was only a short field trip. And soon they would have to return and he would have to get back to school to attend his magic class, while all of his friends without magic could go home.

Gwen, Lancelot, even Gwaine and Percival. Merlin looked around to see if Percival was also listening because he himself wasn't anymore, when his eyes found someone much more interesting.

The new boy in school.

He was blonde and his eyes were crystal blue. His jaw was set as he was listening to the lady, and he was dressed in rich clothes. Merlin already heard people say he was rich. He also heard people say he liked to boss others around, but Merlin couldn't help but stare at him because he was so unnaturally _handsome._

"And that is how the book found its way to this very museum." The lady continued and Merlin blinked, turning his head back to the book behind glass and to the teacher, who was not looking at him, thankfully.

The lady smiled at them and moved to another object hidden inside a glass box. "I think the second most interesting thing in this museum next to the spell book, is this staff, which was-"

Suddenly the entire room filled with annoying ringing noise and water started raining on them. Merlin immediately took his book and shoved it into his backpack (carefully!), but everyone was already moving toward the door.

"Fire alarm! Everyone move calmly to the door! Don't panic!" The lady together with the teacher yelled at the class. But girls were already holding their hands on their heads to protect their difficult hairdos and guys were using their notebooks as umbrellas because they didn't care they were supposed to use their notes from the lecture in their exam next week.

Once they were all outside, Merlin quickly found Gwen and Lancelot, remembering that Percival didn't arrive at school at all that day. The teacher moved to the front of the class and immediately wanted them to check if anyone was missing.

"One!" A girl shouted. "Two!" Her friend shouted as well. "Three and four here, miss!" Two guys shouted from the other side of the group. And more people kept shouting until it was Merlin's turn to shout, "Fourteen!" because that was the number the teacher gave him in the morning, and then it was Gwen's turn, until suddenly everyone was silent without the count being complete.

The teacher's eyes widened, but before she could say anything, the lady ran to the group of students and assured them that the fire alarm was fake and that there was no fire at all.

The teacher nodded her thanks and looked back at the group of young people she was responsible for. Suddenly, she seemed tired and irritated instead of panicked. "Who's humber 16?" She asked, already rubbing her eyes in regret.

Gwen, Lancelot and Merlin all looked at each other and sighed. Then Lance turned to the teacher and finally answered. "It's Gwaine, miss. Number 16 is Gwaine."

xoXÖXox

The bus was filling up with kids as they all arrived back from their free hour, in various intervals. They were supposed to ride back in only ten minutes, and not everyone was back yet, but who could blame them? London was a beautiful city and some of them had never been there before. They all wanted to explore when they could.

Merlin on the other hand, was more interested in his book that he hasn't had the chance to open since they arrived at the museum. He was sitting in his seat, waiting for Gwen to sit next to him because Lancelot was already sitting with Gwaine. She was with them, still talking and laughing.

The young warlock was listening to music and he smiled when he ran his fingers over the cover of the book. It was a very old book, published nearly 60 years ago, but Merlin was convinced it was the best book ever written.

He opened it and as always, read the note the author left there before the story started.

_This book is for my beloved Carl Rogers who didn't rest until I started writing again after the loss of my two best friends._

Merlin always stopped to think about this single sentence. He often wondered how the author – Agatha Black – lost her best friends, he wanted to know what happened and why did it happen. But she never shared the story with anyone, and she took her secret to the grave.

He sighed and opened the book in the middle, finding the paragraph where he left off when the bus arrived at London a few hours ago.

As he was reading and successfully ignoring his surroundings again, the main character looked out of the window and saw something that changed her life and set her on a completely different direction. Merlin raised his head and looked out of the window of the bus, just in case he might see something that would make his life more interesting as well.

And to his surprise, he saw someone he already noticed in the museum. The rich boy in his rich clothes who liked to boss people around and who Merlin would be glad to help with any homework just so he could stare into those blue eyes of his. And his hair, his _hair_ , it was tousled as he ran his hand through it, but Merlin could see it was neatly combed in the morning.

He couldn't stop staring as the boy slowly entered the bus and started going through the aisle, looking for his seat from the morning. Merlin's jaw dropped when the guy chewed on his lower lip and sighed, his hair falling over his eyes.

_And then their eyes met._

Merlin immediately looked down and sank lower in his seat, swallowing nervously and hiding his face both behind the seat in front of him and behind the book.

Someone removed his wireless earbud and giggled, making Merlin jump and almost drop his book. It was Gwen again.

"You know I saw all that, right?" She asked him as she glanced up at the handsome blonde prince again. Well, he wasn't a prince, the queen Morgana didn't have a family and was perfectly capable of keeping her throne only to herself, but to Merlin? He was like a handsome prince coming to rescue him from the boring trip home.

Merlin blushed when Gwen looked back at him and then he nervously looked behind her, glad that both Lance and Gwaine were not listening to them. They were sitting in their seats. For now.

"Don't tell _anyone_." He whispered when he looked back at her.

Gwen only smiled and sank lower in her seat as well so she could be closer to him and their conversation could be more private.

"Don't worry, you know I'm just happy for you." She smiled at him.

Gwen had a kind heart. And she was the only person on the planet who knew that Merlin was gay. And Merlin was okay with that, but he didn't want anyone else to know. Not yet.

"Well, thanks, but there's no chance he likes me, just... just look at him." He shrugged and looked down at the book so he didn't have to look into Gwen's eyes. She possessed the special ability to make everyone tell her the truth just by looking at them.

"All I see is a boy your age, whom we know nothing about." She smiled at him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Just don't give up without knowing anything about him. Trust me. If I'd thought Lancelot could never like me, I'd never have given him a kiss on Valentine's day and-"

"I know that, but I can't just go to him and..." he glanced around and whispered, " _kiss_ him. Can I?"

"No," Gwen's smile was melancholic when she squeezed his shoulder. "I'm not telling you to go around kissing people without any warning."

Merlin laughed softly and nodded, looking down again.

"All I'm saying," Gwen smiled again, "is that getting to know him wouldn't hurt you. And then you can decide if you can kiss him." She smiled at him and laughed with him and then they both fell silent.

"Thanks." Merlin nodded and straightened up in his seat, Gwen's hand falling from his shoulder.

He looked up and noticed that the new boy was already sitting next to a kid Merlin's never talked to. He sighed, and in that moment, Gwaine and Lancelot made their way to them.

"And what do you say, Merlin?" Gwaine asked him as they leaned over Gwen and him to let someone pass through the aisle.

"What do I say?" Merlin frowned.

"He means the fire alarm." Lance rolled his eyes. "I think it was stupid and-"

"It's in moments like these that I miss Percival." Gwaine muttered with an unforgettable eyeroll.

Lancelot ignored him and continued. "-and now he doesn't have any notes from the lecture that we'll need in the exam."

"But I do have friends," Gwaine pointed out, "who I know will let me take a look at their notes." He winked at Gwen, who just sighed and laughed afterwards.

Merlin didn't tell her he would need to take a look at her notes as well because he failed to pay attention during the lecture. But he knew Gwen already knew that. And together with hers and Lancelot's notes, they would all benefit at the exam, including Gwaine and Percival.

"Alright everyone," they all heard Ms Kennedy from the front of the bus. The doors of the bus all closed and everyone inside stopped talking. "Everyone get back to your seats, we're going back to Glastonbury. But before that, do we have everyone?" She asked and waited for the kids to start counting.

"Well," Gwaine looked at Merlin. "I still want to hear what you thought about the fire alarm, I think it was hilarious. Later, mate." He went back to his seat together with Lancelot and Gwen and Merlin were alone again.

"Fourteen!" Merlin shouted.

"Fifteen!" Gwen said, and this time Gwaine was there to shout his number and the teacher nodded as she looked at him.

When the counting stopped and everyone was present, the engine started and the bus started moving. Merlin let Gwen keep his earbud so they could listen to the songs he picked together, and then he opened his book again, returning to the story and wishing his life was as interesting as the main character's was.

xoXÖXox

Always being the _rich boy_ at school was not an easy life. Arthur would know. His father was an owner of a small but successful company and he traveled a lot, so Arthur had to travel with him. That way, Arthur never made many friends and had to change school often.

But he really liked this place. Glastonbury. It felt easy to be here and walk to school and back, as if he belonged in this place. But that had a reason. His father was born in this city, and therefore he owned a house on the outskirts of Glastonbury. They moved there last week.

But Arthur didn't have much time to run around and make friends. In fact, his father decided that right after school he was to start practicing fencing again. Arthur didn't really like it, but his father often said it ran in the family and that he wanted him to know it.

Arthur sighed as he picked up the rapier again. The sun was shining and it was a beautiful day, and yet he couldn't walk through the gardens around their house. He had to train and train until his lesson was over and then he would have to start working on his homework about that stupid spell book they visited today.

"Arthur," Leon, his personal trainer and his father's half-servant half-family-friend who traveled with them, called his name.

Arthur groaned and turned back to him. "Come on, just this once." He asked again. He really wanted to relax at least once.

"You know I can't let you go, Arthur." Leon sighed. He was way older than Arthur was, but Arthur was sure he could understand why he needed more freedom. "Your father is expecting improvement by the end of the week. And you lost your rapier in the fight again."

"I did not lose it," Arthur rolled his eyes. "You knocked it out of my hand."

"And you need to learn how to not let me do that." Leon smiled at him. "Your father is not coming back any time soon, so maybe we could end the lesson a little earlier today."

"Yes!" Arthur grinned. "Thanks."

"Now, get ready." Leon got into position and waited for Arthur to do so as well. When he did, they started fighting. And yet again, Arthur stopped concentrating.

He couldn't stop thinking about the black haired boy on the bus that was looking at him so intently. When Arthur noticed him, he immediately hid behind his book and his cheeks turned instantly red, but Arthur felt some kind of a strange connection that wouldn't leave his mind ever since.

That was the last time he saw him. When he found his seat and looked back again, there was so many people around the boy's seat that he couldn't see him at all.

"Pay attention!" Leon shouted, returning Arthur's mind back to the fight. Arthur blinked, frowned, and in the next second, his rapier was lying in the grass again.

"Sorry," Arthur mumbled and didn't bother to pick up the rapier. Instead, he sat down next to it and lay down on his back, closing his eyes.

"The lesson's not over." Leon reminded him, picking up the rapier for him.

"Bring me some water and we'll continue." Arthur told him, not even bothering to open his eyes again. He heard a defeated sigh and then retreating footsteps.

And as soon as Leon was gone, Arthur stood up and made a run for the wall, jumping over it, and disappearing in the forest.

He kept running for good ten minutes until he finally stopped and rested his arms on his knees, bending over and trying to catch his breath. He swallowed and closed his eyes, thinking about what he's just done.

He's never run away like that. And he knew his father would be angry once he found out (if Leon told him, but Arthur knew he probably would if he didn't return before their lesson was over), but did he care? No. This little rebellion felt way too good to feel bad about.

Finally he had some time to himself.

Looking around, he started walking again and thinking. He really wanted to make friends, but he never knew how to begin a conversation and he always messed it up. His father was a man of firm belief that he was better than anyone else. And Arthur wasn't proud to say that he often thought of himself the same way.

And when he tried to be like any normal teenager and start making friends, he always messed it up in some major way. That way everyone thought he was a rich prick with zero manners, but inside he was not like that at all. At least he hoped he wasn't.

After twenty minutes of just walking and considering whether he should head back or instead come up with more different scenarios of how to try to make that black-haired boy his friend, he almost tripped over a stone. He looked up, and his jaw dropped in surprise.

In the middle of the forest, there was an old graveyard, as if forgotten by everyone in the city. The tombstones were scattered around, with high trees among them, and the whole place had an eerie atmosphere.

Naturally, Arthur entered the graveyard with an over-excited grin and started looking around at the names and faded photos of people who had died decades ago. Only a few tombstones had a photo attached to them though.

Arthur wondered what the lives of all those people were like. Most of the people died before the year 2017, so they all probably lived in a world without magic. 2016 was the year of the magic storm, if he remembered it right. Before that year, the world was without magic. Arthur wondered what that must have been like because magic was a part of the world, right? At least that's what Ms Kennedy told them yesterday.

But unfortunately, he didn't have time to take a look at all the names and all the dates.

And all because of a little twig that broke somewhere behind him, and Arthur stilled.

He was not alone...

xoXÖXox

It was finally after school and Merlin was walking through a forest to get back home. He didn't really have to walk through the forest, but he wanted to find a nice place to sit (he knew one lovely meadow) and take some time to read his book and maybe even start the sequel that he kept in his backpack just in case.

Before he opened his book though, he remembered the old spell book. He really wanted to figure out why he felt so... _funny_ when he saw it, but he hasn't had a vision for more than a month. He was glad he hasn't, having them just made him weird and scared.

He remembered how Gwen suggested he should talk to the blonde boy and try to borrow his notes from the museum. Merlin blushed and sighed, finally getting his book out of his backpack.

Reading books while walking wasn't exactly comfortable, but he couldn't help himself. The main character got kidnapped and then a big plot twist followed and Merlin just couldn't stop reading even if he'd want to. It was more than enough that he had to keep his hands off of the book during his magic class.

So he walked among the trees, with his book open and his eyes glued to the page rather than to his surroundings.

Which was a grave mistake. Naturally, because of his famous clumsiness, he tripped over a root and almost landed with his head on one of the gravestones.

He didn't realize he was already near the old graveyard. "Damnit," he cursed quietly when he saw that the book lay open against the dirty stone. He frowned with worry as he picked up the book and checked it over.

The book was scratched a little, but the stone was perfectly fine. That was not fair, Merlin thought as he frowned at the stone in jealousy. But then his frown deepened with confusion. There was a name on the stone, with a parting sentence under it.

_Merlin Emrys_  
_8.3.2017_  
_The greatest sorcerer ever to walk the earth,  
_ _the bravest of us all._

Merlin reached out his hand and ran his fingers over the engraved letters. It felt cold when he touched it. And slightly funny, as if the stone was vibrating under his touch. The stone right next to this one was also making him feel sad for some reason, he could almost feel tears in his eyes. The name on that stone was _Arthur Pendragon._

_Arthur Pendragon_  
_13.4.2017_  
_The Once and Future King,  
_ _honest and brave and truehearted._

Wait, wasn't Merlin _Emrys_ the one the queen was looking for? And wasn't he the _second_ most powerful in the world? He raised his eyebrows as he was looking at both of the tombstones.

But he let it go with a shrug. His book was more important right now. He picked it up again and finally noticed he was damaged as well. His knee was bleeding.

He sighed and put his book under his armpit, checking his knee and ruined trousers with both hands. Then he took a deep breath and placed his palm over the wound.

After he closed his eyes, he attempted a new healing spell that they learned today at school. " _Ge hailige._ " He whispered and put his hand away, to watch as his skin grew back together. A huge smile appeared on his face. They've just started with healing spells today, and although he'd tried before at home, he's never been very good with healing magic.

When his knee was fine again and only his trousers were not, he took his book and opened it again, continuing in reading and walking at the same time.

As if he forgot what a mistake that was, he regretted it again, when he made another step next to a tree, and bumped into someone. He fell down, his book did too, and this time Merlin fell on his backside. Hissing in pain, he hurried to his book and stood up again, brushing off his trousers.

"Bloody hell," he cursed when he looked up. The guy he bumped into, or who bumped into him, was none other than the rich boy he admired on the bus and during the lecture in the museum back in London.

Merlin took a deep breath and tried to control the inevitable blush that was creeping on his cheeks. "Watch where you're going, my friend." He said and instantly regretted it. Gwen said he should go for it, but the truth was... he's never flirted with _anyone_ and he didn't even know if he was trying to flirt now or not, he just opened his mouth and the wrong words fell out. He wished he knew a spell that would make him disappear right that second.

"Do I _know_ you?" The boy asked him defensively and made Merlin regret his previous sentence even more.

He took a deep breath again and put his book under his armpit so he could reach out his hand to the boy. Time to make it alright and try again, _nicely_. "I'm Merlin." He smiled.

"So I don't know you." The boy answered without shaking Merlin's hand, so the young warlock let his arm drop again. The boy's hair was tousled just like when Merlin saw him on the bus, but this time he was wearing a red hoodie, with the strings uneven and resting on his chest. Merlin resisted biting his lip as he looked him up and down.

Then he remembered they had a conversation going on, which was more than what he expected earlier that day.

"No," Merlin pursed his lips. Damnit, now the conversation was not going the way he wanted it to. He had no idea what else to say to fix it, but before he could even start, the boy continued.

"Yet you called me _friend._ " He pointed out, making Merlin close his eyes in regret.

"That was my mistake." He sighed.

"Yeah, I think so."

"Yeah." Merlin admitted. The boy really seemed like he liked to boss people around. Because acting like a prat wasn't helping to improve Merlin's image of him. But you know what? Two could play this game. If the boy wanted to continue being rude, Merlin could do that as well. "I'd never have a friend who could be such an ass." He crossed his arms on his chest, careful not to drop his book.

"Or I who could be so stupid." The boy laughed and _god_ his smile was so gorgeous that it almost made Merlin's heart stop. "Tell me, Merlin. Do you know how to walk on your knees?"

At this Merlin chuckled. Should he take the chance to make a move? Should he listen to Gwen and risk everything because of those crystal blue eyes of his? Of course he should. Se he braced himself and put on a smirk. "You don't have to reveal your homosexual tendencies right the first time you meet someone, but to answer your question, yes I do."

_Oh God oh god oh my_

His brain was yelling at him to run away, to use magic, to immediately apologize or turn it into a joke, but before he could do _anything,_ the still nameless boy started laughing. Really, _laughing._

"I did _not_ expect that answer." He told him and Merlin was glad that the smile stayed on his face. He just hoped he didn't take what Merlin said seriously.

"I'm sorry," Merlin smiled and shook his head. "Can we start again? I'm Merlin." He reached out his hand again and tried to ignore his rapidly beating heart when their fingers finally touched as he shook Merlin's hand. The contact sent a spark through his whole body. Or at least it felt like that.

"I'm Arthur." The boy said.

Suddenly, Merlin laughed. He didn't mean to, but it was funny, wasn't it? That Arthur's name and his name were both on the tombstones he noticed a minute ago.

"What's so funny about that?" Arthur asked him, still clutching his hand and finally letting go as he waited for Merlin to answer.

"Oh, it's nothing." Merlin shrugged. "I just noticed... our names on the gravestones, right there." He admitted and took a step back so he could point at the gravestones he was talking about.

Arthur frowned as he looked at them too. "That's really weird." He mumbled. "My last name is also Pendragon." He said, making Merlin frown. Standing there right next to Arthur, it made him feel funny again. As if the whole place was vibrating with energy and they were both the source of it. "Well," Arthur smirked as he looked up at him. "It seems we were supposed to meet here today, _Mer_ lin."

Merlin's heart was beating fast in his chest as Arthur was looking at him, standing close. Merlin managed a smile, but it didn't go without another blush.

"There seems to be more to our story." Arthur added when he looked at the stones again. Then he looked at himself with Merlin, as if he was feeling the same connection Merlin was.

"Our story?" Merlin asked, narrowing his eyes.

"Well, or whoever is inside these graves." Arthur shrugged with a smile.

And then suddenly without any warning, Arthur reached out his hand again. Merlin swallowed as he stared at it, and then he took it, squeezing. Was this really happening? Did Arthur take what Merlin said earlier seriously? Was he just playing with him?

He was almost at the verge of panic, when Arthur's smile calmed him down, almost working like magic. Then his smile turned into a smirk as he squeezed Merlin's hand back. "Do you want to investigate?"

Merlin stopped breathing for a second, and then he breathed out with a huge smile on his face, never looking away from Arthur's eyes. He could sense adventure, as if something was about to change for him. From this moment, his life would be different, and he was eager for that change, just like the main character in his book.

Finally his life would be more interesting.

"Sure," he said.

And with that, their story was about to start. A story full of love they never thought they could have, full of friendship and adventure and magic. A story with a promise of a better future.

Not of _Morgania_ as it was now. But of a kingdom with a strong, good and just leader. A better future that they could fight for, always by each other's side.

A destiny, that was waiting for them to fulfill it.

**THE END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spells
> 
> "Ge hailige" - means "heal together" and Merlin used this in 3x12 The Coming of Arthur Part One, when he tried to heal Arthur, but it didn't work.
> 
> Quotes
> 
> "the bravest of us all" - Lancelot said this about Merlin in 3x13 The Coming of Arthur Part Two. He said "You know, Merlin, you're the one Arthur should knight. You're the bravest of us all, and he doesn't even know."
> 
> "honest and brave and truehearted" - Merlin said this about Arthur in 4x13 The Sword in the Stone Part Two. He said "All I know is that, for your many faults, you are honest and brave and truehearted, and one day you will be the greatest king this land has ever known."
> 
> .
> 
> It feels so strange to finally be able to write "the end" for this fanfic. It took me about 9 months, and as a result, we have 21 chapters and over 100K words of another story for the Merlin fandom. And I wouldn't be able to do this without your support right from the first chapter. Thank you all so very much, and I hope you liked the story and how I ended it and that maybe you'll go read some of my other stories.
> 
> Please leave a comment, short or long or whatever you want, to let me know what you think about this chapter or about the whole story, thanks! But if nothing else, at least let me know if you laughed at least once, or smiled at least once. I didn't want this chapter to be sad, so I tried to make it funny, but I don't know if I succeeded.
> 
> Thanks for reading, bookmarking, subscribing to this story and for all your feedback!
> 
> Mischel xoxo


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